Chapter 12

“Stop, stop, stop” I screeched at the top of my lungs full panic stations kicking in.

What Riaan had failed to mention, perhaps on purpose, was that sitting in the front ensured that I drove through the largest, wettest early morning spider webs that were stretched across the road. The webs were huge, glistening with early morning dew and they were everywhere. Sometimes there were so many, that they gave the appearance of a thick early morning mist- except mist didn’t have dead hanging, or almost dead twitching bugs and hungry spiders hanging from it.

They painted themselves across my face, into my eyes and into my open screeching mouth.

“Get them off, get them off, get them off….” My screaming had reached fever pitch now as a thick web coated my tongue. I was convinced I was about to swallow spiders.

“Help…” I was tangled in a sticky mess, and no matter how much grabbing and pulling it did- they clung to me like octopus tentacles. Riaan did stop and I threw myself off the car and onto the dusty road. Riaan jumped out and ran over to help me.

I pulled at my hair and face until they started coming off, but then they stuck to my fingertips like bubble gum.

“Hey, isn’t that Zara Bennett?” I vaguely heard someone with a British accent ask.

“It is. It is!” Someone else said.

Up until that moment I had sulkily sat at the front of the vehicle with a hoodie on waving the light around. I hadn’t bothered to engage with the enthusiastic guests that were asking Riaan a million and one questions about birds and animal pooh. Anyone who was that enthusiastic at 4:30 in the morning definitely had psychological issues and needed medication- preferably tranquilizers. But now the hoodie was off and I was exposed.

I felt two firm and reassuring hands on my shoulders, “Zara. Calm down. “

“Are their spiders on my face?” I was still hysterical, there was no calming me down.

Riaan brushed my face softly with his fingertips and I suddenly forgot about the evil Satan webs. His big blue eyes sought mine out and he held me gaze reassuringly, “No, there are no spiders on you.” His hands reached up once again and I trembled as his fingertip came into contact with my lips, pulling the last web off and dusting it on his pants.

“There. All gone.” His tone was so soothing, and comforting and irritating at the same time. It was this “nice Riaan thing” that was causing all the troubles. It was this Mr. Nice guy thing that made me lose my senses and made my well put on aloofness melt like hot candle wax.

He looked around, “It’s getting light. No need for the torch anymore, come sit in the front.”

“Thanks,” My eyes met his and I couldn’t help a tiny smile. He however looked like he was grappling with the decision of whether to smile back or not, his lips kind of curled at the corners and then quickly resumed their original position.

I looked back at the passengers who I’d forgotten about in all the commotion. Most were staring in horror, whilst two of them seemed to be smiling conspiratorially, I wasn’t sure what their smiles meant, but I was pretty certain they were the ones who'd recognized me. I smiled and waved at everyone trying to remain nonchalant about the whole thing,

“Sorry about that,”

One of the American woman spoke, “No worries. I would have done the same thing if I were in your position. I hate spiders, Ask my husband,” She pointed at a rather robust man, he looked up and nodded in that “yeah, don’t I know” kind of way. I smiled at her appreciatively.

“Thanks.’

I settled next to Riaan and we commenced the drive. The sun was rising and the sky was a dusty rose color. The grass looked like wispy strands of gold and the trees looked like silhouetted skeletons. The  bush hummed and croaked and murmured- it was alive and breathing like an animal.  We hadn’t seen any actual animals yet- perhaps due to my rather lackluster torch performance- but you could hear  them everywhere.

As we drove, I was growing more and more aware of Riaans close proximity, the bumpy road forced us together a few times as the odd elbow connected. One rather hard elbow in the ribs caused him to look over apologetically, it was followed by a slight smile which made my heart beat just that much quicker. I wondered why on earth this guy was still smiling at me after everything that I'd said and done. He was either the most polite person on the planet, a nice guy through and through or he… dare I even consider it for a second, he liked me a little??

I disappeared into my thoughts. I was recalling all the relationships I’d ever had. The only meaningful one I’d had was with James; he was my first love and the guy that broke my poor sixteen-year-old heart. At the time I thought I would never get over it- but you do. All the relationships after him had been completely meaningless. There was Bradley, some descendant of some Duke. Timothy, son of a celebrity chef. Henry a fairly successful vocalist in a cheesy boy band who took longer than I did to get ready and dark poerty guy (But that really doesn’t count). There had been a few fillers here and there, not even worth considering.

And then there was Riaan. Ironically the relationship we’d had these past few days was more meaningful than my other actual boyfriends. I felt comfortable with him- but the flip side was that I felt very uncomfortable about the way I'd opened up to him. The things I’d told him left me feeling naked. More naked than actually being naked. I wanted to be near him- but was fearful of what I might say to him.

I pushed him away when all I wanted to do was be close. It was all so contradictory, like a yo-yo dieter, I was vacillating. I was Miss. Bi-polar swinging from left the right.

There was of course the other matter, un related to the above, but just as damn confusing. He didn’t meet my checklist. Tick my criteria; he was everything I never wanted in a man, so why did I want him?

“Elephants, “ Riaan suddenly whispered stopping the car.

I looked in the direction that he was pointing and gasped; elephants were an understatement.

Coming through the bush, crushing it beneath their enormous feet, were about thirty, no forty, maybe fifty elephants. You could see them as much as hear them. Snapping branches, crushing twigs, flattening grass.

“Look there,” Riaan pointed again, “Those calves look like they're only a week old.”

“They’re adorable,” The American woman spoke again.

Someone else “ooohhhed” and I didn’t blame them, they were certainly the cutest things I had ever seen. Tiny and grey, they clutched onto their mothers tails and galloped after them. Each one step their mothers took, was like ten to them.

I also noticed some older ones, they were more independent and were running around like puppies might do, playing with each other and pulling on branches and grasses with delight.

“They’re coming towards us,” The American voice sounded nervous.

“Just keep still and quiet and everything will be fine. They’re used to cars.”

What happened next was amazing. The elephants started crossing the road just in front of us. Very soon we were surrounded by the creatures- these gentle giants that paid us no attention whatsoever. At one stage one of the more enthusiastic calves ran across the road and tripped, the mother immediately reached down and lifted it up with her trunk- something about that act was so touching that without warning, I felt a tear well up and slide down my cheek. I glanced over and noticed that Riaan was looking at me. He smiled.

“They’re beautiful,” I whispered to him.

He nodded knowingly.

I’ve heard people speak of the experiences they’ve had with wildlife on Safari. I’ve heard it described as humbling and even spiritual. I’d never understood it- until now. As the creatures surrounded us I was overcome with this sensation of being so far away from the world I knew. It was as if I had been transported back in time to a place where humans didn’t exist and animals ruled the world. We were the ones that felt out of place here. We were the visitors peering into a world that we were privileged to be seeing. You felt so humbled by their size, but at the same time, so touched by their gentleness. They were pure and innocent in everyway possible. I felt a certain kind of connection to them and a sense of harmony with my surroundings. A quiet peace. Meditative.

We must have watched them for over an hour before settling down on the banks of a water hole to drink coffee and eat breakfast. The watering hole was alive with animals that had come down to drink. Delicate stream-lined springbok with their white bellies. Tiny tentative duiker and large sable with their majestic horns. Riaan pointed out the crocodiles that were lying in wait, and I hoped that none of them would fall prey to one. I felt suddenly protective towards these innocent animals. I watched nervously, but the crocodiles remained unmoved.

An hour later we were back at the lodge and once again Riaan and I were alone.

“Thank you,” I said to him.

“For what?”

“For that. The elephants. It was…” I felt a little lost for words.

“Beautiful,” he offered, his eyes lighting up as he mentioned it. This was his passion, it was painted across his face.

“Yes.” I smiled up at him and felt such a rush of butterflies when he reciprocated.

But the butterflies gave way to a lead ball when I was hit by feelings of guilt. I wanted to scream out a loud apology, but… what was stopping me?

“You just experienced ‘the moment’.” Riaan said with a smile.

“What moment?”

“The moment when Africa becomes part of your soul.”

“Is that what it's like for you?”

He nodded, “I’ve seen a lot, I’ve been to many places, but no other place has ever crawled under my skin like Africa. I feel a physical connection to this place, to the people and even the animals.”

I'd heard this before, “My mother used to say the same thing. My heart belongs to Africa.”

“I understand that.”

We gazed at each other for a while; those intense feelings of wanting to be close to him were swelling. It was on the tip of my tongue-

I remember kissing you Riaan.

I remember kissing you Riaan.

“I… I…” But I couldn’t finish the sentence. “What else do I have to do today?”

“I believe you’re on breakfast duty.”

“And what does that entail?”

“Probably some cooking, some settling up.”

I burst out laughing, I couldn’t stop myself. “ That could be dangerous. Potentially fatal even- I’ve never cooked. Ever.”

His face lit up, “No, you don’t strike me as the cooking type.’

The kitchen was tiny and as hot as the inside of a pizza oven. Precious and Dorcus, the two cooks, looked like energizer bunnies as they baked and cooked and cleaned simultaneously. A frying pan was shoved into my hand and I was told to handle the bacon. I looked at the pan and the bacon tentatively, how hard could it be?

Bacon in pan, turn on stove, cook.

But my question was soon answered when I misjudged everything- the heat of the pan, the length of the cooking time and the amount I was meant to put in. The bacon emerged as dry, dead looking black cinders.

“Haibo,” One of the woman screeched, “You burnt it all. None of it can be used,” She was frantically picking through the pieces looking for one that was still vaguely alive. But as she touched them they practically disintegrated in her hands. She looked up at me with such disdain that I felt like a total failure. A disapointment. The day had started out so well and now I was on the receiving end of a scolding.

“I’m sorry, I’ve never cooked before,” The look of disdain turned to utter shock and Dorcus clicked her tongue in blatant disproval. She shook her head.

“You won’t make a good wife,”

“Mmm,” Precious had joined in the conversation now and was looking at me with bewilderment, “No one will pay labola for this one,”

"Labola?" I asked.

They ignored my question and both shook their heads again- not that the situation needed more head shaking mind you. Precious thrust some knives and forks into my hand, “Do you think you can put these on the tables?”

Of course I could lay knives and forks on a table. But quite frankly, I didn’t want to. So I stormed off in the direction of my room.

Message to Clayton:

I hate these people. First they force me to cook bacon and then crap on me when I burn it. Can you imagine it, me cooking bacon? I don’t even eat the stuff. Please tell me something nice! Any gossip or scandal I should know about. I beg of you.

Of course the message didn’t go through, but it made me feel better typing it. I settled down in front of the mirror and went about reciting my eye make- up crisis, the fact that I’d only managed to do one eye that morning. I pulled out my brushes and went about bronzing the other side, I was just starting to think how soothing it was, when the knocking started-

Soooooo predictable.

“Zara, Zara!”

But I knew the drill by now, he wasn’t waiting for me to respond or open the door, because a second later he was standing behind me.

“I know what you are going to say,” I said holding my hand up.

“What?”

“That I should be laying the fucking forks on the table or something. But those women were down right horrid. They basically had a shit fit when I couldn’t cook bacon. And I swear I tried.”

He sighed, “I know you were trying, but you can’t just give up the second things get tough and uncomfortable.”

“Whatever,” I threw my brush down and was immediately aware that I looked like a toddler having a mini tantrum, “I think it’s better for all of us if I just stayed in this room for the duration of my stay.”

“I am not going to let you do that,” He bent down and pulled me up by the arm, “Come. If breakfast isn’t working for you, there are plenty of other things to do.”

And off I went again. This time he dragged me past the reception and dining area, past Dorcus and Precious who were laying the tables, they glanced up at me and shook their heads (talk about overkill). Riaan dragged me all the way back to the rooms.

“Zara, this is Mary, she’s one of the cleaners and you’ll be helping her clean the rooms!”

Were my ears deceiving me…..

“What! Are you crazy? I’m not going to scrub someone’s toilet and pick up their disgusting shit from the floor. What do you think I am, some kind of slave girl?”

Riaan flashed Mary a look and I followed his eyes to come face- to- face with a very pissed off looking Mary. I immediatly regretted what I'd said.

“Thanks.” She said sarcastically, “I’d never thought of myself as a slave girl before.’

Riaan shook his head again and walked off. What was with head shaking in this place? Were the staff sent on a head shaking cource before they started working here? Was that part of the job description? In the interview were they asked if they could shake their heads? "Please demonstarte your best head shake..."

Everyone here was so awful and head shak-y. They all hated me. I couldn’t do or say anything right. Normally I wouldnt have given a toss about shit like that, but now for some strange reason I did.

I didn’t like the feeling at all and I  wished I had drink.

Perhaps I could slip one out of the bar fridge…