Chapter 83: CH 82

“What do I want to do?”

On a morning of a day close to the classes starting, Claire-sama and I visited Yuu-sama in the royal palace.

Normally, we’d have to go through the specific procedure to request a meeting with a prince that takes time to be accepted.

Rather, it’s exceptional we get to meet them in the academy.

But this time, passing the reason of “A cure has been found for Yuu-sama’s illness” via Lily-sama, the meeting was approved right away.

Officially, it’s Claire-sama who’s attending the audience, with me in the position of a “doctor” who may be able to solve Yuu-sama’s problem.

Before solving Yuu-sama’s and Misha’s problem, I wanted to confirm Yuu-sama’s will first.

Although I was able to hear some of the story from Misha, things are sometimes distorted as they are passed down.

I wanted to hear Yuu-sama’s thoughts directly.

“There is no room for choice, Yuu-sama”

I wanted to hear Yuu-sama’s unreserved opinion, so I requested the room be cleared of people, but the Royal Palace stuck to having Yuu-sama be accompanied.

Perhaps as a supervisor, Prime Minister Salas is with us.

Isn’t this person busy, he didn’t have to come.

As always, my impression of Salas-sama is the worst.

Lasas-sama faced us and continued.

Huh, was it Solas-sama?

“I also think it is unfortunate, but it will be troublesome if Yuu-sama doesn’t stay a prince. It already is past the point where personal will matters”

“I understand Salas-sama’s opinion. Of course, both I and Rei over here accept it”

Claire-sama politely accepted that Salas-sama implicitly said our question is a nonsense.

“However, that is that, but without being aware of what Yuu-sama really thinks, even if Yuu-sama was turned male, Yuu-sama’s feelings may be unable to follow”

You need to prepared in advance if it is impossible, Claire-sama warned Salas-sama.

As always, at such official occasions Claire-sama is remarkably intellectual.

There’s no trace of the usual arrogant selfish lady.

Here Claire-sama shows the appearance of a perfect young lady.

“In other words, regardless of the way Yuu-sama sex would be, you want to hear Yuu-sama’s true opinion out of care for Yuu-sama’s feelings, is that what you are saying?”

“That is indeed the case”

Hmm…, Salas-sama pondered with the hand on his chin.

Doing so, Salas-sama looks exquisite.

“I think what Claire-sama is saying has a point, Yuu-sama”

“Then, can I speak freely?”

Thanks to the compromise with the supervising Salas-sama, Yuu-sama decided to speak honestly.

“As for me… After all, I’d like to turn back into a woman”

“Yuu-sama…”

“Don’t make that face, Salas. Since it can’t be helped, I’ll continue being a man. But you know, I can’t do anything about my feelings”

Seeing Salas-sama’s worried face, Yuu-sama said apologetically.

“Even now I can only barely maintain the balance between my mind and body because my body turns back once a month during the full moon. Were I to have a completely male body, I don’t think I could remain so composed”

Yuu-sama kept the usual princely expression until the end, but I thought the words Yuu-sama said just now undoubtedly are Yuu-sama’s true feelings.

In my past life, as I was a homosexual myself, I interacted with people of various sexual minorities.

Among them, some suffered from gender dysphoria, they did things like dress in the clothes of the opposite sex or take hormonal drugs to attempt to stabilize their minds.

Of course, those methods weren’t a fundamental solution.

Even with the state of medicine in Japan at that time it was impossible to perfectly change the sex into the opposite of the one a person was born with.

Even so, even with the symptomatic therapy, for those suffering from gender dysphoria the methods mentioned above were indispensable.

Even if it can’t be completely cured, I find the opinion that the symptomatic therapy is meaningless to be incorrect.

“Claire, Rei, do you have any solutions?”

Salas-sama asked us.

“Could you give Rei permission to speak”

“I don’t mind. Rather than name, I care about the results”

“Thank you. Rei”

“Yes. There are two options”

“Let’s listen”

Asking so, Salas-sama bend himself forward in curiosity.

“The first option is to continue the current situation”

Salas-sama urged me to continue, looking a little discouraged.

“The other option… is to make Yuu-sama a woman”

“… Were you listening to me? It’s already too late for that choice――”

“Officially, Yuu-sama will be disinherited”

“… What are you suggesting”

I piled up the words.

“Because Yuu-sama needs to be treated as a successor prince, the talk has become complicated. Were Yuu-sama released from these obligations, whichever way Yuu-sama’s body was wouldn’t really matter”

“Are you intending to expose the shame of the Royal Palace?”

“That is not the case. After being disinherited, it would be announced Yuu-sama fell ill and went to a monastery. Few attendants would follow to take care of Yuu-sama there. Although Yuu-sama’s range of behavior would be somewhat limited, everything related to Yuu-sama’s body could be solved”

“Do you understand what you are saying?”

Salas-sama’s sagacious voice rang out.

I wonder if I went into it too much.

“That is… Are you saying I would live the whole live confined to a monastery?”

“Basically that’s right, however it wouldn’t be confinement. Although it may be unavoidable at the beginning, once you grow out your hair and put on makeup, it’d be possible to go outside as a high-ranking nun. Fortunately, Yuu-sama has a feminine face”

It’s also not my intention to say living a life of confinement is a solution.

However, Yuu-sama will have to endure some inconveniences.

“Rei, what about the option of making the body male?”

“I am not aware of it”

“I specifically approved the audience with Yuu-sama because you said there’s a way to fix the problem, but isn’t it meaningless”

Good grief, Salas-sama dropped his shoulders.

No, that’s not the case.

“Salas-sama. Can’t letting Yuu-sama live as Yuu-sama’s original sex be called a solution?”

“It cannot. The will of the Royal Palace is for Yuu-sama to live as a man to the end”

“Aren’t there two other heirs to the throne?”

“Very well, Rei Taylor. You speak of disinheritance as if it’s something simple, but by nature disinheritance is a punishment for royalty who commit a serious crime? It cannot be done to Yuu-sama”

I refused to back down.

“… You are saying a little too much. Regardless of Claire, a commoner like you shouldn’t meddle with the dark side of the Royal Palace”

“Yuu-sama did no wrong, yet are you trying to make Yuu-sama bear consequences of Lishe-sama’s reckless action for the whole life”

“The audience is over. Withdraw”

“Salas-sama!”

“… Rei, I’m happy about your feelings. But, there are things in the world that can’t be helped”

Saying so, Yuu-sama showed a fleeting smile, it seemed like it would disappear at any moment.

Forced to live as a man for over ten years, Yuu-sama still tried not to choose the option of living as a woman.

“Rei, it is enough. Yuu-sama, Salas-sama, thank you very much”

“Please don’t think about this matter anymore”

“… Certainly”

I was still full of things to say, but dragged by Claire-sama I left the room where the audience with Yuu-sama was held.

As we went outside, it began to rain.

We left the royal palace to wait for a carriage to pick us up.

“… Rei… You are…”

“Does Claire-sama think that is okay!?”

As Claire-sama called out to me in an astonished voice, I spoke to her a little angrily.

Little by little the rain grew stronger.

“I do not think that is fine. But, it is as Yuu-sama said, there are things in the world that cannot be helped”

“Is Claire-sama saying that. Were you just pretending when you said that you don’t want to run away from ideals to reality”

“… When did you become so great as to run your mouth like this”

“It has nothing to do with being great or not. But, if you can’t save Yuu-sama, who’s just one person, saving every commoner is just a pipe dream”

“Rei!”

Claire-sama’s strong rebuking tone made me return to my senses.

Damn it, I went too far.

“… I’m sorry”

“Why did you get so passionate. You were being unusual?”

“Misaki was like that. She… no, he was forced to live as a different gender”

It’s a story from my past life.

Misaki was born a woman, but he was a child who wanted to become a man.

“Just like Yuu-sama now, Misaki wasn’t understood by the surroundings, and as a result of continuing the impossible… committed suicide”

“!”

I couldn’t see her as I cast down my eyes, but I heard Claire-sama gasp.

“She1 didn’t die because her wish wasn’t heard. She died because she couldn’t bear her wish troubling the surroundings”

“… That is… painful”

Since we had started going tsuchinoko searching together, Misaki often opened heart to me.

Why wasn’t I born with a mind matching my sex.

Why must I endure what other people take for granted.

If I was a man, I could be joined with Kosaki.

I tried to stand by her the best I could, but ultimately, it wasn’t enough to heal her wounds.

“In Misaki’s case, there wasn’t a solution. She didn’t really suffer from the opposite sex disease. But, there’s a proper solution for Yuu-sama. And yet――”

“Enough of that. Come here”

Saying so, Claire-sama embraced me tightly.

Unable to hold my emotions back, I hugged Claire-sama back.

“Even now I remember it. Kosaki’s weeping figure as she clung to Misaki’s coffin at the funeral”

“I see”

“And yet, the society… even Misaki’s parents blamed him. Misaki’s weakness is wrong, Misaki’s suffering is mistaken”

“I see”

“I don’t want such a thing to repeat ever again. It’s too late after you die, truly”

“You are right”

I wasn’t crying.

But, Claire-sama kept embracing me, as if she was gently comforting a grumbling baby.

Before we noticed, the rain turned into a downpour that drown out our voices.

For the whole time until the carriage came, Claire-sama continued embracing me.

On that day, the rain never stopped.

1) Yes, gender pronouns are like that in the original too ↵