Chapter 18: The Sins of Noelle: Chapter 18

I groan out loud as I shift to my side, pain flaring from my ribs. My head throbs, my vision swimming as my consciousness slowly returns to me, as does the realization of what happened.

My eyes snap wide open as panic overtakes me.

Immediately, more pain explodes in my body as I attempt to move.

I’m in between two seats, my head right next to the metal body of a chair.

Lifting my hand up and touching my forehead, I’m not surprised to find blood oozing from an open cut.

Fuck! Something happened to the plane.

The last thing I remember was a loud noise before we started losing altitude. But something else flashes in my mind—a fire bursting from one of the wings. And as I look around, I note a gaping hole where the right wing of the plane should have been.

As I slowly come around, I forget all about the situation I find myself in and my own injuries as fear that something might have happened to Noelle.

“Noelle!” The noise is wrenched from my throat, ragged and filled with anguish, as I force myself to move. “Noelle! Where are you?”

On my elbows, I use what little strength I still have to push myself in a sitting position.

The area around my chest hurts like hell, but I push against the pain. My only purpose is to make sure is fine.

All previous anger fades away, replaced with a sense of desolation unlike I’ve ever experienced as I realize how pointless everything is if she’s gone.

I take a deep breath as I wince at every little move, but I’ve suffered worse in my life. If there’s something I’ve learned after everything I’ve been through it’s the fact that the human body is capable of extraordinary things even when pushed to the limit. Because in the end, the desire to survive is more powerful than any transient pain.

All my life, I’ve done the best I could to survive, enduring unspeakable acts because I knew there was hope at the end of the tunnel.

But now… Now that hope has a name, a physical incarnation. That hope might be deceiving, and she might be a wicked liar, but she is hope.

Beyond the desire to survive is the realization that I cannot survive her.

My voice echoes back, but with no answer.

True dread overtakes me as I feel my heart sinking.

“Noelle, answer me,” I grit out, managing to get to my knees. Holding on to the armrest of one of the chairs, I push myself up, barely able to rise to my feet.

“Fuck,” I squeeze my eyes shut as my vision almost blacks out from the sudden bout of movement combined with the splitting headache from my injury.

I blink a few times, zeroing in on the destruction around us.

Half of the right wall had collapsed with the wing. The seats on the other side are ripped apart, some hanging from their wires, some cut in half. And as I look into the horizon, I can’t help but shiver as it dawns on me what had cushioned our free fall.

We’re not on ground. We’re caught in a tree—a very tall tree by the looks of it.

“Raf?” That small sound is a heavenly melody to my ears.

“Noelle, where are you?” I call out as I take a step forward.

“Here,” she coughs. “I’m…fine, I think,” she says before she pauses.

“I don’t see you,” I bark out, still terrified that she might be injured.

A flutter of fabric grabs my attention at the other end of the plane.

First, I see her bandaged hand as she grabs onto a seat. Then it’s the other hand, which is now wholly covered in red.

My heart seizes in my chest.

Slowly, Noelle hauls herself up, yet with all the black she’s wearing it’s close to impossible to ascertain if there are any other injuries.

“Noelle…” I breathe out, half relieved she’s alive, half worried there might be something wrong with her that’s invisible to the naked eye.

“I’m ok,” she says in a small, trembling voice. “I’m fine.

fine,” she nods, her eyes greedily roaming over me.

As she puts one step in front of the other to come to me, a screeching noise erupts in the air.

My eyes widen when I realize where it’s coming from.

“Stop!” I yell, putting a hand up. “Don’t move.”

She frowns but does as told.

Swallowing hard, I move slowly, testing the floor of the plane with my foot. The more I advance, the more it creaks.

!

There’s a fissure right where the wing broke from the plane.

At the rate it’s going, I have no doubt the floor will collapse. In fact, the more we move around, the more it’s likely to give in.

“The plane will break in half,” I tell her. “Please be careful.”

“But…” Her eyes widen with fear. “What will I do then?”

“You’re going to come to me. But it will have to be done slowly and very carefully, okay?” I ask in a serious tone.

She gives me a brisk nod.

“Try to take one step,” I instruct, my ears attuned to the noise the floor is making while my gaze is focused on the area for any sign. If I can find the exact area where the fissure is…

“Stop,” I shout as I note a flare in the upholstering of the plane’s floor.

It’s about four seats in front of me, and two seats in front of Noelle.

“Do you see that?” I point to the minimal movement.

“Yes.”

“It must be barely hanging on if your weight is making it tip this badly,” I grimace. “We need to do this fast.”

“Do what?” Noelle frowns.

I don’t answer her as I take a tentative step forward. Then another. Slowly, I cross one seat, stopping suddenly when I reach the second and the sound intensifies.

Looking around me, I quickly catalog everything I’m seeing.

Since the plane got caught front first in the tree, that means this side is secure enough, while the other is barely hanging in the air, gravity pulling it down. Regardless of whether Noelle moves or not, it will eventually fall.

“I need you to listen to me and do exactly as I say, ok?”

My gaze meets hers as I try to convey everything I’m feeling at this moment. Yet more than anything, I want her to trust me that it will all be ok—that we’ll prevail.

We’ve been through too much already and I refuse to believe that this is the end.

No, it be the end.

It’s just the beginning.

And I vow that if we make it alive after this, I’ll give her the chance to explain everything to me.

“Ok,” she whispers softly.

She’s trying to be strong, but I can see the slight trembling of her limbs and the way she’s watching me with trepidation. She’s scared but she’s trying to mask it—for my sake or her own, I don’t know.

“Whatever happens, I want you to know that I do love you, pretty girl,” I tell her, the words flowing out of my mouth before I can help myself.

Panic flares in her eyes as her lashes become coated with tears.

“Don’t you dare, Rafaelo Guerra. Don’t you dare,” she grits out. “We’re not going to die.

am not going to die today, you hear me?”

“You won’t,” I nod, my heart breaking as I weigh the possibilities—the fact that the odds are not in our favor… “You won’t,” I repeat, more for my sake than hers.

Tears are streaming down her cheeks as she grips the edge of the seat tighter, her knuckles turning white.

“I clawed my way from hell, Raf. I’m not going to let this goddamn plane take everything from me. I’m not going to let it,” she declares.

“And I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Trust me?”

“With my life,” she says confidently.

“I want you to run as fast as you can and jump towards me. I’ll catch you. Just…” I take a deep breath. “The floor will collapse. I don’t know when, but the situation is too precarious for you to take measured steps towards me. We need to do it fast.”

“Ok.”

“No matter what you hear, don’t stop, ok? Even if the ground feels as if it’s moving under your feet, you don’t stop.”

“I won’t stop,” she lifts her chin up, determination shining in her eyes as she wipes the tears away. “I’ll run to you, and I won’t stop no matter what,” she repeats, a smile pulling at her lips. “Ironic, but it’s what I’ve done my entire life. And if there’s anything I trust, it’s that you’re my destination.”

Her words hug my heart like a warm glove.

“Let’s do it on the count of three. When I get to three, you start running.”

“Ok,” she nods.

“One. Two,” I pause, my eyes on her as she slowly gets into position, her stance ready.

“Three,” I finally say.

I barely finish the word as she starts into a sprint—she’s literally running for her life.

Positioning myself right where the frail line is, I open my arms for her, ready to receive her.

With each determined step she takes, the ground shakes, the screeching sound becoming louder and louder. Still, Noelle doesn’t pay attention to it, her focus entirely on me.

“That’s it, pretty girl, come to me!”

One more step and she jumps up towards me at the same time as the tail of the plane suddenly dips down, hanging off the other part of the plane by a few wires.

Just as Noelle jumps, I’m on her, leaning forward and reaching for her before she loses her footing.

Everything is surreal as the moments replay in slow motion.

One moment she’s in the air, with no space to land as her half of the plane collapses, the next she’s in my arms as we both fall backwards.

There’s a loud sound as the tail of the plane hits the ground, something resembling an explosion.

Yet as my arms close around her frail form, I don’t find it in myself to care about anything but the fact that she’s here, with me. I can hear her heart beating—louder than my own. I can fucking feel her skin on top of mine, and I swear to God I’ve never been happier than in that moment.

I hug her tighter, so tight, my own injuries start flaring up from the effort.

But once more, that is just background noise as my attention is solely on her.

“You’re fine. You’re fine,” I whisper in awe.

“We’re fine,” she replies, leaning back to look at me. “God, Raf…”

“We’re fine,” I echo, and before I know it, my lips are on hers, relief pouring from every atom of my body.

The kiss is unlike any we’ve shared in the past, and despite the still unresolved issues between us, it’s sweeter than anything I’ve ever experienced.

It’s the goddamn kiss of life.

We’re both out of breath, panting as we taste each other and the flavor of our tears.

I don’t know when I started crying.

My tears roll down my cheeks, as do hers, meeting together where our skin touches.

She’s holding just as tightly onto me, her lips skimming back and forth over my mouth almost as if she’s trying to convince herself that I’m here, with her.

“Shh, I have you,” I tell her, a false platitude, yet because we’re together it’s nothing but the truth.

Fuck, but I can’t even begin to contemplate the situation we find ourselves in. I’m only happy that in the face of such a disaster, we’re together. We’re both alive, and together.

The past feels like a tiny flicker on the horizon line as it becomes lost in the background until there’s nothing more but the sheer joy at knowing she’s alive.

At that moment I know.

I may be angry with her. I may resent her for what she’s done to me.

But it doesn’t change the fact that she’s the love of my life—will always be the love of my life.

And for that… For what she means to me now, and for what she’s meant to me from the beginning—from when she was just a disembodied voice behind a screen—and what she meant as the force that pushed me forward.

She might have been my hope at one point. She might have been just an illusion.

But at this moment, she is real.

“Are you ok? Does anything hurt?” I ask as I try to look her over.

She leans back, shaking her head at me and giving me a small smile.

“How do we get out of here, Raf?” She whispers as her hand reaches for my wound, her fingers lightly skimming the dried blood on my forehead.

Slowly, we both rise, turning to look down at the distance between our location and the ground. There must be more than a hundred feet…

“We’ll do it. Somehow…”

Even as the words are out of my mouth, though, doubt creeps in my mind. We’re fucking stranded in the air.

I remove my phone from my pocket, grimacing as I note the lack of signal.

Noelle does the same as she fishes her phone out of her pants, shaking her head when she sees hers doesn’t have coverage either.

“We need to find a way to get down fast, Raf,” Noelle says as she bites her bottom lip in worry. “I’m not sure how long we can stay here. If that half collapses, there’s no telling when this one will, too.”

“I know,” I sigh.

“What about the captain?”

My eyes widen as I realize I’d been so focused on her that it hadn’t even crossed my mind to check on the captain.

“I don’t think he’s still alive,” I add grimly.

With how the plane had crashed into the tree, the pilot cabin would have been the first to suffer casualties.

“I’ll go check,” she proposes. “You should stay here. I’m lighter than you and we don’t want to tip it over any more than it already is.”

“Noelle…” I groan, bringing my fingers to my temples and massaging them.

I know she’s right—we can’t afford to move around freely until we figure out a way to get down. Yet even knowing that, I’m wary about letting her take even one step away from me.

“I’ll be careful,” she assures me, using her palms to cup my cheeks. “We’re not dying here, Raf. I promise you.”

“I should be the one with the assurances, not you,” I give her a sad smile.

She chuckles.

“I think you’ve proven yourself already. If it weren’t for you, I don’t think I would have had the courage to make that jump.”

I purse my lips, my eyes going to her arm and the blood that still drips down.

“Let me look at your arm first.”

She shakes her head.

“We’ll have time to take care of our injuries later. First, we need to figure out what we’re going to do. If the pilot is still alive, maybe he has an idea. Surely, he must have trained for similar scenarios.”

“You’re right,” I admit reluctantly. “Just tell me this. Are you in pain?”

“I should be the one asking you that,” she counters. “You’re stiff all over.”

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine,” I lie.

“Then I’m fine, too.”

“Damn it. Ok, go. We’re never going to get to the bottom of this if we continue.”

She gives me a nod, and slowly, she turns and takes her first step. Then the next. There is a slight creaking of the metal, but the plane doesn’t seem to move.

“Go on,” I say, studying every movement of the ground.

She takes her time reaching the pilot’s cabin. Opening it, she steps inside.

The door is ajar, but I can’t make anything from my position.

“Dead,” she declares.

“Fuck!” I curse, my head throbbing even worse than before. “What about the communication systems?”

“The entire board is dead, too. It’s a miracle it hasn’t gone up in flames. It’s all wrecked,” she calls out.

Fuck! We need to figure something out.

“Can you check around the cabin if he has a satellite phone there?”

“Let me see.”

I hear some shuffling before she releases a sound of happiness.

“Got it!”

“Good. Good,” I say. “We can send a distress signal.”

“But how long will it take until they come for us?” Noelle asks as she comes out of the cabin. “It can take days for them to find us. We’re…” she looks around. “In the middle of nowhere. Those are mountains in the distance, aren’t they? We don’t have the time, Raf…”

“I know, damn it,” I say as I pivot, looking around me and searching for an idea.

I look down again, gauging the distance. But it’s in vain as we wouldn’t survive a fall of a few feet, never mind one of over a hundred feet.

The pressure is too great, and my head is about to explode. Still, I can’t let myself be consumed by frustration, or anger at our situation. As long as we’re alive, there’s hope.

There’s hope.

“Noelle…” I suddenly turn to her, knowing that what I’m about to say is going to sound absolutely insane.

She’s already walking slowly back towards me.

“Here,” I say as I move a few steps to the right.

Maybe luck had been on our side, despite the overall situation not showing it.

Opening a small trap, I remove a few parachutes.

Before our flight, the pilot had given us the spiel about the safety features and I’m so goddamn glad I paid attention.

“Parachutes?” She asks as she gets to her knees next to me. “You mean to…”

“If we don’t want to be stuck here for days, this might be our only chance.”

“That’s suicidal,” she cuts me off.

“Not exactly…” I take a deep breath. “It’s called a base jump. It’s been done before, but we’ll need to be very careful and deploy the parachute immediately.”

“There’s no other way, is there?”

I shake my head.

“Not that I can think of.”

“My God, I can’t believe this,” she mutters as she leans back. She’s pale, and I’m not sure whether this is from the blood loss or from the anxiety of our situation. Just in case, I move closer to her, pulling on her blouse to reveal a nasty gash up her arm.

“You should have told me,” I grit my teeth.

“We still don’t have time for this,” she mumbles as she slaps my hand away, pulling her sleeve back on. “Parachute. Tell me more,” she changes the topic.

Muttering a curse under my breath, I realize I won’t be able to get her to do anything about her wound before we solve our current issue.

“Here’s what I think we should do. There’s a medical kit over there,” I point to her where the pilot had shown us before take-off. “We’ll take that with us as well as the satellite phone. Just those two things. I’ll wear the parachute and you’ll be strapped to me.”

Her eyes widen at my words.

“Together?” She whispers.

“Together,” I nod. “If anything goes wrong, then we both…” I trail off.

Her hand is on mine as she gives me a quick squeeze, her expressive eyes doing all the talking as she conveys to me everything she’s feeling.

Fear. Frustration. Desolation. But most of all, there’s love.

So much fucking love, I don’t know how I could have ever doubted it.

I recognize every single emotion because it’s reflected in my eyes as well.

“It’s either the two of us or none,” she completes my thoughts.

“You’ll give me full control over your life?” I ask before I can help myself, recalling our previous discussion and the fact that it’s her self-admitted most prized possession.

“You’re asking as if you don’t know,” she laughs before her expression slowly sobers. “My life’s always been in your hands, Raf,” she whispers, her clear eyes on me. “Here, now. Back at the hacienda. You’ve always been my one requisite for living,” she admits.

I don’t speak as I merely stare into her eyes.

Slowly, I raise my hand, palming her cheek and swirling my thumb over her lips.

She closes her eyes, releasing a soft purr as she nuzzles her face closer, giving herself over to my touch.

We stay like that for a few moments.

Taking my hand, she brings it to her lips, laying a kiss in the center of my palm.

“I swear to you, Raf, on everything that I hold dear, that after we get through this I’ll tell you everything. No matter how ugly, I’ll tell you the entire truth. You have my vow.”

“Noelle…”

“And before you ask me how you can trust me…” she takes a deep breath. “You can check the SD card Santiago gave you.”

“You…” My eyes widen.

“I saw that you took it,” she admits, pursing her lips, “which made the entire debacle pointless anyway. I know I said I didn’t want you to see the videos—to see the me back then. But if it’s the only thing that will give me back your trust… If it’s the only way you’ll have some evidence to back up my words, then please do it.” She pauses for a moment as she searches my features. “I’ll just warn you that it’s not pretty. I might not know exactly what’s on those videos, but it’s not just I didn’t want you to see. I didn’t want you to see yourself like that either.”

“We’ll have time to talk about this later. Now we need to focus on this,” I change the subject, though curiosity is eating at me.

What does she mean that she doesn’t want me to see myself? How was I in those videos? Was I truly passed out like in that one flashback I’d had or…

“You’re right. I just wanted you to know that I won’t hide anymore, and I’m ready to face everything head on. If we’re to have a future, then everything needs to be out in the open.”

“On that we’re in agreement,” I nod, getting to work on the parachute.

We secure the first aid kit and the satellite phone between us as I tie us to the parachute. Knowing we might need them; I add a couple of guns to the back of my pants. Luckily, they had ended up on the right side of the plane. After that’s done, it’s finally time for the big moment.

I may have done this a couple of times before but never a base jump.

Noelle was right that this is dangerous. But at this moment, it’s our only choice.

I feel the heat of her body next to mine, her thudding heart echoing in my ears just as adrenaline floods my body. I might be close to my limit, but I need to push on—especially since Noelle depends on me.

I can’t let her down just like I can’t let myself down.

After all this time… After all we’ve been through, she’s right that we can’t let this beat us.

We’ve survived far worse to die in a random plane crash.

“Before we jump,” she says in a small voice as we get closer to the edge. “I have a question.”

“What is it?”

“Regardless of what the future brings… Do you think at some point in the future you might find it in you to forgive me?” She asks hesitantly, her body stiffening against me as she awaits my answer.

“I can’t predict the future, Noelle,” I answer grimly. “I can’t promise you something like that because I have no way of predicting my feelings.”

“I see…” she trails off, her tone dropping a notch.

“Hey, no matter what happens, we’ll take it one day at a time,” I tell her, unable to bear leaving things off like this. “We’ll talk and talk and talk and we’ll find a solution. That’s the best I can give you.”

“I understand,” she says tightly. “Your feelings valid, Raf, and I respect them. I just… I need some hope.”

“I love you. Despite everything, I love you, Noelle Guerra. That should tell you everything,” I confess.

Then there’s the unspoken.

Because I love you, I’m willing to put my anger aside and listen. I’m willing to see your side of the story and try to understand you.

Because I love you, I’m willing to put my principles aside for one moment, become that blank slate you wanted me to be and listen.

And I hope to God you won’t disappoint me…

Because I might love you, but this is the last and only chance I can give you.

“I won’t disappoint you,” she whispers. “Never again.”

“Let’s do this,” I grunt as I hold tightly onto her. “On the count of three, we jump.”

We take a step towards the edge of the plane as I start counting.

I steel myself against the wave of fear that assails me as I try to be strong for the both of us. I’m in charge of both of our lives, and that means I need to keep my head in the game.

Though I’ve jumped a few times before, mainly as a recreational activity, I’ve never done one from this low altitude. A base jump is only ever encouraged in extreme situations—which we most definitely find ourselves in. For a successful jump, I’ll need to pull on the parachute the moment we are in the air. The goal is to give it as much time as possible to extend so it attenuates our fall.

More than anything, that means I need to keep a clear head to not miss my time. It’s a matter of milliseconds, and if I said that didn’t terrify me, I’d be lying.

I’m absolutely terrified.

But I can’t show it because that would freak Noelle out too.

So, I push it all down and focus on the present.

Despite my ever-growing headache and the pulsating pain in my chest, I focus on this one defining moment.

“Three,” I say.

In the next moment, we’re in the air. I don’t let my mind wander; I don’t focus on fear or the fact that we’re free falling.

I simply pull on the parachute.

A sigh of relief escapes me when I see that it extends in the air with no issues, our fall slowing down until we’re almost floating.

“Raf… Oh my God,” Noelle exclaims, her hand finding mine as she gives it a squeeze. “We’re…we’re flying,” she gulps down in awe.

“That we are,” I chuckle as I try to steer the parachute a bit further from the crash place of the tail. The last thing we want is to hurt ourselves in the debris.

“Hang on. We’re almost there.”

“We’re fine,” she whispers.

“We are,” I take a deep breath.

The next moment, we’re on the ground, our fall a little more abrupt than I would have wished. Still, doing a jump like this successfully without the necessary experience to back it up is a miracle, so I can only count my blessings that we’re alright.

“Careful,” I call out as we roll on the grass.

I do my best to wrap my hands around her to cushion her fall, wincing as my already battered ribs get injured again.

Stifling a cry of pain, I squeeze my eyes shut as I try to breathe.

I must have broken a few ribs. And while that can typically be painful, and for long periods of time, I just have to hope it’s nothing more serious—like my rib puncturing my lung. If that were to happen… I can’t say I would have long. Especially not long enough until we’re found.

God, but the scenarios pile up in my mind, and I do my best to not think about the worst.

We’re alive.

That’s all that matters.

We’ll have time to tend to our injuries in a while, and I’ll be able to see how bad it is.

I might feel like I’m dying, but I’ve felt like that plenty in the past and I’ve survived. What’s one more time…

“You can let me go, you know,” Noelle’s voice penetrates the fog in my mind as I feel her wiggling against me.

“W-what?” I blink a few times.

“Raf? Are you ok?”

It takes me a moment to realize what’s happening, or the fact that I’m lying flat on my back while Noelle’s looking at me from above, the sun streaking through her hair and making my eyes hurt.

“Fuck,” I groan.

“What happened?” She demands, worriedly.

“Nothing. Just…”

“I don’t like this,” she declares.

I don’t reply though I’d like nothing more than to ask her what she means. Yet I can’t find myself capable of speech, only pain.

“I’ll do it,” she murmurs softly, though I’m barely aware of what she means.

I only know that one moment I’m blinking furiously in an attempt to focus on the sight of her, the next my eyes roll in the back of my head.