Time had seemingly flown by. Ever since their talk about Edwin becoming ruler of Stowwen and heading to the village of Thorn, a month had passed. Much had happened, but there was still much to do in preparation for leaving their current shelter. Keiran trained Edwin and (F/n) in combat, May trained everyone in stealth, not needing Keiran's training since she was capable in combat already, and (F/n) trained everyone in the art of healing and helped Edwin in governing.
Amid all this, May would leave at times to gain information on what was transpiring in Stowwen as well as Credel. But, she did keep to the promise of only being out for four days at a time. And from her trips, they learned that the hunt for Edwin was decreasing and that the royal family was working on boosting their castle security, especially with more rumors of their weakness spreading. People were only getting more fired up at the possibility of having a chance at them to replace them with someone better, but who that someone was remained unknown. No one had been decided on yet as far as May knew, and the royal family was doing their best to snuff out talk of rebellion. But, things were beginning to crumble in Stowwen.
Other kingdoms weren't making attempts to encroach on Stowwen, but the royal family had been sending some of the army to their borders that they shared with Credel and Aercen in case they tried something. On the mention of Credel, however, May had little news so far other than things were commencing as normal so far. There was no talk of unrest, and the new rulers weren't angering anyone as of yet.
Truthfully, it pained (F/n). It was as though they just moved on and forgot about her parents, their prior rulers. No one even guessed that anything suspicious had occurred. They still believed that trial, but they didn't know about loss blossom either or that Kendra and Felin framed her. As horrible as it sounded, she wanted them to make a mistake so that it'd make things easier for her to retake Credel. Something had to snap eventually with those two. There was no way that they were planning on being benevolent rulers, not with how they took the kingdom in the first place. She couldn't believe that; it just wouldn't make any sense.
Thankfully, not all was weighing on her mind heavily. Keiran provided her with peace. After their confession to each other, they had slept peacefully and awoke the next morning with lightness in their steps and warmer hearts for each other. They decided it best to announce their courtship to May and Edwin as there wasn't a reason to keep it a secret. May was ecstatic, and Edwin congratulated them, having a feeling that they adored each other as more than just friends.
And so, they shared good morning and good night kisses and took some time to themselves when they could, which mostly consisted of visiting Finn and tending to him after dinner. They'd share loving glances from time to time and hold hands as well. Simple things, and (F/n) was happy that Keiran wasn't pushing for more, that he wasn't rushing things.
As for Keiran, he couldn't be more joyful. He didn't mind taking things slow; he had her. She was his. That was all he wanted, and feeling her lips against his was utterly delightful. He didn't mind waiting for more as he knew that it would now happen one day. Perhaps, they would marry once they took back Credel. Or, it could be sooner, depending on circumstances. But, it would occur. They'd be joined together as one, and the idea made his heart beat with eternal bliss.
Currently, though, such thoughts weren't carrying (F/n) off into sleep. Keiran was asleep beside her, and she had been asleep for a time, but it was dark out when she awoke. And, she found that she couldn't fall back asleep due to the thoughts of training, leaving her current home in a month's time and trying to put Edwin in as leader of the Stowwen rebellion. Not to mention, May was out gathering information. She was to return tomorrow at the latest so that was some relief on that point at least.
So, she found herself getting up from bed. Keiran remained asleep, and she couldn't help but smile at his serene sleeping expression. Getting up, she smoothed out her medium blue dress and walked over to the door. Opening it, she glanced behind her. Keiran stayed asleep. She shut the door and waited for movement. No movement followed. Good, she hadn't wanted to wake him. Even if she couldn't get a full night's sleep, she wished him to.
Heading downstairs, she paused when she heard movement. She didn't have a weapon on her, so she did her best to remain quiet, but whoever was downstairs probably already heard her on the steps. The movement continued, however, so she walked around the steps slowly and relaxed when she saw Edwin in the living room. The fire was out in the fireplace, but he had a candle lit beside him on the floor. He was leaning forward, and his forehead was against his intertwined hands. It seemed like she wasn't the only one with thoughts plaguing the mind.
Stepping into the room, she softly spoke, "Can't sleep either?" Edwin sat up and looked over his shoulder to see her. A nod confirmed her question. "Mind if I sit with you?" He shook his head, and she took a seat shortly after.
"A month's gone by already," he remarked, leaning his head back and sighing out loud. "It's going by too quickly."
"I know. But, we've been busy."
"Yes, and yet, I still feel so unprepared. Me, a ruler?" he almost scoffed in disbelief. "I know that it's what we decided and your lessons have been helpful, but my nerves persist."
"Edwin, I know that I've had years of training, but even I'm nervous. It's normal," she reassured. "We can never be prepared for everything; we can only do our best with the resources on hand, and one of those resources is time." She gave him a small smile. "Besides, you being nervous means you care. You want to do well, and you're scared that you won't. That's a good sign because you'll be more mindful of the decisions you make."
"Yes, but what if I make a horrible mistake? What if I can't reverse it?" he held his head in his hands as he spoke.
"Then, you work with your advisors on a solution. But, don't let what ifs bog you down." She glanced ahead and remembered May's advice when it concerned her confession to Keiran. "You can't let fear rule you. It's good to have it, but you can't let it be all you focus on."
"I know. I just never expected this or expected to agree to something like this." He closed his eyes for a moment. "And, I thought that a month would last longer." Edwin opened his eyes again. "How do you stay so calm?"
She chuckled a little. "I'm not. My thoughts are keeping me awake, remember?" A small smile touched his lips at that comment. "But, it doesn't seem like it because I do my best to focus on other things during the day, like all of our training. Not only am I learning but I'm also teaching, so I have to focus. That helps me."
"I see." He sighed. "Well, I feel a little better now knowing that I'm not the only one freaking out about all of this."
"No, you're not. I think that we're all scared. This is no easy task before us, but if we succeed, it can change a lot of lives for the better." She gave him another reassuring smile. "Just think about that if it helps."
"Yes, I suppose that you're right." He gave her a smile. "I guess that I'm also nervous to go back to the Stowwen castle. I had a feeling that I would have to when I asked you if you would free the magic users here and you stated that you would." Edwin now stared ahead and folded his hands together. "But, the memories there ... Aren't pleasant."
"... Did you want to talk about it?" she asked hesitantly. Sometimes, that helped others, but other times, it didn't. It depended on the individual, and she hoped that he wouldn't find it rude that she offered to listen.
"Well, you know about how they mark us, and you know about my surveillance." His hands clenched. "But, that wasn't the worst of it. I don't know if it was just me that experienced this, but I hope that it was." He paused and now stared at the floor as though whatever thoughts were crossing his mind slowly took the life out of him.
"Edwin, you don't have to explain if you don't want to. I'm sorry that I asked," she quickly apologized, noting how he was seemingly getting lost more and more in his head.
"No, maybe, it'll be good to get this off of my chest. I never had anyone to talk to, and I might need the support when we return to the Stowwen castle." He looked over to her as she remained quiet, letting him speak what he needed to. "I'm sure you've wondered how I knew so well what female limbs look like if I had been on such tight surveillance in the castle. And, it's not like the women that I did walk past in the castle were showing their arms or legs." She only gave a slow nod, but the pit in her stomach already didn't like where this was going.
Edwin now looked ahead and frowned as his hands clenched tighter. "For the last two years while I was there, the sister of the queen, Trishna, she ..." He paused for a little bit, and she didn't rush him. (F/n) had a feeling of the next words he would speak, and her heart was already aching in sorrow for him. "Well, she forced herself upon me. The guards had to watch for her safety, but she didn't care. If I didn't comply, I'd be starved, beaten or whatever punishment she could think of for me. I did resist the first time, and I was only allowed water for three days while I was chained to a wall and beaten until I became unconscious from the pain and exhaustion."
Some of his orange locks covered his eyes, and she couldn't fully see his expression. "I didn't resist the following times. I just did my best to try and think of myself being somewhere else." He instinctively gulped. "So seeing her again, I may freeze and not be able to fight. I may become a burden in a fight."
"Stay by me, then. And, I'll fight for you." (F/n) stood up and knelt before him. She wrapped her hands around his. Her (e/c) optics met his bright blue ones, and she noted that tears were beginning to form in his eyes. "What she did was beyond despicable, and I won't let you face her alone."
He searched her eyes, seeing no doubt present there, before he glanced at her hands. "But, your limbs." Edwin tried to smile. "I did my best to make them look different from hers. Yes, I modeled them after her as she was the only woman I saw so closely before," his body instinctively shivered at the statement, "but I tried to make them different. The hands a little bigger and arms more toned, the legs a little longer. Just little things." His attempted smile cracked, and a few tears trickled down his cheeks. "They're alright, right? You seemed happy about them, but you know if you ..."
Cutting him off, she stood up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Edwin, they're perfect. Never doubt that." She felt his arms slowly wrap around her before he leaned down and rested his head against her shoulder. His body shook as tears started to drip down and soaked the right shoulder of her dress, but she didn't mind. (F/n) didn't speak anymore; she let him cry. What he went through ... She couldn't, didn't want to imagine happening to anyone. It was utterly detestable.
So, she would stay in their current position for as long as he needed her to. She didn't know how long they stayed like that, but she slowly started to feel him pulling away. He wiped away remnants of his tears and looked off to the side. Edwin gulped and focused back on her. "Thank you for listening, (F/n)." She nodded and stood up to return to her seat. "I ... Having you there when we enter the Stowwen castle if we succeed, thank you."
"Of course, Edwin. We're in this together," she reassured and rested a hand over his as she leaned towards him. She gave his hand a light squeeze. "We're all here to help each other."
"I'm here too if you need to talk about what happened to you," he offered as she pulled her hand away, but she gave him an appreciative smile. "I know that Keiran and you probably talk amongst yourselves, but I don't mind listening. It's safe to say that I consider you my friend, and friends help each other out, right?"
"Yeah," she answered with another smile, "they do." (F/n) glanced at the empty fireplace and sighed a little. "I guess that I do have a question for you if you don't mind." He nodded for her to continue. "You said that you'd picture yourself somewhere else." Her hands folded over the other. "I find my grief, not as often as when everything first happened, but it creeps up at times. Having Keiran, having all of you, helps, but if I imagined myself somewhere else, would that help? I know that it's not the same situation by any means, but I want to try it if it works."
"I can't guarantee that it will." He leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling in thought. A frown touched his lips. "It wouldn't always work. I'd try, but ..." At his pause, she nodded in understanding and indicated that he didn't need to continue. He moved his head down and nodded his head in appreciation. "But, you can try something else." Curious, she motioned him to continue. "It's up to you, but you can try praying."
The suggestion sounded foreign to (F/n) in a way. Yes, she believed in the afterlife. Yes, she believed that there was a higher power above her, and she treated marriage as a sacred act between two people. She had dreamed of having a cathedral wedding. But beyond that, she hadn't involved herself too much in faith. Her parents had taught both Kendra and she about the church as was tradition in Credel, but she had found herself more focused on her studies. So much of her time centered around that so that she could be a just ruler for her people as well as healer. So, she found herself asking, "Does that really work?"
"It doesn't always seem like it does. But, I did escape the Stowwen castle and stumble upon here." A small smile touched his lips. "Some call it luck, but after everything, I find myself calling it something beyond myself. It might be crazy, but you can always try. Or, you don't have to. It's your decision to make, (F/n)."
"I ... Well, I just find it interesting that after all that you used praying as a way for you to cope with your situation." She glanced at her hands and furrowed her brows a little. "I've never really prayed myself, and I suppose that I would've expected the opposite."
A small, understanding smile touched his lips. "Well for me when I couldn't picture myself somewhere else, talking to someone that wasn't from the castle helped. And, my conversation couldn't be overheard. It was private; it was something they couldn't take from me. It sounds silly in a way, but it was my guiding light through it all."
"Do you still pray?"
"I do. I find it helpful to think through my thoughts."
"Well, maybe, I'll try it," she answered, open to the idea, but she remained hesitant. She had her beliefs, and if a prayer went unanswered, she didn't want doubt to creep in and mess with her other beliefs. She had enough troubling thoughts at times given their situation, and she didn't wish for more to join the others.
Though as she thought about it, she also went through an event that most would consider terrible beyond belief, and she hadn't discarded hers. She still held the same beliefs she had mentioned to Edwin. Perhaps, it was because she hadn't focused on them at the time; her mind had been trapped in grief until Keiran gave her hope again. Or, had it been because those beliefs reassured her that she'd see her parents again once she died? Her brows furrowed again, and a sigh escaped her lips.
"I'm sorry if my suggestion troubled you." He scratched the back of his head and didn't make eye contact.
"No, it's not that," she reassured. "You've just made me realize that I didn't question my beliefs after all that had happened to me. It's as though the thought never occurred to me. I think that in some way they helped me through it all in addition to Keiran." She relaxed a little as she spoke her thoughts out loud, "I know that I'll see my parents again, and that eases my mind on death. But, Keiran made me want to live again. And, I wish to abandon neither since they give me hope in their own ways. I suppose that's why I never questioned what I believed in."
"Sounds like you have your own guiding light."
She nodded a little. "Yes, I suppose that I do." (F/n) met his optics. "Do you mind if I ask another question?" He shook his head. "Did any of your prayers go unanswered?"
"At the time, it seemed like they had, and anger would take over. I wouldn't return to prayer for a while, but I'd find myself praying once more when I needed that private conversation again. Someone to listen to me even if they wouldn't answer. And eventually, they were answered. I escaped and found a new home where I'm respected and cared about." A small laugh left him. "As timeworn as it is, patience is a virtue. But, I find myself still needing it on many occasions."
"You're something else, Edwin," she mentioned, shaking her head a little in disbelief. "I don't know if I can be like that. But, this has given me some food for thought." She gave him an appreciative smile. "Thank you."
"Of course, and thank you for letting me get all of that off of my chest." Edwin stood up and stretched. "I feel better." His stomach grumbled soon after, though, which caused both of them to laugh. "Apparently, not all of me, though, shares in the sentiment."
"Well, I could use some food too," she answered after she chuckled a little. Getting to her own feet, she walked with him to get something to eat, glad that they were able to share laughs after all that they had endured.