My Final Form

I headed quickly to the Forms Office, located in the East Wing.

Out front, I had to fill in another form to gain entrance. That didn’t need a stamp, but the old man behind the counter stamped it anyway with a flick of his wrist and a smile.

“Does it need a stamp?” I asked critically.

“Oh, yes! Everything needs to be stamped.”

“It didn’t before.”

“Well, a memo was sent last night which aimed to address security concerns.”

“Security concerns,” I repeated coldly.

“That’s right,” he said, opening to door so I could enter the Forms Office. “Security concerns. Don’t forget to stop at the Security Office for your Visitor’s Pass.”

“I won’t.” I hesitated before entering. “If somebody tells me that this form is invalid because there’s a stamp on it that they don’t recognise, is out of date, or the wrong colour, I will return here. And I won’t be happy about it.”

“If they do, then I’ll-”

“You won’t have a chance to do anything,” I told him, giving him a patented void-stare which makes my eyes glow with the impatience of the Old Twit. I felt the glow was extra strong today because He also hated filling out forms. “Ever again.”

“Right,” the old man said, not looking very perturbed. “Well, all I can say is I’ve followed all the latest Guild Rules.”

“That won’t protect you from me,” I snapped, entering the Forms Office.

And smartly turning right.

Where the Security Office used to be.

And now wasn’t.

Instead, there was an empty space with a little sign which stated that the Security Office had been relocated but left no clue as to where.

A slim little woman with beady eyes and her hair curled up into a tight bun wandered in front of me. Unlucky for her, but lucky for me.

I snatched her by the collar before she could run.

“You there,” I said, lifting my cane to point to where the Security Office used to be. “The Security Office is not there.”

She blinked owlishly at me. “No, it isn’t.”

“Then, where in blazes is it?”

She shifted her gaze with the urgency of a sloth and read the sign before shaking her head. “I don’t know.”

“Well, I need to go there. I need a Visitor’s Pass!”

“I can’t help you,” she said. “I’m just a teacher here.”

“What do you teach?” I asked as she tried to tug loose.

But there was no way I was letting her go now, though.

Teachers at the Mage Guild were as slippery as eels. Once you had one in your fingers, it was best to keep a tight grip on the wretched thing until you had what you needed from them.

Or else they’d duck into a room and you’d never see them again.

Because that’s how rooms worked here. They shifted around all the time.

There’s nothing wrong with having rooms move around. My own tower did the same.

But the system used by the Guild was absurd. A student might have a class in room 501, but then by the time they arrived, 501 had been moved to another wing and it’d be a quick jog to get there in time.

Students were constantly running into each other as they sprinted to catch their next class before the room whipped away.

The reason for it was simply that if a teacher was in room 501 and their next class was in 633, they might choose to bring the room to their current location rather than walk the halls themselves.

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This would mean room 501 might slide out and take place of room 434. And if there was a teacher in room 434, they might now be shifted to where 398 had been.

And so on.

It was a cascade of nuisances.

However, there was a way to find your way around, but it required a member of the faculty or a registered student to accompany you.

Lucky I had one in my hand, wasn’t it?

“That depends,” she said drily. “On whether the Headmaster is in a good mood or not. Mostly I teach History.”

“History?” I arched an eyebrow at her. Maybe she wasn’t all bad. “Hmm. Well, you’ve got access to the Floor Layouts then, don’t you? You can find out where the Security Office is.”

“I could,” she said. “But I don’t even know who you are, and you are being very rude.”

“Hmph,” I grunted, letting go of her collar. She was quite right. This wasn’t the proper way to treat a lady, even if she was a member of the Mage Guild. “Yes, well. I apologise. But I know this office was moved this morning, and I’m in a terrible hurry.”

“How did you know it was moved today?”

“Because he’s trying to avoid me.”

“Who?”

“The Headmaster,” I said, letting the glittering purple light of the void burn in my eyes in hope she would feel a little intimidated.

To my surprise, she showed no such reaction.

That was odd. Usually mages fell to the floor weeping and begging at sight of a void mage.

Maybe she didn’t know what I was.

“You know, a gentleman would introduce himself before making demands.” She put her hands on her hips. “My name is Enid. Enid Squelch. And I don’t need any jokes about my name.

“I don’t know any jokes about your name.” I said. “I am Taran.”

“Oh! You’re the Void Mage!” She beamed up at me. “That explains your funny eyes.”

“Yes.” I squinted at her, pushing my brows together into a tight crease. This was an expression I found worked very well on mooks. It should work on teachers, too. “Don’t try to run. You won’t like it if you run.”

“You’re the one who-”

“Yes, yes, yes.” I growled. “You’re a history teacher, though, and that’s where all that business belongs. To history. What matters to both of us is now.”

“You truly want to see the Headmaster?”

“Very much so.”

The little woman giggled.

It didn’t sound right coming from a woman her age. She could have been older than my mother.

“Oh, I think I really do want to see this.” She plucked at my sleeve. “Come along then, Mister Taran. You can consider yourself my Guest for now. That will at least allow you to enter the Library.”

“But I don’t need to go to the Library,” I said.

“You do if you want to go to the Security Office.” She grinned mischievously. “I wondered why they put it in there today. It’s to keep you out, isn’t it? You can’t enter the Library without a Visitor’s Pass, which means you can’t get to the Security Office.”

“Hmph.” I felt like stomping. “This place always makes me so very cross.”

“I’m sure it does, Mister Taran,” she said lightly. “And you’re not the only one who feels that way, I assure you. I’ll accompany you, shall I? Just to make sure you get to where you’re going.”

“I would very much appreciate that,” I said, getting the strangest feeling that I was no longer in charge. Teachers can make you feel that way. “Please call me Taran. Not Mister. Just Taran.”

“Excellent. Then you can call me Enid.”

She strode quickly down the hall, which was something I appreciated. I hated walking slowly. Walking slowly was just a waste of time.

“Of course,” she said brightly. “If anyone asks, I’m going to tell them you kidnapped me. Don’t be surprised if I scream, too. I have to sell the fact.”

“Kidnapped?” I didn’t like the sound of that.

“Yes.” She glanced over her should at me. “Why? Do you have a problem with it?”

“It just sounds very…” I struggled for a word. “Mooky.”

“Mooky?”

“Yes. I mean, I’m not the sort to run around kidnapping ladies.”

“Well, you are now,” she said, striding towards a poster on the wall.

To me, it was a big blank slate. But as she pressed her hand up to it, it lit up with a complete map of the Guild halls.

“That’s remarkably strange,” she said, studying the poster. “It’s not here at all. I was sure they moved it to the Library. But now it’s not even on the map.”

I scratched my head as I peered at it. The lines were constantly shifting as the Guild moved rooms depending on resources required.

“It’s been a long time since I was a student,” I said. “But isn’t everything moving about a little quicker than normal?”

“It is, yes.” She frowned. Then her eyes widened. “Look! There it is! They’ve put the Security Office outside the canteen.”

“Alright.” I gave the ground a decisive tap with my cane. Finally, I was getting somewhere. “Let’s head there.”

“No, wait. It’s gone again. It was only there for a few seconds. What are they doing?”

“Avoiding me,” I grunted, baring my teeth at the poster. It looked like getting a Pass was going to be a little tricky. “What a jolly waste of time this is.”

“Now it’s back in the Library!” She glanced up at me thoughtfully. “I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

I glared at the poster, considering just opening a big gateway to the void and dumping the whole damned Guild into it. Would anyone really care if I did?

I knew I wouldn’t.

But then, where would my adorable little guests go to study? I couldn’t teach them. I didn’t have time for that sort of thing. Not even for them.

Unless they fluttered their eyelashes at me. That might work.

No. No, I had to stay firm on that. No teaching.

The Security Office appeared outside the canteen again.

After a few seconds, it disappeared with a flash.

And then appeared in the Library.

Fools.

Blasted wretched ridiculous fools.

I knew I could count on the Mage Guild to be as lazy as possible.

Someone had the Security Office set to move from one location to the next. They had obviously made an enchanted list and now the Security Office was simply following a schedule.

I rubbed my hands together gleefully. “The blasted fools are using a cycling enchantment!”

I let out a nice long cackle.

Enid took a step back and looked ready to flee. I snatched her collar just in case, pausing mid-cackle to sneer down at her.

“You’re a teacher, Enid,” I hissed. “So, you should know not to run in the halls…”