Connor and I had been dating for nearly a month now and I was beyond content. Never before had I felt so safe with a person and able to talk to them about anything, but I still felt a little guilty. With my condition, I couldn't exactly take him on normal dates so we spent a lot of time together at night; it was the only time I could act normal.
This had resulted in Connor's sleep schedule deteriorating to something that was effecting him a lot. The kid looked barely awake by the time he came out of school, and he'd only get a few hours nap in before it was time to head out for the evening. He didn't come every night, because I think it would kill him, and I begged him to get enough sleep rather than to join me.
Plus, I had been trying to reign it in like Connor had asked, and we spent most evenings either together hanging out or with him napping while I did my art. Whenever I did want to go out, however, he came with me for a midnight stroll and went wherever I went. We had gone back to the woods, to the skatepark, to the beach and one night we had even broke into the pool and had a late-night swim. Connor enjoyed swimming a lot and I enjoyed watching Connor half naked having fun and splashing around, so everyone won.
Having somebody with me for my late night adventures made them enjoyable, instead of lonely, and I had never had so much fun as I had over the last month. School would be coming to an end for Connor soon and I was excited for a whole summer of hanging out.
At the moment, I would pick Connor up from school everyday before picking up the twins and Mary and then we would all hang out around my house until dinner. Then, when everyone went to bed, I'd jump out of my window and find Connor strolling out of the front door. I helped him with his homework and he let me use him for my art. It meant that my sketch book was mostly him at this point, but I didn't mind.
Every time we kissed I felt my heart soar at the feeling. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be with him.
Right now, we were curled up on my bed watching something on the television. Per usual, however, my head was in the clouds thinking about him as I studied his joy at what was on the screen. Connor felt like a ray of sunshine in my dim life.
He was cuddled into my side with his arms wrapped around my waist and his chin on my chest as I had my arm wrapped around his shoulder. Every time he laughed at the show it vibrated against my chest, making me laugh too since it tickled. Connor thought I was laughing along to the show, but I hadn't even looked at the screen once.
Even our mums got along and they had hung out once or twice, having a wine and takeout night while the girls had their sleepover. My mum had gotten her wish: friends her own age she could invite over for a glass of wine and some gossip. The thought made me smile; I often worried that my mum was lonely since Dad had left but lately she had been smiling a lot more. It was very reassuring.
Everything seemed perfect and serene. It was almost hard to believe this was my life; the little bundle of happiness next to me had made me this way and I couldn't thank him more for it, even if it had made me a bit soppy.
"Are you going out tonight?" Connor asked, stifling a yawn as he peered up at me.
Unable to resist the temptation, I ducked down and pecked his lips gently; he was just too cute.
"I think I will because I haven't been out all week and I want to stretch my legs. You should stay home and get some sleep, though." I tried to convince him, since he seemed quite tired tonight.
I really was a bad influence on him and his sleep schedule, so I wanted to try and make that at least a little better.
"Daxx!" Connor groaned, "You know I like going out with you. It's our version of date night, except it lasts until the sun rises. It's really special to me, so who cares about sleep?"
A small smile played on my lips at that but I fought it down. I enjoyed him coming along with me too; it was nice to talk to someone. Not to mention, our little make out sessions. He truly loved our adventures at night and he'd let me know more than once just how much he liked them. However, that didn't mean I was going to let him stay up until he collapsed from exhaustion like I did. I could see things taking a toll on him already; the bags underneath his eyes were growing by the day.
"I promise to not go anywhere interesting without you." I offered while rubbing circles onto his back soothingly, "I need you to get some sleep tonight. You're beginning to worry me."
"Fine." Connor pouted, "You owe me for next time, though. You have to take me somewhere really cool, even better than the lake."
"I think I know just the place." I mumbled, thinking about where I would take Connor on our next night date, "For now, just watch your show."
Connor hummed in agreement before turning his attention back to the TV as I sighed. It felt weird to know I wouldn't have Connor by my side tonight, but I figured I would just go to skatepark and watch the stars or something, maybe do some sketches of the park? Nothing too exciting. I didn't even feel like going really, not when I knew Connor would be snuggled up at home asleep and not by my side laughing and pecking my lips occasionally. Maybe I wouldn't go out, either? I frowned, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep if I tried to tonight so it would be stupid to try. I'd just end up laying in bed for hours on end with stuff running through my brain preventing sleep.
"What about you, Daxx? When was the last time you slept?" Connor's small voice asked gently.
That made me pause. I couldn't remember. Sometime last week I was sure I had collapsed on my bed after returning from a night date with Connor after dropping them to school and I'd gotten maybe 6 hours of sleep before I awoke again, to pick them up, and after that I couldn't get back to sleep. Then yesterday I'd gotten about an hour in when I suddenly felt very drowsy at the piano and decided to give sleep another go, but I was feeling fine right now.
"Yesterday." I told him, leaving out the fact it was only an hour.
Connor's expression told me that he wasn't fooled. It was plastered with concern, and I could understand why, but I couldn't just force myself to sleep, so I didn't know how to make it better. Seeing upset wasn't pleasant, however.
"I'm fine Connor. Honestly." I tried to reassure him.
"Daxx, I'm concerned about your health. Have you mentioned it to your doctor? I really think you could benefit from sleeping pills, or something. To try and regulate your sleep." Connor expressed his concerns, making me flinch.
Connor was right, I had never mentioned my insomnia to my doctor and he had chalked my lethargic nature and appearance down to a lack of vitamin D. I knew that he was only trying to help, but I had never really seen my insomnia as a problem. I felt fine, so I couldn't understand why I should spend hours laying still and sleeping when I could be going out and doing something fun while I had the chance; while the sun was safely hibernating and giving me the chance to feel a little normal. Even if it was only for a few hours.
"I'll think about it." I mumbled, but Connor didn't look completely satisfied with my offer.
We settled back into silence, but it was anything but comfortable. There was this tension between us now, created by my unwillingness to see my insomnia as an issue. From a rational perspective, I knew it was probably having some impact on my health and I could understand where Connor was coming from, but it felt so free. Otherwise, I'd be restricted to cowering under the sun pathetically.
"I'll bring it up at my next appointment. I have a check up with my doctor scheduled in a few weeks time." I promised, "I said I'd work on it and I will, Connor."
He shifted onto his knees, wrapping me in a hug as a sort of thank you.
"Do you want me to come with you?" He asked, which was beyond sweet of him.
"That would be nice." I nodded, "Since my mum works at the hospital, she usually ducks in for my appointment, but I have to head there myself. It would be nice to have some company."
"Of course."
Connor didn't stay for much longer before he left, since his dinner was ready, and I sulked downstairs to make my own dinner. Connor's mum had invited me over, but I had to watch the twins and if I took them over there it would be hours before we managed to separate Angel and Mary. I made a simple pesto pasta and dished myself, as well as the twins, a portion. I left the rest for Mum, despite the fact it would be cold by the time she got home.
The three of us sat around the table, eating in relative silence. Ever since the pool incident, Andy seemed more withdrawn but he had been getting in less trouble at school. I hadn't heard a peep from the principle, and I was pretty pleased about that, but it hurt me to see him collapsing in on himself like this.
"How was school?" I asked, twirling some pasta around my fork.
"Mary and I played with the skipping ropes during break!" Angel bounced about in her chair, "We were really good."
"I'm sure you were." I smiled, "Andy, what about you?"
"A kid in my class said that his older sister is going to be moving out when school finishes." Andy's voice seemed hurt.
"Are you afraid I'm going to move out, Andy?"
His lip wobbled and Angel's gleeful face fell, her expression matching Andy's. I opened my arms and they both slipped out of their chairs, rushing around the dining table to give me a hug. Scooping them into my lap as best as I could, I cradled them close to sooth their tears.
"I won't be going anywhere for a long time. I'll move out one day, but that's not going to be anytime soon, and when I do you'll come and visit me all the time and we'll have loads of sleepovers, okay?"
I didn't want to lie to them and tell them that I'll never leave, but I did feel like I needed to make them feel better about me leaving. To be quite honest, the thought hadn't crossed my mind much. I suppose I had never really considered moving out because my mum had always needed me here to look after the twins, so it felt weird to think about leaving them.
In a way, I was like their second guardian.
"Do you promise, Daxx?" Andy rubbed his teary eyes.
"Of course I promise." I reassured them.
Despite them not remembering much of him, I think the twins understood that other people had dads and that ours wasn't around anymore. Being much older, I could remember everything, and I understood why they got so upset about me leaving. Having an absent father was never pleasant, especially when you got to know them first.