Chapter 98: Chapter One

Alec

Two weeks previous

I watched the waves crash against the sand as yet another camera flashed in my face. The group was all together, Alyssa and Demetri, Angelica and Jaymeson, and finally Nat and me.

Seaside was officially the hot spot to be, and we were the show to watch. Nobody was nervous but me. Why was I the only one? I was stressed, angry, worried. Damn, I felt like a parent.

I just wanted to protect everyone, especially Nat. I loved her so much, and now it felt like I was really exposing her to the life Demetri and I lived on a daily basis. Before it wasn't so bad.

I gave Nat a bit of Hollywood in small doses. After all, AD2 was still technically on hiatus.

Not now. Why did it suddenly feel like I brought the depths of hell into this sleepy town? Camera crews were everywhere.

A makeup artist touched up Nat's lipstick for the third time while I watched. Couldn't they have at least gotten her a female makeup artist? By the looks of this guy, he wasn't gay.

I scowled and looked toward the beach.

Note to self: You know your life is going to shit when you start using reptiles as allegorical examples of how bad things suck.

“Enough!” I finally said as the guy hovering over Nat's face added more powder. He scurried off as I showed him the finger. Nat glared in my direction. I blew her a kiss and managed a cocky smile.

Four weeks.

I could do four more weeks of filming, and then I was going to propose and whisk her away from Seaside, away from Hollywood, away from everything.

I wasn't sure how much longer I could balance everything before I broke. All things considered, I was already on borrowed time. Nat and Demetri had no clue.

I wanted her to be far away from everything when it hit the fan.

Granted, she may not want to come with me. And that's the part that sucked. The great unknown… I guess I'd find out just how deep her love ran. I hoped to God it was deeper than Mariana's Trench.

Insecurity was a bitch. And I was full of it these days. What sucked was I had to hide it, from everyone, especially those who were affected by my crap decisions and inability to deal with things.

I stole another glance at Nat. She smiled at me and winked. Damn. Everything about her sent heat through my body. She was perfect. Everything I needed — everything I wanted.

And yet… I still felt like I wasn't good enough for her, like I wasn't good for her. Hell.

In a word, I felt like Demetri. I should have seen it coming. But that's how life was. The calm before the storm. That was how it hit me. Everything was fine — perfect really.

And then she came into my life and I was thrown into a hurricane of emotions I hadn't experienced in years. By the time I realized what was happening, I was already head-over-heels in love with her.

I didn't have a choice. My heart had already spoken. I just didn't know that by claiming her as my own, I'd be dooming her at the same time.

And insert depressing violin music. Maybe I should just ask Demetri to punch me in the face and get it over with. It's not like he wouldn't want to do that and more once he found out.

Even though I had deleted the pictures from my cell phone and tried to expel them from my memory — they still existed.

I groaned into my hands. I seriously needed to stop being so depressing. I mean, I knew I had the tendency to be brooding enough without having all this baggage hanging around.

Nat was probably two minutes away from strangling me, and I totally wouldn't blame her. I needed a shot of something — preferably strong and alcoholic.

“Alec?” Nat stood a few feet in front of me, her arms crossed and lower lip jutting out. Damn, she had no idea how beautiful she was.

“Hmm?” I leisurely got up from the chair and walked over to her.

I told myself to stop being so transparent, but damn if I didn't want to just shred every ounce of clothing on her body and feel her skin against mine. Yes, that's what I needed.

Forget the shot of something strong. I just needed her — wanted to get lost in her and push away all the hell my mind kept re-living.

Long, golden-blonde hair blowing in the wind; she put her hands on her hips. Her brown eyes were narrowed as she watched me approach.

Her eyes widened a bit when I purposefully flexed my arm and then she looked down, a beautiful pink blush staining her cheeks.

“Is it the same way you felt last night about—”

“—And we're done.” My brother Demetri cleared his throat, appearing out of nowhere. “Can a person un-hear something? Anyone?

“Anyone?” He shook his head as if that would make everything go away and cursed. “Seriously, I'm almost embarrassed for the sand.”

“Why the hell would you be embarrassed for the sand?” I rolled my eyes and pulled Nat into my embrace, trailing my hands down her arms. I couldn't get enough of her. Not by a long shot.

Even touching her was enough to send my control out the window. Ha, she thought I had control. No.

“Because you guys were all…” Demetri put his hands in the air and scowled. “Fornicating.”

“Fornicating?” I laughed, a bit thrown off that he not only knew a four-syllable word but the meaning behind it. “How the hell does one fornicate without—”

“—Okay, sorry to break this weird love triangle up…” Jaymeson stepped beside Nat and me.

“But we're supposed to go over to the bonfire and pretend to be bonding.” Jaymeson was an action star from the UK and one of our good friends.

At least he was someone I could count on during all of the chaos that was our lives. I was actually relieved when they asked him to be part of the show.

Against popular opinion, he was actually a really clean-cut guy. He never did drugs, never drank, and spent every Easter with his ninety-year-old grandma.

Sometimes I hated that he made it look so easy. Fame wasn't a big deal to him. Granted, he also slept with anything that looked cross-eyed at him, but whatever.

“Ah, reality TV at its finest,” I muttered back to him.

“Cheers.” Jaymeson winked at Nat and then slapped my ass. I lunged for him but Nat's hand slipped to where Jaymeson's hand had been, making me totally lose my train of thought.

I sighed and kissed Nat gently across the lips. Her wet tongue licked my bottom lip and then slipped into my mouth. I wanted to throw her onto the ground.

“And we've come full circle.” Demetri cleared his throat. “Back to fornicating.”

I groaned against Nat's mouth and cursed. “Do you really have nothing better to do than sit here and watch us fornicate? Really, Demetri? Is life that boring without drugs?”

Because of me, my brother had nearly killed himself last year and was finally out of rehab. I couldn't take credit for pulling him out of his funk — nope, that honor went to Alyssa.

Demetri's wide smile did nothing for my mood. He pulled out a piece of taffy and winked. “Just getting you back for walking in on me and Alyssa.”

It's possible I'd been ruining my brother's mojo purposefully just to piss him off. I'd happily take that to my grave.

“Dude, you were moving slower than a snail.” I smirked and made a slow crawling gesture with my hands.

Laughter bubbled out of Nat. “So true.”

Demetri cursed. “If a snail is a kick-ass ninja track athlete, then yeah. I was moving just like that.”

“Did he just compare himself to a ninja snail?” A female voice said from behind us. We all turned. Alyssa, Demetri's girlfriend, was shaking her head and laughing. “Wow, wonders never cease.

“What were you yesterday, Demetri? A turtle, was it?”

“A turtle?” I repeated. All eyes turned to Demetri.

My brother's eyes hooded with desire. “You can ride my shell anytime, you—”

“Children!” Jaymeson yelled from the bonfire. “If you're all done getting in each other's pants, we've got some fake filming to do for the future leaders of America!”

“Truer words have never been said.” Nat nodded solemnly.

“What we do, we do for our country,” I agreed as I grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it. “Later though?”

She winked. “Oh, I promise.”

I still couldn't figure out how I'd gotten so lucky. A year ago, when Nat was dating my brother, I'd done everything in my power to stay away from her, but I couldn't.

I was in love with her even before she introduced herself and taunted me by threatening to tattoo my name on her ass. Figures.

Granted, now we were dating and the whole fame thing had kind of worn off. But still, you'd think she'd at least want my signature. But that was Nat.

She made even the most prideful man feel humble. Exhibit A: Demetri.

I swung her hand in mine as we made our way over to our fake bonding bonfire.

The record company for my brother's and my group, AD2, decided that Seaside would be the perfect backdrop for a quick reality show about our private lives.

Considering everything went to hell last year when Demetri nearly killed himself and then decided to fall for a local girl just like I did — our publicist was basically salivating.

So, now we were basically feeding that lie in the best way possible.

The best part of the whole reality show was that after only a few days we were so boring, our producer almost cut the whole project.

Demetri didn't drink anymore, you know, after that whole rehab thing.

It took exactly four days into shooting for the producers to come up with a new idea. In fact, Ruben, the main producer, sat me down and told me straight up that I bored him to tears.

I laughed in his face.

“Can't you do something exciting?” he pleaded. “Wreck a car? Get in a fight?”

I sighed. If he only knew how bad my past really was, or my giant secret… yeah, he'd probably sell off his own grandma in order to get that story.

Shrugging, I placed my hand on his shoulder and shrugged. “Maybe we just aren't star material?”

“Right.” He snorted. “And I'm a horny sixteen-year-old.”

“Aren't we all?”

“Alec.”

“Ruben.”

Cursing, he ran his hands through his hair. “Fine, I'm going to script you guys.”

“I don't act.”

“You do now. Plus, all you have to do is make nice with your girlfriend, be in love, do a few activities. Trust me. It will be like a vacation.”

Two hospital trips later and I'm pretty sure vacation was the wrong word to use.

The first week Demetri almost lost an eyebrow. It was camping week. He said he used to be a Boy Scout. Clearly, he had lied.

The second week Alyssa, Nat, and Angelica were teamed against the guys in a rowing competition.

Demetri offered to pee on her. Though, he said something along the lines of, “I've been wanting to piss on you for a really long time.”

So basically we were TV gold. This was the end of the boys versus girls week, so we were celebrating with a bonfire. More like the producers were trying to show everyone how well we got along. Right.

I took in the scene around us. Waves crashed across the sand.

The woman was crazy. The only reason she was on the show was because Jaymeson had made the life-altering mistake of taking her out on a few dates. Apparently, she wasn't as bad as everyone claimed.

I didn't get how that was possible. Then again, I knew things that no one else did. As did she. Agh, the soap opera of my life.

Demetri plopped down next to me and grinned in Angelica's direction. She waved back with a smirk and then gave him the finger. I wondered if they'd edit that out later and make her look like a saint?

“Charming,” I said dryly.

“That woman is the devil.”

“The devil has nothing on Angelica Greene.” I sighed and leaned back in my chair.

“Tell me about it.” Demetri picked up a stick and threw it in her direction. “Go get it, girl! Go get it! That's a good girl.”

“It's like you want her to stab you in your sleep.”

Demetri cursed. “Whatever, man. I could freaking call her out on national television wearing nothing but a tiara and a smile, and she'd still hate you more than me. Why do you think that is anyway?”

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair and cleared my throat a few times. “Yeah, well, I'm not very likable.” My heart slammed against my chest, Guilty, guilty, guilty. I winced.

“Tell that to them.” Demetri pointed to the part of the beach that was sectioned off for our safety while filming.

A camera was thrust in my face as I scowled in Angelica's direction again and rolled my eyes.

Nat hopped onto my lap and kissed my neck. I watched as Angelica's face tightened into a murderous rage.

She pushed up from her chair and began stomping toward us just as a Frisbee sailed by her face. She cursed and fell onto Jaymeson's lap, poor guy.

I looked up to see Demetri smirking in my direction. I joined in laughter while Angelica, former child star, whined at Jaymeson and gave him bedroom eyes.

I pitied the guy. He rose from his seat and helped her to her feet, but not before she smacked a giant kiss on his cheek and pinched his butt. Jaymeson grinned and winked in my direction.

I knew that look. I shivered and looked away.

Nat began massaging my shoulders from the front sitting position she was in. I closed my eyes and leaned into her.

“You seem upset,” she murmured against my neck, wrapping her arms around my body.

I shrugged.

“Don't.” She tilted my chin toward her and pointed her finger in my face. “Don't be an ass and close me out.”

I smirked.

“And don't smirk. It makes you look too attractive and I'm scolding you right now.” She huffed, though her eyes darted to my lips a few times before she finally held her head high and looked away.

“Sorry?” I offered.

“Was that a question or an apology?”

Laughing, I lifted her into the air and threw her over my shoulder. “Apology!”

“Alec!” She punched my back and her legs kicked in the air. “Put me down!”

“Nope!” I chuckled. “Hey, everyone, Nat wants to go swimming!”

“But you're supposed to be doing a bonfire!” Ruben was yelling and holding up marshmallows and sticks. I snorted.

“Ain't reality TV if it isn't real!” I raced toward the ocean with a squealing Nat in my arms.

“Alec! Seriously! Put me down! The ocean is freezing!” Nat wiggled against me. I really should have thought twice about the whole ocean idea, considering my lack of restraint at the moment.

I purposefully set her down, slowly allowing her body to slide over mine, loving how her eyes darkened as she swayed in front of me. “You were saying, sweetheart?”

“Cheater.” Her eyes narrowed.

My stomach plummeted to the ground. It felt like I had stopped breathing altogether, but I knew I still was because I hadn't passed out yet.

“Come on.” I shook myself out of my dark thoughts and nodded toward the ocean. “Take a swim with me.”

“Make me.” She glared.

“You know I'll win, Nat. Come on… be spontaneous… take your clothes off.” I laughed as she swatted me and took off her shirt revealing a white bikini top.

“Mm, that's more like it.” I peeled my shirt off and crooked my finger at her. Nat's eyes were focused on my abs. Her eyes devoured me until I was almost embarrassed that there were cameras around.

I wish I could say we'd been spending the last few weeks in coupled bliss, but with so many cameras around it had been hard to even get the girl alone long enough to kiss her.

Well… it was working.

“Lost your nerve, hmm?” Nat taunted.

“No.” I reached out and cupped her chin. “Just taking in the view.”

I pulled her against me and kissed her, just as Demetri ran by me, flipped us off, and jumped into the ocean. Soon followed by a giggling Alyssa and Jaymeson.

Angelica stayed by the bonfire with her arms crossed. Pissed. Figured.

Nat tugged me into the ocean, and we all splashed one another and laughed. If I could have just stayed in that moment forever, with my brother, his adorable girlfriend, and the love of my life…

I'd be content.

That's what's so damn confusing about life. Things are never as they seem, especially when your first name is Alec and your last name is Daniels.

I swallowed the building anxiety and told myself no amount of drugs or alcohol would rid me of the guilt I felt. Nope. Only death.