Chapter 40: Forever Wild: Chapter 39

Sometime early in the morning I fell asleep sitting next to my dad’s hospital bed. I forced Everly to go home for the night. It wasn’t easy. She’s as stubborn as she is beautiful. She wants to be here for me, and I appreciate it, but this isn’t her problem. She shouldn’t suffer sleeping on hard chairs or miss work.

Work. Fuck. I’ve tried not to think about how I’m going to manage being here with dad and showing up for practice and games. Coach told me last night to take today at least so I don’t need to solve the problem immediately, but it consumes me anyway.

We have some tough games coming up and I don’t want to let the team down again. They need me.

I arch my back and roll my shoulders as I try to get comfortable in the chair. It’s early still. The lights in the hallway are dimmed and the hospital’s usual noise and activity is muffled.

“Jackson,” Dad’s voice is little more than a rasp, but I sit up like he yelled.

His face is pale, and his eyes are still droopy.

“Dad,” I say, wondering if I imagined him say my name.

He grimaces as he looks around at the machines and tubes hooked up to him. He swallows and his lips part and close twice before he’s able to do it again. “Jack.”

I stand next to his bed. He looks smaller, fragile, and like he’s aged ten years in the month since I’ve seen him. Guilt tries to consume me for not being there, but it’ll have to wait because this is no time for a pity party.

“Hey,” I say. “How do you feel? Should I get the doctor?”

He shakes his head and reaches for the water cup on the table next to the bed. I refill it and then hold it in front of him so he can drink out of the straw.

One side of his mouth seems not to want to cooperate, but he takes a long sip before lying back again. I resume my position sitting in the chair.

“I’m sorry I ruined your vacation.”

“You didn’t. I was already back when I found out.”

“Good. You deserve some time to yourself.”

“Dammit, Dad.” My frustration bubbles up until there’s no holding it back. “I have plenty of time to myself. If you need me, you call.”

He’s quiet again, probably because I just yelled at him. Fuck.

“Where’s your girl?” he asks, eyes closed again.

“My girl?”

“Everly.”

“How…” My question trails off as a small smile curves his lips. Maybe he figured it out since I was on vacation or James could have to ld him, I guess.

“She’s a good one.”

“I know.”

He lets his head fall to one side so he’s staring at me as he says, “I like her. Her taste in books is questionable, but she has a good heart and enough sass to keep you on your toes.”

I nod as I ponder his words.

“Her taste in books?”

He studies me for a moment like he’s trying to decide how much to share with me.

“She sends me books,” he says.

I’m still struggling to understand when he adds, “Every couple of weeks or so she sends another book. She writes little notes in the margins for me.”

“Everly, my Everly, sends you books?”

He nods.

“I don’t understand.”

“Me either, but sometimes people do things that don’t make sense. They love us when we don’t deserve it or give an old drunk thoughtful gifts to keep him occupied, maybe hoping he’ll drink a little less.”

My chest tightens. “I didn’t know.”

“I figured as much. She isn’t the type to want credit for doing something nice and she probably thought there was a chance you wouldn’t approve.”

“Do you read them?” I ask, still stuck on the idea that Everly, who only met my dad once, has been sending him books like they’re old friends.

“Oh yeah. I read them and send them back, adding my own notes in the margins. I send her some too.

”

“The Grisham novel at her apartment,” I say, remembering the book that had looked familiar to me.

“Also sent her some old photos of you. Figured if something happened to me, someone should be able to tease you about your first-grade haircut.”

“Nothing is going to happen to you,” I say, knowing it will regardless of how much I try to fight it. He’s my only family and when he’s gone, it’ll just be me.

The nurse comes in for her hourly check before we can continue our conversation. I let him know I’ll be back and head down to the first-floor café for coffee.

Bridget’s walking in as I fall into the back of the line.

“Hi,” she says, stopping beside me. “How is your dad doing?”

“Awake. Talking.”

“Those are good signs.” The smile she gives me increases the hope starting to bloom in my chest.

“Yeah. I think so.”

“Is Everly here?”

“No. She left last night.”

One of Bridget’s brows rises.

“She didn’t want to, but I didn’t want her to have a sleepless night too.”

“I’m sure she’ll be back first thing.”

“Yeah.” I smile. “Probably so.”

“I’m up on pediatrics all day, so if you need anything, don’t hesitate to text me.”

“Okay.”

She takes a step away, but says, “Really, though, text me if there are any changes. I’ll come down on my lunch break and see how you’re doing.”

Before I can tell her that’s not necessary, she’s walking away toward the elevators. I get coffee and two muffins and head back to Dad’s room. The doctor gives me an update on his progress, followed by a rundown of the weeks to come. He’ll stay here for a few more days at least. They’ll start therapy to hopefully regain the motor and verbal skills that were impacted by the stroke. His memory seems to have returned on its own, which is another good sign.

I feel like I’m staring down months of recovery all over again. He has everything he needs now, but when he goes home, he’s going to need help. I want to be there, if only so we can keep arguing over every little thing.

Everly arrives a little while later, appearing in the doorway with donuts and a breakfast sandwich wrapped in foil. Egg whites on wheat with spinach and turkey bacon – my usual.

“Hi,” she says, sounding more shy than I’ve ever heard her as she glances at me and then my dad.

“Hey, pretty girl.” Dad grins at her.

She hands off the food with a kiss and then steps to his bedside. “How are you?”

“Old and too sober to feel this shitty.”

She laughs, and then he does too.

“Jackie boy knows your secret.” He tips his head to me.

Ev blushes but focuses on Dad instead of me. “I brought a new book for you.”

“Another bodice ripper?” He lifts one brow.

“It’s one chili pepper at best.”

The nurses come in again, this time to get him up walking. I offer to stay and help but they shoo us away so Ev and I head outside to get some fresh air.

“How come you didn’t tell me?” I ask her.

“I don’t know. I guess I thought you might not like it. I’m sorry if it was crossing a line. I could tell he was lonely and when we left, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He loves you. I know it doesn’t change what he’s done or make it easier to forgive him, but he does care about you despite his actions.”

“I forgave him a long time ago. It’s just…he’s all I have, you know?”

“That’s not true. You have me.”

“Did he really send you old photos of me?”

“You really grew into your nose.”

I bark a laugh and damn does it feel good.

“I brought you some more clothes in the car and a cooler with your meals.”

“Thank you.” Making sure I had my food was the last thing on my mind. “I guess I need to check in with the team and figure out how I’m going to manage everything this week. What time do you have to head back today?”

“Whenever.” She’s quiet. Too quiet.

“Ev?”

“I don’t want to go.” Her shoulders are pulled back and she lifts her chin, a clear sign she’s about to say something I won’t like. “I talked to Heather this morning. She told me to take all the time I need, and honestly even if she hadn’t said it was fine, I’d still want to stay. I am where I am supposed to be. I love you. It’s okay to need people, Jack. It doesn’t make you less capable. I want to be here. Let me do that for you like you do for everyone else.”

“I do need you.” I wrap my arms around her. “More than you know, but your job is important.

”

“So is yours,” she says. “I can be here this week with your dad while you have practice or games.”

I shake my head, already hating the idea, but she charges on.

“I will keep you updated, hourly if you want, and you’ll still be here when you can.”

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not. I’m offering. Actually, no. Not offering. Demanding. I’m going to do this for you because I freaking love you, okay? I’m not confused about my priorities or what’s important. A job is just a job.”

“By your own account, then I should stay.”

“Your team is family.”

I pull at my hair. I hate this. My burden feels like hers.

“Also, I like your dad.”

“He’s cranky and irritable, and that’s probably going to increase as they wean him off the meds.”

“I know how to handle cranky and irritable.”

She means me and well, fair, I guess.

“I promise I will take care of him.”

“I’m not worried about that,” I say, linking our fingers together. “It’s just too much. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“Nothing. You’re just lucky.” Her full sass is back and it’s as comforting as the kiss she places on my lips.

“I should have checked on him more,” I say it out loud so maybe my guilt will ease, but it doesn’t.

“He could have checked in more with you too.”

“I tried a dozen times to get him to go to rehab.”

“You can’t force something like that. He has to want it.”

She has an answer for everything. God, I love her for that.

“Do you think he’ll go now?” I ask. It’s something I’ve been thinking about. You hear all the time about people who have a traumatic medical event and turn their life around. Unfortunately, you also hear about people who don’t. I can’t guess which he’ll be.

“I’m not sure,” she says, and I appreciate her honesty, even if it stomps out the little hope I had of it being true.

“Go back to Briar Lake,” I tell her as a new sort of determination settles over me. I can’t change the past, but I can be here now. “Finish your internship and then decide what’s next for you. I need to be here. I want to be here.”

She has that stubborn look on her face. One that’s so familiar it loosens some of the tightness in my chest.

“This isn’t me pushing you away or trying to make decisions for you. I want you here too. Always. God, I don’t know what I’d have done without you the past couple of days. But I’ve got this.”

She still looks conflicted.

“You deserve to finish what you started.” I wink at her playfully as I add, “Go get my house ready.”

Everly finally laughs. She takes a few more seconds to consider before she concedes. “Fine, but promise me if something changes, you’ll ask for help? If not from me, from Tyler or Bridget or anyone else. We all want to be here for you however we can. We all love you.”

Her words feel like an acceptance of something I’ve always known but am finally really understanding. I don’t like letting other people help. I’m not sure that will ever change. I grimace but ultimately nod my agreement.

She pushes up on her toes and brushes her lips over mine. “I’ll be back Friday night.”

“I’ll be counting down the hours.”