Chapter 16: CH 15

“Hey Rei. Are you a so-called homosexual?”

Noon.

While we were having lunch in the dining hall, Misha dropped such a bombshell.

Claire-sama and Lene chocked.

“Hey, Misha. Why would you touch on such a troublesome subject…”

“Misha-sama. Don’t you think that kind of thing shouldn’t be talked about in public?”

It feels like both Claire-sama and Lene want to put a stop to that talk.

“I don’t particularly mind talking, do you want to hear it?”

“I’m worried as your close friend”

Even though I think I may be homosexual, it being said properly fills me with a somewhat deep emotion.

But, it’s a story that will cause a difficult atmosphere.

“Nn… Probably, I guess I am. I’ve never fallen for a man”

“…”

When I said that, Claire-sama stealthily moved away from me.

I closed that distance.

Then, she moved away the same distance.

“Why are you distancing yourself?”

“It is because I fear for my safety”

“Such a thing, I won’t do anything”

“I wonder”

Well, such is the reaction to homosexuals.

Generally, when it comes to homosexuals the sexual orientation aspect tends to get emphasized.

In my previous life homosexuals were frequently depicted as if they see every member of their sex as a target.

As a result, the reaction to homosexuals has become “Don’t attack me, okay”

In this world the media haven’t developed that much, but homosexuals depicted in plays and novels are similar.

“Claire-sama. Just because she’s a homosexual, I think such a reaction is prejudiced”

Misha’s reaction was unexpected.

“In what way?”

She got angry.

I reluctantly kept silent.

“How would Claire-sama feel if a man told you not to attack him?”

“I am not such an obscene woman!”

“That’s right. But, what Claire-sama said to Rei is exactly like that”

“… Ah”

Claire-sama’s face showed she suddenly realized.

Misha’s understanding is sound and correct.

Homosexuals only have different orientation from ordinary people, nothing else is different.

It doesn’t mean that we’re always lustful or engage in reckless sexual behaviors.

“My, my… It’s just that the person you came to like happens to be a woman, right? Her sex has nothing to do with it”

“Nn? That’s not right?”

“Eh?”

“Sex is absolutely relevant”

“Is, is that so?”

What Lene said is another common false belief about homosexuals.

If Claire-sama’s prejudice is a negative assumption, then Lene’s prejudice is a positive assumption.

It’s a different story for bisexuals, but homosexuals don’t like the opposite sex in the sexual sense.

Or the theory that sex is unrelated to whom you like might be correct, but at least Idon’t like men.

Sex is absolutely relevant.

“So that’s how it is. I didn’t really know either”

“Well, you had no opportunity to learn, so I think it can’t be helped”

In this world, homosexuals are still an overwhelming minority.

Prejudice is high, understanding is little.

Homosexuals depicted in plays and novels either have a loose nature like in Claire-sama’s assumption or are extremely idealized like in Lene’s assumption.

In this world diversity is just a pipe dream.

“Do you want us to be something more, is it that kind of thing?”

“Nn, not particularly. I’m happy just being able to admire Claire-sama every day”

“You, because you always say that kind of thing, I also fear for my safety?”

Yup, this is completely my bad.

So to speak, I behave like celebrities of my previous world whose gimmick is homosexuality who spread prejudice.

But――.

“I can’t keep going if I don’t make fun of myself”

Hahaha, I laughed.

But, no one responded to that laugh.

“Rei… You…”

Misha looked at me worriedly.

Aah, it’s become like this, that’s why I didn’t want to talk about it much.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. My feelings not being returned is the usual”

That’s right.

Sadly, it’s a hard fact that homosexuals are a minority.

Even if we come to like somebody, there’s little chance that the feeling will bear fruit.

But, it really can’t be helped.

Nobody is at fault.

If I had to say, it’s just a bad luck.

Speaking of it, it’s not only homosexuals who have it tough with love.

I caught a glimpse of Lene.

“Nn? Whaat is it, Rei-chan?”

“Um, nothing”

I’ll eventually touch on that as well.

“Then, will Rei give up on Claire-sama?”

“You’re awfully pushy today, Misha”

“I apologize if I hurt you”

“There’s no need for that. Let’s see. Whether I give up, it could be both said that’s right and that’s wrong”

“What do you mean, Rei-chan?”

Lene asked.

“I don’t think Claire-sama will be able to accept my feelings. Claire-sama has a person she likes, I support that, I’m happy just being able to be close to her. But――”

“But?”

Claire-sama also asked.

“But, being able to give up on Claire-sama completely is a little impossible”

Ahaha, I laughed in a slightly self-mocking manner.

It didn’t turn out well this time either.

The mood turned amiss.

“Well, that’s why, please stay as you are. I’m relatively happy with our current relationship”

“… I see…”

“I don’t particularly mind if you fall for me, okay?”

“I will not”

“Isn’t that right”

Thanks to Claire-sama’s immediate denial, we returned just a little bit to the usual.

Mmhm, that’s how the mood should be.

“Yes, this talk ends here. Then, Claire-sama. Shall we flirt as usual”

“We shall not!? Or rather, we never have!?”

“There you go again. Even though you’re not as annoyed as you appear”

“Save your sleep-talking for when you are in bed!”

“Ahaha”

“…”

It’s already completely the usual.

The serious feeling from a while ago has completely dispersed.

I played around with Claire-sama, Claire-sama got worked up, Lene soothed her, Misha watched over us.

It’s really the usual.

Yup, the usual.

The usual, but it’s just a little… really, just a little painful.

In my previous life, intellectuals who tried to eliminate prejudice against homosexuality often criticized celebrities who made homosexuality their gimmick to appear on TV.

There’s no doubt their opinion was correct.

Of course, it’s a fact that such celebrities increase prejudice.

It would be better if prejudice disappeared.

But, even in reality there certainly exist homosexuals who seek prejudice on purpose like that.

I think reasons differ between each of them.

It’s hard to live without self-mockery for some people.

Even if we fall for a person it’s rarely ever returned, if we don’t say anything we can be closer than with the opposite sex, but the moment we fall in love we’re more distant than anyone.

Repeating such a thing over and over again, it’s no wonder before we realize there’s nothing but to laugh it away.

I’m by no means saying all homosexuals are like that.

But, at least I am.

“Claire-sama”

“What is it”

“Do you dislike me?”

I asked Claire-sama that today as well.

I won’t hear something like I like you.

I wouldn’t hear that.

Because the answer is obvious.

“Naturally”

“Isn’t that right”

And I continued as usual.

“But, I like you”

Even if it doesn’t reach, even if it doesn’t get rewarded, I like Claire-sama.

There’s no future in it.

Even so, I can’t stop my feelings.

“It would be nice to come to love another homosexual person like myself”

But, I think love is something you fall in.

It’s not like you can choose the person you fall for.

Really, love is such a troublesome thing.