Chapter 11

London Tittle Tale, 5 May

EXCLUSIVE: Ice Princess Zara Bennett stole my boyfriend.

Looks like Zara may have another cat fight on her hands, this time with fellow socialite Brooke Harrington. An anonymous source contacted us after the two were seen fighting loudly at Tao nightclub on Saturday night. And the reason for the fight? Apparently it seems that Zara was caught with her hands in the proverbial cookie jar- namely one Blake Edwards, Brooks boyfriend. Zara completely denies this and when we contacted her for a quote she said, “What a joke. Blake came on to me one night and I told him off- he’s not rich enough anyway”. Talk about shallow.

When Brooke confronted her, Zara was described as cold and unfeeling. ‘It was like she just didn’t care’.  As our source said, ‘Zara is an ice Princes, she’d incapable of normal human emotions,” OUCH!

We disagree, of course she feels! She feels like her drink needs a top up, she feels this party is “So Over!” and she feels for her credit cards in her handbag. And that’s why we love her!

There is a moment just before you skydive out of the plane. A moment just before you jump off the cliff and a moment before the ball leaves your hand. But the second that moment has past- it’s out of your control. The natural laws of gravity and velocity take over and it cannot be undone.

The words were out of my mouth. They had flown out into the space between us and were now hanging in the air like a thick mist. There was nothing I could do to take them back. I could not unsay them, no matter how desperately I wanted to.

There was no rewind button to save me from this moment.

Riaan turned around slowly. He looked uncertain as if he was trying to weigh something up in his head. I smiled feebly this time, not in an attempt to manipulate, but just because I wanted to. His face seemed to soften slightly and our eyes met. All the energy that had existed between us the other night came rushing back in an instant. The warmth and the familiarity and that inexplicable, unnamable something that kept drawing us together.

He shook his head, “I don’t get you Zara.”

I shrugged, “Sometimes I don’t get me either.’

“It’s not a joke,” His tone was firm, “One minute you’re really, really lovely and the next minute you’re someone else entirely. Someone that I don’t like.  At all.”

His words were excruciating and sliced into my flesh like a hot razor blade. But I couldn’t let him see that he’d hurt me. And I certainly couldn’t let him see anymore of me.

“What can I say hey Riaan, I’m fucked up!”

Riaan paused and looked at me for the longest time- I was struck by how desperately I didn’t want him to think badly of me. And I didn’t know why.  With him, I wasn’t able to remain my usual cool self. My aloof offish air was failing dismally and a part of me wanted to reach out and grab him by the hands and scream,

“Like me. Like me. Please like me.”

But I also hated that part of me.

He hung his head and sighed loudly, as if he’d just made a hard decision he wasn’t happy with.

“Zara, here’s the thing. There’s a part of me that wants to stay with you- it really does. And then there’s another part of me, a bigger part that’s telling me I would be crazy to do so.”

My heart sank. The words had such a finality to them. He had thought about it and had taken his time to make his decision. He’d weighed me up, considering all the evidence that had been laid out in front of him. Case Closed, verdict delivered.

“I’m just around the corner though if there's an emergency.”

I tried not to show him how devastated I was, and was forced to bite my tongue in case my current inner monologue also decided to escape my lips. And then in a move that was completely unexpected, he placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye, “You’ll be okay Zara,” He walked out again.

I’m glad he thought I was going to be okay, because I didn’t. And once again, I hated myself for showing him that.

**

Trying to get sleep in Africa is like trying to get cell phone reception. It's almost impossible and constantly eludes one. Sleep had officially eluded me for two nights now, and once again, by the time I actually managed to close my eyes, it was all over.

This time it was my aunt- they’d obviously changed their strategy. I was stolen from my sleep by a bright light flashing in my face, and my aunt’s voice hissing in my ear. But before I had time to protest, she’d grabbed me by the arm and was pulling me from the warmth of the covers.

“Wake up- you’re on early morning game drive preparation. It’s cold out so I suggest you have a hot shower and dress warmly-“ She was actually physically pushing me into the bathroom, “Riaan will be around to fetch you in half and hour and show you what to do. Please be nice to him today and listen to what he says.” She had turned the shower on now and I think if I had given her the opportunity she would have pulled me out of my clothes and shoved me in. Luckily she didn’t go that far.

The shower felt good because by now my body was freezing. The difference between the bed and the outside air was extreme; it was like stepping from an oven into a freezer. I’d barely gotten my towel around me when I heard that all to familiar banging.

BANG…

There was a pause, this was clearly a warning ‘bang’.

”I’m coming in Zara.”

And a few seconds later, he was in my room again.

“You’re still in your towel?” He sounded irritated.

“Yes.”

“The game drive starts in half and hour and we still have to get everything ready. You need to hurry.”

“But I still have to do my hair and put my make up on.”

“There’s no time. Hurry”

And he was gone again. I'd observed that Riaan had a very nasty habit of suddenly appearing and then disappearing. If I had a Pound for every time he walked out of my room in a huff, it wouldn’t matter that Charles had cut me off.

Of course I was absolutely flabbergasted at his suggestion that I not do my hair or put on my make-up. It was unthinkable, and I completely ignored him.

Choosing an outfit was easy, I grabbed the warmest thing I’d bought, which was unfortunately a tracksuit (Not something I would ever be seen out and about in) I grabbed my make up bag and stared layering on my war paint. I opted for a bronze eye with chocolate brown contour, it seemed appropriate somehow. And then a matt nude-ish lip. But just as I’d finished one eye, he was in my room once more.

“What are you doing? We have to go, now.” He rasped at me through a very clenched looking jaw.

“But I have one more eye to do and my hair is not finished,”

Riaan completely ignored this statement and instead- to my utter shock and horror and disbelief- he grabbed me, hoisted me off the ground and started carrying me out the room.

“Put me down, put me down. Are you mad!”  I screamed and tried to wiggle free, but this only inspired him to tighten his death grip.

“This is abuse. This is against my human rights, you can’t do this!” I kicked my legs as hard as I could in an attempt to break free of his grip.

“Don’t make me throw you over my shoulder Zara, because I will.”

It was pointless though, he was far too strong.

I fumed as I imagined him and my aunt having the conversation- “do whatever it takes to get her to work, even if you have to drag her there. Use whatever force necessary!’

And so I was whisked out the door, walked across the lawn and past the other dormitories. Some of the staff stuck their heads out the window and gawked at me. Jaws fell open and gossipy words flew out. I thought about waving to them like the Queen waves to commoners, but I didn’t. They all knew where I slept at night.

But then something hit me- somewhere between the staff village and the lodge- he was carrying me like he’d carried me the other night. This sudden realization made me forget I was angry with him for  abducting me. Instead I felt a warm shiver pass through me and without even thinking about it, I slipped my arm around his neck.

This was a perfectly reasonable gesture for someone in my situation, after all one usually puts your arm around the neck of the person who is carrying you (well at least that’s what I was telling myself) But the truth was that it had little to do with ‘holding on’ and everything to do with the fact that I wanted to he close to him.

He responded to my touch by pulling me a little closer- also a reasonable thing to do, trying to keep the balance and all. But I wondered, hoped, that it had little to do with balance and everything to do with—

I annihilated the thought before it had time to enter the conscious part of my brain. What the fuck was I doing?

I didn’t like him, or did like him, but didn’t want to like him because of the effect he had on me.

He forced me to say things I didn’t want to!

He was a human can opener; he encouraged the worms to come out. And the thing with worms is that once they’re out, they have a wiggling-writhing life of their own and cannot just be put back in. Case in point that worm that flew out of the shower head, once it was out, there was no getting the fucker back in.

I briefly marveled at my insight- suddenly I was Dr. Phil; Emotions are like worms. Slimly little buggers that are hard to catch. They belong underground, in the dark and out of sight.

I wished I’d kept mine buried.

Once at the reception area, Riaan finally let me go. My body kind of fell down his, rubbing against him as I went. I still had my arm around his neck and I knew that I let it linger there for a second too long. I also knew that I shouldn’t have made eye contact with him either, but I did.

His eyes were as easy to read as a giant flashing sign. He looked sad. And although I wasn’t sure of the specifics, I knew that the sadness had something to do with me.

I hated this, so I Iet go, threw my head back indignantly and stepped away, “Don’t ever do that again,” I snapped viciously.

He looked even sadder now and turned away.

“ We need to make coffee and sandwiches for the drive, and also put blankets in the vehicle. The kitchen is this way, game drive starts in half an hour.’

It was one of the most awkward half hours of my life. We stood next to each other in the tiny kitchen filling flasks with hot water and loading coffee, milk and sugar into a basket. We buttered croissants and filled them with cheese and cold meats and wrapped them. We stood side by side the entire time without saying a single word to each other. We avoided eye contact like the plague and when we did accidentally bump elbows, we both pulled away so fast and overcorrected so dramatically that we almost both went flying into the roof.

It was still dark and absolutely freezing outside and I wondered what would possess a sane person to wake up at this hour and go driving off into the cold- for what? To see an animal? For Gods sake go to the Zoo, that’s why we have them so we don’t have to catch hypothermia while looking at a lion. Surly it’s not that exciting.

But luckily my job was over and I could go back to bed.

“Hey, were you going?” Riaan called after me as soon as I started walking away.

“I’m going back to sleep.”

He shook his head angrily, “You’re coming on the drive with us, I still have work for you.”

I was stunned, “What work?”

“I need someone to hold the torch.” He said pulling one out and handing it to me. He walked over to the front of the car and patted a seat that was attached to the bonnet.

“What! You want me to sit on that?”

He patted it again- a little harder this time.

“It looks dangerous! I’m not sitting on it.”

But the look he gave me- the one of total and utter exasperation and disappointment and deep sadness, cut me to the quick.

“Fine. But don’t deliberately go over bumps so you can fling me off!”

“I wouldn’t do that Zara.” He said, awkwardly trying to help me into the seat. I felt like I was mounting a horse, which never looks graceful.

“So what do I do?” I asked clutching the ice cold metal torch.

“All you do it shine it at the bush, it’s still dark so the light will illuminate the animals eyes.”

“Is that it?” It didn’t sound too bad. Point and flash a torch around.

“Yes, there's nothing to it."