Jaxon
She gives me a chopping knife and shows me how to chop the parsely properly.
We work side by side while she regales me with past feats of creating tasty dinners out of nothing. She wants me to get how resourceful she is, but what Iâm also getting is how little she had growing up, and not just on a material level. Her dad and brothers provided the bare minimum while she made a home.
Sheâs at the stove sautéing garlic in butter.
âDid they ever thank you for all that you did? For putting your life on hold?â I ask as I slide the bright green bits into a small bowl.
She stands there concentrating on the pan. âMy dad sort of did. I was back there one Christmas and he told me he regrets not being more present for me. Not doing more. My brothers were there. They talked about how they didnât realize how much I was doing until I was gone. They were laughing about how bad things got once I left. I was glad they realized it. I felt vindicated, I suppose. But at the same time, I wanted more.â
âThatâs not much of an apology,â I say.
âMaybe it was the best they could do. People are at the level that theyâre at.â She sets a hunk of cheese and a grater in front of me.
âYou deserved better,â I say, starting to grate.
She shrugs and turns back to her cooking.
I love watching her. I canât believe I ever thought she was a buzzkill. This is a woman who would burn it all down for her people.
We bring our little feast up to the third floor to eat. Itâs delicious. Mind-blowingly so.
She turns sideways on the couch and settles her legs over mine, holding her bowl in her lap atop a colorful cloth, the fabric of which she naturally had lots to say about. âThis is fun, Jack.â
âIt is fun.â
After weâre done, I take our bowls to the kitchen and lock the place up; when I return, sheâs curled up on the couch, asleep. I take the napkin from her lap and set it aside, then I scoop her up and carry her to my bed. I work off her shoes. She snuggles deeply into the covers.
I stretch out next to her and tuck her in just so, and thereâs that feeling again, like weâre connected.
I let it live inside of me, a terrifying companion.
She makes me happyâhappier than Iâve ever felt. And unlike possessions and races and social intrigues and whatever the hell else used to make me happy, this happiness is completely out of my control. I would fight for this woman. I would do anything for this woman and for this work family sheâs so attached to. Itâs my family, too, I guessâhat and all.
Iâm not sure how to navigate around it yet. Iâm not sure if it even works for me. All I know is that sheâs all I want.
I wake up the next morning to find her sitting up, doing things on her phone, wearing my shirt again.
âOh my goodness, look whoâs up!â she says, beaming. âThe man whose foot tracing is on file with the finest shoemakers in Milan!â
I drag her back under the blanket and cover her with my body. I thread my fingers into her hair and kiss her.
âHmm,â she says into the kiss. Somewhere in the distance, her phone clatters to the floor. She winds her hands around my neck and hooks a leg over my side, arching into me.
âThatâs right, baby,â I say. âYou grind into me. Get yourself ready for me. My foot tracings are huge, you know.â
âOh, I know,â she says, moving hard against me like a horny teen, and I couldnât love it more. My body is flooded with warmth and lust. My fingers are a blur as I rip my shirt off of her. Weâre a tangle of limbs, then sheâs on top of me, sliding on a condom.
She lowers herself onto me slowly, watching my eyes. I grab her hips, shuddering with the relief of being inside her again. We move together, slow and sure. We come so hard, we nearly fall off the edge of the world.
Jadaâs in the day room when I come out after my shower, all scrubbed and dressed. Sheâs holding a steaming mug of coffee and I kind of canât believe it.
I love her in my home. I need her to stay the weekend. But what the hell do couples do on weekends together? Is that what we are?
More new territory.
âI made a pot,â she says, lifting her mug. âI hope thatâs okay.â
âWeâll have to hide it before Chef Ursula returns.â
She shows me her phone. âGuess what bag got press already?â
I settle in next to her and take a look. The two Genevieves came through in a major way. Jadaâs already compiled links and emailed the gang from the office. âAnd tonight is the gala. If even one of them carries the bag⦠You have no idea what a coup this is!â
âTheyâll carry the bags,â I say.
âBecause youâre such a demon who nobody wants to owe.â
I shrug.
âThe only thing that can go wrong now is if Bert has an alert set up for SportyGoCo. But even if he does, he canât stop people from ordering it. He signed off on the project as long as it had the Ravaldi zipper.â
Weâll need a lot of orders to get this accounting period profitable so I can break that contract, but this is a start.
We drink our coffee while she tells me the office plans. The salesperson, Mackenzie, is working up a new pitch with the help of Shondrella.
Itâs here I notice her eyeing the distinctive red envelope that Jenny had brought me that day. Of course Jada would notice and remember. Iâd set it on the side table when Iâd gotten home, and itâs still there. Itâs like a sign. Hereâs what couples doâthey tell each other things. They show real things.
âI know you wanna ask about it,â I say.
âNo. Well, a little. But itâs more that I was concerned because that woman who visited you at the officeâ¦you looked like you saw a ghost when she showed up.â
I go grab the thing and sink back down next to her. âThat was Jenny who came to visit me that day. She was my nanny for a long time. She traveled with us between continents. She was one of the best things in my life, the closest thing I had to a real mother.â
âIâm glad you had somebody like that,â she says.
I slide my finger along the edge of the envelope, thinking I owe Jenny an apology for the way I was that day.
âShe left our family abruptly, and it really messed me up. She didnât leave of her own volition, but I didnât know that until recently.â
I unwind the string from the little disk clasp thing and pull out the picture, still curled from when I rolled it up and shoved it in my pocket. Thereâs me, looking so morose with my smiling parents.
Jada grins. âOh, Jack.â
âWhat, you like it?â
âWay better than the other. This one is you,â she says.
âItâs me to look morose?â
âNo, but the famous one is fake. Were you morose that day?â
âIt started out happy. They flew in special for the photo session. I hadnât seen them in months, and they had presents for me, but I knew theyâd leave after they got the nice picture, so I refused to smile. Frowning was all I had for leverage.â
âYou wanted your parents to stay,â she says. âTo be a family.â
I cringe inwardly, hating that I wanted anything from them. âAnd then they got the smile,â I say. âNot in the traditional way.â
She nods. She gets it. She gets me. A warmth blooms in my chest.
âAnd of course they took off again.â
âNo wonder you hate that stupid fake smiling picture of yourself.â
âI do. Itâs a picture of me capitulating. I shouldâve held out.â I take the photo from her hands and slip it back into the envelope. Jada lies down with her head in my lap, this woman from across the ocean with her fierce powers of observation and her good-girl wicked streak. She knew it was fake.
âJenny liked this one. Itâs why she kept it. She told me I was headstrong and full of feeling. âSuch a big heart,â sheâd said.â I chuckle.
âI think itâs true.â Jada runs a finger over my jaw. âI think youâre still like that.â
âIs that a little bit of pishful pinking?â
âNo.â She pokes my chin.
I grab her finger. âI think my new PR agent is blowing smoke up my ass.â
âNot at all. You were like, âFuck this, I want a real thing or just burn it all down.â Thatâs how you are now. Honestly, you have no concept of yourself. Also, how come you let that smiling picture of you stay up in the dining room? I hate it now, too.â
âYeah, Arnoldâs got an art installer coming to deal with it soon.â
âWe should rip it down. I donât ever want to look at it again.â
I smooth back her hair, marveling at how hard she fights for people. And this is her fighting for me. The feeling is like nothing else.
Unless⦠Is this what it feels like to finally find a home?
âWhat?â she asks, because Iâm sure Iâm looking sappy.
âI love your warrior streak,â I say.
She snorts and sits up. âSeriouslyâhereâs a plan for the day. Letâs bring the picture Jenny saved and get it blown up onto a large canvas at one of those instant photo places, and then weâll switch the pictures ourselves. Screw the art installer. And then we can have a nice feast in the dining room to celebrate.â
âWhat kind of feast?â I ask, twirling her hair around my finger, something nervous and excited bubbling up in my stomach.
âAny feast you want, baby. Isnât that how it works here?â
I smile.
In the end, itâs a feast of curry dishes. Chef Ursula is excited that I have a guest for dinner, and she does it up with several courses. Weâre both starving by the time we finally eat, having walked all up and down the Upper West Side without a break, unless you count grabbing a quick falafel from a halal guy and eating it on the steps of a city building while we waited for the canvas to get printed and mounted.
After our curry extravaganza, we get Chef Ursula to take a picture of Jada and Arnold and me doing a jokey pose in front of the new version of the photo. I email it to Jenny, thanking her for bringing it. I ask her to let me know her travel plans, and tell her Iâd love to get dinner when sheâs back in town.
Arnold joins Jada and me for dessert. Jada tells him the story the office had worked out about him as my tormenter. She and Arnold think itâs a lot funnier than I do.
On Sunday morning we end up at Jadaâs apartment, which is ridiculously small but big in color, with lots of wild pillows and friend photos. She gives me the tour of the place in a jokey way, because itâs only one room with a murphy bed, which we promptly put to use.
Later, we head up to the rooftop deckâitâs one of those bright, warm, late autumn afternoons you can only get in Manhattan. She wants me to see the sparkle of the river.
The rooftop deck is actually nice, with umbrellas and trellises and a few seating areas. Thereâs an elderly couple at a wind-protected table in the corner. Naturally, Jada knows them, and has to drag me over and introduce us. I learn that John and Maisey were featured heavily in the apartment building documentary that Jada made some time ago. A couple of her friends pop upâKelsey and Tabitha. Tabitha is deeply offended by my bleached-tip hair.
âIt would take so little to fix that,â she says. âNot to insult you, but it would take so littleâjust the simplest trimâand it would look so much better.â
âNot to insult me,â I joke.
Everybody here seems to know who I amâfrom Jada, not the tabloids or anything. We talk about the possibility of my going into work looking like my regular selfâwithout my mole, even.
âNobodyâs gonna recognize you,â Jada assures me. âNobody knows Formula One here.â
âIs that a shampoo?â Tabitha teases.
The consensus is that people wonât recognize me, but they might think itâs weird that my mole is completely gone, though Tabitha insists that mole removal techniques are that good these days.
John, the neighbor with gray hair, informs us that Formula One is growing in popularity due to the show, but itâs not big in Manhattan, and few of the fans obsess over the history of it. He does, however, seem to know about Mario Andretti.
Over the next hour, the group of them put up holiday lights while Tabitha gives me a trimâright out there on the roof, with a towel pinned around my shoulders.
We chat easily as she snips away.
I used to consider myself to be somebody who had a giant world. But ever since Iâve crossed paths with Jada, itâs as if my world has grown much widerânot in terms of geography, but in terms of people.
I look across the place and catch Jadaâs eye. She smiles, and I smile back like a fool, but I donât care, because it feels great.
And right then, this strange thought crosses my mind: Iâm not alone anymore.
But then this little voice wonders if it can last. The little voice wonders if having people is maybe only for other people. And what happens when this inevitably goes away?
I close my eyes and push the questions out of my mind.
Stanley drops us at the bagel place near the office. We phoned in an order for ten dozen mixed bagels and tons of toppings.
âSo now suddenly Iâm buying all the food,â I joke as we head down Eighth Avenue, both carrying boxes.
âThatâs right,â Jada says. âUntil you can change things to give raises to your employees, youâll need to feed them.â
I roll my eyes, but Iâm happy to do it. Itâs also nice not wearing my itchy fake mole and that bright shirt.
We stop at the security station so that Marv can pick bagels for his team. We drop two boxes off in shipping, and then itâs up to the design department.
âJack bought the office bagels,â Jada tells Varsha as we breeze in. âWe should put them in the break room. Thereâs a shit ton if you want to alert people.â
âThanksâ¦uhâ¦â Varshaâs blinking at me, looking stunned.
âWhatâs up?â I tease, stacking the boxes up on the ledge.
âNothing!â she says.
âNothing?â I take off my hat and coat.
âStop teasing her,â Jada scolds, beaming at me. âJack got his hair cut and his mole removed. I think he looks great.â
âRight!â Varsha says, eyes wide. âWow. Not that you didnât look okay before.â
âAnd no more printed nineties shirts,â I say to Varsha with a sigh. âEven the glasses. Gone.â
âHell yeah, the glasses are gone,â Jada says.
Renata comes up, looking shocked. âHold on. What. The. Hell.â Renataâs pointing at me, and then at Jada, and then back at me. âWhat is happening? Whoâ¦â
I winceâI was afraid of somebody recognizing me.
Renata turns her accusatory gaze to Jada, hands planted on her hips. âDid you give Jack a makeover? Jack, did she give you a makeover?â
âSort of,â I say.
âSo much for respecting his right to be weird looking,â she says to Jada.
Everybodyâs gathering around. Shondrella is loving the change. Lacey is blown away by the perfection of the mole removalâshe canât believe thereâs no scar.
Luckily, Dave comes up before everybody gets too obsessed with the no-scar thing. He does a full pantomime of his surprise, complete with a staggering walk and a cartoonish rubbing of the eyes. âDude! This is some caterpillar-to-butterfly-level shit right here! Caterpillar to butterfly!â
âDoes nobody care that warm bagels are growing cold?â Jada asks.
People adjourn to the break room. Thereâs a lot of feasting and scrolling for more links to pictures of Unicorn Wonderbagâtheyâre all over certain corners of the internet.
At around ten, Mackenzie from sales comes up to let us know Sadie Woo wants a meeting.
Jada claps. âPaydirt!â
Sadie Woo is apparently a small group of high-end stores.
This rush of pleasure warms me clear through. I never knew I could feel so good about another personâs happiness. Itâs as uncomplicated as a mountain stream, this pleasure I feel, seeing her excited. She loves this company. These people. And she really fucking loves that bag.
âThey called me,â Mackenzie adds. âNot the other way around. They called me! Weâre set up for three. They want to see the bag and meet the team.â
âWait, what?â This throws Jada for a loop. âThe team?â
Mackenzie shrugs. âThe designer and, I donât know. They said the team.â
Everybody turns to Shondrella, who always seems to know about these things. âLetâs give them a team.â