Chapter 8
Banana Quest: Emergency Council
IM: Hey everybody
IM: Here we are with a special emergency convening of the thing we are *not* calling Banana Quest
EW: but we are though
EW: its right fucking there in the title
IM: What? Hey!
IM: How do I change the title?
EW: im alive btw thanks for asking
EW: so is kate
KC: Iâm alive!
IM: Why would I ask that when youâre talking to me?
EW: broke my fuckin arm though
IM: Whoa
IM: Which one?
EW: that it? thats what you got when i tell you i broke my fuckin arm?
KC: donât worry Isaac! His arm is better now!
EW: yeah did you know kate has a magical guitar
KC: >;)
HS: Iâm so sorry about that.
KC: It wasnât your fault!
IM: You good Heidi?
HS: Iâm good.
HS: Lady Chains is out there somewhere.
HS: But weâre on high alert.
IM: Whatâs this about Lady Chains?
EW: i see you liz
EW: you ok?
EE: I am alive, if that is what you mean.
EE: Heidi, were you atta cked by Lady Chains?
HS: Yes.
EW: she broke my goddamn arm
EW: oh sorry bro
KC: but we worked together! And we took her out!
EE: For me it was Lady Chimes.
EW: oh shit
KC: does this mean that all the ladies are after us!? 8(
KC: sorry, the Ladies
EE: Maybe.
IM: Wait, that canât be right!
IM: Iâm with Lady Stars right now!
EW: bro
KC: RUN, ISAAC!
EW: yeah but like play it cool you know
IM: Guys I really think sheâs cool
EE: The Ladies are being influenced by the Gods.
EW: oh dont get me started on those fuckwads
IM: Wait, wait, anyone heard from Jim?
IM: ...
IM: So I guess weâre all just messaging Jim now
IM: thatâs cool
IM: Iâll just casually relocate myself away from Lady Stars, hang on a minute
JW: Oh sorry guys I wasnât paying attention
KC: Donât worry about it Jim!
JW: Iâm okay
JW: But I did get a weird text just like you said Isaac
JW: and then Lord Foe came to get me, but Maugrim fought him off
JW: and I can fly now
EE: Jimothy, I am on my way to your moon. Hang in there.
JW: Cool!
JW: But like, you donât need to come you know
JW: itâs okay
EE: I need to leave my moon for a while.
EE: Something has gone very wrong.
IM: For real
IM: MY STATION IS GONE!
IM: *flips table*
IM: And we need to figure it out, like pretty quick
IM: Because thereâs a serious Dark World fleet out there right now
IM: I mean there *was* before Anzu wrecked it
IM: but still
EE: I may have been illuminated as to some aspects of the situation.
KC: You may have been eliminated?!?! 8o
EW: whoa you were laminated?
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IM: she was ill-imitated
JW: lemonaded?
HS: what
KC: (rhyme, Heidi!)
HS: aluminum aided?
HS: Iâm not good at rhymes
EW: haha no that was great
EW: aluminumated
EE: If we may proceed?
EW: *sniffed lady cynthea
KC: shut up Eric!
EE: Let us each describe what has happened, in brief.
IM: Quite!
EE: I met the king of my moon and was attacked first by Lady Chimes, then by Shade. The king is dead, and so is Lord Fair, who perished enabling my escape. My Guardian also protected me. I believe that the Gods orchestrated this attempt on my life.
EW: holy shit
KC: what was Lord Fair like?!
EE: Beautiful.
KC: 8(
IM: I turned on a communications relay that let the Gods text us, so my bad I guess. The Gods summoned a fleet from the Dark World that destroyed my station, but I got out thanks to Anzu. Iâm with Lady Stars and this goofy admiral in the Ardian defensive fleet.
KC: Eric and I went to see Heidi, but Lady Chains tried to kill us! Sheâs SUPER TOUGH >:(
HS: I received a message from the Burning God just before this.
EW: and ive been subjected to the lunatic ravings of this bullshit changing god
IM: What about you, Jim?
JW: um
JW: I talked to the D-man
JW: Heâs one of the gods, but I forgot which one
JW: he seemed nice
JW: Actually he warned me not to listen to the other gods
JW: or to himself, I think?
EE: Hmm. So perhaps theyâre not all bad.
KC: the green one saved our lives!
KC: she warned us about Lady Chains! Otherwise we would have DIED
IM: Theyâre tricky, though
IM: And the Chained God said heâll try again
IM: to kill me
EW: yeah i wouldnt trust any of these shitheads
EW: all they can do is fucking talk
HS: Yeah, it looks like they have really limited power. The Burning God can set some things on fire but I think thatâs about it. They need to operate through other agents.
EE: And they are using the Ladies because the ten Ladies are connected to the ten Gods, with whom their highest loyalties apparently lie.
JW: thatâs pretty much what D-man said
JW: he said the Lords were okay though
JW: except for Lord Foe
JW: who tried to kill me
EW: huh who would have guessed that lord foe would be a bad guy
EE: I agree that we can trust the lords. Lord Fair died for me, and the last thing he said was that I would be safe with Lord Fierce.
KC: lords are safe!
KC: got it!
HS: What else do we know about the Gods?
KC: they can kind of see us ?:\
EE: They are not unified.
EW: these shitty ass gods
EW: what the fuck
KC: ?
EW: fuckin scraping the bottom of the barrel for these cut rate losers
EW: fuckin half price bargain bin spring cleanout sale at the deity depot
EW: shitty stale leftover easter chocolate gods that nobody wanted
EW: all dry and crusty and shit
IM: You that upset about your arm?
EW: IT FUCKING HURT BRO
IM: Oh, that reminds me
IM: They wouldnât tell me anything about where they are or what kind of creatures they are
IM: but I got the sense from THE ONE THAT TALKS LIKE THIS that he really didnât want to kill me
IM: or she, you know, whatever
EE: I also spoke to that one. They were oddly encouraging.
KC: That oneâs the boss I think! Itâs the THUNDER GOD, the biggest and strongest god! 8o
KC: and yeah!
KC: even the Chained God, who Iâm pretty sure sicked Lady Chains on us, didnât sound jazzed about it
EE: Perhaps we can use that.
EE: Perhaps we can talk them down.
EE: Until then, or until we can work out a solution for stopping them, we must stay in touch.
EE: Jim, Iâm coming to Hyperion via door.
EW: i gotta get back to my moon i think those metronomes might be kinda important
EE: We should stay together if possible
KC: Iâll go with him!
EE: Isaac?
â IM: I think Iâm safe on the fleet
IM: Iâll get ARKO to find Lord Fierce
EE: Watch out for Lady Stars.
IM: aye-aye!
HS: I am safe for now. I have a lot of security with me.
HS: But I will have to go deeper into my moon.
JW: that sounds dangerous
HS: Yeah it is, Jimothy. But I have friends here.
HS: Youâre still going to apologize to Ruth, Eric.
EW: yeah yeah
KC: All right! Go team!
KC: donât forget weâre still going to all play together as a band!
EW: yeah sure whatever
EW: and remember
EW: dont fucking trust the gods