I spent the night alone in the darkness of my room. Each of the boys made their attempt to get me out of the room. But I couldn't bare to face any of them, my head was still spinning after the kiss. I had made progress getting over him and it was as if could feel it all unravel again, it was slipping through my fingers. Rage and sadness both boiled inside my chest.
There was nothing I could do. I knew I could see him now at least without falling apart, I just couldn't speak to him. Because I knew if I did, he would be able to talk me into falling in love. I couldn't do that to myself. I simply couldn't let it happen. I was still in love with him, there was no use denying it. The kiss had reopened the floodgates of my emotions for him, the love, the lust, the care. I couldn't put myself through it again, all of it just for him to hurt me.
As the thoughts were swirling around my brain I rolled out of my bed and slowly pulled the blind open. A beautiful sunrise appeared, glinting over the soft rolling hills in the far distance. I took a minute recollecting myself and letting a deep breath run deeply through my beating chest. The sun glinted teasingly at me, letting my know a new day beckoned me. I slipped on a soft yellow jumper over my pink, silky nightdress and slowly slid the lock of my door to one side. I turned the knob of the handle hearing a faint clicking sound, peeking out in to the vast hall. It was empty. Plates and glasses pilled with food and drinks lay strewn across the carpet in front on me. Late last night the boys had tried to coax me out of my room, confused to why I had left so abruptly. None of them mentioned a kiss, so I was guessing Roger hadn't told them anything.
I slipped out of the door and tiptoed along the floorboards tentatively unsure of which ones would squeak under my weight. I knew it was early from the fact the sun was just rising, that meant I was in desperate need of coffee. I crept down the stairs trying to make as little noise as possible, though the old farm house made that rather difficult. Between the loud doors creaking and the thick stone walls carrying every single ounce of sound I was scared I was going to wake up the entire house. I opened the broad oak door to the kitchen, it let out a dramatic squeal. I winced and tiptoed through. I shut the door behind me as slowly as possible to avoid any form of noise. I assumed everyone would still be asleep
"Morning Evie" I yelped and jumped nearly a foot in the air when I noticed Deaky sitting at the table with a steaming cup of coffee sitting before him. I watched the steam curl gently as he blew the the trail away before taking a grateful sip.
"Morning John. Didn't see you there"
"Really? I couldn't tell" He replied sarcastically, a smile tugging at his lips. I made my way over to the fresh pot of coffee John had just made and poured myself a generous amount.
"Why are you up so early anyway?" I said walking over to the table, nestling my mug in my hands.
"I needed to speak to Holly. She had a really important job interview today" he smiled happily as her name fell off his lips.
"I really miss her Evie" he paused thinking "I think I am going to ask her to marry me" I choked a little on my coffee
"Wow John that's amazing. Really amazing, I am so happy for you!"
"Thank you Evie. I really, really love her" He looked at me again "I know Roger still loves you Evie. He is still very, very hung up on you" he smiled sadly
"Roger won't tell us anything about what happened between you two. You can probably see it's effecting his work, I mean he wrote a song about a car. I think you guys need to talk" John said
"He hurt me John. He really hurt me" I said sadly
"Have you given him a chance to try and explain? To make it right?" he exclaimed before taking another sip of the steaming mug in his grasp
"He kissed me last night John. We were having an argument and he kissed me. It's thrown me off, I don't know what to feel. What to think. I am so angry at him, I had made such good progress getting over him in the last month. Now I am back to square one" I sighed
"Maybe that tells you something" John smiled a little "Maybe you two are meant to be"
A soft silence filled the air as I thought about John's words 'meant to be' I couldn't be meant to be with some guy who cheated on me could I? My head was swimming with thoughts, the sensation was overwhelming to me. It was all a swirl of skinny girls, Roger's lips and cigarette buts. I was so trapped in my own thoughts, I didn't even notice Freddie and Brain traipse through the door, both of them still half asleep. They clamoured over to the coffee pouring themselves large mugs.
"Good morning Evie" Brian nodded "Ready for practice?"
"Practice?" I questioned
"Yeah, we have band practice in half an hour. Didn't anyone tell you?" he answered groggily
"No they did not. I'll change and meet you in the studio" I smiled and sauntered off to my room. Jogging quickly up the stairs and slipping in to my room again, the room looked bigger than before and seemed to loom in front of me. I made my way quickly to the wardrobe, desperate to escape from the suddenly vast four walls that enclosed me. I pulled out one of my favourite mini skirts. It was patched with red, yellow and brown suede. I paired it with a yellow polo neck and a small pair of platforms. I looked at myself in the mirror straightening out my skirt nervously.
It was still surreal to me the fact I was helping Queen write one of their new songs. It was honestly a dream come true for me and I was nervous to say the least. I made my way back down stairs closing the door to my taunting room tightly behind me. I dragged myself to the studio, nerves eating up my insides. I not only had to help write the song but I had to see Roger again.
I heaved the door open to the studio and stepped inside. It was empty, no one had arrived yet. I headed in to the recording booth opening the door gently. Everything felt expensive and fragile. I turned around and behind me I saw Roger, asleep on the couch. His chest was rising and falling slowly, he wore the same clothes as last night. His lips were slightly parted as breaths passed through them, his hair was fanned out around his face like a golden halo. He looked peaceful, for the first time this trip. The door was thrown open by Freddie, Brian, John and Mike the producer. Roger shot up from the couch screwing his eyes shut to the bright light, before anyone could say anything he blurted out
"Is Evie okay? Has anyone seen Evie? Have you spoke to her? Hav-" He rubbed his eyes and opened them to find I was standing before him. He stopped abruptly looking very embarrassed, his face turning a deep shade of red as the other boys raised their brows at him. Regardless Brian smoothed it over and continued as if nothing had happened.
"So Evie, Fred. Do you want to show us your idea? I have wrote a riff I think will fit perfectly" Brian said helpfully
"Of course, of course darling. Let's go Evelyn" Freddie said grabbing my hand and leading me back out to where all the instruments were. He sat at the piano and played a few chords
"Freddie what am I supposed to do" I said confused to why he had even brought me back here
"Play the drum part you wrote the other night. It was marvellous darling" He smiled kindly at me before turning his attention back to the piano. I had no choice but to climb up behind the drum kit. I grabbed the pair of sticks nearest to me and saw all of the boys eyes widen as I took my place behind the kit. None of them knew I could play, I had briefly mentioned it to Roger. But not fully explained the extent of my experience. I adjusted the symbols and the snare once gain, watching Roger's brow furrow in disapproval and the smile's on everyone else's face widen. Glee shot through me as I watched him become pissed off.
I hit the symbol once, the loud sound bounced around the walls. My stomach was twisted in a series of knots, I was very nervous to play for the boys. Freddie looked at me and nodded, he began to play beautifully. I waited and then came in exactly as we had rehearsed, it took me a while to adjust but I was soon lost in the music. I was banging my head and drumming with gusto. My hair was flying out around me as my foot hit the bass pedal strongly, the beat commanding the song. We both finished with a flourish, I was a little out of breath but delighted. From what I could hear we had sounded really good. I could only imagine how it would sound with a bass and a guitar added in.
"And then darlings after that part, we go to the operatic section"
"Operatic section?" Brian question
"Yes. I know its crazy and a long shot. Evie suggested getting experimental so I just thoug-"
"I love it" Brain said as Freddie continued to explain himself
"I LOVE IT FRED!" Brian said louder making Freddie stop talking and smile
"Let's get to work then dears. Bri, Deaky. Come and show me what you have written. Evie can you show Rog the drum part?" Freddie said before I had time to respond. I made eye contact with Roger and gave him a tight lipped smile. Waving him over to the drumkit where I stood. He grabbed his pair of sticks and pulled up a chair next to where I was, keeping an acceptable distance. He cleared his throat
"So, em. Did you write that Lily Pad?" He said in a low whisper, the old pet name stung. I tried to brush it aside, though I think Roger noticed
"Eh yeah, I just wrote it last night. You can change stuff if you want I just trie-" he cut me off
"Evie stop. It's perfect. You are so talented"Â My cheeks dusted over with a pink blush. My heart did a somersault
"Roger stop, please" I paused sadly "Let's try and keep it professional, I can't do this"
"Why not Evie. I don-"
"Roger you broke my heart, stop" I said angrily
"How? Evie, I don't understand what happened. You freaked that night and ran off then wouldn't talk to me. I don't understand what happened" his tone was confused.
"Roger. You are joking, you cheated on me! With that fucking Chrystal of all people. You know exactly how I feel about cheating, I was so vulnerable and honest with you. You're never fucking satisfied and I'm sick of pretending I'm not hurt because I am Roger" I exclaimed angrily, his eyes widened
"WHAT?!" he retorted
"You heard me Roger. Please don't let me explain again. It hurts every time" I said, feeling tears burning at the back of my eyes.
"Evie I didn't cheat on you"
"Roger don't lie to me. Don't treat me like an idiot. I know you had been sleeping together for months"
"Evie. I didn't cheat on you. I love you. I wouldn't" He said, tears clouding his eyes too
"Loved me Roger. You did love me"
"I still love you Evie" He said exasperated "I still love you"
"Then why did you cheat on me Roger? Why?!" I said angrily, my gaze cold. "I saw you, I saw you kissing Chrystal that night. Paul told me about everything that'd happened between you two before that. How you were shagging the whole tour! and you are going to tell me you weren't cheating on me?! Don't fucking lie to me Roger or I swear to god, I will walk out of here right now"
"Oh my god" He said
"What?"
"Evie. It wasn't what it looked like. Please let me explain"
"Roger stop" I paused "I am not doing this again"
I'm sorry this took a while to update. Exams were crazy. I only have one left now, so I can write gain more. It felt so good to get back into it. Also this story is at 20K READS!!!1 That's INSANE. Thank you so much, I love you all
Peace out, Rock on and love yourself
E xxxxxxx