"I could have lost you today." Ellis said in a small voice.
Adam looked up at her. He was sitting on the bed while she had just come out from the washroom. He had no idea what to say so he remained silent.
As he watched Ellis walked towards him until she was standing between his knees.
"I don't want to live in the past anymore." she said softly before pulling off her shirt.
...
Adam hugged Ellis to him, his face resting against her collarbone, but even before he said a single word, she knew that he would say no.
"Ell you know how much I want you but not like this. Not when you are not even sure if you want me, or you just want to remind yourself that I am still alive." Adam said softly, his breath puffing warmly against her skin.
Ellis pushed him away. Her eyes were narrowed in anger.
"Do you even know what that sounds like Adam? Just say that you don't want to touch me because you don't think I am worth.." she never got to finish the sentence because at that moment, his patience snapped and he grabbed her wrist and flipped her onto the bed on her back. He was looming over her the next instant.
"Adam don't." Ellis said in as cold a voice as she could manage but they could both hear the slight tremor in it.
"Don't what? I thought you wanted this?" he asked harshly.
"Don't try to scare me on purpose." Ellis whispered and Adam felt as if she had slapped him. He got off the bed took the few steps necessary to collapse on the couch. Ellis turned away from him, curling into a ball and hugging her knees. He looked at her, and he knew he only had himself to blame for turning what had been a lovely evening into this mess which had left her heartbroken.
He fell back onto the couch and closed his eyes. He wished he could turn off his brain too but it kept showing him her hurt expression. He was supposed to make her happy, keep her safe, and right now he was the one who had hurt her, who had tried to scare her, and God forbid, he had succeeded.
Adam cursed himself, but he could not keep looking away from her anymore. She was always beautiful to him. In truth, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, heck, she was the only woman he ever could remember seeing. Any other woman, he could not remember past what he needed to remember for work.
Her hair was spread around her, still black, but most of her back was bare, due to her position and the fact that she was only wearing her strapless silk bra over simple silk pyjama bottoms. Adam shook his head. What sort of man would not only say no to her, but also hurt her?
He got off the couch and got on the bed again before spooning her from behind. She did not react to him in any way. Adam raised his head up on his elbow, and turned her a little, but even when she was facing him, she would not look up at him. Her lashes were spiky from moisture and Adam scowled as he realized that he had made her cry.
"I'm sorry." He said softly, his lips brushing her temple.
"You're awful." Ellis said without opening her eyes.
"A complete asshole." Adam agreed.
"What do I see in you?" She asked opening her eyes and meeting his gaze.
"Every time I look in the mirror, I ask myself the same damn thing." Adam told her. His comment did what he had wanted it to; it made her smile. But Adam had stated a truth about himself. He never would understand what she saw in him. Why she trusted him.
"Why are you back in bed? Go away." Ellis told him, but there was no force behind the words. Adam pulled the comforter over them and hugged her even closer.
"I'm scared Ell." He said softly.
Ellis started to pull away so she could look at his face, but he held her close. Finally she gave up and settled where she was. When he was sure she would not try to move, he continued.
"I keep telling myself that you would lose all your fear of me after we make love. At least most of it, but at the back of my head I am terrified that somehow you will be scared of me. I won't be able to bear seeing fear of me in your eyes." He said, his voice breaking slightly at the end.
His arms were still holding her in place, so Ellis had to wriggle until she could see his face and she could see that he was dead serious.
"Do I look scared to you?" she asked him with quiet certainty.
Adam shook his head, his arms loosening a bit as he relaxed slightly.
"Adam I had not even held hands with any man until you came along. If I so much as had to shake hands, I felt sick. Now I am pretty much half naked in bed with you, and I am having a conversation for crying out loud. What more reassurance do you want?"
Adam shook his head, and Ellis opened her mouth to speak again, but he silenced her with a gentle kiss.
When they finally parted, her expression was soft, and he was smiling.
"You're right of course. Tomorrow night would you like to come over for dinner?" Adam asked dropping feather light kisses along her jaw.
"Okay." She murmured. Adam smiled.
"Now off to sleep with you Darlin'! We have an early day ahead of us tomorrow, if we want to make it back home in time for dinner." Adam drawled. Ellis knew what he was doing. He wanted her to rest, and so he was pulling her strings, but she knew he had not forgiven himself. She could see the guilt in his eyes. She opened her mouth to talk to him, but he was already shaking his head.
"I made you cry. I hurt you. Nothing changes that, love. There is no excuse, no reason good enough. The least I can do is feel guilty about it." He said seriously.
Ellis felt tears pool in her eyes and he closed his for a moment with a grimace.
"Don't cry more. Please baby." He whispered, pulling her closer, his warmth seeping into every part of her being.
"Stubborn. Fool." She told him, and he nodded. "My stubborn fool." Ellis told him calmly, before slipping close to him and stretching out her legs to get comfortable for the night.
Adam did not say anything anymore, but she had pushed the guilt away. He might not have wanted her to, but she had done it all the same, and he was grateful. Just as he was grateful to have her in his arms, in his life.
...
Adam poured himself a mug of black coffee frowning at all the knowing smirks he was getting from his team. They were all in the dining room of the mansion early in the morning.
"What?" he finally snapped at Ash.
"I am surprised you are here this early." Ash said blandly.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Adam asked coldly.
"I thought you'd be helping Ellis move into the present. She did decide not to live in the past anymore after all." Ash said with a grin. Everyone burst out laughing.
Adam spat out his coffee.
"How the hell do you know that?" he finally managed to ask while trying not hack out a lung.
"You forgot to turn off the mike last night." Ash said when he had stopped laughing. "Don't worry; we turned it off from our side after she said that."
"How kind of you." Ellis said coolly as she entered the room. This time it was Ash who spat out his coffee.
"What are you doing here this early?" he finally managed to sputter.
"Did you really think I would sit in the bedroom all day and blush?" Ellis asked with raised eyebrows. Ash flushed. Adam chuckled, and so did most of the other men.
"We need to move the sniper as early as possible." Adam said as Ellis was pouring her coffee.
"Yes. We have the safe house ready for him as well as the transport." Ash reported, all previous teasing gone. Ellis was the only person in the room who was not a part of Adam's team.
"Good. I will lead the convoy." Adam started but he was interrupted.
"You should stay undercover. They think you're Ellis's neighbour and boyfriend. After last night's attempt on your life, we can keep a visible bodyguard team on you both. That's the best possible scenario available to us. Don't blow it just because you want to monitor everything yourself." Ash said reasonably.
Adam seemed to think about it for a while.
"You're right. Taking chances with my cover now would be stupid. I won't come in unless you really can't get that sniper to talk." He met the eyes of him men and they grinned. Those smiles would have given the sniper nightmares.
"We'll get him to talk." One of the men said casually.
"Good. Then you move the sniper to the safe house and Ellis and I are moving back to our homes. We get two guards outside each of our homes." Adam finished his coffee as he listened to the logistics of the transfer of the sniper to a different location.
"We're leaving." Adam said as he got up, once all the details had been hammered out. He offered Ellis his hand and she took it, smiling a little as their fingers laced together.
...
Ellis glanced at her reflection again. She knew she looked good, and of course nothing could have gone wrong in the last five seconds since she had checked her reflection, but still... she sighed. She would ruin the night if she stayed this nervous. She was dressed in a light pink chiffon dress. It had small poofy sleeves, a scooped neck and fell down to her knees in a swirly frothy mass. She felt like she was wearing liquid air, and looked like she was wearing cotton candy. Cotton candy that clung in the right places.
Her hair was twisted in a simple knot behind her and held there by silver chopsticks that Adam had gifted her a week ago. That was the only jewellery she wore. She wore simple silver peep toe stilettos.
She jumped when the doorbell rang, and then hurried to open the door.
Adam just stared at her dumbfounded when she opened the door. She looked so ethereal. Ellis was having a similar reaction to him. Adam was wearing snug black jeans, boots and a blue silk shirt tucked in, and a black leather jacket. That and the wide black leather belt only emphasized his lean physique more. He was going casual, but it was still casual impressive.
"We do not match." Adam said mournfully.
Ellis looked at him like he had lost his mind.
"You look like a fairy princess while I am a goddamned mercenary." He said sadly. Ellis rolled her eyes.
"You can look like Cinderella but will that make you any less dangerous? So how does looking like this make me any less yours?" she asked him with a bemused shake of her head. Then turning from him, as if she had not just completely shaken his world, Ellis grabbed her purse and pretty much dragged him outside so she could close the house.
Adam was rendered speechless. Had she said those words in a joke, or even while teasing, it would have been different, but she was so matter of fact about it, that he knew that she accepted them as truth, as a foregone conclusion. He could literally feel his heart lifting.
"What is your damage tonight Adam?" Ellis asked exasperated while she placed her keys in her purse. He had been silent the entire time it had taken her to lock her house. Their guards were, of course, staying out of sight.
Adam wrapped his arm around her waist.
"Cooking must have traumatized me more than I realized." he teased.
Ellis giggled. "So what did you make for supper?"
"Well... first I made some lasagna. But then the cheese burned and I realized that I had put sugar instead of salt in the tomato sauce. So I fed it to Bruno."
"Bruno?" Ellis asked curiously amid giggles.
"You know Bruno. My Trash can."
"Of course! Bruno! I named him myself!" Ellis said, really glad that he had remembered the name she had given his trash can, even if she had temporarily forgotten.
"Then I decided that I needed to make something that would take less time. So I made macaroni, but you see, I had not known about the sauce yet, and so I used the leftover sauce from the lasagna for the pasta, and well, Bruno had to eat that too." Adam said sadly.
Ellis burst out laughing. Adam grinned but then resumed his mournful expression as he unlocked his front door for her.
"What happened then?" Ellis asked.
"Then I decided I would make minestrone soup. It was a horrible idea as I had no vegetables, or beans. I still tried though but well... I fed the clumps that resulted from my attempts of cooking the soup to Bruno as well." Adam calmly locked the door behind them.
"So what exactly are we going to eat, and why were you so fixated on Italian?" Ellis asked, though she was trying to hold back her laughter.
"If you will follow me." Adam said with flourish. He led her into the dining room, and he had the whole room lit with candles, and there were trays of at least seven different types of sushi waiting for them on the dining table. Ellis smiled.
Adam popped a bottle of champagne open.
"Shouldn't that be sake?" Ellis teased as she took the glass.
"Sorry, not feeling that traditional." Adam chuckled.
They clinked their glasses together and drank deeply of the champagne, and then suddenly the world went black, and the last thing either of them remembered seeing was masked men slipping into the line of their vision.