Chapter 41: Feeling Lonely

ADDY

The last few days have been a total shit show.

Everything’s back to the way it was before Asher and I started talking.

I should be happy. But I’m not. Not even close.

Kaylee and I are back at our usual lunch table. I’d wandered off to sit alone and she didn’t want me to be by myself, so she left the boys behind.

Seeing Jalina hanging around Asher seems to piss me off more than it used to.

It hurts to see them together. All I want to do is slap the smug smile off her face.

Not that I’m a violent person.

I just can’t stand her self-satisfied grin. Like she’s won some stupid war...but I guess she has. She did win.

She has Asher.

He smiles at her the way he used to smile at me.

How could I have ever believed that nothing could ever make us act the way we are now?

I’d convinced myself that our friendship was more than it really was.

“I was delusional,” I confess to Kaylee as I sit on the swing next to her. She looks up at me.

“What happened to marrying Asher?” Kaylee asks from beside me. Her hair is pulled up in a tight ponytail that swings back and forth with her.

I roll my eyes. “That was before I really got to know him, Kay. I ended up falling harder for him, only to get my heart crushed. I don’t know why I thought it would ever work out.”

I run a hand through my hair, holding onto the swing with the other.

“I don’t... I don’t think I like him anymore.” I struggle to get the words out as I look at the night sky, avoiding eye contact with my best friend.

“You can’t just fall out of love with people like that, Addy.” Kay leans her head back as she swings back and forth.

I look back at her.

“I fell in love with him without really knowing who he was. Even though I fell for more than just his looks, I still didn’t really know who Asher King was until I got to know him, Kaylee.

“I fell all over again when I spent time with him. It changed me, you know. I started getting less obsessive—”

She interrupts me. “Less obsessive? Are you trying to convince yourself of that? Because I can tell you right now that you didn’t get any less obsessive.”

I flip her off before moving my feet around, pushing off the ground to get the swing going as well.

“Fine, I stalked him less, then, when I got to know him. I started liking him and I just thought that maybe, just maybe he liked me back.”

“I mean he was giving me all the signs. He was spending time with me. We kissed, right? Or did I just imagine that?”

Did I make up all our moments together? Everything felt so real. The kiss felt so real…

“I don’t know, baby. I told you that I would talk to him if you’d just let me. But you don’t want that either.”

I huff.

“There’s no point.” I jump down from the swing, landing on the ground with ease.

“I get it. Let’s not talk about it anymore,” she says, jumping down as well.

“Yeah... it’s nearly ten. Let’s go.”

“Yeah, I should get home.” She kisses me on the cheek before turning to leave.

“Addy?”

I turn back to look at her.

“I know you’re feeling down, but you know you can always talk to me, right?”

I smile at her.

“I know that, thanks!”

She nods, smiling back, before heading home.

~I needed that talk.~

***

“Muffin?” I hear Dad on the other end of the phone.

“Yes?” I answer him.

“Is Mom at home?”

“No, she just left. She had an earlier flight than she thought.” Mom had rushed off at the last minute to catch her plane.

“Oh, okay. I tried to call her but she didn’t pick up.”

I hold the receiver against my ear impatiently. I’m not in the mood to talk.

“Take care of yourself, then. I made spaghetti and meatballs before I left. It’s in the fridge. Eat something, okay?”

“Thanks, Dad. I will. Talk to you later!”

“Talk to you later, Muffin.”

I end the call, not waiting for him to say anything else before walking to the kitchen.

“Spaghetti and meatballs,” I mutter to myself as I trudge into the kitchen. I pull the food out of the fridge and slam it on the table.

I rip the lid off the container, grab a fork and start digging in.

I groan at the taste of the cold food before reluctantly putting the whole thing into the microwave to heat it up, slightly pissed off.

A minute later I take it out, feeling more than hungry.

I finish the food standing up, lost in thought.

~Asher.~

~Asher.~

~Asher.~

~Who else...?~

I head up to my room after eating, ready to throw myself onto the bed, when I notice something.

My eyes widen slightly as I look out of my window and into his. My heart quickens at the sight of him, I stand there just looking, praying that he won’t notice me staring.

The way he’s lying on his bed, softly strumming his guitar, reminds me of how I used to stand there for minutes every day just admiring him.

I smile at the thought, moving away from the view.

~I miss you, Asher.~