Days have passed, and I find myself trying to make sense of everything. Trying to understand Ashantiiâher choices, her actions, her intentions. Sheâs been taking care of me in ways I didnât even know I needed. Ensuring I eat well, massaging my aching back, holding my hair back when the nausea hits. Sheâs patient, steady, and oddly comforting in her own way.
I hate to admit it, but sheâs never been violent with me. Never raised a hand or her voice, even when Iâve lashed out or questioned her. The thought crosses my mind more often now: *She wouldnât hurt me... or the baby.*
The baby.
Those words still sound foreign in my mind, yet theyâre beginning to take root. I catch myself rubbing my stomach, almost unconsciously, as if reassuring myself that itâs real. That thereâs life growing inside me.
She suggested therapy a few days ago, and I agreed, albeit cautiously. I got to choose the therapist, which helped ease my nerves. It felt... genuine. A real effort on her part to show me sheâs willing to work on herself, for me and the baby.
And while Iâm grateful for that, thereâs still a part of me that wonders: *Is this her redemption arc, or just another step in her plan?*
Lately, Iâve been having dreams. Vivid, beautiful dreams where weâre in a hospital room. Iâve just given birth, and Ashantii is holding our baby with tears of joy in her eyes. Weâre a happy little family, beaming with love and laughter. I wake up feeling a pang of longingâand confusion.
Is my mind playing tricks on me? Is it trying to make me fall in love with this life Ashantii forced upon me?
I donât know what to feel anymore.
The tears come often now, sometimes for no reason at all. I cry over commercials, songs, or just the overwhelming weight of it all. But Ashantii, patient as ever, is there. She holds me, strokes my hair, and whispers that everything will be okay. I donât know how she does it.
Work has been my sanctuaryâa space where I can be Tiana Campbell, the principal, without the suffocating presence of my complicated home life. Everything has been going smoothly there, though I havenât had the time to check on my friends. Weâve fallen into a pattern of sporadic communication, and I tell myself itâs normal. But deep down, I know itâs not.
I sigh, sinking into the couch, when a thought strikes me.
Evelyn.
Ashantii mentioned sheâs in town. I should reach out, maybe meet her. It could be nice to catch up, get my mind off everything.
But then doubt creeps in. Wouldnât it be strange to meet her alone? The last time we saw each other was... intimate, to say the least.
I shake my head. *No, itâs not like that. She probably just wants to be friends. Right?*
Yeah, maybe.
I grab my phone and stare at the screen, my thumb hovering over Evelynâs name in my contacts. My heart races. Is this a bad idea? Is it harmless? Or am I just looking for an escape?
I exhale and press send.
"Hey, Evelyn. I heard youâre in town. Want to grab a cup of tea?"
I can't even drink coffee anymore.
The message hangs there, waiting. Just like me.