Chapter 88: Chapter Twenty-seven

Alyssa

I couldn't stop smiling. The hurt that was ever-present, the memorial I kept with me, was slowly fading and although I was sad, I felt like it was time. And I had Demetri to thank for it.

He made me want to smile. He made me feel like it was okay to be happy.

I twirled in front of the mirror. In a moment of panic, I'd texted Holly for help on what to wear for the party.

“It looks great,” Holly said from my bed. She'd asked if she could come over early and get ready. Apparently, Demetri invited the entire group to his party, which was kind of awesome of him.

Could the guy do any wrong? I couldn't match his personality now with the rumors floating around about him.

I'd had a weak moment and searched the Internet at Mom and Dad's store only to find tons of things I'd rather have not known. It was obvious he had a past, but it wasn't my business.

“Thanks, Holly.” I walked over to the bed and sat. My dress crunched a bit. It was a strapless baby doll style dress.

It was black and silver with pieces of hanging material across the bodice, making it look kind of grunge and trendy. My heels were red.

All in all, it wasn't something I would normally pick out for myself, but Nat insisted. She had it overnighted just in case it wasn't the right size, and I needed to get it altered.

It fit perfectly, and I felt really confident in it. I even let Holly do some of my makeup. I hoped Demetri would feel proud to have me on his arm.

Holly played with the fringe on her pale pink skirt. She wasn't talking much.

“Are you feeling okay?” I asked, suddenly concerned when tears welled in her eyes.

She bit her lip and nodded. Strands of her chunky blond- and brown-highlighted hair fell over her eye. “I'm fine, just feeling kind of… off. It's probably nerves about the party.”

Just then the doorbell rang. “Come on.” I grabbed her hand. “We've gotta get through group first!”

I almost tripped down the stairs. It had been a while since I wore heels. Dad glanced at me just as he reached for the door.

“I think I just put him in shock,” I said to Holly.

She laughed. “Imagine what it will do to Demetri.”

“That's probably my dad's problem — he was imagining what Demetri would do.” He was probably going to complain to my mom later about my dress.

I opened the door and came face to face with Sam.

“Hey!” I gave him a hug. Geez, if I didn't stop smiling, people were going to think I was on drugs.

“Um, hi.” His eyes took in my dress and then his smile widened. “You look great, Alyssa. Demetri's going to have a stroke.”

I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment as I looked away from Sam.

“Can… um…” Sam looked past me to Holly and then grabbed my arm. “Can we go somewhere and talk really quick?”

“Sure.” I shrugged. “Holly, can you let everyone in?”

“Sure thing.” She saluted as I led Sam away from the door and upstairs to my room.

Once we were inside I closed the door. “What's up, Sam?”

“I can't do this.” Sam paced in front of me.

“Do what?” My stomach dropped when I saw his eyes well with tears.

“Damn, I just can't do it anymore, Alyssa. It's killing me. You have no idea! I thought I was protecting you! That's all I've ever done is protect you!

“Make him into a damn martyr and wait for you to admit it was me you liked, not him. Damn, I knew you loved him. I just wanted you to love me too. But in the end I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it.

I'd never heard Sam curse. Not once. Was he high? “Sam, what are you talking about?”

“Six years,” he whispered hoarsely. “Six years I've been in love with you. The last year you spent with Brady was the hardest. I mean, he was my little brother.

“I couldn't exactly move in on his girlfriend, and then when everything happened, my feelings just faded. I mean, I loved you, but you weren't you anymore. You know what I mean?

“The girl I fell in love with died right along with my brother. And it was too damn painful to be around you, because your smile was gone and it was his fault. All his fault.

“Why are you telling me this now?” I asked, voice shaking with emotion. I wasn't sure what I was. Angry? Confused? Hurt?

“Regrets. We've been talking about regrets in group. Want to know what mine was?”

Not really. No. Because it may just take away the smile on my face.

“I regretted not telling you how I felt about you, and then I regretted not being the guy to pull you out of it. I abandoned you, and I'm ashamed I did.

“I mean, I was still here working and keeping an eye on you, but it was never for Brady. I mean, I lied to you when I said that. He never asked me to.

“He wouldn't have asked me to even given the opportunity.

“Sam!” I fisted my hands at my sides. “What do you mean the things you didn't tell me?”

“Not now.” Sam pulled an envelope out of his pocket and put it on my dresser. “I don't even know what's right anymore, Alyssa. But I had to get it off my chest. Please forgive me for lying to you.

“You're already forgiven.” The words fell from my mouth without effort and I meant them. I had no idea Sam felt that way about me or what type of relationship he'd had with Brady.

I'd always assumed they were like best friends. I guess this was all the information I was getting from Sam tonight.

With shaking hands I lifted the packet from my dresser. It wasn't addressed to me, but there was a sticky note on it that said I'm sorry.

“Surprise.” Demetri put his hands over my eyes. His voice was unmistakable. Sometimes I swear it seemed like he was singing instead of talking, his voice was so smooth.

I turned around in his arms and kissed him. “Happy Birthday.”

“Where's my present?” His naughty hands moved up and down my body and then he cursed. “Damn, you even wrapped yourself up.

I tried to wriggle out of his arms, but he held me firm while he continued to stare at every part of my body from my shoes all the way to my dress, and finally his gaze fell on my hair and then my lips.

Shrugging, I replied, “I wanted to look pretty for your birthday.”

Demetri rolled his eyes. “You look pretty even when you snore.”

Laughter echoed from downstairs. I punched him. “I do not snore.”

“I'd like to find out.” I should have said I already did, but I wanted to see if she let me stay over again.

“Someone took their confidence pills today.”

He shrugged. “’Course I did. They were sitting right next to my damn sexy pills, and we know I never forget those.”

Demetri laughed and pulled me into a hug. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” If I didn't stop smiling, my face was going to be permanently frozen in this position.

“What's that?” Demetri's brows furrowed as he looked down at the ground. My eyes followed.

“Crap.” I picked up the envelope and threw it onto my dresser. “That is drama. Something I have no desire to even look at on this special day.”

“You sure?” He looked behind me and reached for the packet, seeming more interested than he should be.

I blocked his reach. “I'm sure. Now let's go start group so we can go to your party!”

He grinned and picked me up, twirling me around the room. “Fine, you've convinced me. I like you, Lyss.”

“Like you too.” I bit my lip as he dropped me and grabbed his hand, and we made our way down the stairs.

“Let's party!” Aaron announced from the living room. I'd put some snacks together and told my parents that they needed to stay in the den so that we could all have privacy.

Demetri shook his head and took a seat next to Aaron. The rest of us gathered around. “Okay, so this meeting will be short, because you know, it is a very special day.”

“You got a promotion?” Connor teased.

“Wait, I've got it.” Aaron snapped his fingers. “You don't have to sing the jingle anymore?”

“Hilarious.” Demetri smirked. “Birthday boy, right here.” He pointed at himself and then leaned back in the chair and sighed. “Regrets. We talked about them at our last meeting.

“You know, before I snuck all of you out of my house. Tonight…” He cleared his throat. “I want to talk about fear.”

Again the room was silent. Even I was shifting in my seat. How did he know so much about grief?

It felt like you always went through those phases, denial, anger, fear, regret… I watched as Demetri's eyes hooded for a brief second when he glanced at me.

“I'm afraid of ostriches. Just ask Alyssa. Oh yeah, and emus. But to be honest, I'd take an emu any day over feeling the gripping out-of-control feeling fear leaves you with.

“After you struggle with something hard… like addiction or losing someone you love, suddenly you realize nothing is certain in life. Nothing is real.

“Clearly, I took the pansy way out and started pushing away life and numbing myself to it. Today I want us to talk about healthy ways to deal with our fear.”

“Taffy.” I joked without thinking.

Demetri's eyes warmed. “Yes, that's a good one. I eat taffy to keep addictions at bay. Addictions were my way of coping with fear and loss. What else? Anyone?”

Holly raised her hand. “Avoidance.”

“That's not healthy,” Sam interjected, looking more upset than I'd seen him all night. Geez, what was with him tonight?

“I know,” Holly mumbled. Tears streamed down her cheeks.

“So why do you keep doing it?” Sam yelled. “Why do you avoid the truth? Why don't you tell everyone? Do you think this makes it better?

“Do you think this makes me feel better?” He stood and pointed his finger at her. Connor grabbed him and jerked him away.

“Cool off, dude! What's your problem?”

“Life!” Sam yelled. “That and the fact that I'm so tired of secrets.” His eyes closed as he took a shuddering breath. “Aren't you, Holly? Aren't you tired of secrets?”

Nobody said anything. Sam cursed. “Whatever. I'm out of here.”

“Sam, wait.” Holly ran after him, leaving just Demetri, Connor, Aaron, and me.

“Anyone care to explain?” Demetri said, raising his hands in the air in defeat.

Aaron shook his head. “Not my business to tell, man. But she's been acting really upset ever since our last meeting.” He gave a slight nod to Demetri who nodded back. What was going on?

We all waited for ten minutes, but nobody came back. Demetri checked his watch just as Aaron received a text message.

“She's going home.” Aaron cursed. “Alright, guess we aren't partying. I'll see you guys later.” He walked out just as Sam walked back in.

“Sorry,” Sam mumbled. And that was it. He didn't offer any explanation.

“Alright.” Demetri stood abruptly. “I guess it's just us. Party at my house.”

I reached for his hand but didn't feel like partying as much anymore. Something was bothering Sam. Did it have to do with the packet he gave me?

My fingers itched to go grab it and read it, but fear held me back. What if it was something horrible? What if it ruined my good mood?

For once, I didn't actually want to think about the past or about Brady. I squeezed Demetri's hand. I wanted to be there for him on his birthday.

“You okay?” He kissed my cheek.

“Yup!” I offered my best smile. “Time to celebrate being old!”

Demetri laughed and tugged me towards the front door.

****

“Holy crap.” We'd just pulled up to Demetri's house. I'd never seen it looking so… famous? Was that the right word?

Lights lit up the entire house, torches lined the sidewalk, and there were chic pieces of furniture out front with blankets, and candles on each table. It was the perfect place to watch the waves.

“Unbelievable.” Demetri muttered a curse. “I thought Alec took care of the paparazzi.”

My eyes took in about twenty people, all with cameras, waiting outside the house. “Yeah, apparently not.”

“Can you do this?” Demetri turned off the car and reached for my hand. “It will be really quick, I promise. Smile, nod your head, and don't say anything, okay?

I burst out laughing. “If someone said that I would die laughing, so no worries there. Selena Gomez, huh?”

“One of the many rumors. Believe me. I bet Justin Bieber was getting ready to kick my ass.”

“That…” I kissed his cheek. “I would pay to see.”

“You and millions of girls worldwide.” He winked.

“Let's go, birthday boy, before your head gets too big for this car.”

The minute we got out of the car the cameras started flashing, nearly blinding me with their intensity. To say I was scared would be a huge understatement.

I mean, these people were so interested in Demetri, they were camping outside of his house! We walked hand in hand towards the front door. A reporter lunged for us. “Is it true, Demetri?

I stifled a laugh while Demetri answered, “Yes, right after I find out if the baby's a boy or girl.”

The reporter gasped and then narrowed her eyes. “Very funny.”

Demetri patted her on the back. “I thought so. Now, Clara, we're on a first-name basis, I mean, I buy your photographer coffee every other Saturday.”

“Thanks, bro!” someone shouted.

“No problem.” Demetri focused back on Clara as the lights continued to flash. “Think you could try to keep the crowd from going crazy?

“Damn you, Demetri Daniels, and damn your smile.” Clara nudged him and took a large step back. The rest somehow followed suit, making it easier for us to get inside the house.

“You're here!” Nat screamed, launching herself into Demetri's arms. I was suddenly super grateful I knew she and Alec were in love.

“Sucks, huh?” Alec said. I didn't even know he was next to me.

“What?”

“Their connection. I used to hate it, but now, I'm thankful. I'm glad they love each other. Considering the alternative.”

“What's the alternative?” I asked, finally looking at him.

He shrugged. “They hate each other and try to kill one another each time we're in the same room together. That would be worse.”

“Valid point.” Sighing, I shrugged out of my jacket while Nat and Demetri talked a mile a minute.

“Let me take that.” Alec grabbed my jacket and then placed his hand on the small of my back as he walked me into the house.

Around twenty strangers were scattered about, lounging on the couches and sitting outside on the deck. A few were in the hot tub. All in all, it seemed like a normal party.

“Hmm…” I said aloud.

“Hmm, is right. Most of these people have to be here in order to gain some type of publicity for new records or shows that are dropping this fall, so for the most part…”

“So no friends?”

“Five, five I would count as a friend.”

How sad. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

“Speaking of friends,” he mumbled under his breath just as a guy sauntered over to us.”

“Tell me she's going to be on the show.” Holy crap, the guy looked like Robert Pattinson. He even had the British accent.

“Undecided,” Alec answered for me. “Alyssa, meet Jaymeson.”

“Oh, the action star who has to master the American accent for all his films. It's a pleasure.” I held out my hand, but he didn't take it. Instead, he stared at me closely for at least two minutes.

Do I pull my hand back? What the heck was I supposed to do?

Finally he took my hand and pulled me forward so I was only inches from his face. “You don't belong to Alec. I've already met Nat. She's outspoken, like you. Please, I'm begging.

“By the birthday boy himself,” Demetri said from behind me. “Hands off, Jaymeson.”

“What's a guy gotta do these days? Hole up in Seaside and wait for a hot woman to walk by?” Jamie released my hand and cursed. “I swear you guys are the luckiest bastards.”

“We know,” Demetri said, squeezing my shoulders.

I leaned back into him. He made me feel protected and wanted. I wondered why Alec would throw him a party with perfect strangers when really all he probably wanted to do was spend it with us.

“Friends' party commences in five,” Demetri said in my ear.

“Friends' party?” I repeated.

“Yup.” Alec winked.

“Let's blow this popsicle stand!” Nat said, walking up to us with her fingers pointed as guns into the air.

“Excuse her.” Alec pulled Nat into his arms and kissed her hard on the mouth. “She's had two lattes, and I just caught her taking a straight-up shot of espresso.”

“Why, Nat? Why?” Demetri threw his hands into the air. “You get Nat patrol tonight.

“My job and my curse.” Alec smirked in my direction. I felt my face heat. Geez, how could it not? The guy was beautiful and famous and… It was weird. He made me more nervous than Demetri.

“The party is here!” announced Connor and Sam from the door. Surprisingly, Aaron and Holly followed behind. Maybe everything was okay, after all?

“Friends' party. It's time.” Nat clapped. “Okay, everyone, Jaymeson included, y'all can follow me!”