Chapter 0188 What I felt was more than arousal. It was something else. Something much more potent.
âGet you F***ing hands off meâ she shrieks but I still donât let her go. Instead I press closer to her while being mindful of her baby bump.
She tries to push me away, but Iâm solid. She canât move me. Not only because I was stronger than her, but because I couldnât pull myself off her even if Iâd wanted. She felt perfect in my arms. I could stay with her like this forever.
âNot a chance, Ava. Why would I when this is exactly where I want you? Youâre mineâ
âWhat the hell are you talking about? Iâm not yours. Iâve never been yours. Now let me go before Noah finds us like this and thinks we are getting back togetherâ
âNoah will be happy. About the other thing, you will always be mine and I wonât let you whore yourself to other men when you F***ing belong to meâ
Her eyes twitches. Fire burning inside her brown orbs. I donât see her hand move. The punch comes as a surprise, so because of the shock I release her. 1 âWhoring myself? First of all, I was a F***ing virgin when we slept together for the first time in case youâve forgotten. Second, I can F*** whoever I want. I am a free woman and nothing is holding me back from sleeping with men who actually want me. Men who arenât thinking of the love of their F***ing life while theyâre buried deep inside me I knew those words were going to come back to bite me in the F***ing ass.
âAva...â
âNo! What the hell do you want Rowan? Because I just donât get it. You yourself told me that you slept with me while imagining Emma. You told I was just an object for scratching an itch. That I would never be the woman you want, so what the hell are you doing here? Why wonât you leave me the hell alone?â
i I There are so many things I want to tell her. To explain to her. The words instead get stuck in my throat. I donât know how to express my feelings to her.
do want you, Ava. So F***ing muchâ my voice turns soft and it shocks both of us, Why now? We were married for nine years. Nine F***ing years How then can you be this thisâ she struggles to find the right word.
This what?
Interested. How can you all of a sudden be interested in me when youâve ignored me for the entire length.
of our marriage? Itâs just not making any sense.â
She had me there, but how can I explain something that I didnât understand myself? I donât know where my feelings came from or when they came to be.
âIs it too difficult to accept that I want you?â I ask instead.
Yes it is! Youâve hated me for so long, so yes, itâs hard to believe that you are now attracted to me. It seems so farfetched.â
The words were on the were on the tip on my words. The name of the emotion Iâve been trying to figure out. The feeling I have for her.
âPlease leave Rowan. Youâre just confused. Even if you are attracted to me, it doesnât mean anything.â1 âIt means something. It means we have something to work withâ I insist almost to the point of begging.
âNo it doesnât. Not when I can still clearly hear your voice in my head telling me that you were using my b*dy as a substitute for Emmaâsâ
I want to say more, but I know that she already has enough of me. She was already drained and I was making things worse for her. 1 âOkay then, Iâll leave for now. Please just call Noah for me so I can say goodbyeâ
She nods her head and goes to call our son. Noah comes back, but Ava doesnât. Ignoring the questioning look on his face, I tell him good bye before leaving. I make sure heâs locked the door before driving away.
This wasnât over. Not by a long shot. I wasnât going to give up on her that easily.
It was as I was driving that the realization hit me. I had to pull over so that I donât get into an accident as the gravity of everything hit me. 1 My heart almost collapses in itself, as Iâm finally able to name the feeling I have for Ava. The feeling I was too blind to realize what exactly it is.
Love.
Fuck. I love Ava.
That realizations comes with fear and crashing gullt. I all but destroyed her heart. I F***ing killed the love. she had for me. How the hell was I going to fix that?
I was a dumb shit. I F***ing love her, but would she ever believe me or even give me a chance?