Chapter Seven
"I don't want my fake husband dead."
⧠P R E E T â§
A dinosaur-sized bird started chirping loudly in front of me, stopping me from saving the world. Just when I was about to use my superpowers, he threw his babies...at me? And they all started bickering in my ear.
"Wake up, wifey. I want you to meet a member of the family."
My eyes opened wide and it took me two seconds to register everything. Canada. Aniketh. Fake marriage. Deven. Neighbour. Apartment. Bad water. Couch.
I looked at the ceiling only to get confused. How did I land up on the bed?
As my processor was lagging a little, it took my system two minutes to comprehend his last words. I immediately sat back straight and looked at him with shock.
"Member of your family?" I hope they are not here, there are sufficient problems in my life I don't want more.
"Member of my family." His eyes were directed to the small bird sitting on the back of his palm while he caressed his head. "The birdie I was talking to you about when you asked me to skip the details." He huffed.
"Oh. Okay." I sighed in relief.
"This is our fake kid, Rano." He smiled brightly and the bird looked at him like any bird would.
"Rano? Seriously?" I asked while yawning.
"Yes of course. Rano." He kept tapping the bird's head lightly and the birdie looked like he enjoyed all of this.
"What if it's a boy?" I asked him and the bird turned its head towards me.
"I don't care. It's still Rano. You like your name, right Rano?" The bird now looked like he was done with this and therefore he flew towards me. It was my instinct to get scared by it at first, but when it came and sat right on the top of my head I stood there and fumbled.
"That's a picture-worthy moment. Rano sitting on Rani's head." I cringed at the joke he just made. Why is this man making Dad jokes early morning?
"Get this thing away from my head." The irritation was clear in my voice. Deven however decided to ignore it and I heard snaps of pictures getting clicked while I tried to look at this stupid bird dancing on my head.
I'm too afraid to touch it.
"She is not a thing and she has a name." He replied after casually throwing his bed in the phone. I felt the bird walking on the top of my head and hitting me with its beak.
"Get her off me first."
"Call her by her name and politely." He demanded while putting his hands in his pocket and shrugging. He's enjoying this, the smug on his face tells me that.
"Can you please ask your kid Rano to not think of my head as her playground and take her down, Deven?" I used the sweetest voice possible with a smile pressing down my frustration.
"Our fake kid, fake wifey." He corrected and I nodded softly making sure his Rano didn't fall off. It won't fall of course but suddenly she'll get a shock if I shake my head.
"Yes, totally ours. Just get it away from my head."
"Rano, baby come here, sit on my hand. Your temporary mother doesn't like you." His voice took a three-sixty-degree turn when he spoke to that silly bird. It became as sweet as sugar.
Rano seemed to be a daddy's girl and she heard him for the first time. It did some che-che but flew to his hand real quick. Later she decided to perform a ramp walk on his hand.
Deven tapped her head lightly. "Cutie."
"What's her breed?" I asked trying to control my upcoming yawn but failed miserably.
"Sparrow ke chacha ki beti, I guess."
[It belongs to the Sparrow family, I guess.]
"Wow," I said. "Wait a minute, how am I here? I slept on the couch."
"You did. Ummm,.." he paused for a second. "Yes, Later when I was going to the gym, I woke you up and asked you to shift here. You might not remember because you were sleepy."
"Yes. The experience on the couch was very bad. I barely slept yesterday night. It's a nice thing that I don't have to go to the shoot today, I'll sleep in the afternoon." He nodded.
"You take the bed today. I'll sleep on the couch." I shook my head.
"We'll fight on that topic at night. Let's save it for later." He passed a half shrug and when Rano was done getting pampered, she flew outside the window.
"Udd gayi tumhari Rano." I commented as he watched her go away.
[Your Rano flew away.]
"She'll come back tomorrow. She's a good kid who wants to fly high." I stretched my body, still feeling sleepy. Yesterday's lack of sleep would have made my dark circles, darker.
I would have slept comfortably if this Rano didn't bicker in my ear.
"What do you want to eat for breakfast? I'll make it for you." I asked him with a feeling of courtesy. He made the dinner yesterday night so let's keep it equal.
"I'll have cornflakes with you. I bought some on my way for you. You only eat them for breakfast right?" I frowned.
"Yes, but how do you know that?" I could see his body stiffening and he glanced at me biting his inner cheek.
"Abhinav told me." And he remembers what my brother said about me? Wow.
"Oh. Alright then." I stood up on my feet, stretching a little. A while later after brushing my teeth and the regular stuff, I walked into the drawing room and saw that Deven was already dressed up in a formal blue shirt and black pants. While I was busy checking him out, he glanced up probably feeling my gaze and a slight smirk appeared on his face.
"Pach tera." He reminded me playfully about yesterday's incident where I was too busy gawking at his naked body.
[Five thirteen.]
"Shut up." I sat on the chair opposite him and glanced at the huge box of cornflakes.
Is that what he meant by some?
"There are more two boxes in the kitchen." He said. I kept staring at him in disbelief. He brought the amount of cornflakes I had eaten in three months.
I'm not staying here for that long.
"I don't eat them all day, sir," I remarked.
"They will be finished before you know."
And how does he know my exact favourite flavour?
I let that thought slide away thinking maybe he doesn't and it's a coincidence.
"Okay, Anyway thanks." I smiled and he mirrored it with an additional dimple of his within a second while blinking his eyes.
"No worries. Let me know if you need anything else. I'd bring it on my way back." I shook my head while pouring the cornflakes into his bowl and mine as well.
"I don't think I need anything else, but yes, I'll tell you if there's something." He nodded and tried the first spoon of my favourite breakfast.
"What do you rate it? On a scale of one to ten?" I asked. I am a person who will ask you to rate everything thing. You watched a movie with me, now rate it. Tell me why you gave it that number. You are in a restaurant with me, rate the food. Tell me what you didn't like.
I love this rating thing. I love knowing other people's opinions on everything. Because there's one perspective of mine and then there's someone else's, many times it's opposite, many times it's similar, sometimes it's the same which is rare but the point is different perspectives are beautiful.
I can't explain why but they are. How every brain functions differently when they are stuck in a situation.
"Umm...Six." I pressed my lips in a thin line. Come on, it is tasty. "You'll give it a ten on ten, right?"
"Of course," I muttered proudly. "Also, can Neava come over today? She desperately wants to see your house and give her shitty opinions and suggestions. She's way too excited about this as it was all her idea. So now she wants us to execute it perfectly."
"You don't have to ask, Preet. Think of this as your house for three months." He said and added later. "...or for forever, wifey."
Not gonna lie, I was waiting for it.
"You seriously don't have a girlfriend?" I questioned him raising my brows.
"Do you think I'd be flirting with you if I had one?" I shook my head.
"Point. And why aren't you married yet?" Okay, I agree that I was asking some really silly questions.
"You sound like a moholle wali aunty." He remarked instead of replying to the asked question.
"Agreed. But I was just curious. And trying to build a conversation." I shrugged.
"Okay so let me ask something as well to build the conversation. Why did you break up with Aniketh? I mean there should be a reason he's going all crazy, right? Or he couldn't handle a heartbreak?" I licked my lips before replying to the question.
"I lost feelings. It was starting to feel like an act like it was fake. I don't know. I didn't feel anything at all. I do feel bad now though but I guess it was best for him. You can say that I have commitment issues or something like that."
"No, it's okay. It would have been worse for him if you didn't do it when it was needed. But he should man up and just handle the heartbreak, stalking and stuff doesn't help it. Like I know it's hard but how would he feel each time he looks at us and thinks that you're married." He replied. I agree with him even if I don't want to. The looks he keeps giving me break my heart a little as well.
"Now you're making me feel guilty for doing this to him," I replied and my face fell.
"No. If he has some self-respect, this will make him go away. And it's okay to not be kind towards everyone sometimes."
"Was I unkind to him?" I questioned with guilt running into my veins instead of blood.
"That is not what I meant to say, stupid." I decided not to engage in that conversation further because all it did was make me look like a heartless bitch in my eyes.
"Okay, let's drop the topic." I broke the silence a while later. "Did you ask your illegal guy about the fake certificate?"
"He's not an illegal guy, madam." He said. "He's not even a guy, he's a girl."
I frowned at his choice of words. And so did he.
"She's a girl." He corrected himself.
"Oh. Alright. Ask her about it today."
"Okay. Anything else, wifey?" He asked and I shook my head.
"Nope. That's it."
"The spare keys are kept in the bedroom, the first drawer below the mirror. Don't forget to take them with you if you go out." I nodded. We were both done eating till now. We took our empty bowls to the kitchen.
"Alright. I'll go now." I walked to the door to greet him goodbye. Right when he opened the door, the person standing in the distance was Aniketh, waiting for the elevator to come.
"Yes. I should get back to sleep. I haven't slept the whole night because of-" Deven cut me immediately.
"Don't blame it on me, Preet. " He raised his hands in surrender turning his back to Aniketh and signalling me about him.I was going to say couch but he saved it. Aniketh would get suspicious if he heard that I slept on the couch.
I watched Aniketh expression which was a basic side eye. He took it in the wrong way, I guess.
"Bye, honey." I waved at Deven before he got into the elevator with Aniketh.
"Bye, wifey. Don't miss me too much. We'll complete what we started at night."
Hein?
I was about to shrug it off but then the meaning clicked me. Ew, Deven.
I hope Aniketh doesn't kiss Deven in the elevator because he would have understood the meaning.
I don't want my fake husband dead.
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"Hey Preet, did you miss me baby? How are you surviving without your loml?" Neava started off dramatically as soon as she stepped into the house.
"I didn't." I replied and she showed up her middle finger with a sweet smile to me. The amount of cuss words she gives is something one should not be proud of.
It has reduced a little now because Indian cuss words are next level and they sound bad if said here. She uses Sobo English cuss words with a Means girls accent.
"Fuck off. The house's nice by the way. Better than ours. And just so you know, I didn't miss you as well. Like at all." She said and I just nodded nonchalantly.
"Pucha kisine?"
[Who asked?]
"This house looks like just a house, by the way. You'll need to make it look like a home. This is so raw. FYI, A married couple never lives like this." She said and shrugged after looking at the bedroom.
"We live more like a married couple than you guys." She added later referring to me and her. Maybe she's correct but in our defence, it's just been a day since I got here. I need some time.
"You're both going to fail with an F in this." I sat on the couch where I slept yesterday. Or maybe where I did everything but slept. I have no idea how I'm going to sleep here tonight especially when there's an important shoot tomorrow.
"Give us some time, Nivea. It's just been a day." I replied and she fell on the couch beside me as well.
"Yeah, okay. But do you guys actually act? Because I highly doubt it." I looked at her with a questionable gaze. What does she mean? "Preety baby, staying together is okay, but do some chipka-chipki, call each other by names, argue like husband wife, flirt properly. Sometimes at night, scream his name loudly so if Aniketh hears it, he gets a wrong idea which is completely right."
I kept staring at her with a look of disbelief. I'm not convinced.
"No because what do newly married couples do at night except for sex?" I scrunched my nose at her ideas.
"That will look overly done. We need to keep it natural. Stop giving useless ideas." I glared at her.
"What useless? I'm the director and producer of this story. You guys should go according to me I believe. I'm hundred percent sure that all you guys would be doing is calling eachother hubby, wifey. Hubby, wifey. Hubby, wifey." She mimicked both of us and I rolled my eyes at her.
"Tell me that's a lie and I'll give you the amount you ask for right now." I could not reply to her. She's not lying.
"Add some spice to the story." She winked at me and added. "Or maybe just spice up in reality."
"Shut up. Don't start that bullshit again. I'm kicking you out of this house then." I warned her and she muttered some cuss words under her breath.
"Okay, so how was your overall experience of staying here?"
"Good. We stay like roommates only and his energy matches yours a lot, so it feels like I'm living with a male version of you. Just a little extra flirty." She glanced at me with an expression I couldn't name. It was close to disgust.
"You have no enthusiasm, girl. Get a little excited, you're staying with that Hottie Hottie." I pouted lightly.
What's there to be excited about? The fact that I have to sacrifice my sleep? Or his Rano?
I'm just deep down scared that my brother or may I say brothers, or mom or anyone from family doesn't get to know about this bullshit.
I wonder why Aniketh didn't tell my mom yet. I mean I was prepared with some excuses or basically telling her the truth, except for the staying together part.
My family is strictly against live-in. They would accept anything but live-in.
And I personally don't fancy that idea either. But I'm not in any sort of live-in, it's practically like friends staying together without any sort of romantic relationship now or in future.
After hours of talking, watching a random movie which had zero plot, shitty cinematography, lots of action and fights, nude people and sex.
I hated it. And Neava liked it. She is into toxic things, I tell you. Even her taste in men is always the toxic types. She can not fall in love with a simple, green flag.
Hours later, Deven called me and told me not to make something for dinner as he was bringing some take outs. He also insisted to Neava leaving after having dinner with us.
Or he didn't have to insist because Neava agreed within a second.
"Hey, fake jiju." She greeted as soon through my shoulder after I opened the door.
"Hey, Pipadiya." They shared a hi-fi and I went into the kitchen to get him some water.
"Wife duties already, Preet?" Neava commented as soon as she saw me and the glass of water in my hand.
"Shut up." He gladly accepted the glass of water with a tired smile.
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I don't know why I'm writing such boring chapters. But when the expected response doesn't come by readers it makes me lose a little interest as well and thereby my creativity dies. Everybody seems a little off here in this book for some reason that makes me question where I am going wrong. :/