ONE MORE MISTAKE
BITTER
When I first got the news Sterling Haze was dead, I didn't know what to feel.
It was impossible to believe because the last couple of times I saw him, he was fine and alive.
Then he was gone missing.
I remembered everyone talking about him, coming up with stupid reasons as to why he disappeared. We all believed that he was never going to be found, in cases like these they usually never were.
That was until a week later on a Wednesday morning, he walked in Royal High so full of himself. And nothing was wrong with him, he looked so smug with a glint in his eyes that made me believe that this was exactly what he wanted.
He loved the attention we all gave to him. He craved it as much as he used to crave drugs.
I started to hate him then. He thought this was fun.
A sick joke he pulled on us.
Some of the rumors mentioned his obsession with drugs. They all thought he overdosed somewhere in the woods, his body hidden where no one would find him. They were all so sure it was that.
But I didn't believe those rumors because I knew he didn't take drugs anymore. He hasn't for a very long time.
He had a smile on his face that fooled everyone, even me. He looked and acted like he hadn't disappeared for a week. Who would've known he was going to die that night.
He was burned alive, they said.
He was suicidal, they said.
His body couldn't be recovered, they said.
I know I didn't know Sterling very well, he made sure to prove it to me, but one thing I knew was that something horrible happened to him. I just couldn't make myself care for the truth anymore.
At his funeral there were loud cries everywhere making me feel heartless because not a single tear came out. I remember thinking that these people were crying for someone who probably wasn't even in that coffin. His whole body was turned into nothing. My face was blank with nothing showing and nothing giving. I knew then that I really needed to get out of there. I hated funerals and that one was no exception.
When I walked into the city's Hospital I had already wanted to leave. Another thing I hated was hospitals. It was the smell and the eerie feeling that made me want to never step foot in a hospital. However, how could I deny visiting the one person who's never betrayed me.
When I was getting closer to the room some nurse stopped me from walking in the room.
"Sorry, but only family members are allowed." The nurse told me as she gave me an apologetic smile. She was new, I haven't seen her before which was why I explained my situation to her.
"I'm Thea Nightingale, I'm a very good friend of Caine. He's actually my fiancé." I didn't like mentioning that, and it was rare when I did but if I wanted to visit Caine there was no other way.
The nurse eyes widened a bit, as if she recognized my name. "That's right, Caine's parents told me about you. I'm sorry about that, you may go ahead." She smiled softly as she walked away and I took a minute to collect myself before walking into the room.
"Thea Nightingale, will you please let me kiss that frown off that pretty face of yours?" A very familiar and comforting voice called out to me. It felt like a warm hug after the day I've had.
Once my eyes landed on the pale boy who was lying on the hospital bed I couldn't help but smile. For a moment, I was able to forget all about Sterling and the humiliation I endured. I was able to give Caine my full attention, which was what he deserved.
Caine lifted his arms, opening them wide. I tried to hold my smile even as I saw how thin his arms were. His bones were jutting out from skin, and by the shakiness of them I knew he had put in the effort to lift them.
I made my way towards him and didn't waste time to wrap my arms around him. He laughed then, and it took everything in mine not to start crying.
"I've missed you so much" I whispered, closing my eyes and laying my head on his breathing chest. I wanted time to pause in this moment, but no matter how much I want time to stop it won't. It'll continue, and continue and so that's why I needed to appreciate what I had now. Because I'll never know when will be the last.
"Well I didn't" he said as he chuckled, his chest shaking softly. I looked up and smiled softly, lifting my hand to remove his bangs from his forehead. He took the opportunity to grab my hand to pull me closer.
"Now that kiss, Thea" he then said seriously and I almost thought he was actually being serious until he cracked a smile that he couldn't really hold anymore and then full on laughed. My lips soon curved up.
His smile was contagious.
"You should've seen your face, you almost looked scared. Am I really that scary?" He asked while I softly hit his shoulder. Caine is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. Though we may be engaged we don't share romantic feelings for each other. The engagement was only for business purposes and at first I didn't agree with that but after getting to know him I knew that if I were ever going to get married, he would be the one.
He was the best and honest choice for me compared to all the other ones my uncle threw my way.
After three months getting to know each other, Caine and I got engaged. It wasn't after we all found out he got leukemia.
"Hey, hey, what happened?" He asked ever so softly. I didn't know a tear had slipped away until Caine wiped it with soft hands. His face was now full of concern. I looked down trying to remove those thoughts away, cracking a fake smile.
Suddenly his finger slipped under my chin and then smoothly lifted up face. I smiled as I met his eyes.
I'm so lucky I've met him, I thought as I stared into his eyes. The only thing my uncle did right.
"Nothing. It's just today wasn't the best but I'll manage." I say, pulling away and standing up. Even though I wasn't looking at him anymore, I felt his eyes on me. I felt his concern but being the person that he was, he stayed quiet.
"I wanted to see you, I wanted to know how you were feeling. The last time we saw each other, you didn't seem well." I wiped the tear, and turned to face him once again.
He nodded, a tight smile forming on his lips. He pulled his arms closer to his chest then to turned to at the glass window where a couple of nurses were passing by.
"It's hard to be in a place like this, not everyday is going to be a good day for me. But I know that I'm going to have hard days and easy days. That was a bad day, however today is one of the good ones." He beamed, however he still didn't look at me. He began to rub his arm.
"And why is that?" I asked as I sat down on the corner of the bed.
"They say the chemotherapy is working, but not by much. They told me not to get excited about it just yet, still this is big." His smile was wide, and his eyes held the same kind of look that I used to see before he got diagnosed. He looked happy yet it felt so bittersweet because at any moment it could be taken away.
I reach out to him, and grip his leg. He turns to look at me, and I give him my best smile.
"You have no idea how happy that makes me." He's two years older than me, however in this moment he looks younger than me. Especially with the slight glint in his eyes.
I never understood how he was able to smile like that under these circumstances. I was aware of the pain and suffering he's endured, but any person wouldn't be able to tell. He was very good at hiding his pain to try and please others.
He was the strongest person I knew.
"You do know that I care about you so much-"I started but he groaned.
"Oh not this again, please let's save our tears for some other time. I also don't want you to wet my gown." He added with a smirk.
I softly punched his leg.
"Caine, you're being mean." He kicked me with his leg and laughed when he saw my reaction.
"I guess we switched personalities, how does feel it now?" He asked, his eyes twinkling. I stood up and walked over to sit next to him.
"Hmm, I don't like it. Plus I like you much more when you're nice, it suits you better." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and instead of pulling me in, he pushed me away.
"Now you're playing the part a little too well" I say as I look over at him with my arms crossed. His teasing smile wears off and he points at the clock sitting on the table.
"It's time, isn't your uncle expecting you back home soon?" His eyebrows furrowed slightly and he starts to rub his arms once again. He's concern about what my uncle would do to me if I were to arrive late.
My smile disappears from my face and I nod.
"Yeah, it's time." I say softly. He notices my change and shake his head.
"I wish I were able to get you out of your uncles hands. He's a piece of a shit." He confesses as he lift his arms once again. I lean in and give him a tight hug.
We take a moment before we both lean away.
"I'll come by tomorrow, right after school as always but I promise I'll stay longer " I say as I twist the handle and open it.
He nods his head and smiles but the smile looks forced. I wave goodbye before I walk out of the room. I wipe the tear that suddenly escaped my eye and walk along the hallway towards the entrance.
Once I'm outside I feel the wind rush through me. I wrap my arms around my torso and walk towards my car. I quickly get inside the car and put key in the ignition to turn it on. It roars to life and I leave the parking lot.
Once I was out of the hospital property, I head home.
I try not to think of the consequences but it's hard not to when I'm alone with my head.
I could always say I was with Caine but I bet my uncle wouldn't believe a single word that would come out of my mouth. He'll think I was out trying to steal his money or worse, he'll think I was trying to run away.
I turned right and the home that I seemed to be living in was in view, ignoring the urge to turn the car the other way. The house was considered one of the biggest houses around the block. Its beautiful flowers and trees made the house look full of love and family but little did you know it really wasn't like that, it was the opposite. When the gates opened automatically, I made my way through the drive way towards the front. Once I had parked the car next to the black car, I got off.
I looked over my watch and noticed I was ten minutes late. With a sigh I walked towards the glass door and right in. When I walked in I was met with loud silence. This is what I usually get home to, which sucks but I've gotten used to it.
"About fucking time." The voice boomed around the house, his words echoing.
I dropped my bag, sighing softly before turning to look at him. I met his cold stare from atop the stairs, his elbows leaning on the banister. From down here, I was able to notice the disappointment in his face and the cruel smile. He leaned away from the railing and lifted his arms dramatically, his drink spilling out of the glass.
"Well. Explain yourself," he pulled his sleeve up to look at his watch, which caused more wine to spill out. The drink splashed all the way down to the glass floor, some droplets landing on my foot.
"What took you so long to get here?" He looked calm, but I knew this was all a front. He couldn't hide it as much as he thought he could.
I could've dragged it on but after everything that happened today, I wanted to go to my room and sleep.
"I visited Caine at the hospital. Whether you believe it or not, that's on you." I made my way towards the stairs, and as I walked each step towards him I felt his eyes on me. But I didn't met his eyes, because then he'll be able to see how terrified I was.
I took a shaky breath before forcing my feet to walk to him. Once I'm standing before him, I lean in to kiss him on the cheek.
I pull away and just as I'm about to walk away, he grabs my upper arm. He pulls in close to whisper in my ear.
"I don't believe you, but if I come to know of some rebellious plan just know I won't hesitate to take all of your inheritance." I pulled my arm away from his grip, glaring at him from over my shoulder.
"You'll do just about anything to keep it, right?" I asked, the words he once uttered were engraved in my mind. "That's the only reason why I'm here, why you took me in. I don't need the reminder." I said bitterly. The words were an accusation, but he didn't seem to note it. He was just pissed off I was mocking him.
His smile was gone, now his true face was in full bloom. His rage ran deep, and for a moment I wondered if he forgot I was his niece not some enemy. It would've been easier if he didn't hate me, maybe I wouldn't hate my life so much.
His eyes twitched as if he knew exactly what I was thinking.
He looked away and gripped the railing once again.
"Get out of my sight you ungrateful brat." I knew the hidden message of his words.
Get out before I slap you and punish you for disrespecting me.
He didn't need to tell me twice, I walked away from him and headed straight to my room. Once I locked the door, I heard glass shattering.
I smile.
â
When I parked my car in front of Royal High a car next to me parked right after me. I don't turn to look at Sterling, but I feel his eyes on me even through tinted windows.
I get off the car and slam the door, ignoring his approaching figure. I walk into the building and everything was the same. It all looked the same but yet it felt different, so different. Without Caine nor...
I shook my head, I couldn't possibly be going there. I raised up my chin and set my eyes straight ahead.
Once I got to my locker I took out the books I needed and put in the ones I didn't need. I shut it closed and wasn't surprised when brown eyes met mine. She smiled cheekily at me, I don't smile back.
She ignores it and grabs my wrist, pulling me with her down the hallway.
"I didn't see you at the party last Friday, why didn't you go? Me and Nate really missed you there" Alexis Wood said as I removed my wrist out of her hold. She glanced down, but smiled wider when she met my eyes.
I wasn't sure why she was still trying to be friendly with me. She knew I didn't want her company, I preferred to be alone.
The only reason why she wanted to be close with me was because I used to be with familiar with Sterling's group of friends. She thought I would rekindle my friendship with them and she wanted to be there whenever that happened.
If she only knew they all hated me and wanted to nothing to do with me.
"I didn't want to go," I said, not bothering to make excuses. She tried to hide her surprise, but I saw it from the way her eyes widened and her lips twitched.
I'm sure she grew to hate me for the way I treated her.
"Oh okay...well I hope you don't have anything going on this weekend. Nate and I are going to have a small party, you're welcome to come. Also for lunch, you're able to join us..." her voice became white noise when I saw who walked in school.
Sterling didn't have anyone around him except Alexandra who walked the same pace as he did. They were in sync, copying each other's movements.
However, Sterling looked distracted his face twisting to a frown. Alexandra's lips kept moving, her hands moving all over the place as if she was telling him a winning story. Almost as if he felt my eyes, he looked up and locked eyes with me.
"What do you think?" Alexis squeezed my arm.
"Mhm" I don't bother to say anything else.
I walk away from her and make my way towards Sterling. It's clear he doesn't want me near him, especially when Alexandra is with him. But she's not going to be the reason why I'm not confronting him.
Sterling looks away from me and stops Alexandra from walking any further. His lips move quickly, and I expected her eyes to meet mine in a glare however when I'm merely steps away, Alexandra walks the other way.
I continue to make my way towards him with determination.
I don't waste time, I grip his wrist and drag him down the hallway where many stare at us with interest.
I don't look back at him, but I wondered why he was letting me drag him like this. I expected him to pull away, and ignore me. However he wasn't, he was just following me around with no fight.
I ignore the urge to look at him. I continue walking down the hallway, until I spot an empty classroom and basically push him in.
I slam the door then throw my bag on to the floor. It takes me enough courage to meet his eye and when I do I can't help but feel resentful.
His face is a replica of mine, but I wasn't sure why he was angry at me.
We didn't say anything, not for a moment. But I could tell he wanted to, his jaw was tight and his eyes held a dark secret I wanted to figure out. But before he could utter a word, I spoke.
"You were never dead" I stated as I took a step back. I shook my head and gave him my most insincere smile.
His glare mellowed.
"How'd you do it? I mean bravo, you fooled all of us. You fooled me. I thought you were dead, you're parents thought you were dead and you were okay with that. You knew we were all going to suffer but you chose not to care. How could you? How cruel could you possibly be? How could a person be sick enough to do that?"
He was taken by surprise by my words. He's never seen this side of me before, I was never this callous towards him. For a moment, I wanted to shut up and let him explain himself because there had to be a reason. I should've let him give an explanation, that was the logical thing to do but after his lack of interest and his dull demeanor towards me I didn't want to give him a chance.
He acted like he didn't know me, like he didn't owe me anything. And so the bitter part of me wanted to get him back.
He took a step towards me.
"You don't-" he started but I cut him off just as quickly.
"Don't what? Know anything? Yeah you proved it to me. I know nothing about you. I don't even know who you are, I don't think I ever did. Honestly, who would've thought that you enjoyed this kind of attention. Because that's why you did it, right? For the attention?" I spit out, venom practically coming out of my mouth. I didn't expect him to react to my commentary but I practically felt his anger radiating off him.
"Who else knew that you were alive? Alexandra? You two seemed to be in a very interesting conversation. Was she the one who helped you get away, was she the one in charge of erasing all possible evidence of your disappearance? And was it Ysabel and Linda that started the rumors, they sure know how to talk. And Rory, I bet he was the one who came up with the idea. All your little friends were part of this sick joke, weren't they?" I wasn't aware of my growing hatred towards Sterling and his friends.
It's never been this way before, even though we grew apart before his supposed death, I never hated Sterling. I could've never hated the one person who promised me they wouldn't leave. All I felt for him was deep admiration and affection. I wouldn't dare to despise him before but now as I stared at him, this strange feeling engulfed me. I felt it slowly growing into something vile and painful.
"I don't even want to know why you did all this. All I want to know is why you came back?" Those words seem to hurt him more than I expected. He took a step away from me, a look of betrayal crossing his eyes and I knew I should've stopped there. He was after all a person who I used to love, but the words flowed out of me because deep down I wanted him to hurt just like me.
Not even his glistening eyes stopped me from spitting the next words.
"It's been months, no one needs you now. I certainly don't. Why didn't you just stay wherever you were and never decided to come back?" My voice was void of emotion, however I felt the cruelty of my words like needles piercings my skin.
But it was nothing compared to the look on his face. It was as if I aimed my greatest weapon straight at his heart.
For once, since his reappearance, he looked destroyed. I wanted nothing more than to take back my words and apologize but that venomous part of me told me he deserved this.
He turned away from me, but I saw him wipe the tear that marked his cheek.
I wanted a reaction from him but now that I had one, I hated myself for it.
I turned from him, and blinked hard enough to see black.
I didn't wait for him to say anything, I grabbed my bag from the floor and walked towards the door. I hardly made it outside when I heard him call my name, the word coming out broken and low.
I stopped but I didn't turn to look at him. Instead I looked down at my feet, my shame too heavy to carry.
"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." His voice was a whisper, but I heard the desperation from where I stood. I looked at him over my shoulder and saw him express a look I knew too well. I've seen it countless times whenever he regretted something. And although it wasn't pleasant to watch, I felt some sort of relief because for once I saw the sterling I once knew.
"It wasn't my intention to hurt you or anyone. And it wasn't some sick joke, I had my reason, reasons you may not understand. But don't think that I did it to hurt you, because I didn't. You have to know that it wasn't easy for me to leave, to create a false lie. I hated it, much more than you think and believe it or not but I do regret it. These months have been torture, you have no idea the shit I went through. No idea." He shook his head, his eyes closed as if to block a bad memory.
I gripped my hand.
"What happened to you?" The words were out before I knew it.
He opened his eyes but nothing came out of his mouth. He stayed silent, treasuring his secret.
I was giving him the opportunity to speak, I was willing to listen to him to try and understand but he wasn't saying anything.
He didn't trust me, I realized.
He didn't want to tell me of his reasons, that was fine with me.
"Fuck you." My voice didn't align with my emotions, they sounded pathetic in the quiet room.
I walked away from him before he began to tell me how sorry he was.
It was all bullshit.
I was so distracted that I didn't notice the person who was standing near the door. I didn't notice them lingering, until I came face to face with Ysabel.
She had trouble trying to hide her anger but I was able to spot it in her eyes. She was angry Sterling was giving me the time of day.
She looked over my shoulder, then back at me.
"You shouldn't get involved with us, again. You did it once and it didn't end well so I suggest you to stay away from us. Including Sterling. " Was all Ysabel Rossellini said before walking away.
I wanted to kill her.