19. victory lap

"A gift?" Kitt asked Keisha when everyone had sat back down.

"Do you want it now?" Keisha looked like a kid on Christmas.

"Sure I guess?" Kitt looked at her feeling confused but laughing.

"Here." She thrust her phone into Kitt's hands. She practically squealed and kicked her feet.

"What am I looking at?" Kitt asked.

"Just look!" Keisha pushed the phone at her again.

Kitt looked at the phone. A video was loaded on the screen. She hit play.

The view displayed the room they were in. The camera panned from Coach Ten who was giving her final speech to the faces of the crowd. The screen filled with the faces of the people sitting at one particular table.

Axel, Amber, Eva and Leo. Leo was smiling and the other three looked bored. That was until Coach Ten announced Kitt's name. Leo cheered and clapped. The girls looked confused for an instant, but as soon as they spotted Kitt making her way to the stage their expressions changed from confusion to surprise to confusion again to utter embarrassment. They whispered between them and then sat pouting looking miserable.

Kitt watched as Eva rryed to get Leo's attention, but he half ignored her. He leaned close so he could hear  what she was saying, but his eyes never left Kitt. Eva pouted and Leo didn't seem to notice.

"Thank you, I love it!" Kitt laughed handing the phone back to Keisha.

"Your welcome." Keisha put her phone down.

"How did you get that?" Kitt asked realizing Keisha hadn't left her seat and there was no way she could have filmed the video from her seat.

"I have people." Keisha grinned.

"Thanks, you're the best." Kitt hugged her. Josie popped up between them.

"What is happening over here?" Josie asked.

"The better question is what is happening over there?" Kitt nodded towards the empty seats where she had been sitting with Liam.

"He went to get more drinks." Josie said acting innocent.

"How is my date? He seems like a nice enough guy." Kitt teased. Josie blushed.

"Sorry." She looked a little guilty.

"It's fine, really! I'm glad you guys are getting along. I'm not a very good date.

You are actually doing me a favour, you know, keeping him busy." Kitt hugged her.

"You sure?" Josie bit her lip.

"One hundred percent. Thanks for checking though. You have a green light from this side." Kitt reassured her.

"He us so cute, and funny, and smart, I think I could really like him." Josie blushed again.

"Aww Jo!" Kitt beamed. Her mood had lifted considerably.

The DJ took the opportunity to start the dance portion of the evening by lowering the lights. People took that as a sign to start mingling.

Kitt was met with her teammates rushing over to congratulate her. They surrounded the table all excitedly talking over one another. The music started and the sounds of the voices all became jumbled.

Kitt found she could slowly sneak away so she let herself out the side door to the large second floor porch. The air was crisp but not cold. The early spring evening sky was clear and the stars were bright.

The quiet was a welcome change.

She pulled out her phone.

"Hello?" Her dad's voice sounded tight, like he was distracted.

"Hi dad!" She felt some tension leave her shoulders. She didn't even know she was holding it.

"Pincess!" His voice escaped him in a whoosh, he sounded surprised.

"Is everything ok?" Suddenly, the tension was back. Every hair on her body stood on end.

"Oh honey, just some stress. Sorry. Hey, aren't you supposed to be at your dinner?" He changed the subject.

"Yeah, I'm here now." She said smiling. She couldn't wait to share her accomplishments with her parents.

"Doctor Arizelle, to the ER stat. Doctor Arizelle to the ER stat." Kitts heart skipped a beat.

"Dad?" She felt panicked again. She felt the lump form in her throat and her heart started to race.

"Yeah?" He sounded defeated.

"Why are you at the hospital?" Kitt asked softly.

"Everything is OK." He tried to reassure her but his voice betrayed him.

"Dad!" It was all she could say.

"Your mom had a fall." He finally admitted.

"What? What happened?" She paced along the railing feeling on edge, like a caged tiger.

"Auntie Emily was with her. She was trying to transfer her to her wheel chair and she lost her grip." He said with a soft voice.

"Is she hurt?" Kitt was struggling to fight back the tears. She already felt guilty for choosing a school far from home. She would never forgive herself if something happened because she wasn't there.

"She has a broken rib and wrist." He shared.

"Oh my goodness! How is Auntie Emily?" Kitt was holding her breath making it hurt to talk.

"She dislocated her shoulder trying to catch your mom." He said sighing.

"Oh no!" Kitt doubled over. Trying to ease her breathing.

"They are both OK." Her dad said, but his words over the phone were just words.

"Is Auntie Emily ok though? I bet she feels so bad! It isn't her fault!" Kitt felt bad for her aunt. Her mom's oldest sister was a small but strong woman, she had vowed to help out as soon as she heard that Kitt's mom was sick. She was there for doctor's appointments. She was there for treatments. She was there to help clean up messes, and she was there to wipe tears.

"She feels absolutely awful. You know her, she prides herself on being the backbone of that family. The guilt is going to eat at her for a while I bet. I am more worried about her than your mom, to be honest." Her dad said.

"What is the doctor saying?" Kitt crouched down, not caring she was in a dress and heels. Her head was spinning and her ragged breathing was making it worse.

"He said she needs round the clock care." His voice quiet.

"But she has that! She has you, and Auntie, and me, when I'm home." Kitt felt like she was going to break.

"Aww, honey. I know." He sounded broken.

"Are they going to take her away?" Kitt's resolve broke.

"Oh, sweetie! It's not like that! We will have a nurse come in when I can't be there, and they have a program where she can go and stay there if I need to be away over night. She can also join day programs that come take her out of the house. It is a good thing!" He tried to sound bright and positive, but Kitt know what it really meant.

When Kitt was in high school and her mom first got sick, they knew it was degenerative and that was hard, but she was still able to do so much independently. Kitt still had been able to look up at every game, recital, and show to see her mom's encouraging face.

Eventually she stopped driving to the away games, she would ride shot-gun and hand out snacks and play DJ on the way there and sleep on the way home. Kitt could see that she seemed tired but in her innocence she didn't see that as a problem.

Her mom worked from home for years, she was an editor and analyst for some sort of business publication. She was able to log on and work when she was feeling strong and take a break when needed. To Kitt it looked the same as it always had.

Exhaustion would set in early and she would usually be asleep when Kitt got home from school. But she would always join them at the table for dinner and be back on her computer by the time Kitt went in to say good night.

The first major decline started with her mom struggling to get around, always tired and getting out of breath. When she started to use the wheelchair it was a struggle. They had to modify their house which meant adding ramps to the garage and moving her mom into the office instead of the upstairs bedroom. Her dad insisted that he stay down there with her, and he did, until it was easier for her to use a hospital bed rather than their well loved traditional queen. Eventually they had to trade in their cars, her mom no longer felt comfortable driving and her dads car was extremely high, making it a challenge to get in and out of. It was difficult to get used to all the changes, but they managed. They stuck together and supported each other.

This felt different than all of that, scarier somehow. Up until now, they had been able to do everything on their own. Even when eating became difficult, they found ways to make it work. Asking for help, needing help, was so final, so obviously different.

Needing extra help meant a stranger would be in their house. Making meals in their kitchen. Looking in their drawers and cabinets, washing their soiled laundry, being there when times were tough.

Kitt was an incredibly private person. She was an only child who was used to having space. Even at school she had a single room, where she could get away if needed. Could she still do that if there was a care provider in the house? If she knew a stranger was somewhere cleaning or cooing or helping, would she be able to relax? Probably not.

"I will come home tomorrow, maybe the dean will let me finish the semester online." Kitt stood up and swayed, she was dizzy. She had so many thoughts going through her head all at once.

"Absolutely NOT! There is nothing you can do here except miss school. Your mom will probably be here over night, just so they can check her over and set us up with the home heath care aid. I will have her call you tomorrow." He said with authority in his voice again.

"But dad!" She wanted to jump up and down and stomp her feet.

"No! Your mother would have my head!" He almost yelled, making them both laugh through the tears.

"I can come any time you need me." She said wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"I know, now go enjoy your celebration." He said sweetly with his proud dad voice. She smiled wishing she could hug him.

They said their good byes and Kitt tucked her phone back into the pocket of her skirt.

She found an Muskoka chair against the wall in the shadows and dropped her head into her hands. She let the tears flow. She usually prided herself on her steely demeanor.

Her college friends had no idea her mom was even sick. Kitt didn't share those kinds of details. She talked about her parents with love, but not in depth. Half of her felt guilty, like she was lying. The other half felt like personal business could remain private, no questions asked.

Kitt was ready to go back to her room. The music thumped through the door, and she knew that her friends were inside tearing it up on the dance floor. She could picture them laughing and drinking and moving. Kitt felt guilty that she was at school having fun, while her mom was laying broken in a hospital bed back home.

Kitt felt gross. The makeup she had meticulously applied earlier was ruined. She knew she was an ugly crier, her eyes swelled, and her skin turned splotchy. Her tears made her eyeliner run, so without looking, she already knew there were gross black and silver streaks through her foundation.

She had no idea how to get from her current location on the side deck of the most central building on campus, to the second floor of the most remote building. She wished teleportation was an option. She had seen old reruns of 'I dream of Genie' where the Genie could cross her arms and nod to make magic happen. Kit wanted to do that.

Maybe she could text one of her friends to bring her a wash cloth. But that would mean that, number one, that she would have to pull them away from the party. Two, that they would know she was crying, and three, she would have to e plain WHY she was crying.

She went to go stand at the railing and look out over the water as best as she could see from the side of the building.

The wind picked up, making her skin react with goose bumps. The night sky was clear so it looked like a million stars sparkled just for her over the calm lake. She could feel the peace that she needed just out of reach. Like she could see it, smell it, hear it calling to her, but she couldn't quite get there.

She didn't notice when the tears started again, but she wiped at them with the back of her hand as they tickled her cheeks in the wind.