Chapter Twenty-seven

Alec

I drove for hours. Basically, I went in circles. I had intentions of going to the airport and flying home.

Instead, I went where I should have gone the minute I fell for Nat. The minute I saw myself falling into old habits and pushing everything away.

She was my last hope. I knocked twice and waited.

“Alec?” The door opened. Mrs. Murray stepped out. “What are you doing? It's late. Where's Nat?”

My mouth opened. I tried to speak but nothing came out except for a cross between a curse and a whimper.

I sat on the couch, suddenly exhausted.

“Am I Nat's mom or your shrink?” Mrs. Murray asked softly.

“If you were Nat's mom, you'd castrate me,” I muttered. “So please be the shrink. Put on the professional hat, sit back, pull out your notepad, and fix this.”

“Fix what?”

I shuddered. “Me. Fix me.”

“I can't fix you.”

“You fixed Demetri.”

“Demetri fixed himself.” Mrs. Murray's pen clicked in the background. “I just gave him the steps toward that.”

“I need more than steps. I need a freaking map with stickers that say, Go This Way.”

“Alec…” Mrs. Murray cleared her throat. “Let's start at the beginning.”

“The beginning?” I repeated, clenching my eyes shut as I fought to keep all of the memories tightly sealed. “I—I can't.”

“You can.”

I thought of Nat, of her smile, and why I couldn't be with her. I thought of all the different ways I had failed her. I couldn't fail her now.

There were so many secrets, so many lies, so many things I had kept to myself and never told Demetri because I knew it would destroy him.

I had thought him too weak to deal with it, so I did it for him. In my own ridiculous way, I handled things. I just ignored them and ignored how they ate at my soul every single day.

I took a few deep breaths and answered, “My dad. It starts with my dad.”

“When he died of cancer?”

“No…” My hands shook as tears streamed down my face. “When he adopted my brother.”

“Your brother?” she asked, breathless.

“Demetri. We adopted Demetri.”

I heard the pen drop to the floor. And I could have sworn Mrs. Murray muttered a swear word before she cleared her throat. “I take it he doesn't know.”

“You think?” I snapped. “Sorry, that was rude.”

“Why didn't you tell him?”

“I kept it from him.” I sighed. “When our dad was dying he said he didn't want Demetri to go on without knowing the truth.

“I promised my dad I would tell Demetri when he was older, when he was ready. I mean, I'm only a year and a half older than him. It's not like I was super mature at the time anyway.

“What happened?”

I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling. “My family was always involved in the music industry, so when we got famous I hid the truth. We had no family left. And honestly, I was selfish.

“Technically, Demetri had family left and I didn't. The story was that a girl from our town had gotten pregnant at sixteen.

“My parents had always wanted another kid and for some reason they couldn't have any more after me. So they adopted him. Didn't say a word. The girl finished high school and got married.

“But my dad lied. She wasn't just a girl. She was one of his boss's daughters, a record exec to be exact. So for years Demetri has basically known his mother, but never really known her.

“I didn't even know who she was until it was too late. Guess where she lives?”

“I'm not sure I want to.”

“L.A.,” I finished. “She lives in L.A. Once we really made it, I told myself I wasn't being selfish keeping Demetri to myself. I mean, he was all I had, and I was jealous he had something I didn't.

I sounded seriously ridiculous but I just kept talking. “My parents loved him. They called him sunshine. I may as well have been rain.”

“I'm sure both your parents loved you equally.”

“They did.” I bit my lower lip. “I know that now. And I regret doing what I did. The funny thing? I still have her contact information in my pocket.

“Dad wrote it on a sticky note at the hospital. You have no idea how many times I've wished I could go back and call that damn number.”

Mrs. Murray cleared her throat. “Who is she?”

I didn't want to say. I mean I really didn't want to say.

So many lies.

Too many lies.

I swallowed. “Jayemson's stepmom is Demetri's real mom.”

Silence.

“Yeah.”

“How?” Mrs. Murray dragged out the H in how. I would have totally asked the same thing.

“Who knows? God hates us? We never worked with her. She was more of a trophy-wife type of gal. Soon after she moved to L.A., fate intervened, and she met British producer David Cartwright.

“You'll have to fill me in, Alec. Are they still married?”

“Nope.” I closed my eyes again. “Oh, and here's the fun part. You ready?”

“I don't know if I want to know, Alec.”

“In about a day, the shit is going to hit the fan and everyone in the world is going to believe that I slept with Demetri's mom. Though, to be fair, I don't even know if we slept together.

“Pretty sure we were both drugged. At any rate, it's over with. It's so incredibly over.

“Not only will Demetri want to kill me, but Nat will be done with me, and I'm going to be ruining my brother's music career.

“All because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and some high-stepping, B-list actress had a camera phone.” I winced. “She cornered me tonight — April — said some things that weren't true.

“It was all caught on camera. I just… It's making me look bad and her like a saint.”

The clock ticked in the background. I still lay there, waiting for the sound of a gun hammer cocking and for Mrs. Murray to blow my brains out. Instead, I was left waiting.

Five minutes went by and then another five.

Finally I opened my eyes to peer at Mrs. Murray.

She was staring at me, and writing some things down on that damn yellow notepad. “Good.”

“Good?” I jumped from the couch. “Are you insane?”

“Same time tomorrow? Oh, and you can use Nat's old room. Mrs. Murray won't mind if you have to stay for a few weeks.”

“Weeks?” I repeated.

“Yes.” Mrs. Murray smiled. “I may have fired myself as your shrink, but you need someone to talk to. I'll try to take off my mom hat when we talk. Regardless, you aren't leaving.

“Welcome to Casa de Murray. Try to get some sleep.”

With that she left me alone in her office and walked out the door.