A knock on the door interrupted the conversation between Jude and me. She raised her eyebrow, questioning.
"Are you expecting someone this afternoon?" she asked and I shook my head. I didn't invite anyone besides her. Well, technically, she invited herself over to my apartment on my birthday. I decided to be alone this year, but once I told my dear friend my plan, she told me I was crazy. No one should be alone on their birthday, apparently. My father had called the previous day and informed me he most likely couldn't make it as he was stuck in England by weather. A rainstorm of some sort is keeping him grounded.
"No, I'm not. Probably just Mario to come and check on me or something," I shrugged as I got up from the couch. I opened the front door and stood face to face with Rylan.
"Hi," I said, surprised and my lips formed into a large grin. The last time I saw her was when she and I split ways outside of my apartment building. That was a week ago, but we have texted most of the timeâday and night about everything and nothing.
"Hi," she replied with her hands hidden behind her back and then peeked behind me. "Sorry, I should probably have called,"
"No, it's fine," I shook my head. "Are you okay?" I asked worriedly.
"I'm okay. I was wondering if you had any plans this evening, but it seems like you do, so I'll be one my way,"
"She has no plans!" was shouted from the living room. I turned and Jude came our way with the most mischievous grin planted on her face.
"She has no plans, Rylan. She's all yours," Jude winked at me and I rolled my eyes with embarrassment. "Text me," she mouthed before she left me all alone with Rylan, who looked down the hall at Jude in confusion.
"Did I interrupt something?" she asked worriedly.
"No, Rylan. Just Jude being Jude, I guess," I chuckled and she nodded.
"Happy birthday, by the way," she smiled and a blush raised from my neck and up to my face.
"You remembered?" I rubbed the back of my neck as if that would take the heat away.
"Ah, well, I do remember as I read your profile," she teased and I rolled my eyes again as I laid my hand over my face. "There's a lot of things I remember," she said it so softly that my skin turned to goosebumps. She cleared her throat and placed her hands into her leather jacket.
"I was wondering if you wanted to go to the fair with me?" she asked and I had to press my lips together to hide my smile. "It's just you told me once that you haven't been since you were with your mom and your father wouldn't allow you so," I laid my hand over her mouth to stop her ramble, even though I find it adorable when she is uncertain about things.
"Yes, I would love to go with you," I replied calmly, but every inch of me wanted to scream out in happiness. "Let me just get grab my keys and jacket," I turned on my heel.
Rylan and I walked side by side as we entered the fair. Children are running around, laughing with paint on their faces and balloons in their hands. Lights of different colors are flashing up the evening as the sun has settled for the day. Screams are heard all around from the carousels and couples are holding hands as they walk by stalls after stalls. The scent of hotdogs and cotton candy mixed lingers in the air. I smiled as a child would smile. I'm surrounded by something I always wanted in my childhood. To feel normal. No one watching over me, no one to tell me what I can and cannot do. With my brown eyes, I looked up at Rylan and blushed as I found her already watching me.
"What do you want to do?" I asked her and Rylan brought in a deep breath as she looked all around us.
"Whatever you want to do," she smiled. "It's your birthday, Hadley. You can do anything you want," she said warmly and with that, I wrapped my arm around hers and pulled her along with me.
I can't remember the last time I've had this much fun. I think I must have brought Rylan on every carousel by now, eaten every unhealthy snack there is around. I stopped in my tracks.
"You think you can do that?" I asked, pointing at a stall where a man is shooting at a blink. It was more like a challenge to Rylan and she raised her eyebrow.
"You don't think I can?" she sounded slightly offended.
"No," I teased and bit my lip. Rylan watched me strangely for a moment before she wandered over to the stall. I followed after her and we waited for the man to finish up his round. He managed to hit two out of three and got a middle-sized dinosaur as a price for his son. The little boy grinned from ear to ear as he left with his father.
Rylan picked up the wooden rifle as the man behind the stand told us the rules. If she hits one out of three, she gets a small prize, two of three a medium size and three out of three a big prize. Rylan placed the rifle against her shoulder but shortly frowned. However, she shook it off quickly and aimed once again. I jumped when she fired and shouldn't have been surprised that she hit the red dot in the middle of the target. I didn't even have time to roll my eyes when the second shot came, then shortly the third. She hit them all. Of course, she did. The man in the stand rubbed the back of his neck, stunned.
"Nobody has ever done it that quickly," he said, but Rylan didn't take notice as she laid the rifle carefully down. "Choose a prize," he said, pointing at the biggest plushies I have ever seen. I think they might just be as tall as I am. Rylan turned to me with her hands behind her back as if waiting for me to answer.
"You were the one who shot, not me," I said and she snorted.
"It's your birthday, Hadley. Choose the one you want," she smiled softly, amused. I can't argue with her when she's watching me like that with her baby blues. I looked over the options, a giant teddy bear, a fluffy dog, a panda and a tiger.
"The tiger," I smiled brightly, almost like the boy before us did. The man lifted up the tiger and placed it on top of the counter.
"There you go," he said and Rylan lifted it on her shoulder with no effort whatsoever.
"Why the tiger?" Rylan asked as we walked side by side again. I slide my hand into hers to hold. The familiarity of her soft skin, as well as her strength, made a shiver rush through my own skin.
"It reminded me of you," I answered shyly and Rylan wrinkled her nose. "What?" I chuckled.
"You don't like to be compared to a tiger?" I challenged.
"If it makes you happy, I won't complain," she said and I leaned against her. A loud bang a few meters away from us made me lay my hand over my heart. I wanted to laugh at my foolishness as it was kids who had lit up firecrackers. It took me a while until I noticed that Rylan's hold on my hand had tightened so severely it could have snapped my fingers. The sound must have startled her as well, but she kept on blinking her eyes.
"Ry, are you okay?" I asked and she only nodded. Then, another firecracker blew off and the distress settled all over her face. She closed her eyes as her jaw tightened. I raised myself on my toes to lay my hands on her cheeks.
"Ry, hey, look at me," I said quietly, but she didn't.
"I'm fine," she cleared her throat, but I know it was a lie. She's breathing too fast as her chest is moving rapidly.
"Rylan, dear, open your eyes for me, please," I begged and slowly, she did. "What's wrong?" I asked. She opened her mouth but closed it. "It's okay. You can tell me," I smiled.
"Um," she used her free hand to rub her temple. "Flashes," she closed her eyes hard and wouldn't stop rubbing her forehead.
"Flashes?" I took her hand into mine.
"The sound, the light, it's triggering," she explained, bothered.
"Okay," I nodded. "Let's take you home," I cradled her cheek, but she shook her head.
"It's your birthday,"
"Exactly," I interrupted her. "I've had a wonderful time with you here. And you are not forcing yourself through something that you are not ready for," I told her. "Come on," I pulled her with me to the exit.
Of course, on the way home to Rylan's hotel, it started to rain. So we're both drenched, including the tiger that Rylan had over her shoulder. Rylan stopped before her hotel and turned to face me. Her face is dripping with water as her tired eyes searched for something.
"Do you,"
"Can I," we both said at the same time and chuckled, but then we both stood silent, waiting for each other to say what we wanted.
"C-can I come up with you?" I asked as I didn't want to go home alone and because I'm too cold.
"Yeah," she smiled with a nod.
When we entered her room, the first thing I did was take off my squeaky shoes and soaked socks. Rylan placed the tiger on a chair next to the bed. Then she pulled off her leather jacket that dripped all over the floor. Without a word, she tugged at the sleeve of my coat and brought it off me. I sucked at my lip of her cute gesture as she disappeared into the bathroom. I gazed around the bed in the middle of the room, a tv on the wall and a closet. I opened up the door and found Rylan's clothes placed neatly inside. Of course, they are.
I brought off my sweatshirt and jeans. It was a struggle as they were glued to my skin. Then I stole one of Rylan's dark green t-shirts and put it on just in time as the bathroom door opened. Rylan stood still in the entryway the second her eyes landed on me. Hesitatingly, I glanced down at myself. The t-shirt was long enough to cover up my upper thighs. Thank god, Rylan is so tall.
"I'm sorry, I should have asked first,"
"You have a tendency not to," she smiled. A blush bloomed so fiercely on my face as I hid my front with my arms.
"I'm sorry," I wrinkled my nose so deep in embarrassment. Rylan brought in a breath as she came my way.
"Don't be," she said gently. "And you don't have to ask," there was nothing more I wanted than to get up on my toes and kiss her, to taste her. But I was too slow as she pulled out a few clothes from the closet and went back into the bathroom. Left alone again, I decided to lay down in Rylan's bed. Besides, she said I didn't have to ask. I hope she meant for this too. Shortly. Rylan returned and quietly, she shut the light off and laid down beside me. We didn't say a word as we both stared at each other.
"Thank you," I whispered. "For today,"
"You don't have to thank me," Rylan mumbled as her eyes slipped close. Quickly she opened them again as she caught herself almost surrendering to sleep. I placed my hand over her cheek and she closed her eyes to my touch. My fingertips trailed her delicate skin as her breathing fell to a slow and steady pace. I slide my hand above hers that lays over her beating heart.
A voice of some sort made me wake up. It took me a moment to realize where I am and why I am here. It was then I found out the sound came from Rylan. She appears to mumble in her sleep.
"Ry," I laid my hand on her shoulder. "Rylan," I shook her and she opened her eyes.
"Hm?" she mumbled all too cutely, half asleep.
"You were dreaming," I told her as I stroked her cheek.
"I know," she rubbed her eyes and then gazed right up into my eyes.
"Was it a bad dream?" I asked, expecting the worst as I always do, but she shook her head.
"No," she said and then smiled. "Unless you consider dreaming about you a bad one," she chuckled and my eyes widened.
"Oh," good thing she can't see my flushed cheeks. "W-what was it about?" I asked curiously but mostly bashful.
"I'm not really sure," she said thoughtfully. "Most of the time, I only remember pieces,"
"Most of the time?" I questioned and it took her off guard as she opened her mouth and locked it. She let out a loud, deep sigh as if she hadn't meant to say what she did.
"Ever since I left you, my dreams changed," she fidgeted with the edge of the duvet as she narrowed her eyes. "In the beginning, it was bad," she bit her lip. "To the point, I was scared to sleep and that's when I couldn't take it anymore,"
"What were the dreams about?" the second the words left my mouth, she raised her head so fast that she almost bumped her forehead onto my chin. The pain on her face is the same one that I saw when she confused what had happened to her, to Shantelle, Lola and me. "You don't have to tell me if you are not comfortable,"
"No, it's," she paused. "In the dream, I didn't end Keeley's life, but," she sucked on her lip and then swallowed roughly.
"Mine," I finished the sentence for her and she nodded. "You are so worried about hurting people," I laid my hand on her cheek. "Because of what happened with Keeley," the guilt in my chest arose with how mad I have been with Rylan for leaving me, but I never really considered how it affected her. "I'm sorry," I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on hers. "I'm sorry, I didn't acknowledge your fear or understand how much it frightens you to hurt someone," I opened my eyes and found her watching me. "But I was honest. You didn't hurt me that day. Scared yes, for me, no," I shook my head slightly. "I was scared for you, worried to death and when you left. You left without a word," a tear slid down my cheek involuntary. "I didn't know where you were, if you were okay, or even breathing," I sniffed and Rylan dried away the tear from my cheek with her thumb. I rubbed my forehead against her to preserve her scent, her soft skin, so I wouldn't ever forget how it feels like to be with her. "I missed you so much, Ry," I sobbed and laid my hands on her cheeks to keep her, frightened she'd leave again.
"I missed you too," she whispered. "Come here," she pulled me down and I rested my head on her collarbone. Then I intertwined my naked legs with hers, but compared to me, she's covered. As much as I want to touch her smooth skin and feel her lips on mine, I don't. To lay in her arms, to be held, is the comfort I need for now. She's safe. I'm safe.