"You know what, Tae?" Namjoon asked. Taehyung hummed questioningly. "You should become a psychiatrist or something. You have a way with your words" Namjoon said.
They had left early in the morning to visit their parent's graves and were on their way back to Ju's house.
Namjoon thought of how cool and composed he was this time, compared to the last time they visited the grave.
He was a crying mess back then and Taehyung had to call Ju to take them back home. This time, he was composed enough to handle the whole visit without breaking down in front of his brother.
"Nonsense" Taehyung said, hitting Namjoon's arm playfully. "What? No! I mean it! Your ripple effect thingy actually made me think and helped me be calm. How come you never told me about it?" Namjoon asked.
"I did! But you were too drunk to understand what I was telling"
"You should have told me when I was sober!!"
"You never talked about it unless you were drunk! Don't blame me, you shitter goose, I was terrified to bring the topic up when you were sober" Taehyung mumbled.
"Ohh"
"Yeah"
"Sorry"
"It's okay, I understand how much of a burden it was to you" Taehyung said.
"Tae, remember one thing forever. Yes, the responsibilities were a burden. I won't lie about that. But you were never a burden to me. I would literally give my life for you and be glad about it" Namjoon said.
"Shut up!! Don't say that! But yeah, I will keep that in mind" Taehyung said and leaned on Namjoon's shoulder.
"I am worried about Jungkook, hyung. Jin hyung told me that the last time he dragged Jungkook to the grave, his behavior and reaction was horrible. I don't want that to happen again hyung" Taehyung said.
"Yeah, he told me too. I really feel very bad for him. He doesn't deserve that. No one does" Namjoon said sadly. "Yeah! I know that he is finally moving on and all, but what if this visit drags him back to his old self?" Taehyung asked worriedly.
"What if he opens up more? You can go both the ways with the 'what if's', Tae. Be optimistic" Namjoon said. "Yeah, right. Let's have breakfast and leave, hyung. I want to be with him today" Taehyung said.
"Yeah, Tae, I get it. Ju said she will be ready with the breakfast by the time we come back. So it won't take long. Don't worry, relax" Namjoon said.
...................................
"He hasn't come out of the room yet. He locked himself up yesterday right after you guys went and didn't come out even for breakfast" Seokjin said.
They were in the kitchen, discussing about when they should go to the graveyard.
"It's almost 11, Tae! I am worried! He didn't have dinner yesterday night, and didn't have breakfast yet" he said.
"Oh no, he didn't eat much at the lunch either. I'll try calling him out. Or wait, do you have spare keys?" Taehyung asked. "Yeah, I do" "Give them to me, hyung. I will try to bring him out" Taehyung said.
He opened the door to Jungkook's room and walked to his bed. He ran his hands on the bed and realized that it was empty.
"Jungkookie?" he called out and heard a whimper coming from behind him. "Tae! P-Please, I don't want to go, Tae. Please don't take me there. I don't wannaaaa" Jungkook ran out of the bathroom and hugged him from the back, burying his face into his back as he sobbed.
Taehyung could hear the uneven breaths that Jungkook was taking.
"Kookie, baby, listen. I know this is super hard for you, but this is the least you can do for them, isn't it? I will be there for you the whole time. You can hold hands too, if you want. But you have to go, darling" he turned back and hugged Jungkook properly.
"Nooo!! I can't do that. Why are you all being cruel????"
"I am not being cruel, Kookie. But think about it! Won't they feel bad if you don't go and see them at least once a year? Please, baby! Come with me! Even Namjoon hyung has never gone there. So he is coming with us too" Taehyung said.
"O-okay" Jungkook said. "Where is your inhaler?" Taehyung asked. "I will get it" Jungkook brought out his inhaler and took a puff before putting it back in his pocket. "Let's go" Taehyung said, locking their hands as they walked out.
.....................................
"Give them to me, I will try to bring him out" Taehyung said as he walked out of the kitchen to bring Jungkook.
"Joon, are you crying?" Seokjin suddenly asked. "Uhh, no" "Joon!" "I am such a horrible friend, hyung. It's been two years since he died, and not once did I visit his grave. I keep failing him all the time" Namjoon said, letting the tears escape his eyes.
Seokjin sighed, knowing how sensitive this period was for all of them.
"It's okay. He knows you had your problems. You can visit him with us from now on, Joonie!! Please don't cry" Seokjin pleaded, kissing his forehead.
Namjoon started talking about their high school times as Taehyung came into the kitchen, holding Jungkook's hand.
"Jungkookie, please eat something!"
Jungkook simply stared at Seokjin with puffy eyes. Seokjin stared back for as long as he could before feeling guilty. He sighed. "Okay, but you have to eat at least after coming back. Please, Kook! Don't do this to yourself" he pleaded, receiving a small nod from the younger.
.............................................
Taehyung held hands with Jungkook throughout the visit.
Jungkook stayed frozen the whole time. He didn't speak a word, nor did he look any other way. He went straight to his parents grave and stared at it for a while, tightening his grip on Taehyung's hand.
He then walked to Hoseok's grave, tightening his grip even more, while Taehyung simply gave him the support he needed. He knew that this was all just contained and that the moment Jungkook broke his mask, all hell would break loose.
He hoped that they would reach home before it happened. He knew that his brother was probably wrecked too.
"Can we go to my brother, please?" he asked silently. Jungkook didn't reply, but simply walked over to Namjoon's side and put Taehyung's hand into Namjoon's hand. He stood silently, staring at Hoseok's grave.
Taehyung hugged his brother, who couldn't control his tears anymore.
"I am soo sorry Hoseok. I couldn't attend your funeral, I couldn't visit you, I didn't get to say goodbye, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry" he kept chanting as he sobbed.
Seokjin noticed that Jungkook was starting to tremble from how stiff he stood. He walked over to Jungkook. "It's over, relax" he said as he realized how tense his posture was. Taehyung kept whispering "It's okay, it's okay" into Namjoon's ears till he calmed down.
"Let's go" Seokjin said, his voice breaking with sorrow as he watched how wrecked the other three were. They went back home.
"You have to eat, guys" Seokjin said, laying the table for the four of them. Jungkook didn't respond. He sat on the couch and stared into the space in front of him.
"Leave me alone" he said when he saw that Taehyung was coming towards him. "Kookie, please!" Seokjin said, walking out of the kitchen. Jungkook stood up and stared at Seokjin.
"Why are you torturing me like this? What did I ever do to you?" he asked, his voice gradually raising.
"Can't you see that I want to be LEFT ALONE? HOW HARD IS IT TO REALIZE THAT I HAVE HAD ENOUGH IN MY LIFE?? WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO KEEP DOING THIS TO ME? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I CAN'T TAKE ANYTHING ANYMORE!!
I LOVED THEM, HYUNG!! I LOVED THEM, I GAVE THEM MY HEART, I GAVE MY EVERYTHING FOR THEM. AND WHAT DID THEY DO? ALL OF THEM DECIDED TO LEAVE ME!! THEY ABANDONED ME!! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO LOSE THE THREE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE??" he yelled. "DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS? TO GET CALL AFTER CALL TELLING YOU THAT THEY DIED? TO THINK THEY WERE THERE TO COMFORT YOU, ONLY TO GET A CALL SAYING THEY WERE DEAD?
I KNOW IT ALL, HYUNG!! I KNOW IT, BECAUSE THE WORLD DECIDED TO BE CRUEL ENOUGH TO TAKE ALL OF THEM AWAY FROM ME! ALL ON THE SAME DAY" he screamed on top of his lungs as he collapsed back onto the couch, gasping for the air that his lungs were blocking.
He grabbed his inhaler and took puffs from them. He covered his face with his palms and sobbing, remembering that horrific day.
Seokjin fell on his knees and started crying.
This was the first time Jungkook talked about that day. He knew how horrible it was because he was there with him on that day.
Taehyung buried his face into his brother's chest as he cried, whimpering as he imagined how hard it must have been for his boyfriend.
They cried themselves to sleep, forgetting about lunch.