CHAPTER 20
ABIR'S POV
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I wake up to the blaring sound of my alarm. I groan in frustration as I realize that I need to get up immediately, since I am going to Mumbai this weekend for Kunal's birthday.
With Mishtipie.
The week flew by in a rush and it is Friday morning already. I sigh as I get up from my bed, rubbing my eyes and yawning. It's 3 in the morning and we planned to hit the road by 4. I quickly go do my morning duties and take a bath. I wear my most comfortable jean and a black T-Shirt.
Knowing Mishtipie, she would still be sleeping right now. I chuckled slightly to myself before picking up my phone and dialing her number.
As expected, she did not pick my call for the first two times. The third time, she picked up the call on the last ring, "Abbi..", she mumbled into the phone sleepily and clicked her tongue, "why are you disturbing my sleep?"
I chuckled at her super sleepy and groggy voice, "Mishtipie, get up. We need to leave for Mumbai, remember?"
I heard a gasp on the other side of the line, "What time is it?", she asked me, all of a sudden sounding awake and attentive.
I checked the clock, "It is 3:23 to be exact. Now get up and go get ready. Quick."
"Shit shit shit...", she muttered a line of curses before hanging up.
I chuckled again at her cuteness before taking my last-minute essentials and packing them in my red travel bag. I quickly go downstairs and take my strawberry milkshake from my fridge and gulp it down slowly. Our cook always prepares it for me every night and keeps it in the fridge before she leaves. It is always the first thing I drink every morning. Strawberry has not always been my favourite. I used to love butterscotch as a kid. But suddenly, around when I was 14, I got addicted to this flavour. And now, I love everything that involves strawberries- ice-creams, milkshakes, just the fruit or even its smell. I shake my head at my weird obsession with them. After drinking, I wash my glass and place it back on the counter.
I take my keys and make my way to the door. With a little hope looming over me, I turn back to see if my mother comes to bid me good-bye. But when I see only darkness and emptiness around me, disappointment fills me. This is not a new thing. Every time I leave the house, I always hope that my mother would come and wish me to have a safe trip, or that I take care, or at least say a simple bye. But all these years, it has never happened. So, it was obvious she wouldn't come today also. I feel stupid for even hoping and wishing that she would forgive me and accept me back as her son.
But a heart can only hope.
It is not that I have not tried. For so many years I have tried to mend our relationship. I tried for more than 10 years. But what use is it if only one person puts in all the efforts to save a relationship?
I understand that she was broken, but so was I.
I understand that she was depressed, but so was I.
I understand that she was traumatized, but so was I.
I still remember the first few years after the accident. I was barely 5 or 6, trying to hold onto the remaining memories of my late father. I would cry every night to sleep and would wake up midnight screaming and thrashing about in my bed, due to the effects of my recurring nightmares. After that, I would stay awake the whole night and stare at my ceiling, shivering due to fear and silent tears rolling down my cheeks. Sometimes, I would hallucinate about my father telling me how much of a disgrace I am, for killing my own father. The other times I would fall back into a dreamless slumber, that makes my mind, body and soul numb.
I push all these thoughts to the back of mind and pick up my bike keys and drive over to the Maheshwari Sadan. I am going to enjoy myself today and make it the best day of my life.
On reaching, I park my vehicle inside the gates and find Jugnu Bhaiya getting the car ready outside. I wish him 'Good morning' and walk into the house to find Ma rushing here and there and Pa talking with Mishti. Mishti is wearing a light green sundress and has her hair free, but she still looks sleepy.
After a few minutes of advice from the parents, a hundred 'take care' s from Ma and Pa, and 2 minutes of threatening to eat the Khichdi that she has prepared for us to eat, both of us got settled in the car's back seat, with Mishti on my left and we took off.
As soon as we left, Mishti switched on the car speakers and started playing songs. And whenever a fast song came, she sang along with the lyrics and bounced up and down on her seat in an attempt to dance in her place.
I watched her continuously with a smile on my face. She is such a bundle of happiness and energy and somehow, she always manages to brighten my day without even realizing it.
After 4 hours of continuous dancing and singing from her side and continuous admiration from my side, we stop the car by the corner to have the breakfast packed for us by ma. After eating her delicious Khichdi, we continue our ride.
Now, we decide to watch a movie on Netflix and we switch on 'Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani' and connect our headphones, me wearing the left pod and she wearing the right pod. Somehow, I have always loved the movie and I relate to the lead character Kabir because of our common interest in photography. The difference is that he pursued it while I didn't. After some time, Mishtipie cuddles herself into me and I bring her close by hugging her shoulders. She places her head on my chest and right there I felt it again.
Peace.
By the time of the climax, I find Mishti looking up at me with intensity. Her brown eyes look at me warmly with so many emotions. I raise my eyebrows questioningly, to which she shakes her head and turns back to the movie.
As soon as it gets over, Mishti yawns, "Abbi, I'm going to sleep for some time."
I smile at her and pull her back to the same position that we were in and rest her head on my chest. I pat her head slowly to put her to sleep while watching her. Her hair is splayed all over her face that urges me to fix it immediately. I slowly fix each strand of her hair and put them in their correct positions. I take a deep breath and then realize that she smells of strawberries. Now that the hair is out of the way, I look at her very beautiful features.
Mishti has always been a gorgeous girl all her life. She always thought that she was just a nerd at school who not many people noticed but she was so wrong. Kunal and I had a tough time warding away all the boys who dared to look her way.
She has beautiful brown eyes that make me crazy and a killer smile that would make me fall on my knees. Her eyes convey so much more than her mouth. Most of the time, I understand what she wants to tell me just by looking at her eyes. They hypnotize me whenever I look into them, just as much as her smile does. Her one smile has the power to light up my whole world, to forget all my problems and to feel happiness and joy.
I can feel her breathing get even under me. I focused my attention back to her face and saw that her eye brows were scrunched slightly in confusion and her soft pink lips were slightly pouted and all of a sudden, I felt the urgent need to feel them.
Would it be as soft as it looks?
I take my hand to just feel it once. It attracts me like a magnet. When my thumb is just inches away from her lips, I realize what I am about do and my heart falls into the pit of my stomach and panic fills me completely.
Did I just have the urge to kiss her?
Mishtipie?
I have never had perverted thoughts enter my head for all my life. This is the first time I have felt very weird desires and I don't know what to do.
Am I attracted to her?
Do I like Mishtipie?
Or... Or... is it more than that?
No... no. It can't be.
This is Mishti we are talking about. The happy carefree girl who is Kunal's younger sister. The person who loves everyone, who gives me happiness and who understands me like the back of her hand. Could I possibly..?
Oh no!
Am I...?
Do I...?
No I can't. Love is totally off limits. This cannot be happening and this can never happen. What if... What if one day she too gets hurt because of me? I am danger for everyone around me. I don't want Mishtipie to get hurt because of me in the future. I can only hurt her and never give her happiness.
Just like what happened to my mother.
No. I don't want to hurt Mishtipie ever. She has the purest of hearts that doesn't deserve heart break. And the day she finds out the truth about me, that I am a murderer and that I killed my own father and broke my mother beyond limits, she will hate me so much that she won't be able to feel any other emotion ever. I have effectively hidden the truth from her all these years just so that I don't see the look of hatred and disappointment in her eyes ever. But still...
Does that mean I have actually developed feelings for her?
Yes, I did not like being called her brother. Nor did I like her getting close with that Nishanth guy.
Was I being jealous?
Have I had feelings for her all along?
Have I just been denying my feelings all these years?
And that's when it all makes sense.
I have had feelings for her for a long time now but I just refused to realize it. I have always been in denial since I did not want love at all. She never fails to make me happy whenever I see her. Whatever bad mood I have flies away just with her one phone call. The nightmares which were very frequent 6 months ago in Mumbai has occurred only once since I returned to Rajkot and spent time with her. She also smells of the strawberries that I have been addicted to. She has been the medicine to all my problems, the key to my happiness and the light in my darkness.
I have always been against the idea of love because the day my loved-ones realize what kind of a person I actually am, they will also hate me to the core, just like my mother does.
And I won't be able to handle it if this happens.
This is exactly why I have always wanted to stay single all my life. No expectations, no disappointments and no problems.
But now that I have realized that I have feelings for Mishtipie, I think I am in some deep shit now.
I promised myself today morning that I would make this day the best day of my life.
But now, I don't know what to say.
***
Hey guys! This is Chapter 20!
A lot of things are going on in Abir's head right now ; )
Hope you liked this one!
I thank all of you for reading, voting and commenting! Please do continue supporting me as always! Forever grateful!
Thank you! <3