"No. It's not, it can't be" Roger said "Evie?"
Freddie looked at me expectantly. But I was frozen. What the hell was I doing here? Why had I come all this way to see the man who'd broken my heart? What was I doing to myself? The awkward silence now stood prominently in the air, Freddie coughed loudly gesturing to the cupboard Roger had locked himself in. I tried to speak but words wouldn't come, it was as if I had no voice . I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but I couldn't speak.
"Look. I am not coming out until my song is on the album" Roger mumbled quietly, he sounded hurt "That's Final"
"Oh for fuck sake Rog. Bloody come out!" Freddie said angrily, his nostrils flaring as he spoke
"Not until my song is on the album" He retorted, his voice still sounding weak. Freddie threw his arms in the air and mouthed a silent scream. He was apparently unaware of how weak Roger sounded in there. He paced around for a bit, furrowing his brow as if in a very deep thought. Then spoke abruptly
"Fine. How about this. We put in on the record. But only the B side"
"The B side was all I was asking for" Roger said sadly. The cupboard door slowly began to open and I saw Rogers blonde hair peeking out. My heart was beating faster than it ever had before. My head was spinning and my chest tightened, as I struggled for air. I couldn't see him, not like this, not yet, it was too much. I ran out of the room quickly slamming the door behind me. Weaving my way through the maze of stone walls that felt as if they were enclosing me. I burst through the room to my door, fumbling messily with the lock. I slid it across, throwing myself on to the floor. I focused on my breathing, though it felt as though flames were encasing my chest. I pulled my knees tightly to my chest and rocked gently. The soft rhythm providing some comfort. I rocked back and fourth and back and fourth until my breathing slowed. Though my heart was still pounding loudly. A stray tear slid down my face, the burning trickle reminding me exactly why I couldn't be with Roger. He had hurt me so much.
A soft knock sounded on my door, my breath was caught. Roger hadn't come to see me had he?
"Evie darling. It's Fred, unlock the door so I can come in" I stood up, unfurling myself from the mess I was in and I slowly slid the lock off of the door. Freddie edged the door open and gracefully slipped through it shutting it softly again behind him. He looked me up and down his eyes widening, before he quickly neutralised his expression, thinking I didn't notice. I looked at myself in the glimmering reflection of the nearby mirror. My face was red and tear stained, my skin had lost its luminosity and my hair was a mess. I quickly ran a brush through my hair and a soft cloth over my face. Smiling a forced smile at myself, it looked off. The smile didn't quite reach my eyes. Freddie looked at me sadly
"I hate to see you like this. The both of you"
"Both of us? What has Roger got to be upset about" I growled "He broke me"
"I don't know darling. But trust me you are not the only one that is broken" He took my hand "He wants to talk to you. You are gonna have to face him at some point"
"I know Fred. Just not today. Not now" I lifted my hand to my neck to fiddle with the necklace I always wore. But I realised it wasn't there. Roger had it
"I have an idea darling to take your mind off of things. How about we start that song" He said excitedly "I have some ideas I want to run past you"
"Sounds perfect Fred. Thank you"
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We made our way out of the house and to one of the nearby barns. The air was cold and crisp. Stars were twinkling playfully in the sky. I had always been in love with the stars, I was in awe of them. They made everything seem so insignificant and normally would wash away all my problems. But not a million stars could make my problems with Roger seem insignificant. I pushed open the door Freddie had walked up to. A large chandelier hung from the roof, its glassy reflections of the pale moonlight twinkling softly on the wall. I smiled, peace washing over me and my eyes settled on a large piano in the centre of the room that Freddie was now walking toward. He removed the sunglasses he was obnoxiously wearing and began to play a gentle riff on the piano. I immediately fell in love
"I have had this riff in mind for sometime. I just needed the words for the melody" His eyes light up "But that's where you come in darling" He played the riff again this time loudly and confidently. I listened my ears picking up at every single syncopation. I slowly got used to the new melody humming along gently and beginning to sing the song id wrote. As crazy as it sounds I began to sing MY song. My voice floated through the cold crisp air in the barn. Soaring as I hit a high note. Freddie stopped before playing again
"Now try it again darling. With a little more soul"
"Soul? I can do soul" I said wistfully, sad thoughts of Roger clouding my mind. I channelled it
"
Mama, just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama, oh oh
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters"
Freddie jumped in at certain parts making the song his own and adding his own little adlibs here and there. Finally we had the first verse perfected. Both our voices were hoarse by the time we had finished singing. Freddie had added in his own versions of the drums, guitar and bass. Which now looking back must have sounded rather ridiculous. But we had both desperately scribbled it down, trying our best to transpose it in to sheet music. I sat back a sigh of relief escaping my lips, the drums in the corner caught my eye. I had played a little back in high school, I took the part of the drums we had just scribbled down and walked over. Still half in a trance and oblivious to Freddie who was engrossed in a tangle of riffs and melodies. I sat down behind the drums adjusting the symbols and the snare slightly. So it would actually fit me, I knew this would drive Roger crazy later on. But I pushed the thought away and started to bang out a tune. It started off very rocky, I kept going out of time or occasionally missing the hi-hat. But eventually I had the tune nailed, I was engulfed in my flurry of flying hair and the feel of the bass drum shuddering through me. It was exhilarating. I stopped playing after the final crash of the symbols, I was a little breathless and sweaty. But I could feel a wide smile covering my face from ear to ear
"Hell Evie. You didn't tell me you could drum too" Freddie said standing before me and looking rather impressed
"Oh it's nothing. I was just playing about really"
"Evie it sounds perfect. I simply adore it. Roger wouldn't have came up with anything that good..." He trailed off looking a little guilty about mentioning Roger after what had just happened
"Play it for me again will you?" I smiled a little nodding my head before tapping the set of drumsticks together and beginning to play. I was lost in the music as I reached half way in my little ensemble and the door of the barn crashed open. AÂ blonde head of hair appeared
"Freddie stop fucking messing with my drums. I already tol-" Roger trailed off as his eyes fell on to me sitting behind the drum kit. He ran a hand through his hair that was ruffled from sleep, he looked awful. His eyes were dull and lifeless and his skin pallid. I looked him up and down he stood only in a pair of pyjama bottoms. His chest exposed, I felt my eyes begin to wander over him. Memories of the ways he could make me feel flooding back. I was snapped out of the thought as Roger quietly said
"Oh. Evie. I am sorry I didn't know it was you..." He trailed off fiddling awkwardly with his thumb, I knew that was a nervous habit of his
"Evie and I were working on a song. THE song actually" Freddie babbled trying his best to navigate through the terrible awkward silence that hung in the air. Roger locked eyes with me his swirling pupils pleading with me.
"I want to talk"Â He said abruptly "To Evie" Both Freddie and I looked at each other rather shocked by the calm sound that laced his words. I thought about it for a second trying to respond equally confidently
"I-I- I don't want to talk Roger" I paused "There is nothing to talk about"
"Evie please. Please just let me talk to you" He said moving closer. Freddie took the opportunity to slip away from the conversation and out of the door
"Roger I said No. You broke my heart. There is nothing left to talk about this. I can't go through it again. I love you..." I paused thinking
"I loved you and you hurt me. I was so stupid to think that you would ever settle for a girl like me. You are a international rock star for god sake. Of course you would get bored. I was so stupid, so naïve. The exact same way I was with Paul. At least you didn't propose first"
"-Evie please. Just let me explain. We can work this out. I know you still love me and I still love you" He moved closer again, pain was in his deep blue eyes.
"We can make it work Evie" he pleaded. My necklace glinting in the light on his neck caught my eye. It was taunting me. But he had kept it on. Despite everything he still had the audacity to keep on my necklace. My anger was growing, I could feel it bubbling angrily in the pit of my stomach. I was so angry I could feel a fiery flame burning up inside me, I looked up at him to meet his eyes, they were sparkling with tears. He looked sad, he looked broken. But I knew I had to stay strong, he would only break my heart again
"Give me back my necklace Roger" IÂ said holding out my palm expectantly and taking another step closer to him. Never breaking eye contact .
"Evie"Â There was barely any room between us now, we were in a show down of who would move first. I was not about to loose. I was hovering near his chest. Close enough for me to easily reach out and run my hands up and down him.
"Give me it now Roger" Our eye contact still didn't waver, both of us holding our ground. I parted my lips to make another snide remark at him, fury burning in me. But in one smooth swooping movement he cupped a large hand on the back of my neck and pressed his lips to mine. His lips were so familiar and soft. They were something I had longed for so long. My hands hovered near his bare chest unsure of what to do. His hand quickly came around to rest on the small of my back.
"Roger!"
I pushed him off of me roughly pulling away from the kiss shaking my head at him, earning a confused look on his gorgeous face. Before I ran out the door of the barn, slamming it behind me. He hadn't even explained himself, he had just kissed me. I couldn't go through all this again, I already hurt so much. I couldn't bare to hurt anymore, he had the fucking audacity to just kiss me.
Love you all, Evie XXXXXXXXXXX