She lay down, but couldn't sleep. The memories, which she had learned to lock inside her, were resurfacing now and demanded her full attention. But she couldn't let them rise. They would assault her and cripple her with grief. Since she could remember, her only defence was to forget. If she let them out now, she will never manage to stop the pain!
She needed to somehow regain control. She requested saké and the bottle arrived promptly. In the past alcohol used to help. But not this time...
If she could only jump in a saddle again and gallop into the night, the wind and the physical exhaustion would calm her and expel her sadness...
After the whole bottle of saké and a restless night, Anna felt she was suffocating in her room. She needed to get out! Barefoot and wearing only her thin sleeping kimono, she snuck out, hoping that the freshness of the sunrise will calm her.
For some time she wandered around the gardens, distinctly feeling the eyes of the hidden guards following her. But she didn't care.
Her memories flooded her and there was nothing she could do to stop them. The memories of her father, who died, saving her life; of her mother, who died of a broken heart; of the people who raised her, risking their own lives; of her uncle...
Hot tears ran down her cheeks. She had never cried for herself and now she was unable to stop it. Sobbing miserably, she tried to find some secluded spot, where she could burrow like an animal and suffer without any witnesses.
But, unexpectedly, she came across Lord Takeda. He was practicing with his katana. His chest was bare and he was wearing only his hakama trousers.
He was very surprised to see her there, at this early hour. With shock he took in her appearance: her flushed face, dishevelled kimono and tears streaming from her eyes. He sheathed his sword and came closer.
In this first moment he assumed that someone had assaulted her, but dismissed that thought immediately. Nobody from his household would have dared lift a hand against his personal guest. When he came even closer, he smelt alcohol and saw the unbearable pain in her eyes. He understood that she needed his help.
Without a word he came very close and enveloped her in his strong arms. She rested her burning forehead on his muscular chest and tried to suppress her sobs. His body was warm and smelled fresh. It also smelled of something else, something familiar, something half-forgotten from her childhood, but she couldn't identify it now. And although her reason told her to leave, she submitted to his strength and calm dignity. She let him enfold her in his arms and gently stroke her back. He didn't ask for reasons. He was just there for her.
For the first time in her adult life she felt absolutely safe and secure...
When her sobs gradually subsided and the tears stopped flowing, he stepped back a little and only with a tip of his finger he wiped the last traces of sadness from her face. Her skin was so delicate and soft. And her striking eyes shone through the tears, like two precious sapphire stones.
His touch had such a sensual power that her heart skipped a beat, then started pounding in her chest and she felt fluttering in her stomach.
When she raised her eyes to him, he noticed a fire burning behind the sadness. He leaned a little and very gently kissed her. Her body reacted immediately, pressing into his and he felt the heat rising in her.
Still without a word, he lifted her up and carried her towards the house.
Inside his bedroom he set her gently down. He removed his katana and deposited it on its decorative stand in the corner of the room.
She waited there without a movement. But when he stood behind and nuzzled her neck, a shiver run through her like a strike of lightning. Very gently he untied her sash and let her kimono drop to the floor. He looked at her with admiration. Her body was toned and muscular, her skin as pale as the moonlight. He felt heat rising and coursing through his own body. With his fingers he traced the line of her collarbone and it sent shots of electricity through her skin.
With a jolt of realisation she sensed that until now they both denied this mutual attraction, but that they both unconsciously gravitated to this very moment from the first time they met.
He stepped out of his garment and came closer to embrace her again. "You are so beautiful." He whispered, kissing her again. This time with passion...
They made love with the intensity and abandon, none of them had experienced before.
The passion they shared and the happiness she felt at this moment were enough to dispel the sadness and Anna just fell asleep in his arms...
*
When she woke up, she felt his strong arms still embracing her and his dark eyes looking at her with some new expression. The one she had not witnessed before.
"Bloody hell!" She grumbled, understanding what had happened. But she didn't make any attempts to free herself from his embrace. "It seems that I didn't manage to resist you after all."
He regaled her with one of his gorgeous smiles. "I must confess, I took advantage of you in the moment of your weakness. But I would do it a thousand times again, without a moment of hesitation or remorse."
"Oh..."
"You gave me something I had never experienced before. The delight coming from giving and receiving pleasure for pleasure itself. Without any expectations or plans for gain... It was a beautiful morning." He kissed her shoulder and a wave of heat rose again in her.
Against his body her skin looked very white. With his finger he traced some scars on her back. Strangely, these blemishes made her even more perfect in his eyes.
"What are these?"
"Believe it or not, but I was once attacked by a mountain lion. Do you know what a mountain lion is?
"Yes." He confirmed.
"I would have died that day if it wasn't for my uncle... But these are ancient stories." She didn't want to bring back sad memories. At this moment she felt satisfied and relaxed.
With a sudden clarity she realised that all her life, all the choices and countless mistakes she had made, everything she had experienced and suffered up till now led to this precious moment. Here. With him.
"Anna..." He tried to say something, but she stopped him.
"That's not my name."
"I don't understand." He looked at her, confused.
"Anna is not my name. I adopted it to hide my true identity. My real name is Charlotte à lverstrand."
His brows knitted in surprise. "This does not sound like an American name." He said carefully, not wanting to offend her.
"No." She smiled. "Because it is not American. My father was a Count..." She hesitated, unsure how to explain this title to him. "He was like a DaimyÅ in Norway, a country far in the north... My parents used to call me Lottie." She smiled again, this time with sadness.
"May I call you Lottie?" He asked gently.
"If it pleases you, My Lord."
"But only if it pleases you!" He offered. "And don't address me so officially when we are so close. My name is Hikaru."
"Hikaru..." She repeated. 'Shining brilliance'. She smiled. "A very suitable name for an extraordinary man."
"Thank you, Lottie." He said her name with a true delight and suddenly changed the subject. "You know that it is our custom to show gratitude after a bedding."
"I didn't share myself with you for a gift!" She cut him off with indignation.
"I know... And I would be troubled by my inability to find the gift suitable enough to convey my feelings for you. But I want you to have this." He took off the wristband he was wearing and slipped it delicately on her hand. It went almost to her shoulder. It had his crest of four diamonds and some other intricate design encircling the band. "If you ever find yourself in trouble, show this and the help will be given to you."
She tried to protest, but he stopped her. "I want you to have it. I am still worried that your life may be in danger when I am not nearby to protect you. Please, accept it. It is very dear to me, as it was the first gift I received from my father."
"Then I can't accept it."
"You will honour me, wearing it." He bowed.
His eyes were so compelling that she couldn't protest any more. She nodded and embraced him with gratitude.
"I have to go!" She declared suddenly. "I don't want anybody to see me leaving your room..." She stopped mid-sentence, seeing his amused expression. "Ah..." She understood. "The whole household already knows that I have been seduced."
"Strictly speaking, it was you who seduced me." He was teasing. "What woman walks in the garden, at the crack of dawn, wearing only a thin kimono?" He laughed, without any regard for his position. "Seeing you like that, nobody would be able to resist."
She pretended to be offended, but he could see her smiling eyes.
She stretched luxuriantly and sat up. "I need a bath. And some sleep."
"I will send you servants." He wrapped himself in a plain kimono. "But later I would like to see you again. We can talk about poetry, gardening or... anything you want. But I need to spend time with you."
In that instant he appeared to her to be so handsome and alluring that she would not be able to refuse him anything.
He came back to kiss her for a good-bye, but at that moment they both felt an overwhelming desire they neither could, nor wished to resist. He shrugged off his kimono, embraced her again and they both plunged into mutually shared pleasure...