11: Ghosts

There's a ghost in my bedroom, it haunts me at night.

I've asked him to leave, but he keeps stopping by.

Just when I think that I'm alone, it shows up again with a friend this time.

And now this is getting old.

I don't know what to do.

Metaphorically, this ghost is you. - Ghosts by Mayday Parade

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“Why are you here? How did you get in my house? This is breaking and entering ya know!” I explained to the man who invaded my dreams. Even though, having him here in my home doesn't seem to bother me as much as it should... He gave me this feeling of familiarity, like I know him..

His blue eyes, the shape of his mouth... It's so familiar.

“We'll have time for explanations soon enough, once we talk some” he half smiled as he walked towards me and like in my dream I didn't flinch away, I lack any fear around him.

“Can I see that?” He motioned to the picture of Niall when I didn't say anything. I gave him the photo and watched as he took a seat on the window and stared at it.

“Who are you?” I asked as I slowly sat across from him. “We went over this already” he sighed not bothering to take his eyes from the image in his hands.

“That's not much to go by.. If I'm going to trust you or whatever, I need answers”

“He looks so happy doesn't he?” He half laughed ignoring me, as he brought his knee up to rest his forearm. “Yeah” I sighed letting it go for now, maybe this is his way of easing me into what's on his mind? There has to be a reason he's here.

“Does he know you have this?” he knows Niall? Is he like Niall..?

“Are you going to give me some answers?” I ignore his question and my suspicions, “Your a gutsy one eh?” he chuckles and sits upright from his laid back position.

“No I just want some answers... I don't really know you but I-”

“You feel like you know me?” he smiles interrupting me, and my eyes meet his as I nod in agreement. “Who are you really? If you say your my friend you have to give me some information..”

“I am your friend, that's why I can't tell you who I am.. Yet” he gets up returning the picture of Niall to me, I take a glance at it before I stand up after him and stuff it in my back pocket. “So when?” I sigh, frustration clear in my voice. “When the time is right. Now you didn't answer my question earlier” He turns to face me and stuffs his hands in his pockets. “You haven't answered any of mine” I retaliate crossing my arms over my chest, and I back off slightly realizing that maybe being rude isn't the way to go. “Sorry.. I just-”

“It's alright Gemmy I understand your frustration. Just trust me okay?” he offers me a small smile, and I sigh agreeing to his request. Can I trust him? I feel like I can.. “How are you and Niall getting on?” he asks taking a seat at the foot of my bed. How does he know Niall? I won't even bother to ask, I know he won't answer me. “Fine I guess..” I sigh and sit back on the window seat, my mind briefly going back to the wonderful moments I've had with him.. Only in my dreams.. I wonder if there's any truth behind them? “Have you two.. talked?”

“Yeah we talk all the time.. although..” I lower my gaze from his and stare at the floor remembering what I have to do when Niall comes back? If he's even left the house..

“Although?”

“Well we talk for hours on end but I still don't know much about him..”

“You two are friends.. it's normal to have conversations without really knowing someone. We're doing it now..” he half laughs and I give him a tight smile. I hadn't realized that's exactly what we're doing but with Niall it's different.. Because you care I do, I care about someone I barely even know..

“But today I found something out.. and it just really bothered me that it was something so simple yet he lied.. or I guess he just kept it from me” I huff rolling my head back, i'm stressing myself out, it's a simple detail yes, but I feel like if we're able to talk about nonsense why can't he gradually start telling me things from his past. “He isn't the type of person to put things out there Gemmy. As much as he wants to he won't, he needs someone to bring it out of him.. someone like you..” he sighs, and I find his gaze once more. What?

[Bobby]

“What do you mean someone like me?” she looks bemused, her eyes searching my face for any form of clue. If only she knew how much she can help Niall, how much he could help her..

“I mean your the only one who can see him, so you are the only one who can get him to open up.. Not just to you but to himself” Her eyes fall to the floor once more, a small crease between her brows as she takes in the small amount of information I've just given her. It might not seem like much to her, but it's the key to my sons heart, filled with regret, and sadness. Whether she knows it or not, she has woken up a love inside him that neither of them will ever understand. Not in this life or the next..

…

“M-mom” I can barely hear myself over the pounding of my heart. She said my name.. “Niall..” she sighs my name once more, and this time her eyes screw shut, a heavy tear drop glides down her cheek. I get up and crouch down in front of her, “Mom, i'm here I-” the knot in my throat prevents me from being able to finish my sentence. “Niall..” she says once more and she looks down, directly at me.. Can she see me? Slowly she looks down at my hands over hers and she grips my hands in hers. Her eyes meeting mine once more, they go wide and the tears keep falling.

“Niall” she croaks, as she reaches to touch my face making sure I'm actually here. My mind is reeling, I have so much to tell her but I don't know how much time I have... “Mom I-I'm so sorry.. I left you” I start to sob, and she takes me in her arms, hugging me tight. We're all sobs and tears, I wrap my arms around her frail body making sure not to hug so tight.. She's too skinny and the thought makes me let out another set of deranged sobs. “I'm so sorry mom” I cry into her neck and she shushes me, “No baby I'm sorry.. I failed you I wasn't there for you..” she cries harder, her boney arms dig into my back. She breaks the embrace to hold me at arms length, “No mom, I wasn't there for you.. You needed me just as much as I needed you.. And I- I gave up, we.. we lost ourselves in a way..” I wipe my eyes the best I can but the tears keep coming.

“Niall” she chokes and hugs me again, “I can't believe this.. I have dreamt of this for so long.. to be able to hold you” her breathing is shallow and, “How- am I? Am I dead?” she stutters, and I half laugh, “No mom.. I am..” I tear myself from her as the thought takes over, I probably don't have long now.. “I don't know how much time I have.. I-” I sigh and get up, “Don't Niall lets just enjoy the time we have...” she follows my actions struggling to get to her feet, she's all too weak.. I grab her by her elbows and sit her back down, “Don't get up.. mom you need to hear this..”

“Ni-”

“Listen to me please” I raise my voice only moderately, and she stays quiet.

“I'm so sorry for not fighting harder to survive, for not seeing then that you were suffering just as much as me. I resented you for not being there as a mother for me but..” I swallowed down the urge to cry as I looked all around her dreary hospital room.. “But I saw how much you suffered and are still suffering and it kills me, because you had enough when dad..” her eyes fall to the floor at the mention of my father.. “I'm sorry.. I-”

“It's f-fine.. continue..” she closes her eyes and is all ears.

“I know now.. no, I have known for a while.. that you did care you just lost your sense of direction and I know it wasn't by choice, I know that.. But now..” I swallow hard as I crouch down in front of her once more. Her dull gaze meets mine and I take her hands in mine like before. “I want you to get out of here..”

“But I-”

“No. Take a look around you.. is this really what you want the rest of your life to be like? Don't even answer, because I know this is not the type of life I want you to live.. I want you to prove to these.. these people who “take care” of you that you aren't a lost cause. Your going to get better, and your going to be the strong woman you once were, for me. I'll always keep an eye on you and you never have to worry about me again, because i'll never be far, and just know.. I forgive you..” I sigh, the weight on my chest seems to have lightened up and all my mom can do is bring me in for another hug.

“I love you baby.. so much..” she cries into the crook of my neck..

“I love you too” I choke, and just like that her touch is gone.. “Niall?” she looks directly at me, but she doesn't see me, “Niall!?” she cries as she stagger off the bed and looks around the room, her hands tangle in her unkempt hair, pulling at the roots as she searches for me. I fall to the floor and bring my knees to my chest as the sobs escape my mouth.. Both in frustration but also in a form of happiness that I got to tell her what has been tormenting me for the past year.. “Maura! Calm down!” the nurse I saw earlier comes in with two men dressed in white, as my mother continues to call my name. “Niall! Where is he?!” She cries as the men take a hold of her and force her to lay down. “No I want my son!”

“He's not here Maura! Your son is dead remember?” The bitch of a nurse yells over her as she takes a needle out from her pocket and sticks it in my mothers arm. “No! No! He was just here!” she cries as the men hold her down and she starts to calm down.. “No Maura he wasn't.. just relax okay?” the nurse sighs and ties my mother to the restraints on her bed.. The same ones that I imagine caused the welts on her wrists..

After the sobs had stopped I got up to check on my mother who was staring up at the ceiling mumbling my name, her pupils were dilated and glossed over.. She looked detached from herself, and I know it's the sedative they just gave her... A single tear rolls down my cheek as I bend down to place a kiss on her forehead. “I hope you remember what I told you..” I sigh and slowly walk out of the room, taking one last look at my mothers frail figure restrained to the dreary hospital bed.

***

I sit hugging my knees to my chest as I stare blankly out the window, I haven't moved from this window seat for hours. Not since he left.. I can't stop thinking about what he said, “someone like you” his explanation was reasonable but I can't help but think that there was a hidden message behind it.. There's so much he isn't telling me, yet here I am actually trusting him.. I have a feeling he's well dead too.. I mean I took one look out the window and he was gone.. without so much as another word he was gone. Not giving me a chance to reply to his explanation..

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of footsteps slowly climbing up my stairs, when I turn my attention to it Niall walks in staring blankly at the floor as he takes each step. “Niall?” I ask concern clear in my voice, his eyes look red and puffy. Has he been crying? I get up and walk over to him, finally getting him to look up from the floor, his eyes are swollen from crying. They hold so much emotion, sadness, regret, and frustration.. “What's wrong are you okay?” I refrain from reaching out to him knowing well that I can't.. Although by the look of his demeanor I can tell he could use a hug.. His shoulders are slumped and he's barely trying to stand. I wish I could take him in my arms.. I just want to help him, with whatever it is he's been through..

“he needs someone to bring it out of him.. someone like you.” The words replay like a recording in my head and he's right.. If i'm going to get anything out of him then I have to ask questions.. “Niall..” I push for him to answer me. He nods against talking to me as he tries to walk past me to go take his usual place at the window seat. Before I know it I reach for his hand, forgetting for a split second that I can't touch him, but for some reason.. This time is different.

The shock of my touch breaks whatever barrier he's putting up as his eyes look a bit more lively into mine.. Although being able to touch him right now makes me beyond ecstatic I know he's hurting and I'm going to get him to tell me.. I force my gaze from where out hands meet and pull him over to me. “Gem-”

“No Niall tell me what's going on, you look a wreck and I'm not going to sit here and wonder what the hell is wrong with you when you can just-” my speech is cut short as his arms wrap around me, he buries his face in the crook of my neck and begins to sob. I have dreamt of being able to wrap my arms around him, to be able to feel his presence.. And here I am returning his hug with almost the same amount of emotion he is.. “Shhh it's gonna be okay Niall..” I coo, and try to calm the beating of my heart as he lets out another sob.

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So obviously this chapter was inspired by Ghosts by Mayday Parade :D haha ironic the name eh? You should all go listen to it :x lol anyway so sorry I haven't been updating regularly and on weekends like I said I would.. School had me busy and sometimes the stress prevents me from being creative. I just got a spur of themoment buzz to write so here it is :) I hope you like it

Btw, sorry for any errors I don't proof read bc I'm too excited to update for you ha :) anyway enjoy x