By Frenzy I Ruin: Chapter 37

Dad’s anger filled the room as we sat at the breakfast table. It had been five days since he’d found out about Battista, since I’d moved back in with my parents, but he still barely talked to me. Most of his anger was directed at Nevio, but a small part was for me too. He felt betrayed, not just by Remo and Nino, but also by me. I had lied to him and Mom, so many lies. Nevio wouldn’t come back, not anytime soon. Remo hadn’t been able to bring him back. Nevio didn’t want to be here, and I doubted anyone, not even Remo could force him.

I rocked Battista on my lap. I had been taking care of him for two months now. Two months of spending every waking moment bonding with him and hoping that Nevio too would find a bond to his son.

He hadn’t. Instead he’d decided to remove himself fully from not only Battista’s life, but also mine. Remo had said he did it because he was on the verge of losing control, that he was too erratic, too volatile, too much in need of the thrill of the kill to take over any kind of responsibility.

Maybe one day he would be. I worried it would be too late for Battista, and I was certain it would be too late for us. I wouldn’t press pause on my life for Nevio, not this time. I had to move on because he obviously did. Even if it broke my heart for my silly younger self who’d dreamed of a future with Nevio, for the boy on my lap who deserved a father.

I was seething at Nevio for letting me deal with this on my own. He should have told his parents about his son and not dropped it on me.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” I said when I saw her expression. I’d already apologized to Carlotta several times, and she always responded with “Don’t be”, which had made me feel even worse because her understanding made me feel like a miserable friend. She too had to move back home because of me. Our brief taste of freedom and adulthood had quickly been ripped away again.

Mom patted the hand that wasn’t holding Battista. “I admire your strength, but at the same time, I worry about you more than I can put into words.”

Dad regarded us without a word. Since Remo had returned from Italy last night, his mood had soured further. He had barely talked more than a few words with me. I got it. This wasn’t a simple fib, and it would take time to build trust between us again.

Davide turned to Dad, his mouth full of half-chewed cornflakes. “Are you going to challenge Nevio to a death fight now?”

“He won’t,” Mom and I said simultaneously.

“I’d rather just kill him. He has lost my respect, so I don’t see why I should pay respect to him by offering him the same chance his father once had.”

“He probably won’t return anyway,” I said, not sure if that was what I really wanted.

As a parent you always hope to raise children that are good people. Well, I supposed Fabiano’s wishes for Davide were of a different kind, but beyond their life as part of our cruel world, I wanted both my daughter and son to have a good heart.

Aurora harbored an abundance of kindness, and a heart so incredibly huge that she took a child that wasn’t even her own under her wing when she herself was only eighteen.

She was still a child in my eyes, my baby, my firstborn, in need of my protection, yet here she was rocking a baby on her lap and making soothing sounds. She looked grown-up at that moment, and it was hard to wrap my mind around it.

When she noticed me watching her, her smile became tighter, apologetic. She’d lied to us for months. Helping Nevio with his son wasn’t the beginning of it. I had a feeling the root of it was around the time of the party when she’d insisted on sleeping over at Carlotta’s. I wondered if I’d failed as a mother for her not to confide in me. Fabiano chose to focus on his anger, which I supposed was easier in some ways, but I simply didn’t feel enough anger toward Aurora to do that.

I hoped he’d feel relieved of some of his anger once he returned from the gym with Davide. I was also glad for the time alone with Aurora that their trip gave me.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Aurora said softly. “I told you I’m sorry.”

“How am I looking at you?”

“Full of sadness and disappointment.”

“I’m just wondering if I’m a bad parent.”

Aurora’s eyes widened. “How could you ever think that? I want to be a good mom like you one day.”

My eyes heated. “I think you already are.” I motioned at Battista who had fallen asleep against her chest, his mouth open, dripping drool on her shirt. Aurora’s eyes darted down to him then she got up and carefully put him inside his bassinet.

“But I’m not his mother, and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Oh, I didn’t know what I was doing when you made me a mom. I think few people really know when they become parents. You figure it out as you go, and that you take care of him even though he isn’t yours makes it even more special.”

Aurora gave a shrug. “In the beginning I did it mostly to help Nevio. I don’t even know why.”

“I think you do,” I said gently. I wasn’t sure why she’d fallen for him. Remo scared me on occasion, though I’d learned to handle him over the years, but I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get used to Nevio’s kind of darkness. It was one that felt far more volatile than his father’s ever had. “Will you forgive him once he comes back?”

“I don’t want to forgive him,” she said. “I want to move on. Maybe find someone else, someone who doesn’t stalk me and kill any guy who shows interest in me.”

I raised my eyebrows. I hadn’t heard that tidbit before, but I couldn’t say I was surprised.

“If you want to move on, taking care of Nevio’s boy seems counterproductive.”

Aurora bit her lip. “Perhaps. I don’t know. Right now, I’m still too wrapped up in everything that happened to consider dating ever again.” She moved to my side. “Do you think I should move on?”

“I want you to be happy, that’s all I wish for. I don’t know if you can be happy with Nevio.”

“I don’t know if I can be happy without him,” she whispered, sounding almost scared.

I got up and wrapped her in a tight hug. “You deserve happiness, and I know it’ll find you in whatever form you need. You have a family that loves you more than anything, and we have your back no matter what you choose to do.”

“I doubt Dad is in favor of me forgiving Nevio.”

“He’s not, but even he’ll eventually come to terms with it, if Nevio proves himself worthy, which he hasn’t so far. You should make him redeem himself. He has so much to make up for once he returns.”

She nodded against my shoulder. “Thank you, Mom. It means so much to me that you allow me to make my own decisions, and I promise I won’t give Nevio another chance unless he finds a way to make it up to me and Battista, which I doubt he’s capable of.”

I hugged her tighter. I wanted to protect her from harm, but I knew giving her freedom was equally important. I wasn’t sure what to wish for. Nevio’s return? Or that he stayed in Italy. One thing was sure, I’d keep reminding Aurora of her promise to make it hard for him.