Chapter twenty two
Gelsey quickly flicked through her keys on her key ring once they reached the office building. She unlocked the door and led Anika into her office to her long leather couch. They sat in silence for a minute and Anika closed her eyes trying to calm her racing heart and thoughts.
"Where would you like to start?" Gelsey asked gently, giving a small encouraging squeeze over Anika's hand.
"I don't know." Anika wiped her cheeks with her free hand.
"That's okay. It's overwhelming." Gelsey rubbed her thumb in the back of her hand. "How about we begin with your mother?" Anika stiffened, but forced herself to nod.
"I don't know where to begin." The vulnerability in Anika's voice was foreign to her own ears.
"How long had she been using drugs?" Anika took a minute to think.
"The first time she did it in front of me was when I was eight, I think. But I'd often find her stashes before that."
"So she abused them as long as you can remember. Did she ever try to give them to you?"
"No." Anika answered immediately, angry tears spilling down her cheeks. "No, I hated them. They took her away from me every time she smoked or shot up. She didn't care. She never did." Gelsey didn't hesitate to pull the semi broken girl into another embrace.
"Were you with her the night she died?"
Anika pulled back out of Gelsey's arms and brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her shins. A sign Gelsey took as a self-comforting act.
"She used to disappear in the evenings and come back a few hours later. I guess that was when she would visit her dealer or something.
"I don't even know why I did it. I never went to look for her before, but she hadn't come back and she had been gone for a while." Anika swallowed the lump in her throat. Gelsey's hand lifted to rub soothing circles on her back and Anika focused on that to keep her from falling into the nightmare that haunted her every night. It seemed liked forever ago but really, it was only less than a month ago.
"I went to look for her at one o'clock in the morning. I checked every alley and corner and just when I was about to give up..."
"You found her." Gelsey filled in. "Were you the anonymous caller on the pay phone.?"
"Yeah." Anika wiped her nose in her knee. She was glad that Gelsey wasn't pushing for more details about how she found her.
"In the barn, did someone say something to bother you?"
"No." Anika hesitated as a grimy feeling crept over her skin. She felt dirty and repulsive. "I just thought of something that happened."
Seeing the conflict in Anika's eyes, Gelsey comfortingly assured that Anika could tell her anything before she stayed silent as she allowed her the time she needed.
Anika studied the sincere look in Gelsey's eyes and made her decision. If Gelsey wouldn't allow her to stay at her camp than she would run away back to Greg and live like before.
"The night I found my mother, something else happened." Anika started to pull at the skin between her thumb and forefinger nervously.
"I was walking back to the abandoned part of town. I don't know why I didn't hear them or how long they were following me."
Gelsey's eyes widened in horror at what she thought, and so desperately hoped hadn't happened to Anika but the mist in Anika's eyes confirmed her worst scenario.
"Anika, were you...?" Gelsey couldn't bring herself to say such a horrible word. Anger and sadness bubbled in Gelsey's stomach when Anika couldn't meet her gaze anymore. She was barely seventeen!
"Did you tell the police? Go to a hospital?" Gelsey leaned around to see Anika's face. It made sense to her now; the unknown cloud in her eyes behind the helplessness and anger. It was disgust.
"No. I didn't tell anyone. I feel so..." Anika's voice cracked with a sob. "Gross!" Anika leapt to her feet, away from Gelsey. She scratched at her arms and then her neck, leaving behind angry red lines.
"I feel them around me! Their stupid hands! Their breath! I can't forget about what happened! Why can't I forget?" Anika collapsed in a heap in the floor and allowed Gelsey to tightly grasp her hands. She sobbed even harder as Gelsey shifted her body so that she was lying on her lap.
"Anika, you know we have to tell the police. I won't give out your name or anything like that if you don't want me to, but your town police should be aware of this." Gelsey risked asking her.
"Okay." Anika whispered and sniffled. The hand Gelsey ran through Anika's hair made her feel relieved that someone else knew.
"You're the first person that knows." Anika told her and Gelsey figured as much.
"I'm glad you could trust me." The soft, sad smile on Gelsey's lips confused and surprised Anika.
"Why aren't you running?"
Gelsey let out a soft chuckle and Anika prepared for the worst.
"I'm not running." she frowned at the unsure look on Anika's face. "I'm here to help. And so are your friends."
"I can't tell them." Anika shook her head. "I didn't even tell Greg, and he took me under his wing before my mom died." Anika panicked. "They won't want anything to do with me."
Gelsey frowned at Anika's fear. "What about Ryleigh? Are you two friends now?" Anika lifted her grey eyes, sparkling with unshed tears.
"I think we're getting there."
"Why don't you tell him? Has he said anything about his past yet?" Gelsey pushed the idea slowly and watched as Anika thought it over.
"No, but he said he would at some point."
"If he said that to you, that's good. He hasn't made any indication of coming to me. He needs someone to talk to too."
Anika's eyes held curiosity and vulnerability. She was scared. More scared than she'd ever felt before. If she told Ryleigh, she would risk losing him when they hadn't even become friends yet. He could go back to hating her and tell everyone about her nightmare.
"I..." Anika shook her head, her tears spilling down her cheeks again. Maybe they hadn't agreed in a friendship yet, but when he carried her to the infirmary some part of her already attached itself to him. She couldn't possibly tell him when she now felt that he could make her forget it all.
Then there was the little voice in her head telling her that if he had a rough past and was going to make an effort of telling her, shouldn't she try as well?
Gelsey watched Anika's face harden in decision. The delinquent unconsciously sat up straighter and her hands clenched in fists.
"If he tells me his background," a flash of uncertainty crossed Anika's face before she shook it away. "I'll tell him about my mother and... about the alley."
Gelsey offered a small, proud smile and held in her surprise when Anika's lips lifted in a small smile as well. It was a little wobbly and timid but it was genuine.
"You're stronger than you think, Anika." Gelsey hugged the girl. Anika returned the gesture and inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. The butterflies flitting around in her stomach were proof of how nervous she still was but she felt a little less disgusted with herself after telling Gelsey, maybe she could tell Ryleigh. She'd hold off on telling the others until she could tell him. It might not be right away, but if he didn't run from her than maybe she could face her past and not feel so frightened. Pretending took a lot of her energy and she'd already heard Mel say that they knew something was up with her. The fact that they hadn't pried or left her because she kept secrets made her heart clench and her smile stretch a little more.
"Lunch started a few minutes ago. Want me to grab something for you? You can stay here for a little bit longer." Gelsey proposed but Anika was already standing up and wiping her face free of tears for the last time today.
"Thanks, but Mel and the others must be looking for me by now. I should head back to my cabin." Anika made a move to turn around and walk out but Gelsey's hand brushing her upper arm stopped her.
"I'm calling the police when you leave." Gelsey started off in a cautious tone. The air thickened for a few seconds before Anika nodded a few times.
"They're going to want to talk to you. Would you come back after lunch? I'll dismiss you from your second activity."
"I'll come." Anika nodded once more before she headed to the door. She paused in the doorway and looked back at Gelsey. Her blond hair was pulled back into her customary bun and Anika tilted her head to the side trying to picture her with her hair down. She was pretty, in a young motherly way. Anika decided that if Gelsey did have children she would be the perfect mother.
"It's a shame." Anika shook her head and caught Gelsey's confused frown. "It was a big mistake what your family did to you. To let both you and Genevieve go." Anika's eyes met Gelsey's and she wanted to convey all her gratitude in that one look.
"Lucky for us though. I may be stronger than I think I am, but you are more of a savior than you think you are." Anika's lips lifted in a light smile before she walked out of the office, not waiting to see if Gelsey would say anything more.
Anika fiddled with her hands in her lap. She had checked her cabin to find it empty. Then she discretely passed by Ivy's only to find that empty as well. Her last idea was to just go to the dinner hall but their table in the corner was empty too. Ryleigh was nowhere to be seen either and Anika hadn't a clue where Skinner's nor Ryleigh's cabins were. She decided to grab everyone's food and wait for them at the table. So here she was now, sitting at the table alone with four other trays of food. She guessed someone in her art class had spread the word about her running off but luckily no one had seen her crying. They all thought Ryleigh had pranked her again and she ran off to retaliate. Anika ignored the looks and whispers altogether and focused on watching the doorway.
After another five minutes had passed, Anika spotted a familiar magenta haired girl. Ivy peeked her head in the cafeteria and nearly ducked out but her baby blue eyes caught Anika's in time. The rest of her body entered the hall as she ran over to the table.
"Hey." Ivy looked like she wanted to say something else, but she bit her lip.
"Where's everyone else?" Anika asked.
"Oh, they were behind me..." Ivy sheepishly ducked her head and Anika glance back at the door to see the rest of her friends skid into the cafeteria. Mel and Keira were in front, followed by Skinner who nearly bowled them over. The two girls whirled around to glare at him and both swung a closed fist at each of his shoulders.
"Where's Ryleigh?"
"He went back to his cabin or something." Ivy answered and waved the group down. Keira was the first to look over and relief washed over her face.
"I got the food." Anika lamely said when they stood at the table.
"Thanks." Mel tried to smile but her eyes were glued to Anika's neck.
"Um... are you alright?" Skinner asked. He was also glancing between her neck and arms. Anika looked down in confusion and noticed finally they were staring at where she scratched herself earlier. Most of them had faded but there were a few still blemishing her light skin.
"Yeah, I'm okay. I itched my bug bites too hard without realizing it." Anika lied, gesturing to the marks.
"Oh, the nurse has cream if you need it." Keira chuckled and sat down. She pulled a tray closer to her and started to eat. Mel looked partly convinced but was smart enough to drop any questions that she wanted to ask. Skinner was the same. His eyes occasionally drifted the light pink scratches but he'd shake his head and shove another bite of sandwich in his mouth earning an annoyed look from Mel.
"You eat like a pig." Ivy crinkled her nose at him as well.
"No, I eat like Keira." Skinner grinned with a mouthful of food.
"I don't eat like that and I don't talk with my mouth full." Keira defended.
"Fine. I eat like a guy, okay?" Skinner said after he swallowed. Mel rolled her eyes and leaned over to whisper to Ivy.
"I don't know what you see in him." at this, Ivy turned a shade of pink and Anika joined in and chuckled along with Mel and Keira.
Anika secretly studied each of them and smiled down at her food when she was done. She hoped Gelsey was right and when she did feel comfortable to share her darkest fear, Anika prayed that this- the joking and laughing- wouldn't change. Mel and Keira were still too caught up on teasing Ivy and Skinner to notice Anika's hopeful stare directed towards each of them.
Whether they knew it or not, they were helping Anika slowly grow back into her old confidence.