25. Face it

Mateo sat at his island as he watched Sofia move around the kitchen. She had decided to cook for him since he was back. She knew how much he loved a home cooked me so she wanted to surprise him with it. He had arrived that afternoon and would be free for the next few days and she was more than excited to get some alone time together, even if it was shortly spent.

The food smelled good, Sofia could throw down when she wanted to but Mateo's mind was in other places it had been weeks too long and after doing some googling it was clear the video was no longer posted but it definitely had existed. There were screenshots of it and even some short clips, but the whole thing wasn't up there.

He'd been home for all of an hour, he showered and threw some clothes in the washer and now he was watching her cook. But he couldn't wait any longer he had to bring it up.

"Why did you move from LA?" He questioned. They had the conversation before but he wanted to see if she would be truthful or change up the story.

She turned looking at him for a quick second before she went back to stirring her rice up before cutting it off. It was the last thing that needed to be finished. "I wanted a change, something new. I told you that."

He nodded. As he rubbed his chin. "So you wasn't fucking with a whole bunch of dudes or nothing? That change you wanted didn't have anything to do with trying to change your reputation?"

She looked over at him confusion on her face. Offense lacing her voice, "what?"

"I was told you got around in LA. Even had a sex tape. I even found a few clips." He nonchalantly stated as his eyes were zoned in on her reaction.

Sofia looked sick. It was beyond surprise. "Where the fuck is this coming from?" She questioned quickly changing her facial expression. Dwayne automatically coming to mind, making her think he told Jessica and Jessica told Mateo.

She crossed her arms, "your hating ass baby mama say something?"

Mateo kept his eyes on her. "This don't have shit to do with her. We talking about you. Why wouldn't you tell me this type of shit? Like a sex tape?"

Sofia rolled her eyes, "what the fuck am I supposed to say? I have a sex tape that got leaked when I was younger? I was stupid as fuck and regret it. It's my past and I wanted to leave it there. I did everything I could to make sure it wasn't on the internet still."

"Everything like what Sofia?"

"What the fuck do you mean?"

"I mean who the fuck are you?" He stood up, "who the fuck am I dating? Why the fuck can somebody come to me about shit pertaining to you that I don't fucking know? It's your past Sofia I probably would've and could've looked past the shit had you kept it real from the jump!"

"Or not! You could've used it as a reason to look down on me too! Like that's not me anymore Mateo! It's my fucking past!" Sofia's voice started to crack, it was clear she was getting emotional.

He shook his head, "don't even try that shit Sofia. I can't do this shit. I've been trying to look past it and I've been telling myself that I can, but I can't. All I see is you with a mouth full of another dudes cum and that shit is sickening."

Sofia couldn't believe this was happening, but she knew this would happen if he found out. She was pissed. She was angry. She was hurt.

"Mateo please don't do this." She begged. "Please. I'm so sorry," her tears were flowing. "It was so embarrassing and-d-d," she started stuttering over her words as her tears poured. "I just didn't want to be looked at that way."

He felt bad for her, and he got it. No one wants to be remembered by their past and everyone wants it be over looked. But it was a lot for him to take in. It was something he felt like he could have possibly got over had he been told from the jump. But by this point he felt dumb, betrayed and lied to. By googling her name you couldn't find it, but putting sex tape behind it some stuff definitely came up.

Just the thought of the few five seconds clips messed him up. "I'm sorry," he let out. "I really want to look past it but I can't right now. It's like it's embedded in my head." He pointed to his head emphasizing it.

She stood there with tears just pouring. "I'm sorry Sofia" he uttered again. He didn't even give her time to respond as he started to walk out the kitchen.

"It's because of her." She cried out. "It's because of Jessica."

He stopped walking as he turned around with a look of confusion. She was wiping the tears from her face as she sniffled. It was clear she was trying to regain her composure. "Nahh," Mateo started. "This don't have shit to do with her."

"Yes it does," she nodded as she neared him. "If you wouldn't have slept with her or got her pregnant. Or even met her this wouldn't be happening right now." She paused as she wiped at her face again. "You're letting her ruin us Mateo."

He shook his head, "no Sofia. That's not it at all. Yeah maybe things would be a lot different if all that didn't happen. But it don't have shit to do with what's going on right now. She doesn't have a damn thing to do with what you did." He paused for a moment, " And if anything I fought hard as hell for this relationship after all that happened. Harder than I would have fought for this if it didn't happen."

Sofia shook her head. "Mateo. You don't see it."

He shook his head and laughed, he saw what she was trying to do. "Nahh, you don't get it. You can't put this blame on nobody but yourself Sofia. You want to make everything about Jessica because you know that shit gets to me. You know how much I fucking care for you and don't want you hurt and I know how her being pregnant affected you. So I kissed your ass, did what I had to do to make you happy even if meant turning my back her way. Just so you would know it was you I chose. But it's not going to work today, or tomorrow or anymore and definitely not in this fucking situation. You was thotting and bopping. And you lowkey might be a gold digger and all of that is on you and nobody else."

"A gold digger?" She asked in astonishment as more tears poured for the stab her heart took from his words. "Now Mateo you know I'm far from that. I might've been dumb and experimenting with shit I shouldn't have but I am not a gold digger."

"I hear you." He let out.

"Mateo, you know me." She cried out.

"Do I?" he questioned. "I thought I did. But I don't really think I do."

"Mateo I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I was scared. I was scared of this." She cried out. "I don't want to lose you, you mean so much to me. If I could take it back I would. But please don't do this. If you love me don't do this."

He sighed as he ran a hand over his face. "I do love you. Which is why I have to do this. The light I'm seeing you in right now is not a good one which means it would be no good for this relationship. So I have to take a step back. I can't be with you right now."

"Does this mean you just need time?" She probed. Hopeful that this relationship wasn't ending.

He hated to do this to her and he hated to see her like this. "It means I need my space. It means that right now the thought of me being with you isn't plaguing my mind."

She stood there not saying anything but her body language spoke volumes. "I'm going to take a ride," Mateo said in a much calmer tone than the conversation started in. He quickly turned heading towards the door, grabbing his keys that sat on the table.

He felt bad for just leaving but he knew that he needed to. He also knew it would be worse coming back. They lived together, how would it go from there? He wouldn't just kick her out. He wasn't ruthless like that.

He decided to silence those thoughts at the moment as he made the decision to go to his mother's after driving around for a while. He was calmed down and he knew she would and could cheer him up.

He pulled up to her house not seeing her car in the driveway causing him to sigh. He typically didn't call because she typically was home.

He pulled out his phone calling her as she quickly answered with a light laugh. "Buenos Hijo!"

Mateo's face scrunched up a little. The thought of her being with a man coming to mind. But she was grown and could do what she wanted. "Hey mama, where are you at?" He inquired as he tried to listen to her background.

"I'm at Jessica's."

"Huh?" He questioned making sure he heard right.

"I'm at Jessica's," she easily repeated again.

"Is she okay?" He asked with concern. "Yes Mateo, she's fine. She cooked and invited me over." The smile was apparent in his mother's voice. He smiled liking that the two were getting along so well, especially since Jessica's mother wasn't the greatest to her at the time.

"Well I hope she has enough for three, telling her I'm heading that way."

"Mateo said he's coming over here," Catalina said with a groan. He quickly took offense. "Do you not want me to come over there?" He was feeling like he was getting the boot and his mother would rather spend time with Jessica.

His mother laughed lightly. "I'm kidding. She said okay. I'll see you." With that she hung up before he could say anything else.

He made his way to his townhouse getting there in no time. He hopped out his car and locked his door as he quickly made his way to knock on the door. It seemed like someone was taking forever to come to the door. Just before he was about to knock again Jessica opened the door.

She stood in front of him with some spandex shorts on and a wife beater that could barely contain her belly. Mateo laughed at the scene as Jessica looked at him confused. She didn't understand what was funny.

"What?"

He walked in as he closed and locked the door. "That belly poking out."

She smacked her teeth. "Shut up, I need to get some bigger shirts."

"I'll get you some but it smells good in here, what you make?" As soon as he asked he felt bad remembering that Sofia had cooked for him.

"BBQ ribs, mashed potatoes and broccoli." She easily replied as she made her way back to the kitchen area as he followed.

His mother sat at the table eating as she smiled at the sight of Mateo. She wiped her hands before getting up to hug him. "I've missed you."

He returned the hug, hugging her tightly. "I've missed you too mama."

"You want me to make you a plate?" Jessica questioned as she finished making her own.

He shook his head no knowing that the least he could do was eat the dinner that Sofia made at the house. "I might take a plate to go though if you don't mind."

"That's fine," she let out with a shrug. "What brings you this way?" His mother asked once he took a seat at the table.

He sighed, he looked from her to Jessica back to her. Jessica could sense it was something he really didn't want to discuss in front of her. "Do I need to go?"

Mateo shook his head no. "No it's all good. It's not like it's something I need to talk about right now. Plus this is your house." However he knew it would help to get it off his chest. He didn't think it through when he came over here with intentions of talking to his mother. Xavier quickly came to his mind. He could use a drink so he pulled out his phone sending him a quick text. It'd been a minute since they got up.

When he looked up both Jessica and his mother were looking at him suspiciously. "I'm good." He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

Xavier quickly texted him back telling him they could meet at a bar nearby. He sent a quick okay as he made slight conversation with the two ladies until he was headed out.

"How did the appointment go?" He asked remembering Jessica had one about a week ago.

"It was fine, found me a new midwife." She slightly rolled her eyes. "I liked the one back in San Francisco, but this one is cool too. I'm going to do the water birth here. But I think you already knew that."

Mateo nodded, "yeah. I'm excited." His mother smiled. "It'll be beautiful."

Xavier sent him a text letting him know he was on his way so Mateo wrapped up his conversation and headed out.

—

He got to the bar within fifteen minutes and Xavier was already seated in the back of the bar incognito as always. Mateo walked up on him as X stood up with a big smile. "My mans, it's been too long."

"I know." Mateo let out as he took a seat across from him as a waitress came up to the table asking what she could start him off with. "Double shot of whiskey, and then let me get a whiskey and coke as well." She smiled before walking away from the table.

X had one of his eyebrows lifted, "what's up with you?"

Mateo sighed as he ran a hand down his face. "I broke up with Sofia."

"Whoa, why?" Xavier was now all tuned in.

"Man, Jessica's ex or whatever spilt some shit about her being a ho in LA. Basically fucking for a come up. I take the last part with a grain of salt. But dude said she had a sex tape and everything and I looked it up and the tape isn't up there but it's clear that it existed and he wasn't lying."

X sat wide eyed. "Damn, I thought you knew that though."

Mateo furrowed his eyebrows just as the waiter came by dropping off his shot and his drink. He thanked her and waited until she left the table to put his focus back on X. "What the fuck you mean you thought I knew? You knew?"

X looked a little panic. "I mean I ain't never saw it cause like you said that shit ain't really out there but I heard about it."

"And you ain't say shit to me about it?" Mateo questioned with his anger slowly growing again.

"I didn't think it was that deep. I thought it was some shit you already knew. I-"

Mateo cut him off, "how the fuck would I know Xavier?"

"I thought she would have told you."

"She didn't!" He hit his hand on the table as he looked away. He grabbed his shot quickly throwing it back as the burn hit his chest.

"I'm sorry man, but that's not even her anymore and you know that."

Mateo chuckled. "Man get the fuck out of here. That's some shit she should have let be known and then let me make a decision. But that fact that I'm being told years down the road and from a dude I don't fuck with? That shit is embarrassing. And even more embarrassing to find out you fucking knew and didn't open your mouth and speak on it. Like what type of fuck shit is that?"

"Mateo relax."

"Don't tell me to fucking relax Xavier. You knew Sofia used to be out here thotting and you ain't think to tell me? Cause you thought she was going to tell me she used to be a ho?" Mateo questioned realizing how fucking stupid that sounded for X to even have said that.

"Man what the fuck are you really mad about? Cause if you love that girl it shouldn't even matter like that anymore. Yeah the shit is going to piss you off. But you not going to let her past define who she is now. The two of you are fucking great together Mateo and you know that. Okay she got a fucked up past but we've all done some things we wish we could take back! You trippin' man."

"Yeah coming from you. You quick to x a girl if you hear some shit like that. But trying to sit here and tell me I'm tripping. I'm out here looking bogus as fuck. Who else knew? Am I the only person who didn't?"

The waiter came back over to the table hesitantly, "would you like another?" She asked Mateo as she pointed to the shot glass. "Hell yeah, make it two," he let out as he kept his eyes on Xavier and she left the table.

Xavier sat nervously. Mateo didn't lose his temper much but when he was mad, he was mad. Xavier sighed as he leaned forward. "I'm sorry Mateo. If I would have known it would have affected you like this I would have told you!"

"You should have told me regardless!" The waitress came back over placing the shots down. "Would you like another beer?" She asked Xavier. He nodded as she left the table.

"Man I feel like you're just mad that it was that bitch's ex that told you more than anything cause you don't like that nigga! I get that shit but you taking this shit out on the wrong person. I said I was fucking sorry! I was wrong for assuming you knew the shit." He paused before he continued. "But in the same breath I didn't want you to think I was trying to disrespect you or her by bringing that shit up if it was a bridge the two of you had already crossed."

"Man stop with the fucking excuses." Mateo angrily said before he threw back another double shot. "And don't call the mother of my child a bitch again." He sat back in his chair as his anger boiled over. He probably should have just stayed at Jessica's because this shit was pissing him off even more.

He took a gulp of the whiskey and coke he had ordered. Needing to finish it before the ice melted down in it.

X smacked his teeth. "Man whatever."

Mateo shook his head before throwing back his drink and throwing back the other shot. "I'm out," he stated as he pushed back his chair purposely leaving Xavier with the bill.

This was supposed to be somewhat therapeutic to him, but it was the complete opposite. He got in his car knowing he definitely wanted to drink after talking to Xavier. So he headed to another bar in hopes of drowning out his anger.