After dinner, they got down to talking about the matter at hand.
"First of all, where's Lisa?" Folarin asked. "She should be here for this."
"She comot. I've been trying to reach her, but her phone is off. She should be back soon sha.", Chuka said, checking his phone again to see if he'd somehow missed any calls or texts from Lisa, even though his ringer was on.
"Alright. We'll talk and then we'll bring her in when she comes back." Folarin concluded. "Her opinion is important too."
"Okay. So, let's start with the initial plan. What are the pros and cons of going through with it as is?" Chuka asked.
"No way, guy. First of all, going ahead to announce so soon after that post would be suicide. We might as well kiss and give them the picture."
Chuka made a face and chuckled.
"Fool. Like you don't dream of these lips, daily.", Folarin said. "Secondly,", he continued before Chuka could retort, "the video won't have the same effect it would have had before the post. Now it'll just look like damage control."
"True", Chuka nodded in agreement.
"So, video off the table. And the divorce has to wait. Not even just the announcement. The whole divorce." When Chuka raised a brow, Folarin continued. "It's too risky. It would involve third parties we can't control, and they could leak it."
"Fair enough." Chuka agreed.
"I'm assuming you and Lisa can still tolerate each other for a few more months?" Folarin asked, with actual concern. He knew they'd been having problems and the passion between them had died a while ago, apparently irrevocably but he wondered if things had gotten so bad, they couldn't stand each other at all anymore. That would be sad because they had once been so besotted with each other.
"Nah. It's not that deep. We're cool." Chuka said and rang Lisa's number again. This time, it rang but there was no answer. He didn't know whether to be relieved or even more worried. Maybe she was driving home, he resolved at last.
"She's probably on her way home." Folarin said, as if reading his mind.
"Yeah," Chuka nodded, and put the phone down, waving off his brain's annoying reminder that her car had Bluetooth, so she could take a call even if she was driving. "So, what's the new plan? Do we even still need one apart from just waiting? The whole point of planning it has now been defeated."
Folarin paused to think. "I don't know, I think there's actually value in making it clear that it's amicable and that you two are still cool." Folarin said, rubbing his chin. "Okay so, nothing played up and scripted. Either a regular selfie camera video in a casual setting or a simple picture and written statement on both your pages. But a video could be more effective so they can read the body language between you two for themselves."
"Yeah, I agree. Video is better."
"Okay so video's back on the table just much later and much simpler."
"Okay, I'll â " Chuka's phone rang with a call from Lisa, interrupting him. He picked up. "Lisa. I've been trying to call you. What's -"
"I'm sorry, Chu Chu." Lisa interrupted, crying. "I'm so sorry. I had to protect myself and our future kids. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
"Wait, what are you talking about? Where - "
Chuka cut himself off when he heard Folarin's phone start to blow up with notifications and a horrified look take over his face as he checked them.
"Fuck!" Folarin yelled. "FUCK! Lisa, what did you do? What the fuck did you do?"
"Guy, what? What is it?" Chuka exclaimed, taking his phone from him.
Through the phone, Lisa was crying." Is that Folarin? Folarin, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Folarin took Chuka's phone as Chuka busied himself with discovering the shitstorm that had just been unleashed on them. "Why? Lisa, why the fuck would you post that? What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Folarin, I'm sorry. Please. She made me. If those things leak, I would be finished."
"What? What are you talking about? Who? What things?" Folarin asked, still boiling mad but his anger slightly tampered with curiosity. He put the phone on speaker so a now shocked, mouth-wide-open Chuka could hear her too.
"Annie sent me a link on IG with the caption 'is this you?'. I was scared so I clicked it. It sent me to some random site that made no sense. I replied and asked her what that was about, and she didn't reply. A few hours later she flooded my DMs with...everything! Pictures from my past, some flirty emails I exchanged with my boss, texts where I was talking shit about Julie with Ada, and a disgusting video someone sent me that I forgot to delete before it automatically backed up in my cloud. All kinds of dirt, Folarin. Apparently that link I clicked gave her access to my phone and she took everything she could find. Then she told me she would post them or send them to GistLover if I didn't confirm the divorce to her, which I did. I wasn't even thin-"
"Why the fuck would you not just deny it?", Chuka thundered.
Lisa burst into fresh tears. "Chu, I wasn't thinking. I was just too relieved that all she wanted was something so seemingly simple. I didn't think far at all. I thought she only wanted gossip."
"Gossip in her hands isn't 'only gossip', Lisa. You know this. And you know it's because of her and the other bloggers that we were planning the announcement so carefully."
"Chuey, please..." She cried.
Great. She hadn't called him any of her pet names for him for what felt like years and now they were all she wanted to use. How fucking convenient.
She continued. "It was after I confirmed it that she told me to post that. She typed it out herself and told me to post it. I wanted to call you, Chu Chu but she gave me 10 seconds to do it, or she would unleash hell. So, I just copied and pasted it on Twitter." She paused, as if waiting for some evidence of their understanding and a little absolution. When it didn't come, she continued. "I had to, Chu. I owed our kids one scandal-free parent."
"Of course." Chuka said, with a sarcastic laugh. "But not enough to stop you from doing scandalous things in the first place." He paused, suddenly feeling his anger boil up even more. "Wait, what kids are you even going on about? The ones you've been pretending to want? The ones you've been taking pills to prevent?"
"WHAT?!" Folarin exclaimed, looking incredulously at Chuka then glaring at the phone like it was Lisa herself.
"Wha -? How did- ? I - ".
Chuka let out a bitter laugh. "Oh, you thought I didn't know? I was just saving that juicy bit for if you ever decided to get messy with this divorce."
He paused. "And you've been fucking your boss, Lisa?" he asked slowly, equal parts angry and hurt.
"What? No o. It.. it was just flirting, Chu, I promise. I wouldn't even have mentioned it now; it was that irrelevant. It's just that I don't fully trust that she won't release them. He's a famous man. She might want to use them to blackmail him too and he can be stubborn."
He can be stubborn. An intimate detail to know about a person. And was it just him or was there a note of fondness in her voice when she said that? Chuka shook his head. Chai.
"So, you're not even secure in the sacrifice you made and yet you made it anyway? That's how little we meant to you?" Chuka couldn't keep his voice from breaking slightly as he roared in anger.
Folarin yelled. "This is bullshit, Lisa. I'm so fucking disappointed in you."
"Fo', Chuksie, please I -".
"MY NAME IS FOLARIN, LISA AND HIS NAME IS CHUKA!" Folarin bellowed. "Chuksie, Chey and Chu Chu no longer exist. Not to you. And definitely not Fo'. I see right through this manipulative BS, auntie and it's not working this time."
"Folarin..." she trailed off, sounding wounded.
"Just stay wherever you are for a few days while we try to undo this mess. If that's even possible. Pray I decide not to sue you, Lisa. Fucking pray!" Folarin screamed into the phone and hung up.
Folarin returned Chuka's phone, took his, which now had 67 missed calls on it, and read Lisa's tweet again.
"Time To 'Ex' This. Live Your Truth While I Live Mine. It's Been Real... (Or Has It?) #leavingthebeardgang #shavingmyselfoff @onetalentedMoFo You Don't Have To Share Any More. He's All Yours Now. âï¸"
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" he swore profusely, hitting his palm against his head as he paced the living room, while a stunned Chuka ignored the calls that were now flooding his own phone.
Folarin's phone rang again. It was his mom.
"FUUUUCK!"