"You've been avoiding me." Adam observed mildly.
"Yes." Ellis answered briskly as she went on working on her computer. He had come over because he wanted to see her. She had made it clear that although she had allowed him in; she was working, and he was not welcome. At least she had not thrown him out, yet.
"Ell, please talk to me." Adam said quietly, taking a seat across from her.
She finally moved her eyes from the screen. He did not call her Ell often, so it always gave her pause.
"As much as I want to avoid you for reasons I do not feel like discussing, I do also have a deadline to meet. Unless I work without distractions, this code will not be done by tomorrow morning." Her eyes narrowed. "You are a distraction."
"Am I allowed to stay here if I do not bother you?" Adam asked politely. Ellis gazed at him in indecision for a moment before nodding. Without another word, he left the room.
Ellis turned her eyes back to her computer and within moments she was again engrossed in her work. She had trained herself to not think at all when writing code, and remembering about this deadline had been a godsend for her after everything Adam had reminded her of two nights ago.
She had needed something to numb her, to give herself time to cope, and her work was now doing that; the same way it had all these years.
She lost herself in it, and when she looked up again, it was dark outside the window. Ellis got up and stretched before silently padding out to the living room. Adam was sprawled on the couch, his bare feet propped up on the coffee table, and the television remote loosely grasped in his hand.
There was a hockey game playing on mute. He looked for the entire world like a regular guy enjoying his evening, except that he was no regular guy, andthis was not his house.
She stared at him for a long minute and then decided that he just was not worth the hassle tonight, and turned to head into the kitchen to get a snack. She had not eaten all day, but she was not overly hungry. A snack would be enough for her tonight.
"I made supper." Adam said from behind her.
Ellis paused, and then answered without turning. "I am not really hungry."
"You haven't eaten all day."
"I'm still not hungry enough for a full meal." She said, reluctantly turning to face him.
"Give me some incentive to cook for you again."
Ellis nodded and Adam raised his long frame off the couch. His movements were slow, relaxed, but Ellis could feel the tension in him. She wondered if he knew that she could see behind his casualness.
They ate dinner together. He had made simple pasta with a freshly tossed salad on the side, but considering she knew that he barely knew how to cook, this was an excellently put together meal. He had gone to a lot trouble to put her at ease, or to indirectly grovel. She was not sure what he was doing yet. But she also knew he was not here to apologize. Not really. He didn't think he had done anything wrong in confronting her, and the man would not bow if he thought he was right. Not to anybody.
In spite of her misgivings about his visit he had her calm by the end of dinner, which made it all the more jarring when he changed the topic of their conversation.
"Why did you never try to find me?" Adam asked as she was placing dishes in the dishwasher. She thought it only fair that she cleaned since he had cooked.
"Trying to find you would have meant you finding me." She said quietly.
Adam stayed silent.
"You haven't asked the all important question yet."
"Which would be?" Adam asked blandly.
"Why did I leave you in the first place?"
"Why did you?"
"Do you remember what happened the morning I ran away?" she asked instead.
Adam closed his eyes. Whenever he thought of that day, all he could remember was his fear and rage after she had left. The details before he had discovered that were hazy.
"I woke you up. We had breakfast together. I told you that I had to run errands, and you said that you would be okay on your own. You said you would clean up since I had cooked. I left. When I came back, you had been gone a few hours." Adam summarized in a low succinct voice.
"After you left the house that day, someone called. I let the answering machine pick it. It seemed like a typical call from a salesperson except that I recognized the voice. It was one of them. I freaked. I was so scared that something had happened to you, or that they had found me some other way." Ellis took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
"I turned off anything that might tell anyone that someone was in the house and I removed all traces that I had ever been there. If they did not know about you already, I was not going to tip them off. I knew that any trace I might leave for you could be found by them. So I left. I cut all my ties and fled, afraid for you, and trying my best to keep my faith in you intact."
"If it turned out that something had happened to you because of me... I'd have rather died." she whispered.
"Why never come looking for me? I still own that house. Even a letter would have been enough." Adam was trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.
Tears leaked from Ellis's closed eyes. "I could not have borne it if I found out that you had betrayed me."
"You owe me five years Ms. Vorinski." Adam said coldly.
Ellis opened her eyes, flinching a little at his tone.
"You owe me five years of hell, of not knowing, of wondering, of nightmares and of dreams. You owe me all of that. Did you even think of me once in these five years until I showed up as your neighbour or did you try and forget me the same way you tried to forget what had happened? Was I just another bad memory to you? Just another part of the nightmare?"
To his surprise, Ellis stood up and left the room. She was back in less than two minutes and in her hands was a shoe box. She placed it on the table in front of Adam, and then left again. Adam heard the shower start.
He opened the box and felt himself go still. It was full of letters addressed to him.
Letters upon letters that she had never sent. Every week for the past five years, and sometime twice or thrice a week, she had written to him. Everything that she was going through, how she saw things now, and how she had seen them before, how she found her own house claustrophobic, and her uncle's over protectiveness stifling.
It was all there. He had been her confidante, without ever being there.
Adam sat in her kitchen and read the letters all through the night. She never came back to him and he did not think he could face her again tonight. In his own hurt, he had been harsh with her, almost to the point of cruelty. It humbled him to know how much she had cared for and trusted him.
Ellis went straight to bed after her shower. She had finished her code before dinner and mailed it to her office. She had nothing else to do, and she did not think she could be near him right now.
It was dawn when Adam went to check on her. The sheets were twisted around her from what had obviously been a bad night, but she was asleep now. He left silently, hoping that she got some rest before she woke up.
...
Ellis cried out in her nightmare, her hand stretched out. Her fear woke her, but it also compelled her to find him. She had to see for herself that he was all right. That it was just a bad dream.
She got off the bed at a run and skidded into the kitchen only to find it empty. For a heartbeat, she just stood there, trying to make sense of it, then she realized that Adam must have left for his own home sometime in the night.
She did not wait to think but bolted towards the front door. As she threw open the dead bolts, she tried to keep her panic in check. Adam was not weak; nor was he incompetent. There was no way that he could have come to harm. She knew all this, yet fear is neither logical nor rational.
She left her front door open for the very first time since she had moved here as she ran towards Adam's house in the early rays of dawn.
Adam heard a sound behind him, and whirled around to have Ellis fling herself into his arms. Before he could react, she was running her arms all over him.
He felt her go weak with relief, and tightened his arms around her to keep her upright. He had just unlocked the main door to his house, and so now he walked them both inside and closed the door behind them.
He placed the box of letters on a table and then gently hugged Ellis. She hugged him back fiercely. He realized that she was chanting the same thing under her breath again and again.
"You're safe. You're safe. You're safe."
"As much as I hate to interrupt whatever this may be, your charge is bleeding." A voice drawled coolly.
Ellis stiffened in Adam's arms, while he pulled her against himself even more.
"You will get shot if you keep entering my home like this Ash." Adam said calmly enough, but Ellis could feel the tensing in his body.
"And your charge, which also makes her my charge, is barefoot, and her feet are bleeding." Ash retorted from his seat on the couch and calmly propped his feet on the table.
"
Ellis, this is my teammate, Ash Lee." He said coldly.
Ellis nodded at the man. She could not judge his height since he was sitting, but he was tall, with white blonde hair and pale blue eyes. If he had any Asian in his heritage, as stated by his name, it was definitely not visible. If anything, he looked more Russian than she did, and she was three quarters Russian.
"Nice to finally meet you Ellis." Ash drawled. Ellis simply nodded in return. There was subtext to this, but she had no idea what it was exactly, or how to react to it.
Adam gave him a long look and then picked Ellis up and carried her upstairs.
Ellis stayed silent as Adam sat her at the rim of the sunken bath tub and then washed her battered feet carefully.
"Wanna take a full bath while you are here?" he asked seriously when he was done. Ellis nodded. Adam gave her a fleeting smile. He had not asked her anything, but now that she was thinking clearly, she was worried that the questions would come, and she did not want to answer them.
Adam left her in the washroom to have her bath with a promise that he would have her own clothes waiting for her in the bedroom outside by the time she was done.
Ellis relaxed into the hot water, trusting him to keep her, and himself safe. Slowly all the emotional and physical exhaustion of the past few days caught up with her and she fell asleep in the tub.
...
"Fetching for her now are you?" Ash said coldly as Adam sat down on the couch across from him after getting Ellis's clothes from her house and placing them in the bedroom upstairs.
"Jealous are you?" Adam countered.
"Honestly Adam, what do you see in her?"
"Since when do I have to explain myself to you or anyone?"
"Since you drag me into protecting your girlfriend." Ash snapped.
"You don't wanna do the job?" Adam asked softly. To anyone who did not know him it might seem like he was calm, but ash knew that the softer his tone got, the more dangerous he was.
"That's not what I said." Ash said in an exasperated voice.
Adam sighed. "I will give you one chance. What's your problem?"
"She does not value you. She does not even care for you. What's going to stop her from leaving you the same as last time?" Ash said it as quickly as possible, as if to make it less painful.
"There is nothing stopping anyone from leaving. You don't use chains to bind people Ash."
"Is that how you wanna live? In love with a woman who can't stand your touch and who can't feel anything for you?" Ash asked softly, his face sober.
Adam looked at his friend for a long moment but when he saw only concern in his face, he pushed the box still sitting on the table in his direction.
"Until yesterday, I was more insecure." Adam said quietly as Ash shifted through the letters.
"Adam... this means..." Ash murmured.
"Yes. " Adam answered, meeting his friend's eyes.
Ash replaced the lid on the box and placed it back on the table.
"I am going to be working in your office for today. You can both rest this way." Ash said as he got up.
Adam nodded as he too got up and stretched.
"Thanks."
...
Adam knocked on the bathroom door but there was no answer. Worried, he entered the room to find Ellis asleep in the bathtub. He allowed a small smile to grace his face before he woke her up.
She blinked up at him, and then looked hazily at the hand he was using to grip her slippery shoulder, while leaning across the tub. Ellis reached up, slipped her hand in his hair, and seemed to be pulling Adam in for a kiss. Adam allowed her to do whatever she wanted. The moment he relaxed, she switched tactics, and he found himself going under in the large bathtub.
When Adam finally straightened himself, Ellis was laughing so hard, she had tears in her eyes. Most of the water was now out of the tub, but she was hugging her knees, and still laughing. Adam was sitting in the tub and he was completely drenched.
"You pesky little brat." He told Ellis, but there was no heat behind the words. She just giggled.
Adam tried to grab her arm, but it was slippery and she easily got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around herself. Adam pulled himself out too and caught up to her before she could get out of the washroom.
He hooked his finger into her towel and led her into the shower stall and turned the shower on. They stood under the shower, together but apart. Whatever soap had been on them got washed away, and Ellis's towel was also completely drenched. Adam's clothes had already been as soaked as possible.
Ellis would not look at him. Her eyes were somewhere in the vicinity of his chest, but she could see the muscle play clearly beneath the wet cloth of his shirt and it made her wonder if even that was a safe place to look at.
Adam took the shirt off. Ellis swallowed hard and finally looked up at his face.
"There are supposed to be no clothes in the shower." Adam told her softly.
"Showers are meant to be taken alone." Ellis retorted.
"But you are already clean from your bath. I'm the only one who needs a shower." Adam murmured as he took off his belt.
"Adam don't." Ellis whispered.
"Don't what?" he asked as he kicked off his shoes and then peeled off his socks.
Ellis had watched each move helplessly, as if he had done more than simply remove articles of clothing. He was just wearing a pair of soaked low slung jeans now.
Adam sighed and reached behind her to turn off the shower. He took her hand in his and led her out of the shower. He wrapped a huge towel around Ellis and tugged the wet towel out from underneath it. Then he used another towel to dry and wrap her hair.
"Go get dressed. If you'd rather sleep for a while, then use one of my shirts as a night shirt."
Ellis nodded and then positively fled the washroom. Adam collapsed on the stone bench that was going around the large room, his head in his hands. What was he thinking? He had come so close to forcing her to do something she was not ready to do.
After a while, he dried himself and then dressed in a pair of jeans so old they were turning white in places and a black T-shirt.
When he came out, Ellis was sitting on his bed, wearing one of his shirts. His favourite shirt from now on.
She looked at him and slowly extended her hand. Without thinking, he went to her and took it, sitting down next to her.
Ellis raised his hand to her lips and lightly kissed it. Adam raised an eyebrow but stayed silent. He had messed up once already, he was not going to do it twice.
Some sort of tension seemed to flow out of Ellis. "Can we sleep in the same bed if you are also going to be resting?" she asked him and he gave her a nod.
S
ome of the tension seeped right back in, but not as much as before.
To her surprise, Adam stood up, and then proceeded to turn off all the lights and close all the blinds. He turned down the covers and this time he extended his hand to her.
"C'mon."
Ellis came to him and he tucked her into the bed in front of him, her back pressed to his front. She fell asleep not long after, which was a testament to just how exhausted she had been.
Adam watched her for a while before falling asleep with his face pressed into her hair. His last thought was, that life was not so bad, even if all he could manage was to have her near him.