The moment I am freely able, I go to Adrian's room. This time, I leave the Immaterial Ring behind. This time, I will not run.
There is something between us. Those are the words that struck fear into my heart. If Aliza's right, the only way to extinguish that fear is to face it head-on. And I still need the prince's shadow.
Ingram sighs when he sees me, but knocks on the prince's door and says, "Lady Nyx is here to see you."
I hold my breath as I wait for what feels like an eternity. Then, the door opens and Adrian allows me inside.
He is still in his indigo riding clothes, but the jacket is unbuttoned and his white undershirt is rumpled in disarray. His normally smooth hair is tangled and messy, and his dull eyes are dilated. In his left hand, he clutches a half-empty bottle of wine. From the way he sways ever so slightly on his feet and the heavy scent of alcohol that clouds him, I can tell that he's drunk.
"You disobeyed me," he says. His voice is low, and completely void of its usual mocking lilt. "In the woods. I told you to stay."
"Is it that or Dustin's death that you're upset about?" I ask.
"Neither." He sets the bottle down on his bedside table and slumps onto the mattress.
My compassion is unearned by him, but it somehow fills me regardless. "What is it, then?"
He gazes at me dully. "My father is dying. He asked me to see him earlier, and..." Shuddering, he shakes his head. "He was unrecognizable. Frail and defeated. I've never seen him like that before."
I'm surprised that the king finally revealed himself to his son, but I am more shocked that the prince is so shaken by it. The king openly despises him, so why does Adrian still love him enough to be distraught over his demise? I would have expected him to celebrate the fact that, finally, he will have some power over Itoriaâand his own life.
"The physician said that he will likely pass tomorrow," Adrian murmurs. "He's going to come fetch me when it finally happens, so I can bear witness."
While Adrian has known that his father was ill for some time, he was completely blindsided by just how severe the situation was. I can't imagine how jarring it must have been to suddenly see his father as he truly is.
Dying. And fast.
"Do you know why they call me the Silver Prince?" he asks.
His eyes, I think, or because it's his likeness that adorns the silver ducat. But since I know that he won't accept either of these answers, I simply shake my head.
Bitterly, he says, "Because silver tarnishes. I know what they think of me, Nyx. No one wants me to become the king of Itoria. I have already failed as a prince, so surely I will fare no better as a king."
He's right: no one in Durnwall wants him as king. And, not even a month ago, I would have agreed with them wholeheartedly. However, there is a kind side to him that no one in town is aware of. I will still have to give Victor his shadow, but part of me is curious as to what sort of king Adrian could have been. It's possible that the responsibility and solemnity of the position could have changed him for the better. I suppose I'll never find out.
"What do you want from me?" the prince asks quietly. "I expect you've come to mock me for what I said this morning."
The sparse candles make his shadow flicker against the wall behind his bed. It taunts me.
"I want you to explain," I tell him. "What do you think is between us?"
That vulnerability is back, clear as polished glass when he looks up at me through long, dark lashes. "I know better than to speak for you. But I will tell you that it is your name on my lips the moment I wake in the morning, and it is your face I see when I close my eyes at night. I know that my reputation is that of a perpetually besotted man of easy virtue, so you will doubtless find it hard to believe when I tell you that I have never felt this way about anyone before. Even so, I would be remiss if I allowed you to return to Vaelune next week without letting my sentiments be clearly known. I now realize that I was mistaken to presume that you felt even the slightest affection towards me, but know that my own is so strong that every moment without you in my arms is an agony that I would not wish upon my greatest enemy. A single kiss from you left my heart in tatters, yet I would allow you to strike me a hundred times for one more chance to feel your lips against my own. As a prince of Itoria, I am not meant to feel so utterly consumed by anyone, but for you I would take that risk."
I stare at him, bewildered. I have no idea how to respond.
"You will tell me that I am nothing to you," he says in response to my silence. "You will say again that you hate me. Do so, and I will leave you be. But I will have the truth from you, Nyx, no matter the cost."
He waits expectantly, knowing nothing of the storm brewing inside me. I am terrified. This is what I feared most. For the past five years, it has only been me. I have lost the ability to open my heart to anyone else, least of all a man that I have despised since the day my parents died.
But I think my desperation outweighs my fear. Aliza told me to vanquish my shadowsâdoes that mean I should kill Adrian or kiss him? I'm not entirely sure which I prefer.
My hands tremble when I reach out to hold his face, just as he did to me yesterday. He gazes at me with a wary expression, as though he expects me to hurt him. And I am sorely tempted to until I think of the flowers, which still lie stiff under my bed. Mementos of gentleness. Gifts from a prince.
I bend down and kiss his soft mouth. He leans into me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I am so lost in our embrace that I hardly feel him laying back on the bed until I am resting on top of him, pressed against his warm body. One kiss melts into another, and I cannot get enough of him. This man, the Silver Prince, my sometime enemy, has now become something completely unknown to me. There is comfort here, in his armsâcomfort that I have not felt in a long time.
"Nyx," he murmurs in a velvet voice. "Tell me that you want me."
"I want you," I admit. My hands seem to move of their own accord, first removing his jacket and then his silken undershirt. Despite my nervousness, despite the unbridled tumult that seizes my body, I want this to continue.
His bandages are gone, revealing alabaster skin that's as smooth as a statue over his perfect musculature. But I know that his back tells a different story.
The silver chain that Dustin took from him has once again found its place around his neck. Now I see that the charm is small and flat, about the size of a copper ducat. It depicts the likeness of Lady Astoria, the Itorian goddess of love.
I don't have time to ask about it. His long fingers are deftly undoing the laces of my dress. I wonder if he can feel my heart pounding against his fingertips, so heavily that it almost pains me. With him, I feel like I am completely out of controlâa sensation that is simultaneously freeing and horrifying.
I can't tell if I am losing or claiming myself. And the most frightening aspect of it all is that I am intoxicated by this feeling.
I want him. Badly.
Adrian pulls off my dress, leaving me in only my underclothes: a tight corset over a paper-thin slip. He reaches for the ribbons cinching the corset shut, but I catch his hands before he can untie them.
"Do you want me?" Consternation creeps into my voiceâI hate this. I am used to walking the knife's edge because I fear no pain. It has its uses. But there is the potential for a different sort of pain here, the likes of which I have never encountered before. Chasing shadows is easy for me because there is very little that I fear, least of all pain.
The prince's words from our first ride return to my mind: Are you frightened of me?
I am. Now I see that it is Adrian that I fear. Not because I think he can do me any physical harm, but because I know he is capable of breaking my heart. In this way, he can control me just as well as if he was holding my shadow in his hands. Truly, he has my heartstrings wrapped around his pale fingers.
He could be my downfall.
"Yes," he says. "I have wanted you since the moment I saw you. That night at the ball, even with a mask over your face, you were the most stunning person in the room."
It had been a difficult dance to get through, especially with the guest of honor as my partner. "Everyone was staring at you."
I watch his exquisite lips curl into a vermeil smile. "No, Nyx. They were staring at you."
My whole body feels hot as he removes my corset. When he grasps the hem of my slip, he finds the knife strapped to my thigh. I had forgotten about it entirely.
Adrian laughs lightly. "A knife? Am I so threatening?"
"I always have it with me."
"So you can carve out my heart and eat it whole at your convenience?"
"Perhaps."
He removes my slip, leaving me naked in the dim candlelight. Still, I don't feel exposed until he undoes the leather straps securing the knife to my leg and tosses the weapon aside. Now, for once, I am completely unguarded.
A breathy sigh escapes his lips. He pulls loose the ribbon holding my hair in its braid, and my long locks tumble over my shoulders. "Your beauty is seditious."
I don't know what he means, nor do I care. Sliding my arms around him, I pull him close and kiss him again. The turmoil in my stomach quells ever so slightly.
Adrian is both the poison and the cure. My fear and my safety.
There are no shadows here.