Chapter 18: The Boy Who Knows Too Much

NADIA

I wasn’t sure what to do about Theo, but I liked him; I could honestly say I was falling in love, but I was afraid to admit that aloud.

Nadia

I wish I were there with you, too.

A few seconds after I sent the text, Theo called me.

“Hey.”

“What are you up to?”

“Just enjoying a quiet evening at home since Nathan ditched me.”

“I called because I wanted to tell you something before I chickened out.”

“Okay?”

“I really like you, Nadia, and I don’t want to fuck this up. I want to give what we have a chance, but you know that I’m difficult to deal with. I’m never home; hell, I don’t even have a place to call home. You deserve better, but I want you.”

I closed my eyes and exhaled the breath I was holding.

“I want you too. I fear where this might go, and I have to think about Nathan; he is my priority.”

“I understand that, and I will gladly take a step back for him.”

“Can we talk about this when we see each other?” I wanted time to think. I didn’t want to jump into this with him.

I had already slept with the guy. I didn’t need to rush into a relationship.

“Of course.”

“I’m going to get ready for bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Good night, Theo.”

“Good night.”

The conversation left me in a confused state. I knew I wanted to be with Theo, but so much could happen with Nathan and with us.

Nathan deserved to have a stable home. He didn’t need an overly emotional sister in a relationship that could be toxic because one was gone all the time.

I was brought out of my thoughts when the front door opened.

I looked up as Nathan shut the door. “What are you doing at home?” I asked.

“I’m not feeling well.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I think I’m having a flare-up. My head and body hurt.”

“Have you been taking your medicine?”

“I only missed one dose.”

“You know one missed dose is enough to make it a flare-up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’ll run a warm bath, which should help with the body aches.”

***

It was Sunday evening, and I was due to fly out the next morning, but Nathan was still sick, and it had gotten worse, so I called Theo and told him I couldn’t go.

He took it pretty well, but it also prolonged our assignment because we needed at least five places for our article.

Theo said he would take care of everything and not to worry. It was hard not to worry; I felt like I was holding him back. He had to stay put a few more days because of this.

I was about to check on Nathan when someone knocked at the door.

I was annoyed because I didn’t want to deal with anyone in the building or even my landlord. But when I opened the door, Theo was standing there holding a few bags.

“What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to make sure Nathan was doing well, and I thought you could use the company.”

“You spent your morning flying here to make sure we were all right?”

“Yes, now can I come in? I have some food.”

I let Theo in, still confused about why he cared so much about us when I wouldn’t even agree to date him.

I watched as Theo made himself comfortable in the kitchen. He started taking ingredients out of the bags and pulling pots and pans from the cabinet.

It took a few tries before he found the right cabinet, but he was on a mission.

“What are you doing?”

“Making some soup. It’ll help Nathan. My mom always made this when we had the flu, and I swear it always helped with body aches.”

“He needs his medicine, not soup. Soup will not perform magic and make him feel better.”

Theo turned to face me. “I know you’re stressed out. I’m trying to help. You don’t need to yell at me.”

“I didn’t ask for your fucking help, Theo. Where do you get the idea that you can show up here and make yourself at home?”

“I just thought you could use some help and…”

“I don’t need help, Theo. I don’t need you to come here and pretend to save me, only to leave because we’re bored. I need nothing from you.”

“You’re right. Why don’t I leave now before I get too bored and regret staying? You can keep what I brought.”

Theo stormed past me toward the front door.

“Wait.”

I was expecting him to turn back around, but he ignored me and slammed the door shut as he left.

“That was mean of you.” I spun around to see Nathan standing in the hallway.

“What are you doing out of bed?” I asked.

“Forgive my language, Nadia, but you need to stop fucking this up.”

“Nate!” I yelled. “Watch your language.”

“You’re sabotaging this relationship,” he said.

“You’re too young to understand.”

“I’m old enough to see that you love him and to understand why he came here. I love you, Nadia, and I’m grateful that I had an awesome big sister like you, but I can’t be the center of your life.”

Sometimes I thought he was more of an adult than me.

“I’m sorry you had to hear us fighting, but it wouldn’t work out. Theo enjoys traveling too much; he would never be around.”

“Maybe he’s willing to give that up for you.”

“I doubt it.”

“Ask him and find out.”

I hated to admit it, but maybe my little brother was right.

***

I knew I’d fucked things up when Theo didn’t return my texts or calls this week.

I got a confirmation email saying our booking in Tennessee was officially canceled. Bill also called and said that I would still get paid, thanks to Theo.

To top it all off, he said not to double his pay so I could still get mine.

Bill still wanted an article done for the first two places, and I wasn’t sure how to write it.

Part of me wished all this had never happened, and I could go on about my life, but now I felt guilty and sad.

“This isn’t what I wanted,” Bill stated.

“I know, and I’m sorry.”

We were sitting in his office discussing my rough draft.

“I want more emotion in it. This sounds like a review you find on Google. I know you can do better. I want another draft next week, and that one better be ready for editing and publishing,” he said.

“Okay,” I whispered.

“Nadia.” Bill sighed.

“I don’t know what happened, but clearly, you’re not happy. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I’m fine, just a little overwhelmed.”

“You’re a good employee and a talented writer. I don’t want to lose you, so let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you.”

As if this meeting couldn’t get any worse, Theo entered Bill’s office as I got up to leave.

I didn’t know what to say, and I ended up standing there, staring at him.

When he refused to make eye contact with me, I knew he didn’t want me to say anything, so I left.

“Nadia?”

I knew it was Theo without turning around.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

I nodded my head yes, afraid to turn around or to speak.

I knew I needed to say sorry, to tell him I was in love with him, but I was afraid. He wanted to travel; he didn’t want responsibility right now, and I couldn’t force him to have it.

“Thanks for checking,” I blurted out before stepping into the elevator.

I thought I would be safe in the elevator, so I let tears flow and sobbed into my hand. I had no one to blame but myself; I did this.

I made myself miserable. I didn’t want to give anyone the chance to hurt Nathan or me.

When the elevator doors opened, Theo was standing in front of them. He was out of breath, probably from running down the stairs to beat the elevator.

“I’m sorry for the way I left things,” he said.

I shook my head no at his statement.

“It’s all my fault. I’m confused and scared. I don’t know what to do.”

“I think you need time. Everything between us happened fast, and you need time to process what you want,” he said.

“I’m sorry.”

Theo didn’t say anything.

He pulled me into a hug and kissed my head.

“I’ll see you around. Take care, Nadia.”

His last sentence made it all feel final, like he was leaving me for the last time. Was this what heartbreak felt like?

Did I deserve to feel sad about him going since I made a choice?

After my last run-in with Theo, a lot changed. I got my final draft of the article approved, and I decided I needed to take charge of my life more.

I took the information about custody that Theo gave and started on the process; I even gave his brother-in-law, Reece, a call. I was thankful that Theo left his number in the file for me.

Reece was friendly and walked me through the process of what I should and should not do and what to expect. Because of his help, I petitioned for custody of Nathan and had a court date in three months.

Having custody of Nathan would make things much easier, especially with medical bills. It would give us a chance to have more than just the necessities.

I was still afraid of failing, afraid of making things work for Nathan, and a relationship with someone could make things worse for us.

What if Theo and I didn’t work out? I wouldn’t be the only one heartbroken if he left because he would leave both me and Nathan.

Nathan deserved someone stable, and I could be stable if I didn’t have to rely on other people.