Chapter 34: Chapter Thirty-Four

Demetri

I was dying. No, seriously. Dying. I knew I was dying because I could have sworn I saw a swirly light. Hey, at least it wasn't a swirly devil, things could be way worse, right?

Right?

My chest hurt.

My back hurt.

My lungs hurt. Why the hell did everything hurt so bad? Wasn't death supposed to feel good? Wasn't it supposed to fix everything?

I couldn't move my hands or legs. I felt paralyzed, like someone had drugged my body but left my mind on full alert. Something pinched me on the arm. Shit!

I couldn't even scream.

And for the first time—since I was a little kid, I wanted very badly to scream. I also wanted to cry, but I didn't know why I wanted to cry.

If Nat were here, I would tell her I still loved her. But I wouldn't interfere anymore.

But I existed nowhere. Was I alive? Dead? Floating?

Something else flashed in front of my eyes like a light.

And then I heard voices.

“Clear!”

Clear? Isn't that what they did to people when they were on the operating table?

“He's flatlining.”

“Clear!”

More pain.

Flatlining? I willed my body to live. I used every ounce of strength I had and told my heart to keep beating. Not because I deserved life but because Alec didn't deserve my death.

NO!

More pain in my chest.

Beat, damn it!

Then total darkness.

I knew I was alive because I floated in and out of consciousness. I saw colors fade in front of me and then my eyes got really heavy. They were moving me somewhere.

I got sleepy again.

More voices interrupted a really good dream about surfing. I tried to open my eyes but they were too heavy.

“Talk to him,” a voice said, “It will help.”

“O-okay.” It was Nat.

Her voice was so pretty.

I could listen to it all day.

“Hamlet.” Nat cleared her throat.

WHAT? Was she going to read me my homework? For real? Holy shit! I WAS IN HELL!

My body rebelled. I tried to move.

Nat just kept talking, in that weird Shakespearean language that made me seriously doubt the man's sanity when he was writing.

Nat kept speaking. Oh hell, she was using voices.

Huh, I wondered, in that moment, if this was my penance. If God really was the type of God that would punish a person in such a cruel way.

She read for hours.

She came back every day.

She read. The. Whole. Damn. Story.

When I woke up, not if, but when, I was going to burn all things Hamlet. I was going on Shakespeare strike. I would write a song about it. Swear.

I heard hushed voices again, and then Nat touched my arm. I tried to wiggle my fingers, but they wouldn't listen to me.

“Your brother told everyone I was his fiancé.” Nat was tickling my arm something fierce. Must. Stop. The. Tickling.

“It was the only way they would let me see you.” That was nice of him, to do that, so she could see me. Alec knew me too well. I wanted Nat here. Yeah, I'd screwed things over with her.

But honestly, I'd take her friendship any day. She was probably the only person who would put up with me at this point.

“Trust me, I could have taken that tiny nurse. We all know how strong I am.” Nat boasted.

Holy shit! And the worst nurse EVER award goes to Nat! Um, hello, deathbed? And every little kid is afraid of something. Alec swore he'd take that to his grave. Epic fail.

Nat laughed.

I liked hearing her laugh. I was tired of hearing her cry, seeing her tears, okay so maybe if it was at my expense that was okay.

“Naturally, I thought the best way to get you out of your drug-induced state was to threaten you.

“Cruel,” Alec's hushed voice said.

“And in order to prove my theory, I also recorded a few bird calls on my iPhone. Did you know there was an app for that?”

THE HELL she was! I roared, and willed my body to thrash, instead, I almost gave myself an aneurysm and my pinky finger moved. Score!

“Play it again,” Alec ordered.

NO! Do NOT play it again!

I wiggled more fingers, and tried for toes. Hey, I was on a roll!

She pressed play again. Holy. Shit. Was that the sound of a crow? They killed people. Wow. Heartless. Both of them.

With one final surge of energy, I wiggled my right hand and opened one eye, then two. Everything was blurry.

“His eyes are open! Get the nurse!” Nat yelled, as Alec ran out of the room.

I thought by opening my eyes the nightmare would be over. Nope, it had just begun. I felt like I couldn't breathe. My chest hurt so bad, like it was on fire.

My throat was closing, swear, and every inch of my body felt like someone had run me over with something and then thrown me off a cliff for fun.

I couldn't talk, I couldn't do anything and it freaked me out. Freaked me out because I was still having trouble moving.

I tried to look around the room. Machines. Everywhere. Tears pooled behind my eyes. Great, so I couldn't move my damn legs but I could cry?

“No, no, it's okay.” Nat grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “You're fine, okay? Don't panic. I need you to not panic right now, okay?” Tears slid down her cheeks. I didn't want her to cry!

“Ice?” Nat reached for a cup next to my bed. I nodded slightly, the movement so painful I nearly passed out.

The ice melted the minute it hit my lips but it felt so good I wanted to devour the cup.

“Well, well, well, it seems my daughter's treating our patient well.” Nat's dad walked into the room. Hey, I knew him!

Oh wait… He was in a nice doctor coat… because he was a… get there faster Demetri. Doctor. My doctor? Did he operate on me? Holy shit he saw me naked!

He walked to the monitors and wrote some stuff down on his clipboard then began a slow examination of Demetri. “How are you feeling? Blink once if you are in pain, twice if you are okay for now.”

I blinked twice. Nat squeezed my hand in encouragement.

“You've been in an accident,” Dr. Murray stated. I rolled my eyes. No shit.

Everyone laughed nervously at me; Alec put his hand on Nat's shoulder so that the three of us were linked. How we'd been from the beginning.

Funny because this whole time I kept thinking it couldn't be the three of us. But it could. Nat and Alec could be together and I could still be a part of it. I could still be their family.

“You should have died,” Dr. Murray stated slowly. I knew as much, hadn't I seen the swirly light? “I'm going to be honest with you, and I'm not going to sugarcoat anything, son.”

Nobody had called me “son” since my dad. And he'd died so long ago that to hear that term of endearment was like… coming home.

“You have a long road ahead of you,” Dr. Murray said, “I've made a few calls to enroll you in a local rehab program, along with therapy. The missus thinks it will be a good idea.”

I respected him. I had no idea why, but I did. My eyes continued to get wet with… emotion, but I seriously lost control when he said, “You're better than this, son.”

Because I was better than this. I knew I was.

I just needed to hear it.

He sat on the bed and sighed. “You were made for more than music, more than just living on the edge, son. I need you to believe that. I need you to work with me so we can get past this. Together.

Slowly, using strength I knew I didn't have, I lifted my hand and placed it on his. A gentleman's agreement. I wasn't going back. I couldn't.

He gave me a firm nod then stood and hugged Nat. “He's going to be fine, baby. I'm going to leave you guys for a minute.

I smiled. Wow, I never thought being scolded would actually feel so good.

“What are you smiling about?” Nat grinned.

I moved my head from side to side, as if to say, oh, you know…

Alec laughed behind Nat and wrapped his arms around her. “I'm thinking it's the first time an adult has scolded him in years.”

My smile widened. Yeah, he knew me way too well.

They laughed together and Nat walked over to me and kissed my forehead. Her lips were warm. “I love you, Demetri. I'll always love you.” She grabbed my hand and placed it on her heart.

“You're right here. Always.”

“I love you too.” That's what I would have said if I could. “I love you too and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

“I'm thankful he does.”

The thing about love… You can't fully give it when you don't even know what it is. I didn't love myself, I didn't accept myself; I blamed myself. And until I was done with all that?

Not the way Alec loved her.

Nat walked out of the room leaving me alone with Alec. I stared at him. He stared at me. I stared at him some more.

I nodded.

“Good.” He swore and then did the strangest thing. My strong-as-nails bad-ass brother pulled me into his arms and burst into tears.