Two Weeks Later:
Ellis was baking and she was studiously ignoring Adam who was mowing the lawn in his backyard, without a shirt. He was tall, at least six feet two, and well built, but lean, with tanned golden skin that he was showing too much of. Sunlight was also glinting off his cropped brown hair, making it look like he had copper highlights.
She was most definitely not stealing covert glances at him. Nope, most definitely not.
Ellis scowled even more as she pulled out the tray with the bread and put in the next tray, which was filled with cinnamon rolls. She looked around for something to do while they were baked but came up nil. She had already baked everything else, and made the glaze for the rolls. There was something about following a set recipe that calmed her nerves, which had turned her into an excellent cook and baker in the past five years. Of course, writing code also calmed her, but then that was her profession and there was only so much she could do of it.
She looked up again from her musings and he was gone. She blew out a breath in relief, and then jumped when she heard the knock on the back door.
She slowly turned and yup, there he was, standing just outside the door she had deliberately left open to let in the fresh river breeze.
"Yes?" she asked him testily. His whole demeanour told her that he wanted something. At least he had pulled on a T-shirt.
"I came to apologize." He said calmly and she raised an eyebrow. He definitely wanted something and her forgiveness was not it.
"For what?" she asked him innocently. Two could play that game.
"For teasing you like that the day I moved here. I should have told you right from the start that I had recognized you." He said and Ellis could not make herself doubt the sincerity in his eyes. He had limited himself to waves since he had moved in, and this was the first time since then that they were actually talking.
"Forgiven." She answered and then waited.
"What would I have to do for some of your baking?" he asked with a sigh and she fought back her smile.
She just raised an eyebrow and he gave her a crestfallen look, reading her answer in her demeanour.
"Come on in." She said finally as she turned away to hide the smile she could no longer hold back.
To her surprise, he somehow managed to put her completely at ease, and she had a good time chatting with him as if they were just regular neighbours. She had put away all the baking while talking to him and was cleaning the pans when he walked to the sink with his coffee mug.
Ellis was surprised when he rinsed it and leaned around her to place it on the draining board. But something about the action triggered a panic attack. She felt her heart rate triple, and her knees started shaking. She tried to move away from him but he had noticed that something was wrong and already had a grip on her elbow, which was also the only thing keeping her on her feet.
"Ellis what's wrong?" Adam asked, his expression concerned, but he was too close. The panic was only escalating. She pushed him away and he let go, realizing that he was not helping. She sank to the floor, her head between her knees as she waited for it to pass.
He knelt in front of her, but he had no idea what to do. He wanted to pull her close but he was smart enough to know that he would only make it worse.
It took a while but Ellis's breathing finally started slowing down, and the panicked gasps turned to shallow breaths. She opened her eyes and looked into his gray eyes which were shadowed with worry.
"I..." she cleared her throat, "I'm fine." She murmured.
He nodded and then handed her a glass of water. She said nothing as she gulped it down and then handed it back to him.
"I triggered something by being too close." He said matter of factly.
She nodded. "I don't get them often now. It's been months since the last one."
"I'm sorry Ellis" he said in that gentle tone that he used around her when he seemed to think that she was close to breaking.
Ellis shook her head. "Not your fault. Could you... just let me be? I'll bring you some baking later."
Adam opened his mouth to argue but then snapped it shut and after giving her a terse nod he left the house.
Ellis dropped her head on her knees, tears finally slipping down her cheeks. She had thought that she had recovered. Maybe all that she had done was make sure that she stayed away from anything that might trigger her panic. She had just hidden from it all rather than deal with it and now she was realizing that you can only hide from your own feelings and fears for so long.
...
Ellis scowled at the man standing on her front porch. She hated salesmen and this one was seriously creeping her out. She did not allow strangers into her house and he seemed to be trying his damndest to come in. After the panic attack this morning, she was already off her balance and this guy was definitely not helping.
"Okay that's it!" she finally snapped. "I am not interested in buying anything. Please leave." Then she slammed the door in his face. She kinda felt bad about it, but she was not into trusting strangers, and most definitely not into letting them enter her house.
She strode to her office hoping that work would distract her from the day that was progressing from bad to worse. She was an excellent computer programmer and she loved her work. Especially because writing codes could get her to stop thinking. She started working on the new code she was developing but even that could not really make her stop thinking today. She had stuffed her feelings away every time they had surfaced in the past five years but it seemed that they were coming out permanently now.
She leaned back in her chair, and closed her eyes. It was all his fault. He was the one who had to make her remember because his mere presence made her feel secure enough that she somehow thought she could deal with the memories. She had read enough psychology to know what was going on, but not enough to know how to stop it or if it could be stopped. She had worked so hard to forget everything that had happened five years ago, but it was all coming back to her now. Ugh. What was she supposed to do now? Go see a shrink?
She would have done that years ago if it was something she could have done. She could not stand the thought of talking about what had happened and especially not to a stranger. The most she had been able to do was to tell her Uncle to go talk to a Doctor friend of his on her behlaf and get material from him for her to read. That was it. But Adam was bringing it all out again.
Someone rang the doorbell. Ellis scowled and got up. Was she not even entitled to any peace? It had gotten dark while she had been working and now she peeked from the peep hole before opening the door. Adam stood there, dressed in jeans and a white button down shirt. He was holding a small basket.
She just raised her eyebrows instead of inviting him in.
Adam grinned and she felt a smile tug at her own lips. It was so unfair. A guy should not be that good looking and have all that charm, and have such an infectious grin. Totally unfair.
"You forgot to bring some of your baking around." He said innocently and she frowned at him, before moving aside to let him in.
He handed her the basket and then silently followed her to the kitchen where she proceeded to fill it with homemade bread, cinnamon rolls and chocolate chip cookies. She liked baking and she usually baked too much for one person anyways.
"Would it be okay if I treated you to dinner in return for all the baking?" he asked easily as she handed him the basket.
Ellis just stared at him.
"Don't look so worried, I'm not going to feed you my cooking." He told her blandly and she chuckled in spite of herself.
"Maybe sometime." She answered vaguely.
"But then the Italian I ordered for tonight will be wasted. There's only so much I can eat." He blinked innocently and Ellis gaped at him. He was playing her.
"Adam!" Ellis exclaimed in part incredulity and part exasperation.
"So... would you like to come over now and I should wait for you to get ready? Or would you like to come over in like half an hour? Your choice." He said dead pan.
Ellis shook her head. "I forgot that."
"Forgot what?" Adam asked.
"Forgot how good you are at making me feel like I have a choice even when I don't." She said quietly and his lips thinned. She could see the old anger in his face, and she knew it was for her sake. That decided it for her.
"Gimme five minutes." She said as she walked into her bedroom.
...
"Pizza does not count as Italian." Ellis told Adam haughtily after they had had dinner and he was cleaning up. She was sitting on the chair with it tipped back on two legs.
"Of course it does." Adam retorted.
"And you ordered it after I was already at your place." She continued.
"It was still delivered by the time I had the table set up." He answered.
"I cannot believe that I sat at the dining table, had good china and silverware, and then went ahead and ate pizza. I didn't even get to use the silverware." Ellis chuckled and he shrugged.
"Do you even know how to cook?" Ellis asked.
"I don't starve." He said with another shrug.
"I see that." Ellis murmured and something in her tone made Adam turn to look at her. He felt a lazy grin spread on his face as he saw that she was blatantly ogling him. He finished putting the dishes in the dishwasher and then slowly walked towards her.
Ellis allowed the chair to fall back on all four legs with a loud clang. She had hoped that the sound would break the spell only to realize that she was too captivated for such mundane things to help.
He reached her and then gently stroked the side of her neck with his fingertips as if she were something very precious.
"Pretty Ellis." He murmured and she leaned into his touch. As if that was a hidden signal, his other hand came up and cupped her cheek and he laid a chaste kiss on her lips.
"My Ell." He said mere inches from her.
Ellis felt tears gather in her eyes but she held them back by sheer will power.
"Adam..." she started but choked. She had no idea what to say.
He moved slightly until his cheek was pressed to hers, and she could feel the 5'o clock shadow rasping against her skin.
"I was there. I found you. I took you home. I took care of you. I know, love. I know. I'll never ask you for something that you can't give." He said, his breath caressing her throat.
Ellis allowed her head to drop forward until her forehead rested on his shoulder.
"I am sorry." She whispered.
"You have never done me any wrong." He answered his voice absolute.
Ellis turned her head and pressed her face to the side of his neck. He could feel her lips moving when she spoke. "I ran away from you."
"You were 19 and had just gone through hell. So you did not trust the stranger who had helped you. That is smart, not wrong." He told her.
"You found me." She said softly.
"Took me a while." He said his voice gravelly.
"Five years." She said and pressed closer to him. One of his arms went around her waist. Holding her gently. Careful, always so careful.
Neither of them spoke for a long while as they held each other. Finally Ellis raised her head and looked at him. There was nothing but gentleness on his face. She moved closer and then laid a small kiss on the corner of his mouth. Then she gave him a smile filled with regret.
"I still can't..." she started to explain but he shook his head.
"Its okay, love. I can wait." He said softly before nipping her lightly on the nose.
Ellis laughed at that, just as he had intended.
"Would you like to watch a movie or go home for the night?" he asked and she glanced outside the windows at the dark moonless night.
"Home, I think."
"Come on then." He said taking her hand. He walked her to her front door and held her hand for the 5 minute walk. Ellis entered her house feeling surreal. She had touched a man tonight more than she had in the past five years combined.
She walked straight into her room and then flopped down on the bed. She did not know much about him except that he was usually armed, protective, and that he had saved her life. A small laugh escaped her as she realized that she did not even know what his profession was.
Oh well, she could always ask him later.
She was smiling even in her sleep that night.