It had been three days so far of traveling on horseback and camping at night. They did indeed stay off of the main roads; they took smaller ones and sometimes weren't on a road at all, but Keiran knew where he was going. He carried them north with urgency, and both of them were watchful. At night, they'd take turns on who would sleep and who would watch.
When it was her turn, he'd sit her up against the base of an oak tree, and he'd lay close by. They didn't have fires to keep their presence hidden, except to cook food, but eventually, they'd need to as they got more north. Already, she could feel the colder air. If it weren't for the long sleeves of the dress and the cloak, she'd be freezing, but her wounds appreciated the cold to the heat.
To be honest, she enjoyed when she was put on watch. It made her feel like she could do something besides sit around and have every need of hers taken care of. Even the simplest act of drinking water from a water skin was impossible for her without falling forward and spilling the drink, and they couldn't afford to waste it.
Over the three days when both of them were awake, they would keep an eye out for trouble as well as resources. Keiran packed supplies, but for water and food, they'd need to restock if they wanted to keep their energy up. If they saw water and were low on what was in the water skin, he'd refill it. Same for food. He'd sometimes stop and hunt if he saw an animal for food, and she learned that his daggers could be used as throwing knives as well. Not to mention that he had good aim, and she was grateful that he used what little free time he had at the castle to practice on so many other useful skills too.
As for conversation, they'd mostly talk about things in the present, such as if they saw resources or being cautious if someone else was crossing their path. Thankfully, few did since they stayed away from more settled areas and well traveled roads. There was little small talk since Keiran didn't want to bring up her life at the castle and cause her more hurt at memories. And, (F/n) attempted it at times, asking what his mentor was like and what he enjoyed crafting the most, but she noted that he wouldn't ask much back. She appreciated the gesture and remained quiet when it was clear that he would've asked if he felt it okay to do so.
But, she was happy to know that his mentor had been genuine before he passed. She had met his mentor as well, but like with Keiran, she hadn't spoken to him much. Her father probably had been saving the grisly details of battle from her as long as he could, and neither of them had expected his ... death so soon.
As for his craft, he enjoyed making the weapons he carried now the most, which made sense. Why wouldn't he take his favorite weapons with him when he left Credel? Hopefully once she had new limbs, he would teach her how to fight. She no longer had the protection of the castle, its knights, city guard and her parents; she'd need to learn. It was only Keiran, her and she supposed the magic user, May, that was awaiting them at the northern forge.
Today, though, they were almost done with their ride. They were going into their fourth night, and a chilly breeze passed over the plains. Keiran took them forward a couple minutes more before he stopped and settled them between several oaks.
Once he got her situated, he tied the painted stallion to a nearby tree and began to set up their site. He untied a couple of quails from the stallion and began to put together a fire for them. She wished she could help, but she reminded herself that watching their surroundings was useful. A light sigh escaped her lips, and she focused on the scenery rather than letting her thoughts get the best of her.
Leaves rustled above them in the breeze, and it was just them. That was how they liked it. Her eyes glanced south towards her old home, but she averted her eyes so as not to let her mind drift. That was her attempt, but Keiran's next works brought back memories. His question made sense. He probably was curious given her reaction back in the home near Credel.
"What happened at the trial?" he had asked. His eyes had fallen on her for a moment before he had gone back to work.
The fire came to life, and she looked away and tried to ignore the light it cast on her. She would've pulled her hood over her face more if she could've. "Something. I'm not sure what, but I'm positive that Felin had drugged me. I had taken a drink of water from him before the trial. Something must've been in it."
"I see." He started to defeather the birds. "I'm sorry I asked. I was curious these last few days."
"It's ... fine. I appreciate you giving me some time." She blew some strands of (h/c) out of her face. They went to the side somewhat. If only she could move them. (F/n) didn't ask Keiran for help; it wasn't that important. "I just wish I knew what it was. In my training, he never mentioned anything like that, though; it makes sense that he'd want to keep some things to himself given what he's done."
"What did it do to you?"
"I couldn't think or speak properly. My head hurt when I did. I sounded so foolish." She frowned at the memory. "I sounded like I didn't care. I couldn't defend myself. I just looked like a heartless murderer." A pained smile graced her lips. "I lost their trust. I've never felt so much disappointment and hate. It was ... horrible."
"I'm sorry that I wasn't there." Keiran frowned and pulled off a few feathers roughly. He couldn't believe those two. How sick. If only the dead birds before him were them instead.
"It's okay. You didn't know. You were out of the city." She closed her eyes for a moment. "It's not your fault. I lashed out earlier because I didn't know your situation."
"(F/n), it's fine. You've been through something worse than terrible."
"Yeah." She hiccuped in an attempt to keep herself from crying again. Her (e/c) eyes opened, and she glanced up at the starry sky. So beautiful. It gave her some peace. Were her parents up there? She didn't know where the afterlife was, but she believed that it existed. That gave her hope that she'd get to see them again. They'd be happy again. "I just wish I had been there for my parents. Instead, I was ..."
Realization struck her. "That swine." Now, the tears did fall. "He had asked me to pick more gold sunshine from the gardens, and me wanting to please my mentor did so despite it being dinner." A grief-stricken chuckle left her lips. "My parents and I were too trusting."
Keiran didn't respond. Rather, he prepped the birds rather aggressively. King Avan and Queen Adela didn't have food testers. They trusted their people and staff; they had worked with them and their families for years, and they didn't want someone to die on their behalf. It was noble, but they did pay the price for their trust because of their own daughter and someone who was supposed to heal, not kill. How despicable.
A sob escaped her. "I couldn't have done anything since it was mordia flower. They died within a minute of consuming it but still." She rested her head against the tree. "I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to comfort them in their last moments. They suffered, and I couldn't help."
She didn't hear him set things down or his approaching steps. Arms encased her, and she felt the warmth from him. (F/n) instinctively nuzzled into him. Tears stained his clothes, but neither of them cared. His chin rested on top of her head, and she cried even more at the fact that she couldn't grip his shirt. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."
"No," she sobbed out. "I-If you're g-going to h-help, you sh-should k-know the fu-full story," she choked out. He had given her some time. It wasn't much, but he could've not given her any. Curiosity only fueled him more, and she couldn't fault him for a common feeling.
"You're too kind." His voice was soft, and it did soothe her. Keiran's eyes darkened, and he glanced south. They didn't deserve the kindness they had received all those years. Her younger sister was a spoiled brat and lacked love. Her mentor was much the same. Those two paired well together, but they'd also be their own undoing.
He continued to hold her until her sobs quieted down. She moved her head away from him. A pained chuckle left her. "You know; that awful man tried to flirt with me at times." (F/n) leaned back, and Keiran guided her so that she rested against the tree. "I turned him down, and I thought that he had taken it well. We remained professional, and I thought friends still. I couldn't have been more wrong."
Resisting the urge to clench his fists, he brushed strands of her gently away from her face before she continued, "Maybe if I had humored him, my parents would be alive. He wouldn't have gone after my sister and convinced her to do such terrible things. Maybe ..."
"(F/n)," he cut her off before she could finish. "Don't." (E/c) optics met caramel ones. "He's a disgusting man. You were right to turn him down." She couldn't maintain his gaze and glanced down to her lap. "Your sister must've already been plotting for her to do such a thing. He just made it easier for her. They both made it easier for the other. They were vile on their own; you couldn't have prevented that." She went to speak, but he cut her off once more. "(F/n), it's nothing you did. You loved your sister, and you respected your mentor despite his feelings if you could even call them that. You wanted things to work. You wanted everyone to have a good life."
His fingers lifted up her chin. "Don't blame yourself for something you couldn't have known. They chose to do what they did. That's not on you." He wiped away her tears. "You have a beautiful heart, (F/n). Don't let them take that from you."
A small smile touched her lips, and he saw the pain remaining in her eyes. "What if I'm not strong enough?" She closed her eyes. "What if I'm just a burden?" Tears now streamed down her face. "Look at me. I can't do a d*mn thing but watch." She took a breath and released a sob, but she could barely compose herself. "What if they already took that from me? What if I'll always be a broken mess?"
His hands cupped her face, and he rested his forehead against hers. "You are strong enough. And if you ever doubt that, you can lean on me. I'll be here. You're not alone, (F/n)." She sobbed against him, and he brought her into his arms again. "Do not let them keep a hold on you. And if you think that they're bringing you back down, come to me. Don't let yourself suffer in silence. Tell me what you need." He rested his chin on top of her head once more. "And, I'll be there for you. This isn't your battle alone."
No answer came from her, but her sobs did begin to quiet. Keiran held onto her, never letting her go, and she eventually relaxed in his arms. When he looked down, he noticed that she had fallen asleep, so he softly rested her against the tree. It'd take a bit more for the food to be ready, so he'd let her rest till then. A quiet breath left him. "I won't let them take anything more from you, (F/n)."