"There's a new one on Instablog o!" Folarin's manager, Seyi, opened the door to his bedroom and walked in, phone in hand.
They were in the middle of a week-long movie shoot and Folarin was lounging in bed with yet another one of the extras.
Nothing new. This was typical Folarin. Whenever he was on location, he had an endless supply of attractive extras and crew members eager to jump in bed with him. And this particular set of scenes were being shot in the convenient comfort his own home.
Now, he was wondering why Seyi was bothering him. He had been basking in the afterglow of being ridden like a Harley Davidson by err... Sophia?... Sandra?...whatever - costume girl. It was just a little after 12 now and they weren't supposed to resume shooting until 2pm.
"Babe, please abeg abeg. I'm not in the mood. Besides, we've talked about this knocking thing. Fucking knock, Seyi. Your fingers will not wither."
Seyi looked up from her phone for the first time to see that Folarin was under the covers with the catch of the day. Seyi scoffed silently. More like the afternoon because there'd undoubtedly be another by nightfall., she thought.
"Please!", Seyi said out loud. "What do you have or what are you doing that they've not seen before? Abeg shift." She swatted at Folarin's feet, motioning for him to move them so she could sit at the edge of the bed.
"Hi", the naked, violently-light-skinned chick said timidly, practically hiding under the covers. By now it was undeniable that Mofolarin Ishola had a type. Modelesque. Thin, light skinned, tall and with a nice ass. Seyi couldn't see what this one was packing in the trunk from under the covers, but she was willing to bet she ticked that box as well. There might as well be a factory printing them out for him with the same mold.
Seyi looked in her general direction and muttered a disinterested 'wsup' and went back to what she was saying. "I said there's another one. The you and Chuka conspiracy theories. On Instablog."
"Jesus Christ" Folarin groaned, rubbing his eye lids. "What is it this time? We're planning to adopt? Our trip to his village was really a romantic getaway?"
Seyi chuckled. "Well, the story itself isn't about you two directly as usual, but people in the comment section are trying to guess who Annie is talking about."
Folarin sighed as he took Seyi's phone to see the post. Annie Uchendu. To call her an actress would be a gross overstatement but she had certainly appeared in a number of films and had a large following on the socials.
Fancied herself the 'Gossip Girl' of Nollywood. Her habit was to make random, often made up 'revelations' about other celebrities but it was always 'some people' or 'your fave this', ' your MCM that'. Never any actual names.
Knowing that his and Chuka's friendship was always under a bit of scrutiny, she occasionally made vague comments that seemed to imply she knew inside secrets about them too.
But as always, she never used any actual names, which was the only reason Folarin and Chuka's lawyers had advised against suing her. "All it would do is draw more attention to it", they had said, "And since she never actually said your names, people would claim you have a guilty conscience and possibly throw even more support behind her. Ignore her. You'll only increase her popularity otherwise."
And so they had. Yet, occasionally, this girl would remember them again and start typing rubbish.
One time, a photo of a screaming session at a sports bar after their football team scored a goal, was twisted and used to fuel the 'they're in love' narrative. In everyone's defence, the photo had looked...odd.
It was taken at a weird angle, and it just looked far more intimate and emotional than it really was, especially since there were several other people in the photo. The speculations had happened organically, and people were talking about it already, but Annie definitely fanned the flames by consistently alluding to 'that picture', without ever posting it. Damn it! They had to give it to her. The girl was smart.
But as Chuka liked to say, 'one day one day monkey go go market...", the pidgin English version of 'Every day for the thief, one day for the owner.'
Today, the Instablog post was a screenshot of a story Annie had posted that read:
"I Wish Everyone Would Just Let These LGBT People Be. Now One Of Our Faves Is Rumoured To Be Getting A Divorce Because I Guess Baby Girl Can't Deal With Beard Life Anymore. Na Wa. And They Actually Looked Really Cute Together. If We Didn't All Know The Truth, They Would Have Been A Believable Couple. LOL. Now, Will The Real Power Couple Please Stand Up?"
Fuck.
Folarin wasn't even as bothered by that last part - nothing new. Even her annoying use of capital letters in every word didn't irritate him as much anymore - but how the hell did she already know Chuka and Lisa were getting a divorce? They had literally only decided the day before.
"Chuka and Lisa are splitting up?" Seyi asked, curious.
Silently handing Seyi's back, Folarin reached for his own phone to call Chuka. He leaned over what's-her-name and unplugged it from the charger on the side table, next to her.
"I'll go and take a shower", Afternoon Delight said quietly and slipped out of bed, heading for the bathroom. Apparently she had discretely put her underwear back on under the covers.
"What do you want to do?" Seyi asked Folarin, raising a brow.
"I'm calling him." he replied, long-pressing '3' on his phone's dialer, which he'd programmed to speed-dial his best friend. Number 1 was the default for VoiceMail - which nobody used in Nigeria - and Number 2 was for his mom. All the rest were empty.
"Okay, good." Seyi relaxed. "Remember, the plan is still to ignore her. Don't reply her or tweet anything. Ignore the bitch until she doubts her own existence."
Chuka picked up on the first ring. "I was just about to call you. I swear to God - this girl!!", he growled angrily.
Folarin put the call on speakerphone. "I know. Seyi just showed me. Calm down."
"How? How the fuck? From just yesterday? Guy, you tell anybody?"
Folarin tried not to be offended. He knew he had to ask, if only to confirm he would never. Sometimes, you had to hear the words. "E be like say you smoke something. Why the fuck would I?" Then he looked at Seyi with a questioning, somewhat accusatory look.
Seyi raised an eyebrow and responded with a dry stare that said 'How could I when I just found out?'. Out loud, she added, "It must be one of Lisa's friends or her sisters. I'm sure she's told someone between yesterday and now."
"She claims she didn't but who knows. Fuck!" Chuka yelled. "I had a plan for how I wanted to play this. Specifically to avoid this nonsense!"
"Yeah, I know." Chuka had called him right after the meeting with their lawyer, the evening before. They'd met up and had drinks. Chuka had said he wanted to keep the entire thing on the low and Lisa had promised him they would announce it together in a cute, professionally-produced video that showed it was amicable and they were still friends.
Apparently that nosy bitch had more gossip-feeding minions than they'd given her credit for. And as usual, she'd given them no way to come after her for it.
"You guys will have to delay the announcement by a few months." Seyi said, manner-of-factly. 'Because if it comes out now, everyone will know for sure."
Folarin turned his head sharply to look at Seyi. "Know for sure that what?"
"Know what for sure?" Chuka asked, almost in unison.
Seyi laughed. "That she's talking about you guys, na. Not that you're together. Ahn ahn."
"Okay good." Folarin said, relaxing. "Make your talk dey clear o, make you no collect."
"Collect what?" Seyi scoffed.
"Penis nau. Nothing dey clear doubt reach that one."
Seyi snickered and rolled her eyes. "Fool."
Chuka let out a frustrated sigh on the other side of the phone. "Be like say two of una dey ment. Una dey catch cruise. Have you forgotten there's a fucking crisis on ground?"
Folarin hissed. "Guy, calm down. Don't be so dramatic. We can still salvage this." He looked at his watch. "I dey location. But if we shoot finish, I go show. We'll figure something out."
"Yeah", Seyi added. " Until then, don't tweet, don't post ANYTHING remotely related to this. Don't address it even indirectly. You'll only give her ammunition. Just ignore her for now."
"Oya nau. So, like seven-ish abi?", Chuka asked Folarin.
"More like 8 o. But I'll confirm around like 6. E get where you dey go?"
"Nah. I dey house."
"Okay. Tell Charles say I dey come o. He knows what to do."
"Guy, no be you hire cook for me. Bring your own okpa come." Chuka said and hung up.
Folarin was unbothered because he knew a plate of fresh, hot Okpa Enugu would be waiting when he got there. Chuka's aunt - God rest her soul - had introduced him to the Igbo dish and Folarin had fallen in love with it.
She'd bought some for them every time she visited from Enugu but Chuka's cook made the best okpa In the country. Even though he didn't have much to compare it to considering he'd only ever eaten his and the ones Aunty Isioma bought, he was certain of this fact.