Chapter 0175 Ava.
âWâwhat?â I stammer, looking at Rowan in complete shock.
I couldnât have heard him correctly. The Rowan I knew would have done anything for Emma, Including sacrificing me.
My heart beats wildly as I stare at his blank face.
I âYou heard me, Avaâ he repeats. No trace of lying in his voice. âIf it had to come to it, I would have gladly let her die if it meant saving youâ
I At first I thought that heâd lied so I wouldnât feel bad. After all, who likes knowing that the man she spent almost a decade with would gladly save another woman?
I thought he was saying that just to spare my feelings. Looking at his face though, I realize that he was telling the truth. It was written on his face and in his eyes. Besides, when has Rowan ever spared my feelings? Heâs never shied away from telling how it is so why would he start lying now?
I release a deep breath and untangle my hands from his. It felt too intimate. I already had so much thoughts dancing in my head.
I didnât need his warm hands confusing me more.
âYou donât mean that I tell him after a while. âEmma is the woman youâve loved since the first time you realized what love is.
Youâve been in love with her for so many years, how then can you so casually say you would sacrifice her for my sake?â
His brows draw into a frown. He goes to speak, but I interrupt him.
âIâm the one that has meant nothing to you from the start. Remember? You hate me Rowan. Youâve hated me for years, so what the hell is going on? How can you just decide one day that Iâm more important than your precious Emma? Something is just not adding up. You just canât unhate me all of a suddenâ
I fall back on the pillow in exhaustion. I knew what I said was the damn truth. There is just no way all the hate, resentment and bitterness he has had for me for the past nine years disappeared into thin air.
You just donât wake up one day a brand new person. Intense feelings are hard to get rid of. Hard to bury. I should know that.
Didnât I struggle with trying to kill and bury the love I had for Rowan? Sure I managed to mask it, but it was still there. And I knew it would take a long time before I finally rid myself of it.
Ava He goes to say something, but I am just done. I donât want to hear it. I donât want him to make hated and despised me.
I know some might wonder why I would want such a thing, right? After all, isnât this what Iâve always. wanted? For thern to realize their mistake and crawl begging for forgiveness.
The truth is, I am just so used to their cruelty that I donât know how to deal with this new versions of their persona. Itâs confusing because a part of me wants to let it all go and forgive them. The other part though, doesnât trust their intentions.
Maybe itâs the trauma from being rejected over and over again, but I canât trust their brand new feelings towards me. It feels like a game. A game of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
âNo, Rowanâ I cut him off. âIâm thankful that you saved me, but please leave. You should be by Emmaâs side. Thatâs where youâve always wanted to be. Emma is here and you have waited years to be with her. Please donât screw things up. What we had meant nothing. It was a mistake from the beginning. We both spent those nine years in misery, itâs time each of us found our happiness right? Yours has always been with Emma, and mine...well mine is now with my childrenâ
He wants to argue. I see it in his eyes as the grey pools darken. Almost like there was a storm raging inside. I still. Waiting for a fight, but it doesnât come.
Iâm surprised when he sags against his chair, before letting out a sigh.
âAlright, I leave you alone...for nowâ he says in a gruff voice before standing up.
I thought that would be it, but instead of leaving immediately, he bends and the k*sses my forehead gently. Before I can say or do anything. He leaves, closing the door gently behind him.
Iâm left staring at his back. Wondering what the hell just happened. Itâs not that I am not happy he left. I am. Itâs just Rowan is used to doing whatever the F*** he wants, yet he left when I asked even though you could tell he didnât want to.
As I slowly regain my energy, I think about what he told me. Of course itâs hard to believe him. I mean this is Rowan we are talking about. The same Rowan that told me I could never measure up to be like Emma or a woman he loves.
âWhat the hell is going on with him? I question but donât get any answers.
Any other man I would have believed if he told me that he would give up Emma. But not Rowan. Never Rowan.