I wonder what expression is on my face, because my mind is a whirlwind of emotions.
The silence between us is thick, heavy and suffocating. My mind scrambles to say something. Anything. But my tongue feels glued to the roof of my mouth. I can't get a word out.
Jake is here. He's back.
His lips tilt in an arrogant smirk. He knows the affect he has on me.
"Cal," he breathes and half laughs. The sound has a shiver running down my spine. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
Am I still standing upright? I can't tell, I feel so dizzy. Leslie, the woman behind the front desk, begins talking to Jake. His eyes don't leave mine. She hands him a folder and he takes it distractedly. A crease forms on his brow for a moment.
"Er â Cal? Are you having a stroke, or something?" he asks, genuinely looking confused.
Speak, you idiot!
"How've you been?" My voice somehow comes out somewhat neutral.
He strolls over to me, looking as hot and nonchalant as ever. "Good."
"That's good," I manage to force out. "Why are you back?"
"Aren't you glad to see me?" he smirks, throwing his hand through his long hair. I fail to watch his bicep bulge as it does.
"Sure," I say in a way that sounds untrue. "Just curious."
"You can save the tour," he says, ignoring my question again. "I remember everything."
"We didn't attend this side of the school," I point out.
"I snuck over here all the time," he shrugs.
I side-eye him. "Sure."
"So, what's new?" he asks as we fall in step.
I find that a rather broad-ended question, considering we haven't seen or spoken for over three years. What's new? How am I expected to answer that?
"A lot," I finally reply.
"You're kidding!?" a voice exclaims. I glance up, to see Grant wide-eyed, with a huge grin on his face. "Jake fucking Haze."
Jake's smirk broadens. "Grant, hey."
They do the shake and one-arm hug that I now wish I had the ease to do. I guess history of intense feelings, hidden hang outs and toe-tingling kisses messes with the casual hey bro, how's it going? Greeting.
In simpler times, Jake, Grant and I were best friends. I'm guessing things won't be like that again. Age and distance have seemed to make whatever Jake and I have, awkward and very confusing. It didn't seem so much so, back then.
"You're back just in time," I tune in to what Grant's saying, having spaced out for a minute or so. "I'm throwing a birthday party for myself this weekend."
"And yet your birthday is a month away," I add.
"But my parents are away," he swiftly replies with a grin.
"Cool," Jake nods, swivelling his eyes to me. "Are you going?"
I nod. "Yeah, I'll make an appearance."
"I'll make an appearance," Grant mocks with an eye roll. "He will be the first one there." Grant steps close to me and throws an arm around my shoulder. "You're already counting down the minutes, aren't ya?"
I notice then that Jake's eyes are burning holes into my skin. He's glaring at Grant's arm around me so intensely that I literally feel myself break into a sweat.
Fuck.
Why is he staring at me like that? Why does he look like he cares? And why the hell do I feel so flustered? It's been three years. I don't need these feelings. I don't want this drama.
Grant, as oblivious as always, pulls me close and squeezes me harshly, before letting go. The bell for first class rings and I let out a breath I was unaware that I was holding.
Today is going to be one interesting day.
***
Jake hasn't made much effort to spend time with me since I first saw him on Monday. He's gelled back into out year group effortlessly, quickly rising on the social ladder, as I expected he would. He is hot, brooding and doesn't give a shit about anyone's opinions. Everyone loves it.
Grant and I will always be best friends, but even he has been a little distant. I guess he's excited to have one of his best friends back. I wish I could share the excitement. I do, really. I've always been very fond of Jake. But he makes my life complicated and with everything that has happened, I honestly don't want any drama. The Haze family live and breathe drama. There's no escaping it.
"You have excellent taste, Cal," my other best friend, Katryn, says with a sigh as she watches Jake walk by our table.
"I know," I agree, also watching him.
"He looks like he should be on the cover of Bad Boys R Us," she giggles.
I give her a flat stare. "Not helpful."
"I don't really understand," she says, planting her chin on her palm, narrowing her eyes. "Is he straight or not?"
"He wasn't three years ago," I answer as we watch Jacinta, a long-legged blonde girl in the year above wrap her arms around his neck, pressing her chest to his. She throws her head back and laughs flirtatiously. His hand has gathered the material of her uniform at her waist.
"Do you think it's all show?" she questions.
I nod. "Probably."
Jacinta then leans forward and kisses him. An open-mouthed, tongue kiss. I can't stop the look of repulse on my face as he kisses her back, his hands groping her behind.
"Well, he's a good actor," Kat eventually says. "Let's go outside, the PDA is making me feel nauseous."
Weakly, I nod and follow her lead.
"Where're you going?" Grant asks as he walks in, his fingers dug underneath his bag strap. "You're not sitting with us?"
And by 'us' he means Jake and Skank. I mean, Jacinta.
"Going to go get some fresh air," I reply.
Grant's eyebrows furrow. He glances over to Jake and then back at me. He gets it. "Oh. Sure." He glances to Katryn and rolls his eyes.
I avoid his gaze as I follow Kat out. Katryn knew about me even before I confessed. Maybe I'm not as good at hiding it as I thought.
Being friends with Kat is weird. She's great, funny and I can literally tell her anything. But she doesn't like my friends. She once dated Grant and it ended abruptly when he kissed another girl. He claims they weren't officially dating, she claims he cheated. I don't know the full story, but she now hates him and he makes no effort to acknowledge her existence. Which is a super fun time for me, clearly, because they hate being in the same room together.
"I take it you're not going to Grant's on the weekend?"
"Definitely not," she scoffs. "Why don't we order take out and have a movie marathon?"
I give her my look that she dubs as my 'Really? You're seriously asking that question?' face.
"You know I have to go. It's Grant."
"Yeah, yeah," she pouts. She examines her black-inked nails. "Is lover-boy going?"
"Jake? Yeah."
She gives me a smirk. "That'll be interesting."
"Probably not the good kind of interesting," I sigh, collapsing beside her and leaning against the tree behind us. The sunlight spills across my legs as I sprawl them out in front of me lazily. "He will probably hook up with girls all night and get drunk."
"Why don't you do the same?"
"Wouldn't really be fair to the girl now would it?" I laugh.
"What she doesn't know won't hurt her," she jokes.
"Kat," I suddenly say, turning to her. "Come to the party with me."
"What?" she asks, yanking her hair loose from its pony tail.
"Come to the party and flirt with me and see what Jake does."
She quirks an eyebrow. "You're asking me to come to Grant's party. You know that, right?"
"I'm asking," I say, pointing to my chest. "Callum. Your best friend. Who never asks you to do anything."
She tilts her head and sighs. "Well. I guess that's true."
I grin at her. "So? You'll come?"
"Fine." She rolls her eyes. "But you're going to owe me big time."
----------------
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