"You're everywhere
except right here
and it hurts"
- Rupi Kaur
One More Mistake
Chapter sixty
â± This is was what I wanted to avoid which was the pity stares with small smiles heading my way, but in all honesty they couldn't care less about my problems.
All day I've been dealing with it and I tried to ignore them but it was impossible. Just as I about to leave my classroom, I heard someone call my name. The voice was familiar and a small chill ran up my spine when I locked eyes with Owen.
"I'm sorry about Caine" he said lowly as students walked around us, trying to leave class and head towards lunch.
"I know you don't like it when people try to sympathize with you but I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you" he said, and from the look from his eyes I've realized that he actually cared unlike everyone who only pretended to care.
"Thank you" I said, looking away from him, feeling the eyes of someone I knew better than to want. But there he was was, standing there, watching me and waiting for me. He wasn't so far away, giving me just the perfect amount of space but not much if I decided to run away from him.
Rory seemed determined to talk to me.
"Please Thea call me if you need anything, I'll only be a phone call away." I felt his hands land on my shoulder and that's when I looked back at Owen. His eyes were glued to mine, concerned laced with his voice.
"Just a phone call away" I say with a tight smile, but my attention wasn't on him anymore.
Owen stared at me for a while longer before giving me a small kiss on my forehead and leaving. When his body disappeared, Rory's body came into view. He soon started to walk towards me but I was already walking away.
"Thea" He called out to me softly, pleadingly and almost painfully. I wasn't planning to stop, I could've easily walked away from him without so much as a single glance but the way he spoke my name turned something in me. I hated the way it made my body feel, like it ached for him. I hated that I stopped shortly after, like I was compelled to listen to him, and only to him.
My steps faltered and soon my eyes shut when I realized the spell he had on me.
I didn't need to open my eyes to know that Rory stood in front of me. I felt his eyes on me, and I imagined them to look at me with that look he only gave to me in secret when no one was watching. The urge to open my eyes and meet his was unbearable.
"Look at me" he whispered tenderly and soon enough I felt my eyes flutter open to look solely at him. He was even more painfully beautiful when he staring at me like I meant something more to him, like I was someone important and he would do anything to protect me.
If only that were true.
Rory didn't have to touch me, but he did like he couldn't resist it. His cold hands softly grabbed my cheeks, and I could've sworn his eyes lit up when I stepped closer to him.
I didn't remove his hands from my face.
"Yesterday-" he started, his voice sounding much more deeper than I expected it to be. He could've been the most perfect human being yet it didn't mean that I forgotten what he's done.
"You knew all along" I stated not letting him explain himself. He seemed hurt by my confession but also bothered by my sudden lack of emotion.
"I didn't know, Thea" he says, frustration covering his features.
I stare at him blankly, trying to figure him out. I wasn't ever good at reading people, especially not him. He hide them so well and I couldn't help but envy him.
"Then how is it that you planned his disappearance?" I didn't mean for my voice to crack, however he heard it and frowned.
"Yes, I did help him with that. But I didn't know the reason why, he never told me and to be honest with you I don't think I would've wanted to. He came to me, pleading me to help him and there was a desperation in him that didn't make me think twice of the situation." His words felt true, but there was this nagging feeling that told me otherwise. I didn't even know if it had to do with him or me.
I couldn't even trust my own instincts anymore.
He leaned in closer to me.
"I wouldn't keep something like that from you, especially you." I didn't know what to think anymore, I should've trusted his words, but after everything that's happened I couldn't give away my trust away that easily.
He must've noticed this in my face and it pained me to see him look at me like that. Like I betrayed him, it wasn't fair.
"You don't believe me," he stated.
"I don't know," I whispered.
His eyes were intense, something I've never seen on him or probably never noticed until now. It was different, bold, and dangerous. It was as if he was telling me everything he couldn't say. It was a shame I wasn't able to decipher it. I wondered what would come of me if I did.
It was a look I knew I shouldn't have.
Painfully, I pulled his hands off my face and backed away from him.
He looked torn, not knowing if he should reach for me again or just stare at me from a distance.
My heart stammered against my chest.
"I need to get going" I said tearing my eyes off him and quickly walking away from him.
I needed to get away from him, he did things to me that I wouldn't want anyone to have control over. I couldn't bare the thought of him actually looking at me for so long. He's seen me many times but this time it felt so different and I know he felt it as well.
That's why I had to walk away because I know he wouldn't.
When I was about to walk away from the empty hallway, I felt an uncomfortable feeling of someone watching me. I didn't need to look around to find out who it was because he was in view, standing a couple feet away from me.
Sterling looked horrible, he had bloodshot eyes with huge eye bags under his eyes. His lips were almost white, and chapped. His hair looked messy and when I looked at his fist, it was bruised up.
He was a mess and I couldn't help but feel some kind of remorse for him. I know I shouldn't but I couldn't stop myself from feeling it. He was the boy who lied to me, and hurt me yet...
I stoped myself from asking him if he was okay. I realized that I couldn't just make myself hate him overnight, because it wasn't possible. He was in my life for far much longer than that but I also couldn't just ignore the fact that he was the reason why Scarlett wasn't with me.
It wasn't my fault that our relationship fell apart, it was his. I shouldn't blame anyone but him because he made sure to ruin the trust I had over him.
He was the reason, not me.
He stood still, his breathing becoming heavy.
I took a small step before walking right past him, ignoring his eyes calling for help, for redemption.
"Please listen to me" he finally spoke, his voice sounding hoarsely.
"I don't owe you anything sterling, you lied to me and I don't want anything to do with you" I didn't turn to look back at him, and finally walked away.
But as I was walking on the empty hallway, I felt guilty. I've question myself if I was doing the right thing, of removing him out my life and treating him like a horrible person. I know in life we make many mistakes and that night he just made one of the worst mistake of his life.
A horrible mistake.
What if he hasn't been living the life I thought has has been like I imaged. What if he's been beating himself over that night ever since?
Was I the horrible person to not give him redemption? Was I making a mistake?
I looked over my shoulder, expecting Sterling to be standing there but he wasn't. The hallway was empty.
He was gone.
"It's hard isn't it, trying to love someone after they've done nothing but hurt you" I quickly looked behind me, and found Raine leaning on the lockers. She had her arms across her chest, leaning her head in the lockers as well.
"How long have you been here?" I asked, looking around making sure no one else was watching us.
"Long enough to know that you hate and love your brother at the same time" I snapped my eyes back at her, and without knowing it, I made my way towards her.
"What do you want Raine?" I asked, trying to figure out what she was up to. She didn't speak to me for about a month and now she was here. It was obvious she wanted something from me.
"You have nothing in this town anymore, one of your closest friend just died a week ago and well your own brother betrayed you, lied to you. You have nobody anymore" she said, her voice immune to any kind of emotion.
She was right, there was nobody in here for me. I didn't have anyone anymore though I knew that. But when she spoke it out, it felt like I was hearing it for the first time. And it had hit me harder than I thought.
"How did you know about Sterling?" I asked realizing that I didn't tell anyone about what Sterling did. She shrugged her shoulders before looking away.
"I heard sterling talking about it with Alexandra" she said.
"Alexandra knew about this?" I asked, ignoring the sudden pain I felt when I realized that Sterling told her but not me.
"Yeah, I guess he trusted her more" she said, knowing exactly where she was going with this.
"Do you know now that there's nobody here you can truly relay on?" She asked, trying to meet my eyes.
I then felt her hand on my chin, and soon enough she lifted up my face to look her.
"I know how it feel Thea, so that's why I'm going to propose you something." I pushed her hand away from my face.
"No, I'm not falling for your shit again. You played me the first time into thinking we were going to get revenge for Bruce but all you were trying to do with me is fuck with my head." I had enough of her tricks and games.
"This is different, and I don't think you'll hesitate to accept" she says as she approaches me.
"What do you want?" I asked, once more.
She smiled teasingly at me.
"Tonight, Alec and I are leaving this town for good. We don't want to be part of this anyone, so if you would want to come with us. Meet us at 9pm in Alec's house." She winked at me before walking away.
I stared at her figure until it wasn't there anymore.
She wanted me to run away with them but my first thought was no. She was just as bad as Bruce and it was as if I was leaving with him by my side. While Alec was a person who I didn't know much about but I knew enough to not trust him. After everything they done to me, I couldn't possibly leave with them.
But when I thought of a reason to stay, nothing came up. I didn't belong here anymore and I couldn't bare the thought of Bruce controlling my life for the rest of my days.
So the only option for me was to leave.
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