"I can't help but want you, help but love you. Help me, someone, erase my heart. I've been broken in two, how'd you get in here? Now you're something that I just can't resist."
~ Kelly Clarkston, Chemistry
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They had just finished up dinner and Sophie was cleaning up for the night. She liked having all her dishes loaded in the dishwasher, her table and countertop cleaned and cleared off before the night was over. While she focused on the dishes, Cillian spotted the rag she was about to use and took it.
She looked over her shoulder to find him scrubbing down the blood from his dinner that remained on her kitchen table. After that, he wiped down the countertops with a different rag.
She placed the last dish in the washer and turned to face him. His dark curls seemed weighed down and oily, making her wonder if he used the shower yet. He had a bathroom connected to his room, open for him to use whenever he'd like. Then she remembered how often he had to be told to do things. Maybe this was one of them.
"Would you like to shower?"
He blinked, thrown off by the question. He only was forced to take those after a mission when he got really dirty. He had just taken a shower before he got here and hadn't done anything to get dirty. Maybe he did something wrong?
"I can show you where it is if you'd like." She offered when she didn't get a response.
If he'd like... why would he like that? Nevertheless, he didn't have much of a choice. He never did. He followed her from a few steps behind, into the bathroom.
From the doorway he watched her head towards... a tiled section of the room. There was a little ledge to step over into the area. He expected her to lead him someplace less pleasant then this, like the basement or outside.
"I ordered some men's shampoo and body wash for you. I figured you'd like it more then my shampoo." She chuckled to herself, showing him the bottles. "Towels are in the cabinet, wash cloths too. With the shower, use this knob to control the temperature. The farther left you go, the hotter it gets."
She turned to face him and her heart sunk. This was the most expression he's shown this far and she wasn't sure what she said wrong.
He stood there, large arms crossed in front of his firm chest, not to intimidate, but rather to protect himself, anxiously shifting his weight from foot to foot. His eyebrows were pinched with concern, his jaw clenched horribly tight, and his eyes looked pleading... frightful, even. All of these things were slight, but noticeable to her.
Hesitantly, she asked, "everything okay?"
Her questions sounded muffled to him, his own frantic heartbeat becoming too loud to hear her properly over. With careful movements, he tugged his shirt off his body.
"Oh, um," she awkwardly cleared her throat and averted her gaze. "you don't have to do that until I leave..." the words seemed to die in her mouth at the sight of him.
Harsh, jig jagged scars littered from his chest, to his abdomen, across his back, and even down his arms. Some scars were light, nearly the same color as his skin, others an angry red. Majority were long, crossing from one side of him to the other. Some were so new, they were still scabbed over.
While she was able to see some of these the first night they met, it was her first time seeing them with the lights on. She never noticed it until now, but his left arm hung a tad awkwardly compared to his right, telling her it must have broken or been dislocated at some point and never healed properly. Harsh purple and red lines that wrapped around his neck were more apparent now.
"What did they do to you?" The question slipped out of her mouth before she could stop herself.
He paused getting undressed, thrown off by her question. He eyed her, weary of her stare. He couldn't tell what her expression was, maybe sympathy, maybe disgust, probably both. He suddenly felt self conscious of his horrid appearance, shuffling from one foot to the other.
She shook her head and apologized. "I'm sorry, that was inappropriate to ask, but, umm... how did- how did they shower you before?" She stumbled over her words, horrified what they had done to him.
He quietly mumbled, "hose."
Her heart broke for him. In fact, she began to feel anxious and achy herself. She thought back to what the book said, about feeling each other's emotions. That would explain why she wanted to break down and cry. "That wasn't a good experience for you, was it?"
"Filthy mutt." The man sneered before blasting Cillian with the firehouse. The man laughed as the lycanthrope was thrown against the wall at the sheer force of the water pressure, already shivering from the freezing temperature.
He did his best to shield his face, gasping for air when the water wasn't flooding into his nose and mouth. This amount of water pressure on a human would be enough to rip skin, but the humans knew he could withstand it better. Just enough for it to be painful, leave red marks, but not leave open sores.
His lack of response and glazed over eyes was enough of a response for her.
"Have you ever showered with this before?" She asked and pointed to the shower head.
He shook his head.
"What about this?" She held up the shampoo bottle.
Again, he shook his head.
Gosh, she had to stop assuming things. It made her feel bad all the things she took for granted.
"Can I teach you?" She questioned, a hopeful look in her eyes. "This is where I shower too." She added, trying to ease his nerves.
He didn't understand why'd she inflict such torture on herself, but maybe he was wrong about what a normal shower was.
"This," she pointed at the shower head, "is where the water comes from. And these handles control the heat and also turn it on and off."
He flinched and took an unsteady step back when the water turned on. After a moment, his shoulders dropped. The water was coming gently out of the hose, draining into the floor. He didn't remember much from his childhood, but maybe this is how he showered before.
"When the water is at a temperature you like, you get in, and get all wet. When your hair is all wet, you use this bottle and squirt a little into your hand. Then you're gonna put it in your hair until..." her words faded when she realized he looked utterly lost and completely distrusting.
In his mind, it was like the shower was some cruel prank- like a Jack in the box. It looked nice, but when you least expect it, Jack pops out and gives you a heart attack.
She stuck her hand in the water. "See? It feels nice. Do you want to feel it?"
Timidly, he inched towards her. When he made it to the 'shower,' he still stood as far away as he could from the water.
She took her hand out of the water to give him more space and said, "you try."
His nose wrinkled for a moment, displeased at the command. With a shaky breath, he held his hand next to the water. He felt the steam radiating off the stream of water, little droplets collecting on his marred skin. After a moment, he put his pinky in the stream. When that didn't hurt, he put his whole hand in, but only for a moment before it was quickly dropped to his side again.
"See? Not bad, right?" She said with a gentle smile. Now that he thought about it, he thinks this was the first time he saw her smile. To make it better, it was directed at him. The action made the nerves in his stomach ease ever so slightly.
Using slow, careful movements in order not to spook him, she reached for the shampoo. "After you get your hair wet, you take a glob like this and scrub it into your hair." She said and scrubbed it on her wet arm to show him the suds. "It bubbles like this. Then, you rinse it out until all the bubbles are gone." She demonstrated and explained the body wash as well.
"Any questions?" She wondered with her hands clasped together, bouncing lightly on the balls of her feet. "Wanna try yourself?"
All she got was another blank expression. She wasn't sure if he was getting any of this. If he was, he didn't look too confident about it.
She sighed and looked down with her hands on her hips. She was wearing gym clothes, just some leggings, a sports bra, and a baggy t-shirt. After a minute, she decided to heck with it, and yanked off her t-shirt, leaving her in her leggings and modest sports bra.
She tested the water one more time and stepped into the tub. Cillian almost seemed like he wanted to stop her from doing so, but since she didn't appear to be in pain, he refrained. Silently, he watched as she got her whole body and hair wet. Then she acted out her entire shower routine over her clothes so he could understand what to do and prove this wasn't some cruel trick.
"I have to put one more thing in my hair and I'll be done." She said, reaching for her conditioner. "Then you can try."
She stood there, soaked to the bone, doing her hair. She was so focused on her hair, she didn't hear him shuffle closer to the side of the tub. When she turned around to rise her hair, she nearly screamed when she found him plastered against the back wall of the shower, pants still on, thank God. He cowered behind her, away from the water.
Though she was totally caught off guard, her heart swelled at the action because in this moment, he was trusting her to protect him from the water... or maybe he was using her as a human shield. Either way, she saw it as a small victory.
She stepped further into the water, allowing space next to her if he wanted to join her. "The water might sting your cuts a little bit, but other than that, I promise it feels nice."
His eyes never left her, still very cautious of the little human and this new way of showering. A part of him still expected her to pounce on him and force him to shower the old way, but the other part of him thought she was telling the truth.
He felt ridiculous, really. While she could call General Hoppers to send some men to do something to harm him, Sophie herself could never hurt him. Not physically. On top of that, she was his mate. Sure, she was human, but in his heart he knew in time their bond would be unbreakable.
With his heart thudding wildly against his rib cage, he drew closer to the stream of water. A finger, his hand, his arm, and eventually his whole left side was under the stream of water. He exhaled, the tension leaving his body, the steaming water soothing his sore muscles and joints.
She stepped towards the back wall of the shower so he could get under the water. He took the hint and stood completely under the water, from the neck down. He was still far too anxious to get his face wet, but that could be a battle for another day. He was so tall, he blocked the stream of water from hitting her entirely.
When their eyes eyes met, she smiled softly at him, her wet hair clinging to her neck and face. He mentally decided she looked very pretty like that. "Nice, right?"
After a beat, he slowly mimicked the word. "Nice." He agreed.
Her grin widened. "Can you use the soaps like I showed you?"
Again, he was not ready to get his face wet. The best he could do with the shampoo was get the back of his head and ends of his hair wet. Even that was a huge stretch for him. Nevertheless, it was still progress.
When it was time to wash his body, she told him, "I'll step out so you can have some privacy."
His eyes widened at her words, suddenly very weary of the shower again. She noticed and compromised, "I'll still be in the bathroom. Don't worry."
He seemed hesitant but didn't complain when she stepped out. What she didn't think through was the fact she had to stand there in sopping wet clothes. On top of that, he didn't have a change of clothes either.
With Cillian still in the shower, she pulled a robe off the hook from the back of the door. He couldn't see her past the curtain, so she made quick work of peeling off her clothes and wrapping herself robe on her. It was a robe she bought for him, so she was swimming in it. It was long, modest, and fluffy, covering her completely.
"Are you done?" She asked him loud enough so he could hear her over the water.
Instead of responding, he stepped out from behind the curtain, completely nude. She whipped around to avoid looking at him and blindly felt around for a towel. "U-Uh, you can- umm... here!" She exclaimed and tossed him the towel with eyes closed.
Nudity was something he wasn't shy of, but not by choice. His usual showers consisted of the clothes being ripped off his body, as did examinations, testings, and more. Not only was he a solider, but a lab rat. Lab rats didn't get a say in their own bodily anatomy.
She grabbed another robe and handed it to him with her eyes covered. "When you're done, you can wear this." Her tone and octave higher than normal, her cheeks dusted pink.
While nudity was normal to him, he wasn't naive. He realized his mistake and quickly dressed himself in the robe. Secretly, he couldn't help but think how endearing she looked in her fluffy robe that was several sizes too big, her cheeks pink because of him.
When the rustling died down, she turned to peek through her fingers. "Okay, you're dressed. Good." She sighed, her voice back to normal. "So the shower isn't bad, right?"
He opened his mouth, then closed it again, contemplating his words. Finally, he spoke, his gaze soft and his voice filled with a sincere and gentle admiration. "Thank you, Sophie."
The thank you was more than just two little words. It was to expressive his gratitude for her help. For her patience. To her opening her home. To giving him a chance. For everything.
Her blush deepened.
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Question of the chapter: this chapter has been my favorite so far! What chapter/part was your favorite?