Chapter 20: Secret Spots

ADDY

~What a jerk! I was just trying to help. Ungrateful jerk.~

I pull my hair back into a ponytail, muttering curses under my breath. It seems like I’ve been doing that a lot lately. What’s his problem? One minute we’re fine, the next he’s losing his cool over nothing.

I’m convinced. Asher has issues.

~So do you,~ my inner voice chimes in. ~Perfect match~.

I swing the cupboard door open, shoving the cereal we bought earlier onto the bottom shelf.

~If he wants his cereal back, he’s going to have to apologize.~

I dust off more flour from my clothes, heading over to my phone to blast some music. I need to chill out.

I can’t control my movements as I start dancing to the beat, shaking off my anger.

~Stupid jerk!~

I switch off the music.

My eyes well up again as I look at the kitchen. It reminds me of the fun we were having just a few minutes ago. I snort at the irony.

~Who would’ve thought the night would end like this?~

Asher’s laughter echoes in my mind, and I reel back.

I head to my dance studio in the house, a gift from Dad on my sixteenth birthday. Ignoring the flour still clinging to me, I crank up the music again.

For a moment, I just stand there, staring at my reflection in the massive mirror that covers the wall. I can see the anger and hurt swirling in my eyes, and I lose it.

I thrust my hand out in a jerky motion before pulling it back. My feet start moving, and my hands follow. A smile plays on my lips as the music pulses through me, but I’m far from happy.

My body expresses the words I can’t say, the ones I always struggle with. For a moment, I’m grateful I never stopped dancing, even during the toughest times.

No matter how goofy and bubbly I am, I can’t express my true emotions. Not to Mom, Dad, or Kaylee. I can only reveal my feelings when I dance.

Ever since I lost her, I’ve been guarded when it comes to anything related to that night.

~I’m such an idiot. Why did I think Asher would listen to me?~

I foolishly told him something I can’t even talk about with my parents or Kaylee.

My hand glides up my body as I try to keep the pain from completely taking over. I’m in a frenzy as I snap my head back to the mirror. My breath comes out in ragged gasps as I approach it, touching my reflection.

Everything hurts as I push away again. My lungs feel heavy. The burning sensation won’t stop as I leap up, spinning around.

I stop. My heartbeat drowns out the music in my ears.

“You danced beautifully, baby.”

My eyes go wide as I whirl around. My throat tightens as I choke back a sob when I see her standing there.

“Mama?” My voice is barely a whisper as I freeze.

“What are you doing, baby? You’re hurting yourself.” Her words barely reach my ears, and my eyes widen at the familiar voice that used to soothe me to sleep.

My eyes fill with tears as I take a step forward.

“Are you really here?” My mother nods as she reaches out to me. I furiously wipe away a tear and reach out to her, but her figure vanishes into thin air.

“Mama!”

The room starts spinning and I feel dizzy, collapsing to the floor. “Wait, mama!” I don’t get to call out for her to come back, suddenly snapping back to reality.

~She’s not here.~

A sob escapes me as I quickly get up. My fists clench as I close my eyes, the terrible memory playing in my mind.

My legs carry me out of the room and toward my safe place before I realize it. It’s pitch black outside, but for some reason, I don’t mind as I run along the path that I’ve memorized over the years.

Wiping away the tears streaming down my face with my sleeve, I keep running. I trip over a branch on the ground but quickly recover and continue into the forest.

A ~crack~ makes me stop in my tracks, and I quickly look around, fear creeping up my spine.

Nothing.

I continue to walk up toward the small clearing. My eyes are fixed on the stone by the lake as I climb it, settling on top.

“I miss you, mama,” I whisper into the night, feeling a bit better. My hand brushes the cold stone beneath me as I remember the times we sat here together.

Just the two of us.

The moonlight reflects off the lake, and I stare at it, yearning for the comfort of her arms. I look away when the wind ruffles my hair, suddenly screaming when I feel a hand on my back.

I lurch forward, but two hands grab me, pulling me back.

“Let go!” I struggle against the firm grip.

“So this is where you sneak off to at night,” a voice murmurs in my ear.

I gasp, spinning around to meet Asher’s brown eyes.

The cold gaze is gone, replaced with a pleading look.

~Did he hear me earlier?~

“I’m sorry, Buttercup.” He rests his head on my shoulder, and I scrunch my nose in confusion.

“How did you find me?”

“I was about to come back to explain, but then I saw you running into the forest. I followed you.”

~Is he lying? I would’ve noticed if he was following me. Does he know about this clearing too?~

“Oh,” is all I manage to say. His hand comes up to my face, and my eyes widen as he wipes away another tear that’s slipped down my cheek.

“Scoot over,” he says, and I move over, making room for him on the stone.

He settles next to me, but I don’t say anything as I stare ahead, finding some comfort in his presence.

“My parents were childhood sweethearts. Their parents were best friends, so they grew up together.”

I look up at him, my hand brushing against his.

“My mom always said they were inseparable, that they loved each other deeply. I bought into her lie.

“It’s absurd, honestly. If he loved her as much as she loved him, he wouldn’t have betrayed her.”

Asher’s words catch in his throat, his hand finding mine. I stay silent, giving him space to continue.

“It started nine years ago, right when she fell ill. My mom turned a blind eye to his late nights at work. He began to neglect us. She was slowly fading, and he didn’t seem to care.

“I was furious, but that didn’t stop my dad from being indifferent or my mom from excusing his outrageous behavior.

“Just a year later, I discovered she had cancer and that my dad knew. He knew she had leukemia but didn’t give a damn.”

“That’s the only explanation for why he didn’t show up at the hospital when she was dying or why he was absent at her funeral.”

My grip on his hand tightens as he finishes his sentence.

“He’s responsible for her death, Buttercup. If he’d taken better care of her, she wouldn’t have suffered so much.”

“I can still recall the look she gave me before she drew her last breath. She yearned for Dad, but he never showed.”

“That day, I lost my mom and my best friend. My mom was my world. I couldn’t accept that she was gone. I was never the same after that.”

His words make me suck in a sharp breath. I know that feeling all too well.

~I was never the same after that day either.~

“We moved here after that. I haven’t had a real conversation with my dad since.”

“Who called you earlier?” I ask, fiddling with a hole in my leggings with my free hand.

“My aunt. She wants me to come. Dad asked for me.”

“Then go.” I tell him, unable to hold back.

Asher studies me, as if trying to understand me.

“I’m going. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t upset with me first.”

At this, I look up at him, my eyebrows furrowed.

He hops off the stone, then turns around, leaning against it.

“What are you doing?” I ask, poking his back.

“Hop on. I’m not leaving you here at this hour.”

I poke him again. “I can walk by myself, you know.”

He nods, stepping away, but I quickly pull him back before climbing on, wrapping my legs around his waist.

“But I don’t feel like it,” I whisper in his ear, my hands securing themselves around his neck.

He stiffens for a moment before his hands wrap around me. I snuggle closer to his warmth.

Asher chuckles and starts walking back.

“Are you going to tell me why you decided to go anyway?” I ask, trying not to inhale his scent.

~Oh, this is bliss.~

“You. I decided to go because of you.”

I hum in response, unsure of what to say.

~What a corny answer. I knew it all along.~

“You’ll have to sneak in. It’s past visiting hours,” I tell him as my house comes into view.

“I’m aware of that, Buttercup.”

I try to catch his scent one last time when we reach my porch, and he sets me down.

“Are you sure you want to go alone?” I ask, and he nods.

“Thanks for today and for not getting too mad at my outburst.” He grins at me before leaning down to kiss my left cheek.

I gasp, struggling to control my flushed face.

“Get going, now,” I give him a gentle push.

He laughs at my high-pitched voice before turning toward his car.

I stand there, watching him until he disappears around the corner and out of my sight.

My heart doesn’t slow down even when I finally turn around and walk into the house.

~Damn it, Asher. I didn’t think I could fall for you any harder.~

~Who am I kidding?~