"Spinning out, waiting for you to pull me in. I can see you're lonely down there. Don't you know that I am right here?"
~ Harry Styles, Satellite
Sophie didn't mean to, but she ended up falling asleep on the couch. She woke to Cillian still sitting on the floor, his eyes glued to the ground.
With a disgruntled huff, she lugged herself to her feet and marched to the kitchen. She dug through her junk drawer for a pen and pad of paper, and plopped back down on the couch after. She scribbled words down for a few minutes until she was satisfied with whatever she came up with.
She closed the cap on the pen and straightened the notebook in her hands. "Okay, listen up." She started, catching Cillian's attention. His shoulders visibly squared and his posture straightened. "I have a few rules written down that I need you to follow."
He didn't say anything, but she could tell he was listening.
"First things first... I don't want to have to order you around all the time. If you want to stand, stand. If you want to sit, sit- on the couch or chair or something of the sorts." She listed off. He was confused with the latter part of that, but of course didn't voice it.
He was never allowed to sit on furniture, or really in general. The only time he was allowed to was when he was in his cell. If he was out of his cell, he was working. Furniture was a privilege.
"Just because I told you to sit down..." she paused to check the time. "Gosh, an hour ago? I slept that long? Anyway, just because I told to sit that long ago, doesn't mean you have to stay there the whole time."
She waved the pen around for emphasis. "Feel free to eat the food in the fridge, hang out in your room, watch some tv, whatever. Don't just... sit here and watch me sleep."
He was disappointed with that. He was always told not to look at humans. When she was sleeping, he used that as an opportunity to admire her. He couldn't during the day, all he could sneak were glances. When she was sleeping was when he was really able to look at her.
He admired the way her long brown hair cascaded down off the side of the couch, her long eyelashes that rested on the tops of her cheeks, hiding her gray pretty eyes from him. He admired her soft looking skin and plump pink lips that hid her straight, white teeth.
She continued right along to the next thing. "Secondly, on to more important things..." she eyed him over her notebook. For the first time, she caught him glancing at her. It was brief, but she noticed. "Do not, under any circumstances, ever bite me again." She read and paused to see what he thought of it. Of course his face gave away nothing, but at least he heard it.
"Do not go in my room, do not force yourself on me, do not hurt me, do not kill me-" the list went on and to be honest, it hurt him to think he'd do such things to her.
He did his best to be understanding. He did force himself on her to mark her, but that was out of his control. He did well, keeping the animalistic side of him under control for years. However, having to compress it more often then not occasionally caused him to lose control. That time he broke out of the military base and tracked her down to mark her was one of them.
"Can you commit to me that you'll follow those rules?" She asked him.
He gave her a small nod in reply.
Though his eyes were transfixed to his lap, he could sense her fear and frustration all over her. It hurt, but he understood why she was terrified at the same time. Mates were supposed to trust each other no matter what. Doing what he did to her completely tarnished that trust, but if he didn't do it, he probably wouldn't be here with her right now. He'd have to earn her trust and that was a challenge he was willing to take on.
With a frown, he spoke slowly- carefully. "I'd never hurt you..." His deep voice sounded almost pleading as he desperately tried to reassure her. "The safest place for you to be is with me."
Her eyes widened at his words. Not only was it the most he's spoken, but what he said was... well, it was crazy. Part of it irked her, yet also gave her a peace. Unbeknownst to her, the little bit of the mate bond that was starting to grow more by the day was telling her she could trust him.
With her bottom lip trapped between her teeth, she confessed, "I don't know you well enough to trust that yet."
Yet. He could work with that. How could he expect her to trust him when he didn't trust himself yet?
She awkwardly shifted her weight on the couch to crisscross her legs. "Is there anything you'd like me to know about you?"
With careful timid movements, he scooted a tad closer to where she was seated on the couch. With his head down, he outstretched his hand from where he was sitting on the floor.
She blinked at him and held out the notebook and pen to see if that's what he wanted. He gently took it from her, scribbled down something, and handed it back to her before scooting backwards just a little bit more.
No touching. No speaking unless spoken to. No looking.
That was all that he wrote.
Her brows furrowed as she read it. This could mean a lot of things. It could mean he didn't like to be touched, or maybe he was saying he wouldn't touch her, who knows. As for as no speaking or looking, she wasn't sure what that meant either.
After a beat, she questioned him on it. "Were these... orders you were given?"
He nodded. "About humans."
He was to never touch, talk to, or look at humans.
She hummed at that. "And if you did these things?"
Robotically, he recited, "Speak out of turn, you risk the loss of your tongue. Touch without permission, you risk the loss of your hand. By looking at a human, you risk the loss of your eyes."
Her lips pulled into a frown, horrified by his rules he spoke so casually about. "Who told you that?"
He opened his mouth, but paused. His eyes flickered back and forth as he thought, until he finally decided on, "humans."
Her eyes flickered across his face, studying him. "You think those things apply to you with me?"
His eyebrows furrowed as he thought hard, his eyes not rising from the ground. "I don't know," he finally confessed. He didn't think she could or would do those things to him, but she could certainly report to General Hoppers.
Her jaw slacked at his confession, heartbroken that's all he's ever known about humans. "Well," she cleared her throat to rid of the lump forming there. "Not this human. You don't have to worry about that with me."
He let out a little breath as he processed what she said, seemingly unsure.
"I'm sure it will be difficult at first, but touch, speaking, and eye contact is something we'll have to practice... with some boundaries." She added at the end for clarification. "What do you think you'll struggle with the most?"
"Touch." His gruff voice stated, quietly.
"I won't touch you unless necessary. I promise." She reassured him.
That wasn't exactly what he wanted. She was his mate, of course he wanted her to touch him and visa versa. It was fear that kept clouding his mind. Human hands had been nothing but violent and painful to him. He wanted to heal that part of him so he wouldn't flinch or move away every time someone came close to him. However, he didn't feel that way with her. If anything, it scared him how trusting he already was with her.
He felt pathetic being scared of human touch. Frankly, he could stop any human if he wanted to. The only time they had the upper hand was when they had weapons and he didn't.
"There may be a time when we need to, for the sake of making us a believable couple." She explained, which gave him some hope. "It will be something we need to work on. I can only keep my family away for so long. I can't say I'm married to you and not touch you. And if we're going to get you back out into society, staying away from people at all times isn't always possible."
He just sat and listened, taking it all in. He didn't seem to disagree at all with her, which gave her some peace. Sophie just couldn't understand one thing- what did this man expect from her? He's the one that "claimed" her and ultimately made this whole thing happen. She's sure he didn't intend for her family and their own lives to be threatened, but nevertheless, if he didn't bite her, they wouldn't be here right now.
He was quiet and so far respectful of everything she asked of him. It was very different from the lycanthrope that pinned her down and sank his teeth into her neck. She fully expected him to act that way when they were alone, but he was quite the opposite. He just went about his day, unsure, acting like a sad, kicked puppy.
"What do you expect out of me, Cillian?" She whispered so quietly, even he was just barely about to hear it. "We both know you're the one that caused this. You could do whatever you want this me and I couldn't stop you... what do you want from me?"
Ever so slowly, his golden eyes moved up until they met hers. When there were no consequences for that, he gruffly replied, "you."
Her eyes searched his. "Yes, what do you want from me?"
"You." He responded again.
"You just want me." She more so stated than asked. "What from me?"
He wanted everything and anything from her, but never by force. He wanted her heart to skip a beat when she noticed his sneaky glances and her smile when she glanced in his direction. He wanted her to think fondly of him and not fearfully. He wanted her to not be scared of being in his presence, but reassured. He wanted her to feel safe and protected in his arms, not like they were a cage. He wanted this and so much more, but most of all, he wanted her heart.
"Anything." The word tumbled past his lips, cautious and slow. "Anything you're willing."
That could have been a lot of things- one of them being her body. However, she had this gut instinct that wasn't what he meant, not even a little.
She swallowed hard and said, "I'm not on board with this... this mate thing at all. But I at least want us to get along over the next six months." She told him, softly. "How about we start over?"
With the tiniest glimmer of hope in his eyes, he nodded. "Start over."
She couldn't help but feel a little safer.
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Raw. Meat. The booklet said Cillian's diet consisted of raw meat: bones, guts, blood, all of it.
"You like it?" Sophie asked him, incredulously.
He wasn't sure why it mattered whether or not he liked the food he ate, but he nodded anyway. With a sigh and a hand on her hip, she exasperated. "Okay then... what are you in the mood for?"
He really frowned at at.
Right. He wasn't used to making decisions. She dug through the fridge and narrowed it down to two options for him. Sealed in a airtight bag, she placed the deer leg and cow ribs on the table. "You pick." She told him and turned away. She thought maybe if she didn't watch him make the decision, it would be easier for him to choose.
Though it took him a minute, she heard him slide one of the options closer to him. She turned back around and found he chose the deer leg. "Great." She chirped and placed the other one in the fridge.
She went for a simpler dinner herself tonight, just heating up some Chef Bogardee raviolis in the microwave. As per usual, Cillian sat on the floor, deer leg in hand.
So she came up with a new plan.
She picked up her plate and stood a few feet away before sitting on the floor across from him. Judging by the way his eyes stared a hole into her soul, she could tell it made him uncomfortable. The floor was for lycanthrope, after all. Not humans. Especially not his mate.
She acted as if it were completely normal and dug into her food. She managed to get three pieces of ravioli into her mouth before he finally broke.
"Why?" His voice creaked out of him, his big, golden, curious eyes staring at her, wearily.
She shrugged, nonchalantly. "Well, this is how you eat."
He was completely baffled why she'd belittle herself like this. Put herself on a his level.
She cleared her throat and set down her fork to say to him, "you seem to be determine to stick to your... ways." Though, 'your conditioning, your abuse, your dehumanization,' would have been more accurate words. "We're equals. So from now on, whatever you do, I do."
Equals? That was unheard of to Cillian.
This could end one of two ways. The bad way in which his stubbornness outlasted her own, and he continued to eat on the floor with her. Or...
"No, no."
She tried to hide her smile and relief when he picked up his own food. She got to her feet and mirrored him, waiting to be shown how to eat.
He stood before the table, conflicted if he should really sit on the chair. The more she stood and watched, the worse he felt for making her wait. Hesitantly, he sat down, acting as if the chair might blow up at any given second. She mimicked his actions, taking a seat at the opposite end of the table.
He slowly began eating, and she did too. The carcass made a mess on the table. She avoided watching him eat as he tore into the thigh of the animal, tearing out flesh and blood. The red liquid dribbled down his chin and stuck to his prominent canines. With a sickening crunch, she realized he was chewing through the bone. He had a strong enough bite force to bite through bone...
Yeah, she was going to have to find a cleaner way for him to eat his food at the table....
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Earlier today I said I'd post this chapter once we hit 1,000 reads. Y'all must have really wanted this chapter bc we were just chilling at 930 reads and BOOM we were at 1,000 lol! I hope yall enjoyed!!
Question of the chapter: Some process was made in this chapter between Cillian and Sophie! What did y'all think?
P. S. Next chapter is my favorite chapter so far!! It's titled "shower." Any guesses on what's gonna happen? ð