Chapter 37 - Reaching Out

I saw everything that happened at the cave mouth, but I was just too late to help Bran. It was strange finding his body there charred by the flames. I knew it was him, but he was almost unrecognizable. I put him aside for a few moments while I took care of things at the cave. I took some time and I finished dismembering that fucking bat. That thing was huge. I’d never seen anything like that in person… ever. I have to say that thing was weirder than me. How had it gotten inside such a populated area near St. Louis without being seen?

My memory was a little fuzzy, but I think I might have seen a hand drawing of something like that creature, or something similar, in one of Carter’s bestiaries. I made sure to rip it up into small enough pieces and shove it back down a small dark section of the cave and set it on fire. It burned quickly, almost like it was flammable itself. Once I was done, there wasn’t a remnant left of the baby or the hulking mama-bat.

I kept working during the dark hours of the night, to clean up the clues of the supernatural world. I had to, now that I knew not to make waves like I did in the beginning. I wouldn’t leave a trace of anything supernatural there. I finished cleaning the blood off in the river before taking Bran’s body to his home. I knew they’d want to bury him. I didn’t linger in Jane’s territory long, only enough time to dig a small grave to keep the animals from getting what was left of him. It was shallow enough that the other werewolves would smell him. They’d know it was Bran, and they’d come for him.

The fire had grown to massive proportions. I could smell the smoke from across town in the early morning hours after I left Bran and made my way to the Martin’s old safehouse. Emergency vehicles were making their way to Cliff Cave to deal with the spreading fire.

Allen’s call was right. If I hadn’t come, they wouldn’t have made it. Something had gone wrong, but I was unsure what it was. They were on the backfoot, running from the bat as it lumbered after them. I did feel something in those woods… a presence of some kind. However, my friends were safe… for the time being. I texted Allen at one point just to make sure they all made it. He hadn’t replied yet, so I needed to wait in town before I left. I had to know everyone was alright before I hit the road again.

After a very long time of hunting and killing; tearing back and forth across the country… it was time for a little break. If I didn’t get any names or visions… obviously. I was back in my borrowed house. Well, Martin’s house… but it was mine now. I don’t think he’d fight me for it. I still had the key, so I felt I still had a small claim on the place. I might want to check in with Martin, though. Just to let him know I was going to be around, and to not let anyone else come out this way. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be staying.

I knew the Chasses; they were smart and it would only be a matter of time before they figured it out; or at least had an idea that it might have been me there. They’d realize it was me if Allen told them about the call he made. I had never told Allen, or Eloise, my name or who I was while I was with them. Yet, my methods were one of a kind and unmistakable. Not many things had my level of strength and brutality. Maybe he’d remain as silent as he had been, and they wouldn’t figure it out. I knew I’d have to leave again eventually, so my rational mind didn’t want to stay long. At least… that was my plan. I wanted other things.

When I finally settled back at my borrowed home, I had showered and changed out of the rags of clothes that were left on me. I laid out across the slightly dusty bed and closed my eyes.

It had been a few days since I laid down, really cutting that groove into the mattress. I didn’t need the sleep, but just to be able to lay down and close my eyes… it was heaven. An escape from this life, even a brief one, was more than welcomed in my eyes. Plus, that bed, even dusty, was so damn comfortable.

The bat-outa-hell had been dealt with for about four days before I heard the sound of tires crunching around the corner of my road. Even while sleeping, my senses stayed on alert. The hum of the engine turning off the highway, about a mile and a half up the road, woke me from my slumber. The longer I listened to it the more I realized that someone was coming to the safehouse.

My eyes creaked open and I felt like Dracula waking from his coffin. Since I didn’t think anyone would take me too seriously in my human nudity, I decided to put on the clothes I had stashed here before I started getting hammered with visions. They were coming up fast, and I didn’t have time to pick out the cleanest set of clothes.

Like a shadow, I vanished from the small abode, disappearing into the darkness of the surrounding wilderness. I was above the house, out of sight in the branches of an overgrown oak tree. My senses peaked, and I observed the area as the vehicle approached. I couldn’t see through the branches but I could hear them for now. I’d adjust as I needed.

The large vehicle came to a crunchy stop right off the small road to what could be considered my driveway. I heard two sets of feet hop out, one only stepped forward toward my home a few feet, but the other shuffled around the vehicle to meet the other pair. Once together, they both walked up to my door without hesitation. The dirt and dried leaves crunched beneath the intruders. They paced up to the front door with calm but steadfast determination. Nothing was stopping them. A stern knock vibrated the front door ever so slightly. I curiously adjusted myself in the branches to get a look at their faces. However, their scents already told me who they were. The prey stood right outside of the predator’s door, waiting to be snatched inside to their death. At least… this is what Carter might have felt like.

My eyes adjusted quickly to see very familiar and unexpected faces. It was Carter and Eleanor. There they stood on Martin’s front porch. Eleanor looked at the door expectantly, ready to see me again, but I could tell she was trying to hold back… uncertain after so much time had passed. She had on a light black jacket with a hood hanging out of the back. Her clothes reminded me of how I usually skulked the shadows. I smirked at the thought.

“Sam…” was all she said as they opened the door and searched for my presence.

After ten months… it felt right. I missed the bond I had with them, and it felt like it had never been tried by time. It was like it was only yesterday that I had spoken with them last.

But it was too unexpected. I wasn’t ready. I froze for a moment in those trees. Should I drop down and see them again? Should I let them search the house and find nothing? I knew it was better for them if they didn’t mingle with me too much. Like Carter had once said before… I was a magnet for dangerous shit.

Too many questions were invading my mind. What did they want? I think I started to look like a deer in headlights when I didn’t move up there. I just stared at them for a few seconds.

I dropped from the branches of the tree, plummeting about forty feet to the earth below. My powerful landing made the two seasoned hunters spin on their heels quickly to see what was behind them. A small cloud of dust kicked up from the ground as my weight impacted. I connected my eyes with them, and the fright of something getting the literal drop on them passed after a few seconds. Recognition took over and they saw me for the first time.

“Sam…” Carter breathed quickly, calming shortly after. His hand was reaching back behind his light coat, gripping a silver loaded revolver. He let it go quickly.

“We thought you might be here,” Eleanor smiled as she spoke. It was almost a smirk.

“Sorry,” I apologized. “I wasn’t sure who it was, so I made myself scarce.” I stopped speaking.

We all just stared at each other for a few moments. Unsure of how to take the next steps. I wanted to ease their minds.

“It’s good to see you both,” I started.

“Its good to see you, Sam. You look good… safe.” Eleanor looked a little relieved.

“I hope this is alright,” Carter said. “We were afraid if we called that you wouldn’t want to meet.”

Carter was exactly like I remembered him to be up close. I had spent so much time away from all of them over the last ten months that I started to forget the little things about them. It was all coming back quickly, however.

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m just… surprised is all,” I tried to adjust myself there in the overgrown brush to act and seem more normal. Nothing about the scene was normal.

“Can we come in?” Eleanor asked seriously, motioning into the darkness of the safehouse behind them.

I laughed a little, pointing ahead for them to go on. “Yes, please…” waiving them inside.

Eleanor offered a thankful smile and walked into the structure. She wasn’t afraid of me at all. Carter however seemed more alert, guard up a little higher than Eleanor. Yet, I could tell he wanted this to be a good meeting.

I took a deep breath outside in the woods. This was okay… for now. I had to remain in control, and not get too close again. I followed them in, walking into the familiar scent that lingered behind their backs. It was the aroma that filled their house, stained into the fabric of their clothes. I loved it. It reminded me of a better time.

I closed the door behind me as I stepped through the passageway. They were entirely alone with me, totally cut off from the world and any help it had to offer. I just looked at them for a moment as I tried to prepare myself for what they might say. How would I explain myself? The anger of that night, the unwillingness to help Eleanor, the outward flair of the monster creeping through, and my absolute absence from their lives for the past ten months. So much had happened, and so much time had passed.

Carter laughed, “Do you have any lights?”

“Oh, shit,” I said under my breath as I reached for the switch by the door. “Sorry.”

The room was lit up, and they could see me as much as I could already see them. Eleanor’s dark hair flowed out from around her neck, swept over her left shoulder. She was still smiling at me softly. I could tell she had a lot she wanted to say.

“You don’t need the lights to see, do you?” Carter asked curiously.

I stuttered in my response from all the years of hiding my true nature, “No… I can see in the dark just as good the light.” I looked up, motioning towards the incandescent bulbs.

“What else can you do?” Eleanor asked innocently.

I wasn’t sure how to start the list, “A lot.”

She nodded slowly like she was adding things to the list of oddities about me.

“This seems pretty different compared to your last place…” Carter noticed, looking around the lightly dusty and empty place. He had seen the filthy condemned factory where I used to live.

“Yeah, it is. It’s nice to have somewhere to relax that isn’t filthy and made of stone. Martin was pretty generous when he let me stay here before.” I spoke casually.

“No, he’s not,” Carter snorted. “If you saw where he actually lives, you’d think he’s been holding out on you.”

“Inside of his bar?” I questioned.

“No,” he shook his head informatively. “That’s where he wants you to think he lives, just in case the wrong people come looking for him. His real place is much nicer than this. Not many people know about it.”

I let out a smirk, “I see. Well, I guess I’m squatting now. It was a long time ago that he let me come out here. I haven’t talked to him since I’ve been back in town.”

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We all stood in silence for a moment. I think they were trying to figure out what to say, or maybe just how to start. I think they were still trying to gauge my presence and how to approach a conversation with me now that they knew the truth… well, partly.

“How did you find me?” I asked. “Allen?”

“Yeah,” Carter answered, his eyebrows rising as he let out a sigh. “I knew where you were before. Once Allen told us he reached out to you, we figured you might still be around.”

Eleanor had a look on her face that made me realize that not all had been made aware of my location, or status when I was still here. She looked like she was still angry with him about it, but she hid it well. Carter must have been withholding information from everyone else, keeping tabs in secret just to have as much information as possible without raising any unwanted attention my way.

I wanted to thank him for that. I didn’t want to see anyone during those few dark weeks, before the visions took over. I wanted to be alone.

“So, why did you come?” I asked, hoping they didn’t take my question the wrong way, but I had to know what they came looking for.

Eleanor stared right into my eyes, “I know what you did.”

I nodded, expecting this to come from them eventually. It was only a matter of time before I spoke to at least one of them. “I’m glad I could help bring your family back together. Allen was caught up with some bad people over there.”

“I can’t even begin to describe what it felt like to see him again. His being alive wasn’t ever a thought in my mind. I never expected to have my boy back,” Eleanor spoke with eyes that began to glisten. “We have a lot of questions about how you found him,” she spoke from the heart, “but, that’s not what I meant.”

“What?” I asked. “What do you mean?”

“I know what you did for me. I remember… everything,” she stopped there, waiting for my response.

“Everything?” I asked. I felt a nervous tickle inside my stomach.

Eleanor just nodded. Then, she began to cry. She wrapped her arms around my neck so fast that I had no time to brace myself. She was squeezing my neck so hard that I thought she was trying to incapacitate me.

“I’m so sorry, Sam,” Eleanor kept saying to me over and over again, almost a whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

Carter stepped closer to me and put his hand on my shoulder. He didn’t show emotion like Eleanor, but I could sense what he felt. On the inside, he was just as torn up as his wife.

We were silent again while we thought about what to say. In that moment of quiet grief… I felt a speck of happiness. I felt like I had a family that cared for me, and what I was going through.

“You could have returned to your human life,” Eleanor said. “Is that true?”

I only nodded. I couldn’t speak the words.

“Your family before… Autumn said that you told her they thought you were dead?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Why haven’t you gone back to them?” Eleanor asked. Then she slowly added, “Is it because of your daughter?”

My jaw visibly clenched at the words. They knew my deepest darkest secret. It was the one thing I had hoped to keep from the entire world, but they knew.

“Listen to me,” I stepped forward to them. “No one can know about Caydee. I’ve stayed away this long so she can have a normal life… a family. I can’t go back, and I have to keep her a secret. All of my family… they can’t be tied to me. If the wrong person finds out about them, they’d be in danger,” I urgently explained.

Once I stopped speaking, I realized that I had paced over to Eleanor and grabbed her by the arm slightly. She wasn’t alarmed by my closeness, but I could tell she felt what I was feeling. Carter was subtly cautious but understanding of my worries. I wasn’t grabbing Eleanor in a threatening way. I was pleading with them to keep my loved ones a secret.

“We’d never tell anyone,” Eleanor honestly admitted. “You can trust us, Sam.”

I let her go and stepped away.

“I’m sorry,” I said, taking a deep breath.

“If you think keeping them in the dark about you is best, then we won’t say a word. We can keep them a secret if that’s what you want,” Carter said.

I took another deep breath, sitting down on the couch in the middle of the living room. Eleanor and Carter took a seat across the small living room from me.

“What about your wife?” Carter asked.

I was silent. I wanted just to tell the truth, but I felt the same urge of secrecy pinning me down like it always had since I began this life. However, my new circumstances won out, and it was for the better.

“What do you want to know about her?”

They were surprised at my openness.

“What’s her name?” Eleanor asked.

“Vicky,” I told her.

“Vicky,” she paused, thinking about the name. “Do you ever think about going back?”

“I used to in the very beginning… but there were obvious complications.”

“She has no clue about you?” Carter asked.

“No. As soon as I realized what I was, I knew I couldn’t stay. I had this moment,” I paused at the shame. I stared at the floor, shaking my head at the memory.

“What is it?” Eleanor asked. “You can tell us.”

I nodded, “I felt the urge to kill my whole family: Vicky, my parents, my sisters, even my twin brother. I could barely control myself… Once I broke myself free, I knew I had to leave. It was the only way I knew I could keep them safe. Now, too much time has passed. She’s got someone else now, helping raise Caydee. They’ve all moved forward.”

They accepted my answer, staying silent again for a few more moments before speaking again.

“You have a twin?” Eleanor asked, shocked again.

“Yeah… Seth.”

“Seth,” she thought about it. “Sam and Seth.”

“I miss him,” I openly spoke. “I miss them all. It’s been hard… alone. I’ve just always been scared that when the time comes, I won’t be able to stop myself.”

“When the time comes?” Carter asked at my wording.

“When the need gets too strong, and I have to hunt.”

“To feed…” Carter nodded, thinking they understood. They must have all thought that I fed on my victims from before in a way that they had never seen. The bodies I left in my wake were mutilated but not fed on visibly. They must have thought I was still feeding in some other way. Maybe they were right… or maybe I was just a killer. They were hunters, and they were always trying to understand creatures, especially new ones they have never seen.

“I’m not feeding,” I assured. “I don’t feed on anyone I hunt. I find them… and I kill them. I’m not a monster that hunts and kills to survive. I hunt and kill. I don’t do it for survival. I do it because I feel a pull inside of myself, from the beast… this thing I have inside of me. I’m not sure where one ends, and the other begins anymore. But I have to kill… it's only a matter of time.”

Carter’s body language changed to a more defensive pose as I spoke. Eleanor pulled a leg up into her chest as she sat back on the couch across from me, her arms wrapped around her knee.

My statements threw off their questioning. I don’t know if they were fully ready for that much honesty yet, but they needed to hear it.

“Those men you killed a while back, the night with that van full of missing people. They were human,” Carter remembered.

“Yeah. I’ve killed humans a lot longer than I’ve killed monsters,” I said.

Carter nodded, accepting my truth, “But, they were monsters.”

I cocked my head to the side, unsure at his words.

“You forget a lot, don’t you,” he smirked. “Monsters come in all different forms. It’s not your existence that determines what you are; it’s your actions.”

“I remember,” I said, recalling the very same words that Autumn had spoken to me all those months ago.

“Those men that night were monsters. Some of my family might disagree with your methods, but we can all agree that there are human beings in this world that are far more evil than the monsters we hunt. I don’t want to just let humans off the hook because they’re not supernatural. Martin and Jane would never do anything like what those three men were doing, but if they did, we’d hunt them with no question. If you wouldn’t have stepped in that night, then those kids might not have survived.” Carter seemed to have really thought about it before.

“So, you’re okay with what I am… with what I do?” I asked them both. If either of them said yes, then I’d think that they were either drunk or crazy.

Neither answered right away. Eleanor looking down into the floor. She didn’t move a muscle as she finally spoke, “That thing we saw you turn into, that night at the Wicklow’s… That was the scariest and most powerful thing I’ve ever seen. Just hearing you on the other side of that hill the other night, killing that Olitiau the other night at the cave… I can’t explain or understand it, but you’re something different. None of us know how to categorize you,” Eleanor said motioning towards Carter. “Your other half is… uniquely terrifying.”

Silence fell after her words.

“So, where does that leave us?” I asked, cutting to the chase.

“We can’t act like you don’t scare the shit out of us, because you do. But… we want you close to us,” she said. “You’ve done things for me, and my family, that wouldn’t have been possible for anyone else. I can’t ignore that,” she said, checking the boxes in her mind as she explained. She sounded like she had said these things to herself before. “I cannot speak for everyone, not even Carter,” Eleanor looked back to her husband again, “but I need you close. I feel this connection to you… it’s hard to explain. I feel like you’re another one of my kids that I need to protect…” She shook her head as she tried to put her thoughts into words. “I know you don’t literally need my protection, but I know what you had to give up… and I don’t want you to have to give up anything else. You don’t have to stay alone like this.”

“I agree,” Carter added. “I know all you’ve done for us too, and I know that you’ve never done anything to directly hurt the family. I still consider you just as much a part of us as I ever have. Honestly, I feel like I’m having Déjà vu, because I know we’ve had this same conversation before. That night in my backyard.”

I nodded, trying to push the knot in my throat back down before I spoke.

“But you have questions,” I recognized.

“Yes.” Carter added, “We all do.”

“Ask away,” I offered.

“Why have you stayed away for so long?” Eleanor asked.

“I think it has always just been easy for me to disappear. Once I left my whole family behind, it became easier to just abandon everything and live in the shadows,” I admitted to her.

“Are you going to do that again?” Eleanor asked.

I looked up and her eyes were sharply trained on me.

“I don’t want to.”

“We don’t want you to either,” she agreed. “So, stay… here with us. I’ll be here for you whenever you are ready to talk.”

I nodded without speaking.

Carter piped up unexpectedly, “We worried about you every night since we last saw you. I had Martin keeping an eye out for you to make sure we’d know when you came back. We weren’t sure what was happening with you, but we wanted to give you space. Then… we never saw you again.”

“I don’t want to just stay away again,” I assured. “I’ll try to answer your questions, but there might be some things I don’t know, or I can’t tell you…” I warned them, hoping they’d take that well.

“Why are there things you can’t tell us?” Carter was confused.

“There are others I’ve met, I think they were meant to help me, but I still don’t fully trust them or what they said. They said that I could tell those closest to me about my true nature, but it might be better to keep them in the dark. To keep them safe.”

Eleanor’s eyes were a mix of intrigue and fear, “Is that something you’ll tell us?”

I sat across from her in that chair, begging for a reason to pop into my mind. Yet, the words kept coming out. I just hoped I wouldn’t come to regret this.

“Sometimes… I see things that are sent from someone else. I’m given like… these visions and the name of the person the visions are about. It’s a target… someone that needs to be killed. When that happens, it's like… I want to do it. I can feel how evil and wrong the person is. I can’t tell if it's actually me feeling these things, or the one that is putting these thoughts in my mind. Long story short, if I get a name… they’re dead.”

Carter and Eleanor were quiet for a good minute or two, scared to ask anything else. I think he thought I was being controlled by someone else, and it was only a matter of time before I was sent for his own family for some fucked up reason. That’s what I would probably think if the roles were reversed.

“If it’s any consolation, that’s the main reason I’ve been gone. I had only ever gotten two before I disappeared. They were both witches that were nothing but pure evil; Mucia and her servant Charlotte Gunderson. They killed innocent people to prolong their own lives and give them more power. They were the definition of evil,” I explained it pretty one-sided, hoping they’d have the same thoughts I did. I felt like I was getting them back, and I didn’t want to lose them again. “Then, one night at Martin’s, a vision hit me out of nowhere. I left town, and when it was done, I got another, then another. It just kept going.”

More silence fell between us.

“Where do the visions come from?” Eleanor asked. “Jon?”

“How do you know that name?”

“I remembered it from when I was with you in that other place. You were talking to him like you knew him,” she informed. “You called him Jon.”

“Jon was…” I gathered myself, “he was a monster like me. He was kind of preparing me, I guess. He was teaching me, but the visions don’t come from him.”

“Then where?” Carter asked.

“There’s another… person,” I struggled to explain the entity, “in that place. I’ve never really gotten a good look at them up close, but they’ve been around me since the night I was killed. They’ve been behind everything that has happened to me since I became this… thing,” I relived my time around the being. “I have absolutely no idea who or what he is, but it’s more powerful than anything else I’ve met.”

“Hmm…” Carter was perplexed. Obvious questions went unasked in his mind.

No one said anything right after, breaking the pace of our conversation. This opened a new door for them. The knowledge that there were even greater threats than my looming monstrosity that erupted from within. Things that they knew nothing about.

“If this is too much… I’ll understand if you want me to leave. I won’t argue it,” I offered.

Eleanor’s eyes glanced up at me after I spoke, squinting at me like she thought I couldn’t understand something.

“You think you can scare us off that easily?” she joked.

Carter joined with a laugh, “You definitely have more to your story than I think either of us realized,” he motioned to Eleanor, “but we’re not going anywhere. We want to know whatever you’ll tell us.”

I felt relief pass across my stressing mind. This was going much better than I had ever imagined it would. Then I remembered something I needed to do.

“I’m sorry for before,” I apologized to them. “When I snapped at you in your house. I wasn’t feeling myself that night, but I’m okay now. I’m not really sure what was going on with me.” “I’m sorry too. I felt like I had something glazed over my mind ever since we came back from that other place, and I couldn’t remember anything. That’s why we had so many questions. It cleared randomly one night. That’s when I remembered what happened in that other place,” Eleanor told me.

“The fields. That’s what Jon called it.”

“The fields,” Eleanor and Carter both muttered to themselves.

Their demeanors looked like they were ready for more information. I started into more of my past history. I wanted to tell them about my life, and the hand I had been dealt over the last few years.