Maybe I could have, maybe there was another way to deal with the truth, something that didn't carry death, but I knew better than anyone that self-destruction would get to me first before any peace would ever have.
So, the second I found out the truth a decision had been made. The course of action would forever carry itself and rewrite the future stars had planned since my birth.
Washu wasn't happy at all, but she complied seeing there was no talking me out of what was already destined to happen. However, she didn't know about the deal I made with the Guild. To keep her and June safe, I promised Fressca to provide her with all of the confidential files from the admin's database in exchange for their protection. She had no idea what I was planning to do.
Having my friend's happiness in mind this was the best solution I could come up with, she deserved a good life alongside someone she held dearly. She was no monster, she just so happened to meet one.
As those thoughts ran through my head, my eyes were in awe of the galaxy I haven't seen in so long, almost as if taken for granted the view was extraordinary. The stars, vehicles, and stations scattered across the galaxy, on Earth, this was merely fiction, humans looked up to the sky unaware of the continuous life taking place right above their heads.
An unintentional smirk appeared on my lips as the corner of my eye caught a glimpse of Earth. I used to find it repulsive and wrong, but with the time I got to spend on its ground, I learned to appreciate the simplicity of that life.
Humans wished for more, unaware of what they had.
Freedom.
Beyond the rules of the military, this planet was prohibited for a reason, because it gave you a chance to live. Something you could merely grasp, and hardly have a chance to taste on any other planet. Their lack of knowledge was liberating from the daily struggles we had to face.
Who knew I would miss not only the planet itself but on top of it all a human? Will you miss me too, Nahla? Will your heart feel the same heaviness when apart, will your mind also involuntarily try to seek out every way to find one another?
"I hope you got something, admin has been a real pain ever since you left," Cassandra scoffed from the front seat.
I cleared my throat remembering the reality and where I was heading, the Pentagon. I sent in the message indicating that the mission has been completed, however, when Cassandra came down to Earth she was more than displeased to find no princess by my side.
"She's with Washu," I assured, my eyes still glued to the view outside.
"Admin will call you in, till then you are ordered to remain in your cabin, understood?" she informed me once we arrived at our destination.
"Sure," I answered simply, there was no reason to rush what was about to happen. When leaving the vehicle, I looked at Cassandra and for the first time in my life got curious. "Did you ever care about her? Or was it all a play?" I asked referring to all of the moments she spent with Washu, pretending to be her friend.
Something changed, maybe it was the way her eyes looked down, almost as if admitting to shame, she quickly hid it behind the stern act, but that second was enough to answer my question.
"Order is an order, it must be carried out, but how we feel about it is a different story, isn't it Elina?" her voice was bittersweet as she gathered the courage to look into my eyes.
I couldn't help but smile, "I'm glad she had you for all these years, thank you, Cassandra."
This completely threw her off, she frowned and approached me closer, now standing within an arm's reach.
"What is it?" she asked, searching for clues.
"Soon you will know," I told her and briefly patted her shoulder.
"Is Washu okay?" she chocked out before I walked away, afraid she might have been gone.
I nodded and left towards my cabin.
Looking around it was untouched. Quickly checking the hidden spot, I took out the star marbles and placed them inside my pocket.
"My last mission," I told myself when staring into the mirror.
"Our last mission," Keith repeated.
I turned around this time without any anger or surprise. He was sitting on my bed giving me the widest smile.
"It's okay, it will all be over soon," he reassured. "No more pain."
Taking a seat beside him I bit my lip considering what this meant.
"Just as I understood, you will be gone."
"I will finally rest," he chuckled and poked my forehead. "Don't you think you owe me that one?"
Shaking my head, I couldn't help myself but let out a soft laugh, while a strange warm tear ran down my cheek.
"Ah," I gasped and wiped it off. "Shit..."
He began to give my back a few rubs. "Just promise me," he spoke after a short silence.
"Yes?"
"Don't give up, and don't think you aren't worthy. Life isn't about worth, it's about actions and consequences. If you truly want something, peace, redemption, love.." he gave me a quick look before adding. "A woman. Then work and fight for it. Don't wait for someone to tell you that you are worth it, because no one can or will. Believe it yourself."
Lost of words I only managed to nod and covered my face in an attempt to hide the tears that kept on leaving my eyes. What a strange thing.
"I observed you with her," he kept on talking which didn't help. "She's special, when the two lost souls find comfort and safety in one another that's worth the hassle my friend. Don't just die out here. Find a way and go back to her. Promise me to try."
Between the sniffles, I managed to answer, "I will do my best."
He smiled and looked at the speaker that announced the admin's wish to see me.
"It's time," Keith said and stood up.
Taking in a deep breath I headed to the bathroom and splashed some cold water over my face before looking into my deep blue eyes. A monster facing evil, what a tale this could become.
Walking out of my cabin I took the elevator and headed toward the right floor. Standing in front of their office I watched the door that like a hologram disappeared allowing me to enter inside.
"Elina," they said in their usual irritating tone. "Come on in, seat."
Showing me off to the chair I stood in front of it and refused to do as said. "I'm good," I told them shortly.
They grimaced slightly but decided to ignore my behavior, clearly more worried about the mission. "So, where is she?" They questioned lowly as they stood in front of their large desk.
"With Washu," I answered knowing that no lie would be found in something true.
They hummed and ran their fingers over the table. "And where is your friend?"
"Safe."
"What is that you are trying to achieve, Elina?" they asked with annoyance.
"I'm not sure," words left my lips before the mind could stop them. "But I know what must be done." With that said I took out the gun that I hid under a shirt and pointed it at them.
"Oh?" They seemed confused and amused at the same time. "A little rebellion? I made you better than this, have I not?"
Tilting my head, I didn't lose focus as I began my confrontation. "I don't know, ask Keith."
Their smile disappeared and for the first time, I saw fear in their lifeless dark eyes. "Now that's a name I didn't hear in a long time," they muttered and began to search for something, a gun if I was guessing correctly.
"Don't move or I will shoot you," I said calmly but sternly, they knew this wasn't a bluff and raised their hands in defense.
"You took everything from me," I told them, for the first time having a desire to get something off my chest. "My friend, my future, myself-"
"I made you strong," they interrupted.
Scoffing I shook my head. "You call this strength?! Living a lie, following you like a puppet? Oh, how convenient," I spat. "You made me weak so you could use me to your heart's desire, or whatever it is you have inside."
"What you are currently doing is an act of weakness, child. Allowing your emotions, your fears, and pain to control you like this?! I've made you better!" they argued with a spitful expression.
"It's an act of free will, something you took a long time ago. And this," I pointed at my gun. "This is a choice I made once learning the truth. The choice we made."
I didn't take my eyes off the admin, but I knew Keith was standing right beside me, their hand holding the gun along with mine as we pointed it towards the monster that took our lives.
"You killed him that day, and you took my soul, but what you haven't planned for was me finding out and finding myself."
"Elina this is ridiculous," they argued with a slightly upset undertone.
"YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME!" I screamed, something my calm and toned personality never accounted for.
They took a step back and clicked their tongue against the roof of their mouth. "I gave you everything, they left you like trash and I gave you home."
Tears began to run down my cheeks. "You made me kill my best friend, you made me kill.. you killed me!" I felt as if my entire body was on fire, the unexplainable rage began to spread over every part of my existence. "YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS!"
My head was getting fuzzy, and it became hard to see over the tears.
"Stay focused," Keith whispered into my ear and tightened their grip on my hand. "Think of Nahla."
Her name alone was enough to bring the rage down, like a switch I cleared my throat and concentrated on what I was going to do.
"It's okay." My words surprised them. "Past cannot be changed, but everything else can."
"Elina..." they called me warningly. "Killing me won't change a thing, they will bring another admin, nothing will change, and you will be thrown into the pit for the rest of your life. Let's find another way."
I couldn't help but smile, how amusing were they thinking I haven't known this already. "I don't care. We will kill you and deal with the consequences. Keith will rest, you will be dead, and I will suffer for the rest of my life, but at least it will be a choice I made."
"How disappointing," they said.
"It's okay," I told Keith and saw him smile before letting go of my hand and for the first time letting me pull the trigger without his help. "I am disappointed as well."
With that said the sound of a shot rang in my ears and breathing began possible again, or maybe it was the first time I could take a breath.
Admin's body like a lifeless bag hit the desk and slid down to the floor. It was amusing almost, how simple this was. I wanted to stand there and take a minute to comprehend what had just taken place, but there was no time. Guards would be here soon, and I had one more thing to do.
Running to their database I began saving a copy and prepared to send it off to Fressca with the logins she's given me. It wasn't a quick procedure, all the secrets, spots, plans, everything was going to be handed to the Guild. With that, their success was so much more possible in freeing the galaxy from the regime of elders and the military.
Maybe for once, my actions could lead to some good instead of misery and death. Taking another look at their body I couldn't help but say, "Change won't happen overnight, but it will come. You just won't get to see it as no star will take your soul."
Once all of the data was sent, I sighed and sat on the large sofa. Dropping my head to the back I felt tired, so very tired. Keith wanted me to fight, but I had no strength, so I sat there waiting. I'm not sure how long it took for the guard to enter and see the scene in front of him, but it wasn't that long.
Before I knew it, I was roughly pushed to the ground and heavily beaten up before they dragged my hardly conscious body to the place where the pit was located.
I smirked at the darkness it held, knowing that nothing inside of it could be more painful than what my mind already had. I might have been prepared for it, but the second I thought of Nahla, her gorgeous eyes and a smile that brightened my never moving heart I couldn't help but object.
"No! No, no, no..." I tried to kick my way out of their hold but for nothing. With ease, a few guards pushed me inside and the darkness embraced me whole.
The pain wasn't physical, it was in no way to be explained. An existential pain perhaps, as if your body and mind wished for you to feel every throb in your heart, every shiver down your spine, and every tear you let out.
It was suffocating, but you couldn't suffocate, the desire and will to survive against the pain that kept you on the ground and never allowed you to get up.
As I took every second of that misery my only thought, the only way I could take my mind off the pain was a name.
"Nahla."
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