Chapter 20

Gwen felt as though time came to a standstill. Colors seemed duller; the silliest things brought her to tears. Yet even as she grieved the relationship that was doomed from the start, everyone around her carried on. It was as if her broken heart wasn’t enough to stop the world in its tracks for just a moment.

Gwen had called Jack more than once. She’d texted him for days after their fight, asking to talk. When he ignored all her overtures, she realized it was over.

And she had enough pride not to keep going to Jack, begging him to love her.

When she lay in her bed at night, staring at the ceiling, sleep elusive, she wondered if she was cursed. Maybe she’d done something terrible in a previous life, and this was karma. Her marriage had failed because she hadn’t been enough. Now she’d fallen in love with her best friend, but he’d rejected her.

Gwen wondered if she was just unlovable. The thought ate at her, a gnawing pain that she couldn’t shake. Even as she reminded herself that Jack’s rejection wasn’t necessarily a reflection on her, it didn’t feel that way.

It felt like Tim had been right all along, and that thought alone made her so angry she could scream.

To drive the stake further into her heart, Tim had begun texting her again. He’d left her alone after that first random text.

She almost wondered if he could sense she was lonely, like he knew she was vulnerable to him sneaking back into her life.

~I still have feelings for you, ~the text read.

Gwen stared at her phone, trembling. She didn’t know if it was from rage or despair.

~I told you not to text me anymore~, she replied.

~I just needed you to know.~

Gwen called him right then. He picked up on the second ring.

“Gwen—”

“No, don’t say anything. This isn’t about you, Tim. For once in your life, maybe think about someone other than yourself.”

Tim was silent now.

“We’re over. Our marriage ended five years ago when you cheated on me, when you made me feel like I was worthless. I never told you how much you hurt me because it seemed pointless. But you did.

“You probably won’t apologize. I don’t need an apology. I just want you to know that I’m okay on my own and I don’t care how you feel about me still. Understand?”

Tim was silent for so long that Gwen wondered if he’d already hung up. Then she heard him inhale a deep breath.

“Fine,” he ground out, “I won’t contact you again.”

When the call disconnected, Gwen couldn’t feel anything except relief.

Her love life might currently be in shambles, but at least she’d finally been honest with her ex.

The staff of the bed and breakfast noticed her strange moods. They seemed to be walking on eggshells, afraid that they’d cause Gwen to burst into tears at any moment.

~I’ve only started crying over something stupid once~, thought Gwen irritably. She was decorating the inn for Christmastime. Normally she preferred to hire people to hang lights, but she wanted a reason to avoid talking to anyone.

~Jack would’ve helped me with these~, she thought, but that thought only made her cry. “I’m losing my mind,” she said to herself. “Get it together, Gwen.”

She worked until it was too dark to see safely, and it was so cold that her fingers felt numb. Although Hazel Island didn’t get much snow, it got cold, especially after sunset. It didn’t help that the sun tended to set before five PM, either.

Gwen was in her office when Jocelyn walked inside. She’d been giving Gwen a lot of space after the disaster that was the meeting at Luke Wright’s. Jocelyn wasn’t exactly the warmest and fuzziest person, but Gwen could tell Jocelyn was worried about her. She seemed to choose her words more carefully. When she thought Gwen wasn’t looking, her eyebrows would furrow, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip.

Luke had emailed Gwen shortly after their meeting to reaffirm what he’d already told them. He wouldn’t be able to offer her funding at this time without finding someone else to match it. He apologized and once again told her that her business plan was a solid idea.

Ideas weren’t enough to get a restaurant started, though. And Gwen didn’t know where she’d find someone to replace Jack. She’d once again considered asking her brother Elliot, but he and Bekah had just closed on a house. Gwen doubted they had a lot of extra money lying around.

“How are you doing?” said Jocelyn, breaking through Gwen’s thoughts.

Gwen shrugged a shoulder. “I got about half of the lights hung up. I didn’t think it’d take me as long as it did. I probably should’ve started earlier in the day—”

“You know that’s not what I’m asking about.”

Gwen shot her friend a wry look. “If you’re worried that I’m going to throw myself off the nearest cliff, don’t worry. I’m not. The water’s too cold, anyway.”

“Well, if you can make jokes, I guess you’re feeling a little better.” Jocelyn leaned against the wall, her arms crossed. “Have you talked to Jack at all?”

“No.” That was all Gwen had the strength to say about that. It still hurt to hear his name spoken.

Jocelyn blew out a breath. “I’m worried about you. You’ve lost weight. You don’t smile much anymore. It’s like you’re walking around like a zombie.”

“I told a man I loved him, and he didn’t feel the same. And then he cut me off completely. I didn’t just lose a lover, I lost a friend.” Gwen’s voice trembled. “So, yeah, I’m a zombie right now. I’m just hoping this feeling won’t last forever.”

“It won’t. Take it from me. You’ll get over it eventually.”

That made Gwen blink in surprise. “Are you telling me someone broke your heart? I don’t believe it.”

“That I have a heart? Surprise, I do.” Jocelyn’s mouth twisted. “And apparently it can break, too. Even robots can be destroyed, you know.”

“Are you saying you’re a robot?”

“Pretty sure everyone thinks I’m one. That I’m heartless.”

“I’ve never thought that.”

“You’d be the first one.” Jocelyn hugged herself. “My sister thinks I am.”

Gwen desperately wanted to ask more about that situation, but she also knew she couldn’t press her luck. Jocelyn was rather like a feral cat that was slowly getting used to people. The cat might let you pet it once, but the next time, it might bite that same hand just as a reminder not to get too close to it.

“I think you try to get keep people at arm’s length because that makes things easier,” said Gwen quietly. “But if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be here in my office right now.”

Jocelyn said nothing. Gwen thought she saw a tear on her friend’s face, but a second later, she wondered if it was just a trick of the light.

“I actually came here to give you news. Jack’s left the island,” said Jocelyn.

Gwen felt the earth shift under her feet. Gripping the edge of her desk, it took her a while to reply, “What? When?”

“Yesterday. I heard it from Alex, who’d talked to Trevor, the guy who works on the ferry? He saw Jack getting on it.”

“Maybe he was just going for a trip.”

Jocelyn’s expression was sad. “Trevor said Jack was driving a moving truck.”

Gwen had to sit down. She stared at nothing, wondering if she was dreaming all of this. Jack had left, had ~moved~, and he’d said nothing to her.

“I can’t believe it,” said Gwen, her mouth dry.

“His boat is gone, too.”

That statement made Gwen close her eyes. Then it was true: Jack had left. Gwen had destroyed their friendship in one fell swoop. If she’d just kept her mouth shut, none of this would’ve happened.

She could’ve pined for him in silence, but at least he would’ve still been on Hazel Island. She could still hear his gruff laugh, see the rare smile cross his lips.

Gwen felt a touch. Jocelyn was standing over her desk now. “I’m sorry. I really am. He’s an asshole, Gwen. You’re better off.”

“Am I? I don’t feel like it.”

“He’ll regret all of this for the rest of his life. And then he’ll die, all alone, wondering why he let someone like you go.”

“I never took you for somebody who liked giving pep talks,” said Gwen, her eyes watering.

Jocelyn shrugged. “It happens every once in a blue moon. Just don’t get used to it.”

That made Gwen smile, at least for a moment.

But something kept nagging at her, like a tap on a window that wouldn’t go away. “You said Jack’s boat was gone?”

“Alex said it was. I haven’t confirmed it for myself.”

“How would Alex know? She’s not a boat person.”

“No, but she’s a terrible gossip, and everyone loves to tell her things for some strange reason.”

Gwen drummed her fingers against her desk. “Did Trevor say Jack had taken the boat on the ferry?”

“I don’t think so. Can you do that?”

Gwen’s mind began turning. Jack’s boat was everything to him. It didn’t make sense that he’d just get rid of it if he had moved away. But if it was no longer in the harbor and he hadn’t taken it with him...

“I need to talk to Luke,” said Gwen.

* * *

It took five days before Gwen could meet with Luke. She only had his email address. Based on how he answered her email almost a week after she’d sent it, he didn’t seem particularly inclined to see her soon. Then again, she hadn’t mentioned Jack in her email. She’d made it sound like she wanted to talk about her business plan again.

After some back and forth, Luke finally agreed to meet with her at her apartment. He eventually arrived twenty minutes late, apologizing but seemingly unaware of how on edge Gwen was.

“Where is Jack?” said Gwen, hardly allowing Luke to sit down before she began to interrogate him.

Luke unbuttoned his jacket and folded his hands. “Is that your new business plan? It’s a strange one, I have to say.”

“I’m sorry I lied to you. I didn’t think you’d talk to me if I said why I really wanted to see you.”

“Not sure why you’d think that.” Despite his words, Luke looked decidedly uncomfortable.

“I know Jack is gone. I know his boat is gone, too, and he didn’t take it with him. You’re his friend. He would’ve told you why he left, where he went.”

“Again, I don’t know why you think I know anything. Jack is hardly good about giving me the details of his life.”

Gwen felt her heart sink into her toes. She’d been so sure Luke would have information that she truly hadn’t considered the opposite.

“He won’t answer my calls or my texts.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. “I need to know he’s okay. That’s all. I’m not trying to stalk him. I’m just worried about him.”

Luke sighed. He ran his fingers through his perfectly styled hair, and Gwen could see the tension in his expression.

“Look, I don’t know what happened between the two of you,” began Luke, “and I don’t need to know. But Jack asked me not to tell anyone where he was going.”

“You do know.” Gwen leaned forward. “Why would he not want anyone to know, though?”

“Who the fuck knows. It’s Jack. He keeps to himself. He doesn’t like to ask for help. It was like pulling teeth to get him to tell me anything. He just shows up at my place, telling me he wants me to buy his boat—”

“His boat? He sold his boat?”

“He did. Not to me, though. I don’t need a fishing boat. The hell am I going to do with that? But I gave him some names of people who I knew would want it. But before I did, I made him tell me why he was selling it in the first place.”

Gwen wanted to cry. Jack had sold his beloved boat, the thing he needed to make a living, and she couldn’t figure out why. It also told her that he had zero intention of returning to Hazel Island.

“Did he tell you, then?” she asked.

“All he’d say was that he needed to get off the island. Some kind of family issue. That was it.”

“You’re telling me everything? You’re not keeping something else secret?”

Luke spread his hands. “I know nothing else. I wasn’t supposed to tell you especially. He made me swear it.” Luke looked heavenward. “If he finds out I blabbed, he’d kill me.”

“Where did he go?”

“He didn’t say, but I do remember him mentioning that he had family in Seattle. Make of that what you will.”

Gwen’s palms were sweaty. But as she thought about all of this, she realized that it didn’t really matter. At least, not as it related to their friendship. Jack had essentially cut all ties with Hazel Island with one fell swoop.

If that wasn’t a sign that he didn’t want to see her ever again, she didn’t know what it was.

“You know,” said Luke slowly, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jack as agitated as he was when he wanted to sell his boat. He just kept saying, ‘don’t tell Gwen.’ It was strange.”

“It’s because I ruined everything.” Gwen’s voice was hollow. “I told him I loved him, but he didn’t feel the same. Then he left.”

Luke looked at her as if she’d sprouted horns. “You said that to him?”

“Yeah. You don’t have to look so horrified.”

Suddenly getting up from his chair, Luke began to pace. “I’m such an idiot,” he was muttering to himself. “I should’ve known.”

“What? You should’ve known what?”

Luke turned to face her. “Before he left, he made sure to give me a check for ten thousand dollars. He specified it was to match the funding he’d promised you.” Luke pulled out an envelope that he’d folded and placed in his jacket pocket. “Actually, I was planning to tell you when I got here, but then you distracted me.”

Gwen couldn’t breathe. “He sold his boat for me,” she whispered.

“Looks that way.”

“But why would he leave without telling me? I don’t understand.”

Luke pulled at his collar. If Gwen weren’t so confused and distressed, she’d laugh at how awkward he seemed. “Look, I’m not about to give you any relationship advice. That’s not my area of expertise. But anybody with eyeballs could see that Jack cared—cares—about you. Probably more than he’ll ever admit.”

“You really mean that?” Gwen felt tears well up in her eyes.

“Wouldn’t have said it otherwise.” Luke handed her the envelope with the check. “I told Jack he should give this to you himself, but he’s a stubborn bastard. You know that well.”

She couldn’t help but inhale the scent of the envelope, as if she could catch a hint of Jack on it. She then held it to her heart.

“I need to find Jack,” she said. “Will you help me?”

Luke sighed. “I was afraid you were going to ask me that.”