The luncheon started off quite well. I wore a red silk saree with my hair hanging in soft waves. I adjusted the saree and ran my fingers through my hair to add some volume.
"How are you, Elena?" Izzy muttered, his voice low in my ear. I looked at him with a smile and fixed his bow tie.
"So very happy for you," I said putting my head on his shoulder.
"What happened yesterday?"
"It's all under control," I said as he placed my hand on his arm. He looked down at me, his eyes filled with worry.
"You seem to have it under control" we walked down the garden towards Rania. Rania was talking to a distant cousin, while Hussein hovered at the side.
"So we're trying to figure out how to impose the tax laws," she said, her hands moving excitedly.
"That's fascinating," Rania said, her eyes depicting her lack of interest. I, on the other hand, was very interested.
"Elena! It's so nice to meet you." She said moving forward and giving me a perfunctory hug.
"Elena, this is Maryam. She was telling me how she implemented her tax ideas in the central province"
"It seems to be boring... but I'm really passionate about it," Maryam said talking over Rania's introduction.
"No no, I found your talk about taxation very fascinating. It's nice to see people who understand the subject being passionate about it"
She smiled brightly. "Thank you, I love those bangles... they're so pretty, where are they from?"
I looked down at my arms. I had not taken them off since they had been gifted to me. Also, they had matched my outfit.
"Yes, where'd you get them, Elena?" Rabia asked, her brows rising in curiosity.
"There's my beautiful wife," Izhaan said as Hania entered the garden. She was flanked by her parents. Izzy went to receive her. Maryam followed him to greet her as well.
"Well?"
I looked at Rania. "Well, what?"
"Where are those bangles from? I handpicked your outfits and went through everything that you owned. I never saw these" I swallowed. It was Rania, she would understand. Besides, there was nothing to hide.
"I went to the city and got them"
"You went to the city to get bangles?"
"I went... to talk to people" she looked at me like I had grown two heads. "I wanted to see...how people live"
"They're not ants Elena, they live like us" I sighed.
"I meant... I wanted to know what their issues were"
"Why? Aren't you leaving tomorrow?"
"Just because I'm leaving does not mean I do not care. Why does everyone keep fixating on that"
"Because that's what you did. Tell me this, if Feroze came back here, wouldn't you run away? Or if Ammi Jaan abdicated, would you take her place? Tell me Elena" I stared at her. She was right. My first instinct was to run. "You won't even stay long enough to celebrate your birthday with Izzy. You came back after five years. You can stay for a week. You're doing all of this...and I'm sure you care, but you're doing this to not feel guilty. You'll write a report and run away leaving this to Ammi or Uncle EJ"
She smiled and waved to someone who called out her name. "You need to finish what you start Elena. It's time to stick it out" and with that, she walked towards the person who had called her name, a picture of grace. I wish I had the strength that she possessed. All I wanted was to leave.
Uncle EJ found me sitting in the garden, later that night, as I sulked. Rania's words swirling in my mind. I was being a coward, I knew that.
"You alright kiddo? I've been looking all over" he said, sitting down beside me. I looked at him.
"Do you think I'm a coward?" he gave me a measured look.
"I'm going to need some context kid"
"I...ran away when Feroze... I ran away when you needed me when Ammi needed me. After Abaa's death, I just, I did not want to be here" he sighed and put his arm around me.
"What happened with Feroze, you did the right thing the wrong way. You married him, sweetheart. He turned out to be a power-hungry jerk. People don't understand people they've known for lifetimes and you'd known him for a few months. He was very convincing"
"Do you think he even loved me?" I said, my voice small, recalling how he'd shoved me towards my father. Like I wasn't his wife. Like I was nothing.
"He's the only one who could answer that question. I hate what he's done to you. He took your light away. Your father saw that too. You were raised, surrounded by love. You had no idea what the world held and it was our fault. We sheltered you. The family came first for us and you thought Feroze was raised with the same morals."
"Wasn't he? He's Aunt Mamo's son"
"He's a person. Who saw an opportunity. You of all people know to judge a person by their actions, not their family. She had no idea and she still doesn't." he placed a kiss on my head. "Your father knew we had made a mistake. He agreed with me, which is why we sent you aborad. Not because we wanted to exile you. We were not ashamed. You were young, stubborn and in love. Those are very powerful motivators. Everyone makes mistakes Eli, life isn't life without mistakes"
"But Ammi..."
"Yes, she needed you. We all did. You are the heir. We also knew you weren't in the right mental state. You needed time, experience and you've done that wonderfully. You bloomed, away from all of this. You managed to create your own identity, that's not a small feat"
I stared at the grass in shock. Abba, he had known and had not blamed me. My father had never said that to me but to hear it from Uncle EJ, meant more than he could imagine.
"We missed you, Eli, mistakes don't mean that we ostracise our loved ones. You are so much more than him. That event may have damaged a part of you, but it's a scar now and soon it will disappear. You have your whole life ahead of you. So much to do, so much to achieve. You're meant for greater things" I exhaled a shaky breath, my eyes filling up with tears.
"You still haven't answered my question"
"Remember your history lesson?" I nodded. "Remember Rani (queen) Noor? How did she come to power?"
"After the mutiny of 1857, the Brtish Empire was hunting down the loyalists to the Mughal Empire. The heir to Gulzar Mahal, Raja Shah Jahan had fled to France with his sons and his sister was left to protect Gulzar Mahal" I said in verbatim.
"Rani Noor, she knew that power wasn't always in numbers. It was in the mind. She became the ruler of Akbarabad and cut a deal with the British, swearing loyalty to Queen Victoria but saving her brother and his sons. She saved her people and married a common swordsmith"
"A what?" this, I did not know.
"Yes, she married a swordsmith, who became the captain of her guard. She rallied support from a Persian Prince, made marriage alliances and secured her borders from the west using money from the British Empire."
"I thought the port made her invaluable to the British?"
"It did since none of the others had been developed then. Akabarabad was a natural harbour. She played her hand after fifteen years and won autonomy for her kingdom and bargained for the safe return of her brother."
"And then she married her daughter to one of her nephews"
"To keep the bloodline pure... but that's another story"
"Why did you mention her? Except for the fact that she's the only ever female ruler of Akbarabad" he smiled, a twinkle in his eyes.
"She fell in love. She married someone she loved. She negotiated with the Britsih, after a horrible defeat, when she was facing death. She recouped and regained her strength. She renegotiated her place and won. Sometimes we have to take a step back, to take several leaps forward. You're not a coward Eli, you're a survivor. You're surviving, just like everyone else. "
"Am I ready to stay?"
"You have to decide that. No one can know that but you. Know this, you have to start somewhere and you've already taken the most difficult step"
"Which was?" I asked.
"Coming back" he answered softly.
I went to visit my mother that night. I watched as she talked about the wedding, her face animated as she recalled meeting all of her friends. She even talked about Aunt Mamo and how they had been great friends when they had been young. Her delight at having me near her, just so we could have some normal mother-daughter time was infectious. Soon, I was laughing with her and Rania, who had joined us after dinner. We lay on the bed, my head on my mother's shoulder while Rania lay curled near Ammi Jaans feet.
"Ah your father would have loved to see us like this, together," Ammi said. My throat closed up.
"He'd make some comment on how we were plotting against him right now," Rania said with a short laugh.
"When is your flight, Elena?" Ammi asked running her hand through my hair. I did not move an inch, blinking back tears.
"In the afternoon"
"At least we have some time. You made all of this so much easier for me darling. I would have been swamped if you had not handled everything" I nodded, kissing her cheek. " And Rania, excellent choice with the dresses. Everyone could not stop raving about my daughters. Both of you looked beautiful"
As Ammi fell asleep, I examined her face. It was peaceful. The cuts had healed and her shoulder was much better now but she looked serene. Happy.
"Elena" Rania whispered.
"Yeah" I whispered back.
"I'm sorry about what I said... I was harsh. I don't know what you've been through, it was wrong for me to judge you" I stared at the top of her head.
"You're forgiven, although I needed that kicker" she giggled and settled down. I reached for my phone and opened up my ticketing details. I had a few calls to make.
********************************************************************************************
Home is where your heart is and Elena has found her heart, even if she doesn't know it yet. Lots of smut in the next chapter. <3
Zaroon
Elena