"I think I'll miss you forever"
- Lana Del Rey
Epilogue
â± A soft hand grazed my bare back, shoulders touching mine.
"How do you feel?" I heard his deep voice ask, feeling his lips next to my ear.
I sigh and shuffle on my seat.
"I don't know, fine" I responded back.
I felt his hand land on my cheek and soon enough turn my face to look at him.
I locked eyes with Rory.
"I know you're not fine, if you want we could go. You've been through this already, you don't have to go through it again." He said, truly meaning it.
He was worried for me, and I couldn't blame him. I was in my brothers funeral, again.
"No, I want to stay. I'll be fine" I said, finally looking away from him and at the casket just a couple feet away from us. I stared at it, long and hard still not believing my brother was in there.
Dead.
I still haven't had the guts to walk towards it and face him. I know if I took one glance at him, I wouldn't be fine.
"I'm going to take a walk, I'll be back" I told Rory, and just as I was about to walk away he stopped me.
"If you decide to leave, don't leave without me" he said and I nodded before I left.
As I was making my way out, I noticed there was so many people that I recognized but one group stood out the most.
The elites, they were sitting in the back with blank stares.
I locked eyes with one of them, and from the distance I felt her hatred for me. Alexandra quickly stood up and made her way towards me.
"It was your fault, he wouldn't have done it if you would've only listened to him." She yelled out, making the people around us look our way.
"Alexandra don't do this" I said back quietly, trying to ignore the pain I felt when she spit those words out to me.
"Do what? Say the truth. I'm sorry if this hurts but it's the truth. It was all your fucking fault and nobody else's." She said, putting her hands on me and pushing me away from her.
"Fuck you" I spit out.
"You shouldn't even be here-"
"Enough" Owen stepped in between us, cutting off Alexandra. He stared at her, shaking his head with disbelief.
"Why are you acting like this, Alex?" He asked.
Alexandra humorlessly laughed before resting her hands on her hips.
"Why are you always on her side. Admit it, it was her fault Sterling took his own life" she responded back, looking at me. She wanted to hurt me and she was actually achieving it.
"Alex" Owen put his hand down on her shoulder but she quickly shrugged it off.
"Don't fucking touch me" was all she said before she walked away from us.
Owen turned to look at me, but I regretted looking at him. He stared at me with pity, and just as he was about to comfort me I backed away.
"Don't" I say before walking away from the room. Once I made way outside the building, I heavily breathed. I felt the tears threatened to come out but tried to hold them back.
Alexandra might've been harsh about it but she wasn't lying. It was my fault that sterling took his own life.
This shouldn't have happened, none of this.
"I'm so sorry" I heard a familiar voice say just a couple feet away. I quickly looked up at the person and was shock when I realized who it was. I didn't think I would ever see him again.
"Alec, what are you doing here? I thought you ran away with Raine? " I asked, looking around trying to find her but it was just him. He was wearing a dark hoodie, a beanie covering his hair.
"Raine left, but I stayed behind because I was worried about you. We called you that night when we were going to leave but you didn't answer and then a couple days later I found what happened. By that time, Raine had already left but told her that I was going to catch up to her... with you." He said, his eyes wandering around my face.
"What?" I asked even though I knew what he meant.
"We want you to come with us, I want you to come with us."
"Alec, I wasn't planning on running away with you nor Raine." I said, feeling slightly regretful that I didn't let them know before.
He stared at me blankly, then took a step back.
"Oh"
"I'm sorry, I just didn't feel right leaving with you or Raine." He studied me, then took his eyes off me.
"You're afraid of me" he suddenly said, taking me off guard.
"I don't blame you, I made you not trust me and even though I had a reason. It still wasn't enough" he said, slowly nodding his head.
"I'm sorry" I said, realizing that there wasn't anything else to say.
"I hope you have a wonderful life then" he said, slowly walking away. He then turned around and continued to walk away until he was gone.
"You too" I said quietly.
"Thea, it's time" I looked away from the empty sidewalk and towards the person who stood next to me.
It was Rory.
"For what?" I asked.
"For your speech" he said, a frown forming on his face.
My speech, the speech I was going to say in front of all those people. Was I really going to do that again?
I felt as if I went back inside and would say the speech, I would reopen a wound that never got time to heal.
I was going to damage myself, once more.
"I can't" I said back to Rory, finally realizing that I wouldn't be able to talk in front of all those people who seen this happen before.
Rory grabbed my face and stared at me.
"Are you sure?" He asked.
I nodded.
"Yes, I don't wanna feel that, again. I just want to leave, get me out here please." All he needed was my confirmation before he grabbed my hand and dragged me far away from here.
Before the building could be out of my sight, I looked over my shoulder to see the place one more time.
"Where do you want to go?" He asked once we made it to the car.
"Far away from this place" I said.
"Okay, let's get out of here then" he said, sadly smiling at me.
"But can we make a stop to my house" I asked, looking down at my hands. I stared at the the keys to the house, getting a sudden urge to do something reckless.
"Why?" He asked.
I turned to look at him.
"I wanna burn it"
And that's what I did, I burned the house where nothing good came out of there. For me that house was hell, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I left it standing. I wanted it to be gone and so when I burned it, I felt a sudden relief.
As I stood outside of the burning house, I looked down at my hand. I gripped onto the thin piece of paper that I brought with me from inside the house.
It was a picture of me and Sterling but it wasn't the picture that made this so important. It was the message that was written on the back that made it important.
remember, we have each other - S
"Always" I whispered.
This is officially the last chapter!! Hope you enjoyed it, and thank you so so so much for reading this book, I truly appreciate it. Much love <33